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@killercourser-blog
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He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands to expel the angry tears which had gathered at its corners. He had been so stupid. When would he ever learn that no one, not even the institute, would love him and treat him more than just a replaceable solider? He was a pawn in an endless battle of chess, that expanded far beyond kings and queens.
When he heard her voice calling for him, however, he was stuck between yelling at her to go away, and beckoning her closer, He was like a piece of rubber, stretched too thin, breaking and tearing apart. He didn’t want to be in love, didn’t want to feel such a strong connection to someone, but he had already fallen and was now just waiting to hit the pavement. “Dorothy..” He called finally, trying to peer through the undergrowth to find her again, alarm in his voice at her desperate calls. He cursed as he tripped over a stone, but stumbled to his feet again.
When he found her, He did have to hold back his laughs at her struggle and he walked over, gently taking the lantern out of her hands in an attempt to help. He still didn’t look her in the eyes, though. “Listen, Dorothy. I’m…” The guilt was eating him alive, strangling his throat and cutting away at his confidence. “I’m not who I say I am.” He tried to rush the words out, “I’m not even a person, really.”
The steam wafted from the open door and he stopped short, his heels digging into the polished floor underneath him and he averted his eyes out of respect. “Ma’am, , it is not appropriate to walk around like that.” He tried to make it sound as unharsh as he could, but his voice was edged with impatience.
That’s what he would never understand about Humans. They treated their body like exotic temples, when really you should view your body as a tool. You should sharpen it like a weapon, hone and abolish all weaknesses, not look at it like a piece of meat for others to feed off.
However, despite all this, he still couldn’t help the blush which darkened his cheeks at the sight of the Future of the institute unclothed, and he cleared his throat in a desperate effort to abolish the tension, his eyes still glued to the floor.
“You must always be alert,” He tried to keep the stress out of his voice. “Even in a place as safe as the institute, you always must be on your guard. If someone decided to attack you now, you would be a goner, Ma’am.”
“My apartaments, my rules,” Alice sighed obediently, not being able to help herself but smile shamely anyway. After all, she would never let herself to walk around in a buff if she was, well, anywhere else and with presence of anyone else but X6-88. Though it was a bit odd to percieve, he it was not a man, but a synth, and synths didn’t really care about nudity like humans usually do, so that would be like avoiding to be undressed in front of any pieces of furniture, right? “You can’t live in an endless alert,” she smirked, standing still, “or at least I can’t, that’s too stressful. After all, this is our home, and home is a place where you feel safe, right?” Right?
Wrong, everything in her was screaming internally, as she was dressing in a niveous costume she noticed at the first day here. Unless you’re completely alone, home keeps the most virulent dangers. “If someone decided to attack me now, you would stay in their way and destroy them before they could even look at me. That’s why you were assigned to accompany me.” In this uniform she could be almost invisible at the backgroung of Institute’s furnishings, but as soon as they will be back in the Commonwealth, she should reach for something coloured.
She is pretty secured. Unless her defender rises against her.
Alice wondered in her mind if they already brainwashed X6 in this couple of hours he was out of her sight. Or if they look at her through his eyes.
Our home.
The words rebounded in his head. Our home. It was a shattering falsity, a lie that slipped to easily out of her lips. This was not home; this would never be home. Home was a place that you felt safe at, home was a place where you felt like you were accepted. Home was a place where you could relax, where you could be in within reach of your loved ones. X6-88 would never have a home. He must be constantly on the move, constantly aware, constantly alert. He could take no time of to be relaxed, he could not open himself up to the vulnerabilities which came with having a home. Sure, the institute was safe, but he had to protect it and it’s scientists, and he was always under the fear of an oncoming attack.
“Yes,” He said after a moment, watching the wall as she got dressed. “You will never have to fear for your safety while I am protecting you.” That was a lie but At least, if anything, he could make her feel safer, give her the ability to have a home.
“Ma’am, I suggest you eat and sleep. We have both had a long day, and continuing will only wear you down.” His face, usually scared with a frown, lightened up a little.
A Scavenger’s hobby (closed w/ killercourser)
X6-88 followed his lead, crouching low in a familiar fighting stance, his footsteps light and quick. He did relax when they came upon the gas station, and he listened for a moment before straightening up. “Well,” He sad, dusting off his hands. “This is an…odd little setup you have here.” He picked his words carefully, using ‘odd’ instead of ‘the works of a madman.’
what a great day to remember that x6-88 exists
Gentle touch mr scary.
His eyebrows furrowed in annoyance and he tried to stop his checks from burning. “There is no such thing as a gentle touch in the wasteland.It is always brutality and harshness.”
“You certainly are…” He paused, picking his words carefully. “One of the most interesting people I have met out in the wasteland. Usually, people either shoot you or stab you, not hold your hand.” His eyes, usually cold, held an emotion akin to kindness in them. “It’s an endearing quality, if anything.”
Primrose tilted her head slightly. ‘I would not want to harm anyone, even if I could.’ Maybe they would interpret that as her simply being unskilled Rather than literally incapable. ‘I would like to make friends and make everyone’s lives easier. You understand?’
“No,” He said, his eyes drawing together in confusion and worry. “No, not really. I don’t understand why anyone would try to make people's lives easier. They haven't done anything to deserve your kindness, so why give it to them?” Every time he thought he thought he understood humans, someone popped up and made him all the more confused,
@sole-survivor-logan
He was waken by the sounds of movement, as he never really slept lightly, and he groggily opened his eyes, yawning. Light was seeping through the cracks in the walls, and the smell of fresh air was enticing. A small smile flickered on his face. “I could get used to waking up to the sight of you, you’re like my own personal sunrise.” He stretched, rolling his shoulders and moving to sit up. “Logan..” He hesitated, just pressed on. “Do you need to rest your back? Or go to a doctor?” The concern was heavy in his voice, and his eyebrows knitted together in worry.
Logan smiled at his comment as he sat beside him. His heart fluttering a bit. X6 always had the best compliments. He frowned a bit at his question though, rolling his wrists. “No. I’m fine. It’s something I’ve gotten used to.” He felt his lower back a bit and sighed. Then he realized something. “I’ve never told you want happened to me have I?” He said with interest. He always forgot that he hasn’t told X6 thing, because it felt like he knew everything about him.
He sighed, partly in relief and partly out of exhaustion. He had never really been one to pry, but he had always been incredibly curious about Logans past. “No, but I would like to hear it.” Logans stories of the war were somewhat horrific, but it made him happy to hear about what the life was like before the bombs fell. The world seemed so different, so diverse. He never really had to chance to talk to pre-war ghouls (Or the stomach to stand there smell) to chat about the earth and it’s way of leadership.
"It hurts, but I won't fight you." (Ask meme)
His laugh was dark and dangerous “Oh, Isn’t that noble of you. I’m sorry dear, but this is the point where I remind you that you shouldn’t have trusted a synth” His gun was still pointed at her, and he was trying to ignore the blood from his split head which dribbled into his eyes. “I’ll kill you, whether you want to fight me or not. It would just make things more interesting if you did.”
“What we have is over.” His eyes were like cold steel and his lips were pressed into a thin line, but he couldn’t help the shakiness in his voice, no matter how hard he tried to contain it. “You made sure of that.” He wanted to strangle her, to leap upon her and wring the life from the eyes he had once adored. Blow out the flame, shut off the light, rustle the sleeping dogs that they had once let lie. “You know,” His voice continued to shake, getting worse with each word, “That the institute is the only thing which matters to me anymore. After the fight, after I left, who else could I go back to? You had your friends, you had your family, I had nothing. Nothing.” His voice was filled with venom now, almost as if he wished to choke her with her words alone
“You hop through life, with absolutely zero consequences. You smile that stupid fucking smile and laugh your way out of every conflict. Do you even know what they do to synths who run away and return? They re-condition them. That’s what they call it. Reconditing.”
He was at the point of yelling now, his voice startling loud in the silence. “I had to sit in a chair for days, as they picked through my head, trying to figure out what was wrong, what had caused me to display unloyalty. Do you know what that’s like? Having Scientist re-watch your worst memories and laugh? Do you know what its like, to feel them fucking drilling into your mind? It hurts, the ridicule, the shame, the pain. It all hurts, it hurts more than any type of would. I used to be respected, you know. I used to be one of the best coursers they had, and now I am ruined and it’s all your fault. You ruined me, Mira, You ruined me”
-
The steam wafted from the open door and he stopped short, his heels digging into the polished floor underneath him and he averted his eyes out of respect. “Ma’am, , it is not appropriate to walk around like that.” He tried to make it sound as unharsh as he could, but his voice was edged with impatience.
That’s what he would never understand about Humans. They treated their body like exotic temples, when really you should view your body as a tool. You should sharpen it like a weapon, hone and abolish all weaknesses, not look at it like a piece of meat for others to feed off.
However, despite all this, he still couldn’t help the blush which darkened his cheeks at the sight of the Future of the institute unclothed, and he cleared his throat in a desperate effort to abolish the tension, his eyes still glued to the floor.
“You must always be alert,” He tried to keep the stress out of his voice. “Even in a place as safe as the institute, you always must be on your guard. If someone decided to attack you now, you would be a goner, Ma’am.”
“I know of,” He said, as he swung the door open, “A settlement about…six? Maybe Seven? Hours walk from here.” The air was cold outside, the grass sparkling with frost, and he crossed his arms across his chest in an attempt to keep the chill from getting through to his thin shirt, “It’s not a…” He paused, trying to pick his words carefully to minimise the insult. “A very nice bar. Usually it is filled to the brim with Mercs and body-sellers.” He shrugged, trying to dispell his embarrassment. “I don’t go there often, though. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice place to go if you want to get stabbed or pulled into a bed. That’s just not my kind of thing.” He tried to fake a smile. “Anyway, we can hold up there for the night if you want, unless you would feel safer sleeping out in the wastes.” The very idea of being so unprotected and vulnerable scared him, but he would do it if it meant she would sleep better.
“Let me guess, the place is called Goodneighbor right?” Sure sounded like Goodneighbor at least. “I actually live just north east of it. Bout another hour, hour and a half of walking if you’re willing.” She stretched and took a deep breathe, watching as the bit of steam from her mouth rise.
“Hasn’t gotten cold in a while…huh.” She mused before starting to walk. “But yeah, a settlement of any kind is safer than out in the wastes honestly.”
He stifled a sigh of relief, shortening his stride to fit hers, the potted plant bumping noisily in his pack. “I couldn’t agree with you more on that,” He laughed. “Sleeping in the waste would be like a living nightmare. I can hardly live out here, let alone sleep without four walls around me.” He tried to make humour of his poor situation. He turned to her, though, hesitating. “About...About yesterday.” He knew it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie, but he didn’t really understand it all, and his curiosity was persistent. “Excuse me if I sound stupid, but what really is the institute? And why..” He winced, still not used to the idea that he was a synthetic thing. “Why did they create me?”
“I know of,” He said, as he swung the door open, “A settlement about...six? Maybe Seven? Hours walk from here.” The air was cold outside, the grass sparkling with frost, and he crossed his arms across his chest in an attempt to keep the chill from getting through to his thin shirt, “It’s not a...” He paused, trying to pick his words carefully to minimise the insult. “A very nice bar. Usually it is filled to the brim with Mercs and body-sellers.” He shrugged, trying to dispell his embarrassment. “I don’t go there often, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, it’s a nice place to go if you want to get stabbed or pulled into a bed. That’s just not my kind of thing.” He tried to fake a smile. “Anyway, we can hold up there for the night if you want, unless you would feel safer sleeping out in the wastes.” The very idea of being so unprotected and vulnerable scared him, but he would do it if it meant she would sleep better.
“Good morning.” She smiled back him, “Yeah, a bit better I think.” It all still hurt but that’d numb with time.
“Oh, thank you but that’s okay. I got some food I packed so it’s alright. You should start packing your things. Sooner we leave the sooner we get there and you can get settled in.” She didn’t intend on taking back her offer. It’d be rude and plus he needed to be somewhere safer. Somewhere where his sweet nature wasn’t taken advantage of by raiders, leaving him vulnerable and afraid.
“I can help carry any like, seeds or tools you’ll need. Just let me know.”
He nodded, and tried not to race upstairs in excitement. He pulled out a small carry bag that lay discarded near his bed, and stood, his eyes furrowed, as he tried to decide what to bring with him. This was an opportunity to start again, to make his life what he wanted it to be. He rubbed the back of his head, and started collecting his things. His “things” Consisted of a dusty shirt, a half-mended pair of trousers with suspenders, and a small book on botanic plant life. He was torn between bringing along either a wool jacket, or a uniform like-thing made out of a synthetic black leather. He shrugged, and tossed the uniform into the pile again, instead stuffing the wool jacket into his bag. He also took the pottered plant of the window, a small handful of seeds, and a purse of Caps. “It’s okay,” He chirped, coming back down from the stairs. “I don’t really have many belongings anyway. I like to pack light.” He stopped at the door, glancing at the house again, a slight frown flicking across his face. He would miss this place, but he knew he had no future in dust and dirt.
The rain which had started, first a soft pitter patter, was now throwing itself against the house, the wind pushing through the cracks and crevices making the air cold and chilly. Xenon sat, his knees pulled up to his chest, staring at the window, watching the rain drip down the panes. A small butcher knife lay on the table in front of him, It was his unsuccessful attempt to guard them incase the raiders decided to attack his farm. But his mind was in other places. He couldn’t believe it. Questions, answers and disbelief fogged up his head, making him sigh and rub his forehead in exasperation. His life had crumpled in front of his eyes today, and he had no idea how to start re-building it. And the girl, geez, She had seemed so broken, she was like a doll with it’s heart smashed. And it hurt. It hurt, because he wanted make her better, make her happier, make her smile. But he couldn’t, because she held all these memories that he would never be able to get back. She was right, X6 was dead He didn’t even realise he had wandered up the stairs until he stood, leaning against the doorframe. The room was even colder on the top floor, but he didn’t care, the emptiness and loneliness making him just feel numb inside. He stood there for a while, just watching her sleep. She looked somewhat peaceful, curled up in his bed.
And for a second, just a split second, He swore he smelt disinfectant, and clean filtered air. The smell hung on the tip of his tongue, like a foreign word, and he stumbled back in shock, “Must…I must just be really tired.” He mumbled to himself, rubbing his hands to expel the Goosebumps which lined his arms like tiny train tracks, before turning on his heel to walk out the door. Before he left, however, he glanced back at Yun, and chuckled softly. “You aren’t half as scary when you’re sleeping.” Before walking down the stairs, to find his own place to sleep.
Eventually Yun awoke, stretching and yawning before looking down at her old Pipboy, contemplating playing the tape again…no. Let’s not start with tears today.
She walked down stairs, and soon found Xenon asleep still on the couch. She couldn’t help but smile a bit and had to resist the urge to kiss him to wake him up, like she would X6.
She sighed softly before going to the kitchen where her bag was to eat some of the food she had packed and wait for him to get up, figuring out how long it’d take them to get back to her home. Hopefully not too much longer than when she had come but who knew…
He was awoken by the sounds of moment and he had to fight the urge to continue sleeping. Instead, he groggily opened his eyes and sat up, almost embarrassed that she had caught him sleeping. “Hey” He stammered, covering a yawn and stretching, “Are you feeling any better?” He wouldn’t admit it, but he was slightly scared that she would take back her offer for him to live with her. While it would be upsetting to leave his home and his farm, it would be good to travel with someone. He paused for a second, thinking. Maybe he could leave some of his old farming books so that the Raiders could read them and put his crops to good use. He pushed himself off the couch, smiling shyly “I can make you something to eat, if you want. I’m not a good chef, but I can try.”
It was nice to be able to settle into this bar. The tension that had been creating knots in his shoulders eased off a little, and he was able to sit back and just observe the stream of activity in front of him. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his head, the cold courser facade fading. It wasn’t easy, being a courser. I mean, sure, killing and slaughtering was easy, but it was the feeling of numbness and isolation which got to you later. After all, synths did feel some extent of emotions, even if their mind was just one big computer program, erasable with a single string of words. X6-88 would always be obedient to the institute, even if they asked him to kill every single creature on the planet, but the loneliness and solitude got to him sometimes. It ate his insides, making him doubt himself over and over again. He slipped the false facade back on, catching sight of Laura and waved her over.
She caught sight of him and nodded before turning back to the bar, telling Charlie they’d need another round in a few minutes and grabbing the drinks he’d put out. She stepped carefully through the crowd, anticipating where some people would step and moving accordingly to avoid spoiling their drinks. This was the reason she hated crowded places, she mused just before reaching the spot X6 had taken. “Never fear, the booze has arrived!” Laura put the glasses on the table before practically falling into her seat. “More will be here soon enough, so don’t worry about running out. Or your growing tab.” She flashed him a restrained grin, held back by both the pain she hoped to numb and her usual demeanor- even though a portion of it was discarded around X6, she kept herself on guard as she would anywhere else.
The drinks were a welcome break from his thoughts, but he stifled a sigh at the mention of his growing tab. He already knew from past experience that WhiteChapel Charlie did NOT like it when he skipped out on tabs, and often expressed his disappointment with a flamer-thrower to the face. X6-88 had been smart enough to bring extra caps along now, just in case, “This is a hive of unhygienic and self-medicating freaks,” He snarled, snagging a drink from the table. “I mean, I know the commonwealth is not as populated as it used to be, but it would not be that hard to clean up the joint once in a while.” He tried to hide a grimace as he sipped the drink, screwing up his nose at the taste. It it wasn't for it’s numbing effect, he wouldn’t even drink this stuff. “I’m starting to think the ghouls like the smell.”