Hi! This blog will be dedicated to football, Pretty Little Liars (Paily!) Finding Carter, and The American Horror Story. I love animals, writing, and nature. And coffee. Way too much.
adulthood is just a constant struggle of, āman, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.Ā On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.Ā i know that fuckerās weaknesses.Ā i could totally take me in a fight.ā
This is why the perfectionists was a horrible idea
Ā Ā Who didnāt see this coming? I told yāall this was going to be a mess. This show, and a large part of its fandom, needed to fade into oblivion. Not be resurrected. See, Marlene King, this is the problem with rewarding bullies. With not calling them out. They learned last time that they got what they want by torment and harassment. So why wouldnāt they turn to that this time when they werenāt getting their way? Maybe if you had addressed this from the beginning, this wouldnāt be happening now and you could write the show you wanted instead of having to cater to a bunch of mean teen girls that you fear.
Ā Ā Am I horrified by what these fans continue to do? Yes.Ā Do I feel sorry for Marlene? I have to admit that I donāt. Not even a little. I dislike her, yes, and what theyāre doing now is wrong, but she is not a victim. You know the book Frankenstein? When you create monsters you donāt get to be shocked when they turn on you. She is notĀ victim. Every single member of the original show had the chance to stand up against this and put this to rest. They didnāt.
Ā Ā Freeform, please, for the love of the universe, cancel this show. Let it be laid to rest and forgotten. Like it should have been from the beginning.
I have a few things to say to this. A) yikes. B) the worst, most dismissive doctor I have ever had was a cis female. My regular GYN is a cis female, but on the one occasion I needed an emergency appointment and had to see the male doctor in her practice, he was great. Iām sure some are power hungry assholes, but thatās because thatās who they are, regardless of the jobs they ended up in. To broadbrush all male gynecologists as this is....... just yikes. And C) itās not as simple as sayingĀ āIām gonna be a gynecologistā and thatās that. A lot of people donāt understand that when you are ready to pick a specialty, sometimes thereās only certain ones available. Sometimes you donāt get much of a say and you end up where thereās room for you to complete a residency.
This extreme attitude is exactly what gives men ammunition to discredit feminists as being crazy extremists who hate men. Which, of course, intelligent people know isnāt true. But I hate that this kind of behavior gets associated with the rest of us.
Paige was relieved that she and Emily had talked about the kiss she had shared with Nate. It still made Paigeās skin crawl to think about it, but she thought it really said something that Emily had owned up to it. As far as she knew, Paige hadnāt seen it, and there was no reason to confess. But she had, and maybe it was just what Paige wanted to believe, but she thought the reason she had suggested before made sense. She knew Emily had always loved Maya, and she always would. That was okay. It hadnāt even been that long, and sometimes Paige wondered if she had gotten into a relationship too fast. But then there were the times that Emily told her she had never thought she would smile again. So maybe this was exactly what she needed.
Ā For real, though, Nate needed to drop off the face of the earth. He was annoying, constantly popping up everywhere (maybe she had been right to be jealous at Jennaās party), and she wasnāt sure why he was still hanging around. She wouldnāt say this to Emily, but she thought he cared a little much to be Mayaās cousin. Sure, she loved her cousins, but if one of them was murdered she wouldnāt go latch on to an ex. She thought maybe he could be lying about who he was, but why?
Ā He didnāt matter, though. Emily wanted to be with her. She didnāt have to worry about him. Considering how anxious she had been meeting up with Emily this morning, she felt very relaxed now.
Ā She said good bye to Emily and went to chain up her bike in front of the school. When she looked up, she was startled to see Spencer staring at her. Not in a friendly manner, either. There was some blonde woman with her whom Paige didnāt think she recognized. She looked too old to be a student.
Ā Why was Spencer staring at her? So far she hadnāt had much interaction with Emilyās friends, but she and Spencer didnāt have the best history. She knew Spencer hated her from back when they used to play field hockey together. And true, maybe she did haveā¦ā¦ aggressive tendencies, although she thought those had gotten much better. Spencer didnāt know enough about her to be staring her down like that.
Ā She stood up, debating whether or not she should go say something to her. Spencer turned away, making the decision for her. She didnāt want to be late for homeroom, and she certainly didnāt want to be getting into fights with Emilyās friends. So, deciding to just ignore it, she headed inside.
*****
Ā āI have a Nate problem,ā Emily told Spencer when she found her standing outside of the locker room, looking uptight as usual. āI think I may have led him on.ā
Ā āForget about Nate. Has Paige mentioned Ali to you?ā
Ā āWhat? No.ā
Ā āI was talking to Cece and-.ā
Ā āOf course,ā Emily replied with a sneer. āCece.ā
Ā āEm, they didnāt know each other in passing. They were in a war,ā Spencer replied, and Emily gritted her teeth. She should have known Spencer wasnāt going to be supportive of this. She was too opinionated. She would literally throw away her relationships before admitting she was wrong.
Ā āThis figures. Suddenly Cece swoops in, and-.ā
Ā āThis has nothing to do with Cece. Ali was in a feud with someone we both know has a bit of a dark side.ā
Ā āWhat is that supposed to mean?ā Emily asked, trying to keep her anger in check.
Ā āLetās not forget this girl once tried to drown you,ā Spencer replied. āI donāt think that was a love dunk.ā
Ā āThere were other issues going on in her life back then!ā
Ā āYeah, like being sneaky!ā Spencer exclaimed. āIām not calling her a snake, but-.ā
Ā āIām late for practice,ā Emily snapped, and she brushed past her without another word. She was practically fuming, throwing her bag angrily onto the bench. She was so caught up in what Spencer had said that she didnāt even realize Paige was already there.
Ā āEm? Whatās wrong?ā
Ā āOh. Paige,ā she replied, her anger fading. āIām sorry.ā
Ā āWhat happened?ā she asked, her brown eyes filled with worry. Emily suddenly wanted to cry. She knew more about Paigeās struggles than anyone, and she hated the people judging her without knowing her. That included her own friends.
Ā āNothing. Just a fight with Spencer,ā she replied. A strange look crossed Paigeās face.
Ā āI donāt think she likes me.ā
Ā āWhy would you say that?ā Emily asked. Was it possible she had overheard?
Ā āWe donāt have a good history, Em. Before I caught her staring at me like I was carrying smallpox or something.ā Paige looked at her. āWhat was the fight about? You can tell me.ā
Ā Emily looked away. Paige sighed.
Ā āI thought as much. Em, I donāt-.ā
Ā āNo. Fuck her,ā Emily replied bitterly. āSheās been so unsupportive lately. Youād think sheād want me to be happy.ā
Ā āYes, you would,ā Paige agreed. āIām sorry. I donāt want to come between you and your friends.ā
Ā āYouāre not,ā Emily replied, hugging her. She was becoming addicted to the feeling of Paige in her arms. āIām not going to that dumb trunk show. Come to my house after school and weāll get takeout.ā
Ā Paige smiled, nodding. After one more kiss they headed to the pool. Emily definitely needed to work off some of her anger.
Ā After practice, they were ambushed by Hanna as they were leaving the school.
Ā āHey! Youāre coming tonight, right?ā she asked.
Ā āNo,ā Emily replied as Paige looked away awkwardly. Hanna looked shocked.
Ā āEm! Why?ā
Ā āBecause Spencerās a bitch,ā she replied. āBesides, Paige and I have plans.ā
Ā āBut-.ā
Ā āIāll call you tomorrow, Hanna,ā Emily replied. Hanna shrugged.
Ā āWell, okay. But you and Spencer need to make up.ā
Ā Emily wasnāt in the mood for that. She was looking forward to her night with Paige, and she was surprised by the suggestion she made when she got back from getting their food.
Ā āYou need to go to the trunk show tonight,ā she told Emily. āAnd I need to go with you.ā
Ā āWhat? Why?ā
Ā āBecause. If we stay holed up here, Iām the problem they think I am. Which is someone who wants to take you away from them.ā
Ā āI donāt care what they think.ā
Ā āI do,ā Paige replied. āAnd I think you do, too.ā
Ā Emily sighed. She was right. She could play angry all she wanted, but her friends were important to her. Plus, she was a little curious about Paigeās history with Ali. Before, when she had asked, Paige had gotten very defensive. Emily didnāt think that was suspicious. Ali had been terrible to almost everyone, and the story was probably embarrassing. That surely didnāt qualify her as a suspect.
Ā āOkay,ā she agreed. āYouāre a good sport, Paige.ā
Ā āI want your friends to like me. We all know Iāve done things Iām not proud of. I want a chance to show them Iām better.ā
Ā āI think youāre great.ā
Ā āI know, and thatās sweet. But you love your friends and I couldnāt bear the thought of you losing them on my account. Come on. Letās go.ā
Ā Emily reluctantly agreed. Although she thought it was sweet how much Paige cared. Maybe this would win over her friends. Paige could be charming when she wanted to be.
Ā When they arrived, Spencer and Hanna were already there. Paige offered Spencer a friendly hello, as Emily muttered hers. Spencer looked shocked that she had brought Paige.
Ā āI hope you donāt mind,ā Emily told her smugly. āI brought a guest.ā
Ā Spencer didnāt answer. Cece recovered first.
Ā āThe more the merrier. Emily, I have the perfect dress for you to try on.ā
Ā She was worried about leaving Paige alone with them while she put the dress on. She hoped they would be able to be civil. Or maybe Spencer would apologize.
Ā She was surprised when Paige showed up with something else for her to wear.
Ā āTrying to sneak a peek?ā She teased. Paige blushed.
Ā āHanna said for you to try this on,ā she replied. Emily frowned.
Ā āThey wanted me to wear this,ā she replied as she and Paige went back out front.
Ā āEmā¦ā¦ you look stunning.ā
Ā āThank you, Paige,ā she replied, smiling at the way Paigeās tongue was hanging out of her mouth. The smile faded when she saw Spencer and Hanna turn around, looking guilty. She realized immediately what they were doing. Looking through Paigeās bag.
Ā Furious, she strode over to them, snatching it away.
Ā āPaige, weāre leaving.ā
Ā āEmily-.ā
Ā āNo, donāt be so forgiving,ā she replied. Tears of anger threatened to start spilling down her cheeks. āIām changing and then weāre leaving.ā
Ā Paige followed her back to the dressing room, rightfully not wanting to be alone with them. Emily was so mad she couldnāt even think straight. More than mad, though. She was hurt. She couldnāt believe her friends were treating her new girlfriend like this, especially after what had happened with Maya. Hadnāt they insisted they just wanted her to be happy? Well, it didnāt seem like it. Spencer was letting whatever petty reason she had for not liking Paige get in the way of supporting her friend.
Ā āAre you okay?ā Paige asked meekly. Her eyes were sad.
Ā āIām so sorry,ā Emily replies, hugging her tightly.
Ā āIām okay,ā Paige replied bravely. Emily smiled, touching her cheek, and in that moment she realized something important. She was in love with Paige. A few months ago she never would have thought loving someone or being happy would be possible. But it was, and she was doing it.
Ā Emily wondered when would be the right time to tell her. But for now, she just wanted to get home.
Ā They went to Emilyās house since no one was home for the night. She wondered if Paige would be open to staying. Orā¦ā¦. if she would be ready for something Emily had in mind.
Ā It was a nice early fall night, so they made tea and sat together on the porch. Emily looked at Paige, who looked deep in thought.
Ā āIām sorry,ā she offered again.
Ā āDonāt be. I made you go.ā
Ā āThis whole thing with Cece started-.ā
Ā āIt started with Alison,ā Paige replied. Emily looked at her in surprise. Was she going to open up?
Ā She hadnāt been expecting anything Paige told her, tears sparkling in her eyes the whole time. Emily didnāt know why she was surprised. Alison had been a horrible person. She had tormented everyone else, so why not Paige? Emily just couldnāt bear to hear the pain in her voice. See the tears pouring down her cheeks. Paige telling her that she was completely alone would haunt her forever, she decided as she wrapped her arms around her crying girlfriend. Tears were sliding down her own cheeks. She was heartbroken, and in the moment, she didnāt just hate Ali. She was pretty sure she hated Spencer for dredging this up again.
Ā Emily didnāt know how long they sat there, wrapped in each otherās arms. It was cold, and the wind had started picking up, but neither of them made any move to go inside. Emily wanted to hold Paige in her arms forever. To make sure she never felt any kind of hurt again. How did she make that a reality?
Ā āThank you for telling me,ā she finally said. Paige sniffed, wiping her eyes.
Ā āI didnāt mean to break down like that.ā
Ā āPaige. Iām glad you told me. I am so, so sorry for everything Spencer did. Hanna too, but Iām sure it was all Spencerās idea.ā
Ā āWellā¦ā¦. I donāt blame Spencer for not liking me.ā
Ā āNo, donāt excuse her. Sheās holding onto some old grudge.ā
Ā āThat story isnāt as exciting,ā Paige replied. Emily was glad to see her smile. āShe was mad Iā¦ā¦ roughed Alison up a little once in soccer practice. I guess I do have some anger problems. I like to think theyāve gotten better sinceā¦ā¦ā
Ā āSince you came out?ā Emily asked. She smiled.
Ā āExactly.ā
Ā āThat makes sense. I remember what it was like. Keeping that secret. It made me angry, too.ā
Ā āIām just sayingā¦ā¦ as much as I want your friends to like me, and Iām hurt by what happened, theyāre coming from a place of love. They donāt trust me, and I understand. They only want to be sure you donāt get hurt.ā
Ā Emily knew she was right. As annoyed as she was, and while Spencer did have a personal issue with Paige, Emily knew she was just concerned about her safety.
Ā āYouāre amazing, Paige. Youāre amazing and I love you.ā
Ā Paigeās eyes widened in surprise. Emily was expecting her to look away, and she didnāt disappoint.
Ā āYou do?ā
Ā āI do. So much.ā
Ā āI love you, too,ā she whispered, looking up. They kissed passionately, holding one another again.
Ā Emily was scared, she realized as they kissed. She was scared that she had allowed herself to fall in love again. She knew that she couldnāt let herself lose Paige.
Ā āDo you want more tea?ā Emily asked when they pulled apart. Paige smiled, and Emily was glad to see the sadness on her face was gone.
Ā āNo, Iām good. Iām going to wash my face,ā she replied, and Emily nodded. Paige disappeared inside, and that was when Emily noticed Jenna standing there. She jumped, starled.
Ā āJenna?ā
Ā āI need to talk to you about your friend,ā she started, and Emily frowned. Jenna stared at the two mugs on the porch. āOh. I didnāt realize you werenāt alone.ā
Ā Emily stood up, alarmed by her behavior. Was she trying to warn her about Paige, too? Why was everyone being so dumb about this whole thing? She had sort of known Paige all through high school, and their little fued back during junior year was the only time Emily had seen her bad side. What did they all know that she didnāt?
Ā āJust be careful who you spend time with,ā Jenna told her, and Emily stared as her hurried off to a car, where a taxi driver was loading her things into the trunk. It looked like she was leaving town. She didnāt have time to pry, though. Paige had come back onto the porch and was looking at her. The last thing Emily wanted was for Paige to think someone else was telling Emily not to trust her.
Ā Emily went back to the porch, giving one more glance at Jennaās car. Then the two of them went inside.
Ā āWhat was that about?ā Paige asked.
Ā āJennaās leaving town for a while. She was saying goodbye,ā she replied. Paige nodded.
Ā āOh.ā
Ā āPaige?ā
Ā āYes?ā
Ā Emily took a deep breath. But she knew she was ready for what she was about to ask.
Ā āWill you stay tonight?ā she asked. Paigeās eyes widened. Emily waited with baited breath for her answer. Finally, she nodded.
Ā āYes.ā
A/N: Soooo Iām about to get a new laptop and I found this old story I wrote a whole bunch of chapters for years ago but never posted. Given what I spied last week about the Perfectionists through social media, I figured why not post it? This is a mostly canon story starting at 3x05 with the exception that Alison is really dead. Because honestly that was always the way I thought it should have been, even when I wrote this years ago and the ship wars hadnāt gotten out of hand. Rated M eventually. I found 10 chapters for this. Hereās the first one, and Iāll post more if you all are interested. I still donāt own pretty little liars (thankfully lol). Hope you enjoy!
Ā āYouāve been in a mean mood all day, Emily,ā Hanna Marin complained as she, Spencer Hastings, Aria Montgomery, and Emily Field sat at their table in the cafeteria. Emily shot her friend a nasty look, even though she knew it was true. But she couldnāt help it. She had been trying to move on from Mayaās death, and yesterday she had finally gotten up the courage to ask Paige McCullers to see the Katy Perry movie with her. She had Paige had anā¦ā¦. Interesting history, and she had always felt like things between them were unfinished. She had never been happy with the way she had left them, yelling at Paige because she wasnāt ready to come out. How unfair had that been? She had been afraid to tell her own parents, and Paigeās parents were far moreā¦ā¦ traditional than hers. She felt ashamed every time she thought about it, and she had always been meaning to set things right. Now felt like a better time than ever, and if it turned into something more, she thought she might finally be ready for that. Only there was one problem. Jenna Marshall was having her fake āI got my eyesight backā party at the Brew, and her boss was forcing her to work it. At the same time she and Paige were supposed to be going to their movie.
Ā āShut up, Hanna.ā
Ā āNo, sheās right,ā Spencer agreed. āWhatās wrong?ā
Ā Emily huffed. She wasnāt sure she wanted to tell her friends. She knew Spencer hated Paige, and she didnāt feel like her friends dumping all over her right now.
Ā āJennaās stupid party,ā she started, and Aria snorted.
Ā āIām going. Just cause of Laurel Tuckman.ā
Ā āWell, my boss is making me work it. And I was supposed to go to a movie with Paige and I feel like a total loser bailing.ā
Ā āPaige?ā Spencer shouted as Aria and Hanna gaped at her. āLike, crazy Paige? Who tried to drown you?ā
Ā āWill you lower your voice?ā she snapped. The last thing she needed was for Paige to hear that. āShe never tried to drown me. Stop blowing what happened out of proportion because you have your own issues with her.ā
Ā āYeah, because sheās-.ā
Ā āSpencer, stop,ā Aria cut in, and Emily looked at her gratefully. Aria always was the peacekeeper. āYouāre not being fair. You know she wasnāt trying to drown anyone. Maybe if we got to know Paige, weād like her. Emilyās disappointed about this and it doesnāt help to make her feel worse.ā
Ā āThank you, Aria,ā Emily replied, shooting a nasty look at Spencer. Spencer looked down.
Ā āSheās right. Iām sorry.ā
Ā āAnyway, continue,ā Hanna replied. āThatās why youāre cranky?ā
Ā āYes! I always hated the way I left things. I always thought there was potential with us, and Iā¦ā¦ Iām ready to move on. But sheās soā¦.. Timid? She would barely look at me when I asked her the other day.ā
Ā āThatās weird,ā Aria replied. āSheās obviously still so into you. She always has been.ā
Ā āShe probably thinks I hate her,ā Emily sighed. āIāve been not so great to her.ā
Ā āI think that makes you two even,ā Spencer sniffed. Hanna and Aria looked at her. āWhat?ā
Ā āAnyway,ā Aria started. āIām sure Paige will understand. Iām sure she was invited to Jennaās party, too. Maybe she can come keep you company.ā
Ā āYeah, thatās romantic.ā
Ā āLook, Em, sheāll understand,ā Hanna told her. āOffer a rain check. Make it clear that youāre still interested.ā
Ā āYes,ā Aria agreed. āMake sure she knows youāre not just flaking.ā
Ā āYeah, okay,ā Emily agreed, sighing. āIāll tell her after school.ā
Ā She glanced at Spencer, who was pretending to be very busy with the sandwich she was eating. If she did start dating Paige, what would happen between them? Would Spencer grow to like her? Or would the two of them drift apart?
*****
Ā To her relief, Paige was very understanding about the whole thing. Or, at least, she seemed to be. Emily took her friendsā advice and made it clear to Paige that she did still want to see her. When Paige came over after school, she even called the theater to ask if they could use the tickets next week instead. Luckily, they said yes.
Ā āIām so sorry,ā Emily told her. āItās so embarrassing that I made these plans with you and then I had to bail.ā
Ā āEm, itās okay,ā Paige replied, smiling. She looked so cautious, surely waiting for Emily to change her mind. Emily felt bad about that, but she didnāt blame her. She saw Paige in a different light than Spencer did. Spencer saw Paige as some horribly aggressive outcast. Maybe she was aggressive sometimes, but Emily knew there were other reasons for that. She saw Paige as an awkward girl still coming to terms with her sexuality. Someone who just wanted to be liked. āIt will be just as fun next week.ā
Ā They looked at each other for a moment. Then Paige looked away.
Ā āAnyway, Iāll still get to see you,ā she continued. āI was kind of surprised Jenna invited me. Weāve never been friends, butā¦ā¦ I donāt know, Iām really happy for her.ā
Ā Emily bit her lip. Paige had no idea.
Ā āIām going to check the closet for another tie,ā she sighed as she threw the clip on one onto her bed. āThis isnāt working. Can you look in the drawer?ā
Ā āSure,ā Paige replied, seemingly glad to have something to do. Emily froze when she pulled the flask out, an excited look on her face. āWhatās this?ā
Ā āUhā¦ā¦..ā The last time she had drank from that flask, nothing good had happened. āTake it. I donāt want it.ā
Ā āCool,ā Paige replied, looking at it with glee in her eyes. Emily bit back a chuckle. She figured it was probably pretty hard for a deaconās daughter to sneak alcohol into the house.
Ā āListen, Paigeā¦ā¦ I just want you to know that I really do want to spend time with you. I donāt want you to thinkā¦ā¦ā
Ā āI donāt,ā Paige replied, but Emily knew she saw relief in her eyes. āI promise.ā
*****
Ā Paige was feeling pretty good when she got back to her house. She hid the flask in her room and sat on the bed with her history book open, even though she was just thinking about Emily. She believed that Emily really wanted to give her another chance. And she would NOT screw it up this time. She promised herself that.
Ā It seemed too good to be true that Emily Fields was giving her a second chance. How many nights had she cried over how badly she had messed things up last time? Emily noticing her at all had always been a distant dream, and she never stopped beating herself up for letting her slip away. She still felt guilty for trying to kiss her that one night, especially after Maya had turned up dead. And then there was that other night, when Emily had kissed her.
Ā But did she even remember? At first Paige had thought she was ignoring her, but she realized Emily really didnāt remember. Especially because now she was making such an effort to reconcile. Maybe subconsciously, the night Emily had shown up at her house, she had wanted her. Or maybe that was too much to hope for.
Ā She squirmed with guilt when she thought about that night right before school had started. She didnāt think Emily remembered showing up at her house and kissing her. She must have been that drunk. Paige didnāt know if she should tell her. Emily might hate her for it. But was it right to keep it a secret?
Ā She didnāt know what to do. A year ago, she had never even dreamed of telling anyone her secret. But Ā Emily had been too irresistible. And losing her had encouraged Paige to come out to her parents so it would never happen again. Now she once again had a chance with her dream girl.
Ā āDonāt mess it up this time,ā she muttered to herself.
*****
Ā The party was a disaster, Emily thought as she looked out into the darkened room in dismay. The party was as boring as she thought it would be. Jenna irritated the crap out of her. Nate wouldnāt leave her alone. And she suspected that had Paige pissed off. She seemed mad that she had gone to talk to Nate, when really, Emily just wanted to ask what the hell he was doing there. She found it strange that Jenna would invite him. But then again, none of them understood anything Jenna did. All she knew was everything was going exactly the way she didnāt want. She didnāt even have Aria to talk to, because she was running around doing her own secret thing that she hadnāt shared.
Ā She hadnāt realized Paige had been drinking until she was standing next to Jenna, watching her jab her finger into a cupcake, lick it, and then jab it back in. Suddenly her angry behavior all night made a lot more sense.
Ā āWhat is she doing?ā Jenna asked angrily as they strode towards her. āWhat are you doing?ā
Ā āLooking for a coconut,ā Paige replied, licking more frosting off her fingers. Emily stared at her in shock. āThese vanilla ones are gross.ā
Ā āStop it!ā
Ā āIām not gonna stop til I find a coconut,ā she replied indignantly. āThese cupcakes taste like old pennies.ā
Ā āCan I get you some coffee?ā Emily cut in. Paige glowered at her.
Ā āReally? Finally, you have time for me?ā she asked, her words slurred. Emily was surprised that her talking to Nate made her that jealous. Did it make Paige think she was hung up on Maya? That wasnāt it, but Paige was in no state for her to explain that. āFine. Letās dance.ā
Ā āI canāt dance. Iām working,ā she replied. The look on Paigeās face told her that was the wrong thing for her to say.
Ā āFine. Iāll dance by myself.ā
Ā Emily watched helplessly as Paige twirled away from her, still sucking on her fingers. But then she tripped- just over her own feet since she was obviously wasted- and crashed to the ground, taking some statue with her. Emily was at her side in an instant, frantically asking if she was okay. Paige groaned in response, holding a bloody gash on her head. Suddenly Nate was there too, and Emily wanted to snap at him to just get lost, but she was too worried about Paige. So she let him help her up and lead her outside, glad that he could at least drive them to the hospital so she could sit with Paige in the backseat.
*****
Ā Paige wanted to thank Emily for being so nice to her as they rode to the hospital, but she was too tired and dazed to say anything. She felt so weird, and her head really hurt. She didnāt remember feeling like this the last time she had been drunk. She hadnāt even had that much tonight. Just a little from the flask she had brought with her. Why did she feel so awful?
Ā She had surely done it this time. She wondered how she always managed to squander a great opportunity like this. Maybe it was in her DNA.
Ā āWeāre almost there, Paige,ā Emily told her gently. āYouāll be okay.ā
Ā She closed her eyes as her stomach churned. She wanted to go home and get into bed.
Ā āEmā¦..ā
Ā āShhh,ā she whispered. āWeāre here. Iāll help you out.ā
Ā The sudden movement of getting out of the car sent an uncontrollable wave of nausea over her, and she vomited onto the sidewalk. Even with how bad she felt, she was mortified. Yeah, Emily would definitely be done with her now.
Ā āThatās okay,ā Emily told her. āCome on, they can give you something for your head.ā
Ā They went into the emergency room, where she was brought to a cubicle right away. She half wanted her mom, and half knew her dad would kill her when he found out. None of that would be worse than the fact that she had messed things up again with Emily.
*****
Ā Emily laid awake almost half the night, thinking about the fact that she had accidentally drugged Paige. That she had been drugged herself the night she had dug up Aliās grave. Someone had done that on purpose. A, she was sure.
Ā She jumped as her phone rang. Spencer. She debated not answering, because she was sure Hanna had gone running right to her after their conversation earlier. But against her better judgment, she did.
Ā āHello?ā
Ā āEmily. I heard about what happened before.ā
Ā āAnd?ā she asked coldly.
Ā āIām not going to say anything mean. I just want to make sure youāre okay. Hanna told me about the drugs.ā
Ā āYeah. A, I guess. I had no idea. And then I gave the flask to Paige, andā¦ā¦.ā
Ā āIs she okay?ā
Ā āYeah. But when she finds out that the drugs were in my flask, sheāll probably think I drugged her.ā
Ā āShe would never think that.ā
Ā āWhat do I tell her? I canāt tell her the truth.ā
Ā āNo, I guess not. Maybe she wonāt figure it out.ā
Ā āI donāt think thatās likely,ā Emily replied sadly. āI made an attempt to move on, and I donāt think itās going to work.ā Ā
*****
Things with Paige were somehow even more awkward than they had been before Emily had asked her to the Katy Perry movie. They had talked a little in the hallway, but not much more than that. Emily was sure Paige was avoiding her. Who could blame her? Surely by now she had figured out where the drugs had come from. Did she think that Emily had done it on purpose? She guessed she couldnāt blame her if she did.
Ā After talking a little with Nate (was he ever going to leave? Maybe it was just her paranoia, but she thought he cared a little too much for a cousin), she went to Paigeās house to talk to her before school. She found Paige in her backyard next to her pool, working on her bike. She didnāt look up even with Emily standing right there until she cleared her throat loudly.
Ā āEm. Hi.ā
Ā āHow are you feeling?ā
Ā āI felt bad for a while, but Iām better now,ā she replied, standing up.
Ā āI think we need to talk,ā she started.
Ā āNo. We donāt,ā Paige replied, sounding almost desperate.
Ā āHow about after school?ā Emily asked/
Ā āI canāt today.ā
Ā āTomorrow then,ā Emily replied firmly. She needed Paige to listen to her. Paige looked like she was debating in her head, and then sighed.
Ā āOkay.ā
Ā āGood,ā Emily replied, relieved. There was nothing else to say, so she left Paige there, feeling only slightly better. Sometimes it felt like the universe didnāt want them to work out.
Ā āWhere were you?ā Hanna asked when she finally showed up to Ariaās locker with just five minutes to spare before homeroom.
Ā āI got a late start,ā she replied. āDidnāt hear my alarm.ā
Ā āWell, you missed half of my story about Caleb,ā Hanna replied irritably, and the annoyance on Spencerās face showcased how she felt perfectly.
Ā āSorry, Hanna. Aria can fill me in,ā she replied, and Aria glared at her. Emily gave her an apologetic look.
Ā āWell, anywayā¦ā¦ā
Ā Emily zoned out, not hearing a word she said. She had her own problems. Paige. A. Nate. Getting into Mayaās website. That was the only time she was interested in hearing Calebās name right now, as selfish as that sounded. She just desperately needed some stability in her life.
Ā At lunch she tried to find Paige, but she didnāt see her. She tried not to feel too hurt that Paige was obviously avoiding her. Maybe, if she could explain, everything would be okay.
*****
Ā Her talk with Emily had gone exactly the way she had expected. Paige was crying by the time she got back to her house, glad that she was alone to just let her guilt and shame consume her. Emily had gone with her on a run, where of course, they had ended up talking about the flask. Paige had realized it had been the only way she could have been drugged. She had also known that it couldnāt have been Emilyās doing. She didnāt know who was responsible, but whoever it was had been trying to hurt Emily.
Ā She had admitted the kiss to Emily. Which she felt even worse about now, since Emily had been drugged that night. She hadnāt been able to read Emilyās emotions. Disgust? Regret? Confusion? Paige hadnāt been surprised when she had walked away, and she wouldnāt blame her if she never wanted to speak to her again. Why had she kissed her back that night? She knew something wasnāt right. She hadnāt in her wildest dreams imagined Emily was drugged, but she knew she wasnāt sober. It hadnāt been right to kiss her.
Ā She sat on the chair by her pool, her head in her hands. She was too sad to move. Too disgusted with herself. She would just have to move on.
Ā She couldnāt contain her surprise when later that night Emily came back. Paige looked at her, terrified of what she was going to say, as a gentle night breeze blew around them.
Ā āIām sorry,ā she offered helplessly. The look on Emilyās face was surprisingly kind as she launched into a speech about that night, surely one that would end with her telling Paige she never wanted to see her again. But that wasnāt where it was going, and Paige was sure she was hearing wrong when Emily told her:
Ā āI was looking for someone. And I came here.ā
Ā Paige looked down, embarrassed and overcome with relief. Emily didnāt hate her.
Ā āDonāt look away,ā Emily told her as she cupped her cheek, and when Paige looked back at her, they kissed. It was a glorious kiss, the most passionate, meaningful one they had ever shared. She never wanted it to end, and she lost track of how long they stood by the pool with their lips connected.
Ā āEmā¦.. are you sure?ā she finally asked, and she screamed at herself internally, Donāt doubt, you moron!
Ā āOf course Iām sure,ā Emily replied, smiling as they gazed at each other. āI always felt like we werenāt finished. Iām sorry for how I left things. I was unfair to you, shaming you for not coming out when you werenāt ready.ā
Ā āNo, Iām sorry. I shouldnāt have-.ā
Ā āLetās stop apologizing,ā Emily cut in, still smiling. āThis is a fresh start.ā
Ā āOkay,ā Paige agreed. āHey. Wanna swim?ā
Ā āYes!ā Emily exclaimed, and Paige could only stare for a minute, enchanted by her beauty. Emily Fields wanted to be her girlfriend. āThis isnāt a dream, Paige. Iām here. I want you.ā
Ā She didnāt know what to say to that. She still couldnāt wrap her head around the fact that even after all her screw ups, Emily wanted her.
Ā Not long after they were swimming in Paigeās pool, practically naked, stopping every few feet to kiss. Paige didnāt think she could ever get tired of feeling Emilyās lips on hers.
Ā āIām getting cold,ā Emily told her after a while, and Paige realized her teeth were chattering. It was cold; she had just been too distracted to notice it.
Ā āOh, Emā¦ā¦ Iām sorry. Letās get out.ā
Ā They were shivering violently all the way up to Paigeās house as the cool night breeze hit their wet bodies Paige was nervous having Emily in her house while her parents were away, but she knew tonight wouldnāt be the night. She knew, without them saying anything, that they would take it slower than that. As badly as Paige wanted Emily, she had never been with someone intimately before, and she still needed some time to get used to the idea that Emily wanted her.
Ā As she looked at Emily, she didnāt think that she could be happier.
The woman in that picture is literally leaning away like āget out of my space please.ā Headphones are something a lot of women use to avoid being bothered. Just....... leave us alone.
Iām going through all the documents on my laptop because Iām about to get a new one and Iām finding lots of lost writing gems from years ago. Might post them after what happened on the perfectionists last week lol
uh yeah hi what weāre NOT gonna do is call marlene, a gay woman with a wife, homophobic and all kinds of other horrible, harmful shit just because your stupid ship is having issues which, HELLO, is what happens in DRAMA shows. what weāre NOT gonna do is post sashaās address and say youāre going to through bricks through her windows for ālyingā about emison being fine. literally what the fuck is wrong with you all? if i was marlene i wouldāve broken them up a long time ago PURELY based on how fucking awful some of you are to her and the cast. if youāve ever called any of them names or threatened them or took part in harassing lindsey shaw to the point of her attempting suicide over a fictional couple then youāre a fucking vile human being. being upset is one thing but basing your entire life around it and literally bullying people over it is disgusting. stop. just stop.
Marlene fucking did it. She broke up Emily and Alison. Sorry for the shippers who didnāt harass the writers and threaten cast members they didnāt like, but maybe now everything can finally move on and focus on the actual new content and storyline instead of clinging to the old.
Hahaha, just kidding. Iām sure thereās at least twenty death threats on Marleneās most recent tweet right now. And ironically, thatās exactly why itās a good thing that Em*son broke up.
A reminder of the toxicity that plagues the legacy of Marlene King and Pretty Little Liars
TW: Self harm and suicide
I know that this coming week starts the Pretty Little Liars spinoff āThe Perfectionists,ā also directed by Marlene King and starring two cast members from the original show. PLL has been over for years now, but that doesnāt mean some of its mostā¦ā¦ passionate? fans have forgotten it. I know many of us havenāt. Who could forget the disaster that was the end of Pretty Little Liars, as a small but very loud subgroup of fans decided to viciously attack anyone who stood in the way of their beloved ship? Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that everyone knows it was not all emison fans. If you are a person who shipped emison but did not bully other cast members or fans, then I feel truly sorry that you were in the same group as them. And I thank you for not taking part in what some of them did.
Ā Ā
Ā Ā The reason Iām making this post is because of the Lindsey Shaw Fiasco. I know every single PLL fan on social media knows what this is, regardless of who you shipped/didnāt ship. I want to make sure in light of MKās new show no one forgets what happened to her, and what could happen again. Marlene King watched as one of her own actors, as well as many of the fans of her show, were mercilessly harassed and said NOTHING. In fact, she pandered to the same people doing the harassing. Both Shay Mitchell and Sasha Pieterse, the two parts of the emison ship, said nothing, despite the harassers being their fans. Now, maybe youāll say all the ships had crazy fans. They did. But none like this one. Because these people went beyond the typical mean comments about looks or weight. These people aimed to cause real, true harm, and in some cases they almost succeeded. And now, after PLL being over for two years, with the chance for this rabid fanbase to lose their flame, another show targeted at the SAME PEOPLE is airing next week. Another chance to bring them together, to attack anyone they see as getting in the way of their ship.
Ā
Ā Ā Ā Fans of the ship Paily were targeted. And even more so than us, Paigeās actress, Lindsey Shaw, was targeted the most relentlessly and disgustingly of all. Whether you are a fan of Lindseyās or not, you cannot justify what happened to her. Not even if you still choose to believe she āsupports Trump,ā which she made clear she does not. As a fan of hers, I will agree it was dumb of her to joke about that, and I think she forgot that people donāt always get her sense of humor. Not to mention, there were always people who werenāt fans waiting to pounce. But did you ever stop to think about what led to that little breakdown? (I think right around this time 3 years ago). At that point, Lindsey had already been taking abuse for YEARS, although it certainly got worse as emison became a possibility. She would post something unrelated to the show and be flooded with ākill yourselfā, ādie pigskin,ā and ādrink bleach.ā How long can someone take that kind of harassment without snapping a little? I was always impressed it didnāt happen sooner. It was clear to me, as well as many of her other fans, that she was going through something personal at the time, and all of the abuse on top of it was a little too much. This all came to a head March 2016. No one from the show said anything.
Ā Ā
Ā Ā Fast forward to May 2016, when I lost every ounce of respect for every single cast member of PLL. I used to be a huge fan of Shay. That started fading as she failed to even acknowledge her Paily fans as time went on. It was obvious she cared far more about being popular than she did about standing up for her fans or a co-star she claimed to love. And I donāt know, maybe she and Lindsey had some kind of personal falling out. I always wondered if that was the case, because how else could they all be cold enough to ignore someoneās obvious suffering? Even if that is the case, it isnāt an excuse for her never speaking up. On one day in early May, Lindsey retweeted something that got a portion of the emison base in a frenzy, with them claiming she called Sasha ugly (the tweet did no such thing. It was calling Paily a beautiful couple). Anyway, they POUNCED with a level of venom I had never even seen before. It was horrifying. There were lots of death threats, calls for her to hurt herself. But the one that stood out most came from a user who I wonāt name because I donāt want her to have the satisfaction. She literally started a petition with Lindseyās twitter handle in it, telling people to RT to get her to commit suicide. To which Lindsey responded that she had already tried. Anyone outside of that small pocket of emisons was HORRIFIED, frantically tweeting Marlene, Shay, Troian, all the big name people from the show to address this. Even if they didnāt address Lindsey, to just make an overall statement about how this behavior wasnāt okay. Fans from every ship were taking part. I was sure Shay, or at least Marlene, would say something.
Ā Ā None of them did. Not a single one. It was obvious at that point how much Lindsey was suffering. But still no one said a word.
Ā Ā These are all adults. Grown women acting like a group of middle school bystanders, too cowardly to stand up for the bullied. There is no excuse for them never addressing this. Especially since with a new show, itās likely to just start up where it left off. In glancing through instagram comments, these same fans have already found a new target: Evan Bittencourt. I donāt know who he is or why they hate him, and frankly I donāt care, because Iām sure itās bogus, just like their reasons for hating Lindsey. The point is, just like I was afraid of the second I heard Marlene was doing another show, they have already found a new target. I have literally seen them refer to him as āThe new Lindsey Shaw.ā And anyone who watched PLL knows thatās not a good thing. Just some snooping has already revealed some pretty ugly tweets/comments, which Iām sure he is seeing. We saw first hand how over time being bombarded with hatred took its toll on someone who was once very proud and passionate about the character they played.
Ā Ā Mental health is important. Suicide is very serious. I wonāt even get into why seeing Lindseyās tweet that night shattered my heart or why it to this day infuriates me that none of those women said anything. The fact that so many people think itās a joke, or that itās okay running around telling people to hurt themselves, will forever remain a mystery.
Ā Ā Marlene shouldnāt be allowed to have another show after what she encouraged during her last one, and especially not one directed at the same group of fans. PLL needs to be dead and buried forever. No spinoffs. The show, and the people working on it, became toxic, and that same toxicity will be revived the moment these characters are brought back to life next week. Real people got hurt last time. Real people almost died. Think of how crazy and serious that is. I shudder to think what social media is going to look like once this gets under way, especially if the fans of the emison ship feel threatened. I know I will not watch even a second of this show. I hope it is short lived and these characters, and the toxicity they bring with them, can finally be put to rest.
Ā Ā So what happens if things get bad again, Marlene? Will you say something? Will you ever try to make this right? We havenāt forgotten what you let happen to us, or happen to Lindsey. We will never forget how badly she was struggling personally, or that she was driven off social media because of your fans that you never EVER addressed. It breaks my heart what you let happen to her, and it breaks my heart that with this new show comes the opportunity for it to happen again. I hope youāve become a better person since the Lindsey Shaw Fiasco. Itās too late for you to ever make that right, and honestly, I donāt think you have any desire to. But I do hope that you at least have enough remorse, however small it may be, to make sure it never happens again.
Please share this. Here, to twitter, instagram, everywhere. Letās make sure we stand up this time.
My first time on tumblr in years and I come back to a bunch of angry notifications that I have adult content on my blog. So...... hi everyone. I know Iāve been absent from everything for years now. Giving up social media has been great for my personal well-being, and Iām not sure how long Iāll be back here. Iām preparing a post I want as many people as possible to see in the light of the news pretty little liars is getting a spinoff, something I find very disappointing after the mess that happened towards the end of the original show. For personal reasons, the harassment and encouraging of self harm that was purposely ignored by the cast no matter how bad it got horrified me. It bothers me that Marlene King and everyone else walked away from that with their reputations intact, without ever having to answer for letting that go on. Now they have yet another show, which those same fans are already flocking around. Iāve done a bit of snooping over the past day, only to find out that it doesnāt look like they have changed at all. Not even after all of these years. And I suspect like last time, the same toxic behavior will be ignored, or even encouraged. So stay tuned for a well organized rant in the next few days about the bystander effect and why we shouldnāt let bullies or their enablers keep role model positions. When I post please feel free to share. I doubt it will reach anyone from the cast/crew, but I would love it if it did.
So is 7x11 the 7b premiere? Is that right? 7x10 is in my head as the 7a finale. Or is there another special episode? Im,so out of the loop. I just want to what episodes Lindsey is in. If this i right, then thatās 1 more added to the list. Someone correct me if Iām wrong. Iām so confused lol
Scene when Mona reminded Paige of the power Alison has over Emily. Canāt wait for Paige to come back to Rosewood and for the return ofĀ āBitchy Aliā :D