He had to smother a sigh as she moved away. No, he told himself over and over again, reinforcing the idea into his head, you are only sad that she moved away because she was warm. Itâs not like you enjoy her being next to you, itâs not like you enjoy having someone in your arm-
He tried, with all of his might, to push those stupid thoughts out of his head. No matter what he did they seemed to soak through the walls he built around his feelings. They made him doubt himself, made him wonder if he was really this tough, emotionless, cold courser, or whether it was all just a fake facade. And doubt is a terrible thing, because it makes you hesitant, and if you falter in a fight, you can die. X6 had seen many people succumb to doubt, and he didnât want to end up in a grave, not when he still had so much to live for.Â
His thoughts drifted off to the institute. He wondered if the other coursers were preparing for missions, and if the scientist had made any knowledgeable breakthroughs. It was at that moment, then, that he realised that the institute didnât feel like home any more. It didnât feel like a safe place, that he could be himself at. But being here, with this group of odd travellers, did feel like home. And that scared him, because it shouldnât. He was just on a mission, he would have to leave soon. After all, he was a synth. Synths donât make friends.Â
At her words though, his thoughts abruptly shattered. Love. That word, that stupid fucking word, drifted to his head. Did she actually mean all of this, or was it a false promise? Did she realise what she was saying? Maybe she was just tired.
He sat up then, his mind desperate for an answer to the seemingly unanswerable questions. Then, he opened his mouth and said the stupidest thing he ever could say.Â
âDorothy..I like you.â Even as he said those words, he wished he could snatch them from the air and shove them back down his throat, but his traitorous mouth continued to stammer and sputter these terrible syllables. âAlot. And now just in a friend way, like in a real way. Like a really real way. I fucking adore you, Dorothy, you are a light in my miserable life, and I donât deserve to be around someone like you. I love you more than anything.â When the realisation of what he had just said hit him, his cheeks darkened with a blush, and he stopped, laying himself down back onto the bed, âGoodnightâ He muttered quickly, trying to avoid further conversation, burying his face into his hands.