[belovedlies]

hello! <3

(active september 2023!)

sadly i have returned lol. just a few notes to start off:

MINORS DNI PLEASE!!! sometimes people slip through the cracks, though, so if you are a minor and i interact with you, feel free to block me if you want!!

i will be mindful about what i post and reblog. just bc minors will probably view my blog whether i want them to or not. basically, you won’t be finding th1n$p0 here.

this is just gonna be an outlet when i need it, where i like/reblog posts i want to save, and a way to separate my ~mental illness~ feed from my normal feed.

TWs:

ED vents

trauma/SA vents

will not under any circumstances post/reblog g0r3 and shit like that.

and uhhh yea!! thanks <3!

[belovedlies]

hey so i’m not gonna deactivate necessarily but i am gonna log out indefinitely for now. hopefully i’ll get to the point one day where i don’t feel like i need to keep this blog as a crutch “just in case” but yk.. baby steps.

i think i’m just so damn exhausted of feeling this way that this just needs to happen. don’t get me wrong- everyone i’ve met on here has been amazing. but it’s just a matter of how getting on here means being bombarded by too many posts and quotes and stuff that will just make me more upset. i just don’t have the energy for it anymore.

i don’t know if this is an attempt at recovering. i want it to be. but in all honesty, i think a lot of us have this idealized version of “recovery” in our minds that simply doesn’t exist. you don’t suddenly stop having an ED, or depression, or PTSD. the severity of it can become less over time, with effort, but once you have it- that’s it. you have it.

but i think there’s a way to live alongside it instead of letting it be all-consuming. i haven’t found it yet, but i’m hoping it starts here.

i’ll log out later tonight so if anyone wants to dm me or something i’ll see it until then. i’ll check in every once in a while, probably. i’m assuming this blog won’t get nuked while i’m ia but if it does, i’m not planning on making another one. don’t worry too much though. i think i’ll be okay.

see ya <3

[belovedlies]

am i gonna need inpatient treatment bc holy fuck every time i think it cant get any worse it does

[belovedlies]

my dad wasn’t a great man but holy fuck do i need a hug from him right about now .

[belovedlies]

my therapy appointment today ended up being two hours long. she made me create a safety plan. she said she’s going to call me on wednesday to check in. she told me i need to see a psychiatrist asap to look into medications. she made me verbally promise to be safe and call her if i need to.

and all i can think about is how today’s session is going to set me back a hundred dollars.

[moldyplumx]

EVERYONE DRINK WATER RIGHT NOW AND REBLOG TO KEEP THE HYDRATION GANG CHAIN GOING

[slobbering]

Angel of Grief or the Weeping Angel is an 1894 sculpture by William Wetmore Story for the grave of his wife Emelyn Story at the Protestant Cemetery in Rome. Its full title bestowed by the creator was The Angel of Grief Weeping Over the Dismantled Altar of Life.

[belovedlies]

wtf do babies dream about they don’t know anything yet

[belovedlies]

finally met my niece today and now i’m thinking about deactivating and trying to recover. bc i feel like putting on a front and trying to act like i’m healed and respect myself and my body when i’m around her isn’t going to cut it. i don’t want to risk letting any of this rub off on her yk

[belovedlies]

sometimes i remember i got rlly deep into the community of a popular-ish (used to be pretty popular but is def past his prime lol) youtuber and i know a rlly embarrassing story about him but i can’t tell anyone bc it would be traceable back to me LMAO

[ladybugpdf-deactivated20250512]

to carry your grief on my back would be an honor by parrish h.

[belovedlies]

can someone beat the fuck out of me pls

[oatlattegf-deactivated20231129]

Things I ❤️ about girlhood!

1) conforming!! I just *LOVE* to shave my legs with my baby pink razor 🪒 mines pink cause I’m a girl!

2) consuming! Vogue beauty tips and keeping up with the Kardashians are all I need.

3) capitalism! Shopping, starbucks, pedicures!! Are you even a girl if you don’t go to Victoria’s Secret? I somehow seriously doubt it ❣️

4) crack! Who doesn’t love a good hit on the pipe? My one is a rose gold with sequins!

6) coconut lattes!😍😚 I ❤️ replacing meals with coffee only to have the shits later #goshitgirl #slay

[valentina-poem]

[belovedlies]

hi so this is rlly embarrassing which of course is why i’m putting it here instead of talking to anyone irl about it but if y’all can relate in any way pls lmk bc i feel rlly stupid lol (cropped for length but no tws!)

(to preface i have the fun ehlers danlos syndrome lol)

i have this thing that i do that my mom says i’ve done ever since i was literally an infant where i fiddle with the fabric of specific textures (cotton t-shirts, the sleeve cuffs of hoodies, etc) and i once had a therapist say it’s tactile stimming but idc it’s just a self soothing thing that i do allllll the time and it’s nbd, the worst thing that’s ever come from it is that my shirts end up with holes in them a lot and ppl have made fun of me for it before but like who cares lol.

but like over the last few weeks i have been doing it EXCESSIVELY. like my fingers hurt i actually have the beginnings of a blister on my thumb. and the other day i was doing it for HOURS while watching bobs burgers bc i was rlly stressed and my paranoia was rlly bad and i mentioned the EDS earlier bc i felt something rlly painful in my hand for a split second and then my knuckle started bruising I LITERALLY SUBLUXED A JOINT BC OF THIS SHITTTT

it just fucking sucks bc i have always always always done this since before i could even talk. it’s always been fine and a good way i could self soothe and cope without hurting myself in any way there’s never been anything wrong with it. and like i’m trying to stop doing it so much but it’s becoming a whole compulsion like it’s so hard to stop once i start and i’m just pissed that even this one little innocent childish thing i always thought i could do for comfort can be bad too.

idk i’m rlly embarrassed bc at my big age i feel like i shouldn’t have this issue. like so what i can’t rub the fabric of my damn shirt between my fingers who cares. but at the same time i’m lowkey devastated yk? like this is my little thing. my innocent little coping skill i always have no matter where i am that doesn’t hurt or inconvenience anyone. idk why i’m posting this like this is half a vent and half to just put this out there in case anyone else can tell me i’m not stupid or weird lol

[belovedlies]

i just don’t know why everything is so hard why does washing my hair or folding my laundry or making a meal feel like torture. why does making a phone call or walking out my front door or completing an important task feel like it’s going to kill me. why can’t i brush my teeth. why can’t i brush my hair. why can’t i eat the food i make because i’m too tired after spending the energy to cook. why do i feel so tired all the time. why can’t i enjoy anything anymore. why do basic tasks seem so easy for other people but are so unbelievably difficult for me.

[catmask]

how are people mean to stuffed animals one time i was trying to clean up my room and tried to justify giving away a stuffed animal by saying 'well its a little ugly' and immediately i was just overwhelmed with monstrous guilt and i understood the concept of a catholic hell and i was going there