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patrik-star

me trying to make improvements to my life

beercanbacon

My boss called me “Tyrone” on accident (My name is Tyrand). She apologized and bought me lunch to make up for it. I didn’t think twice about it, since I’m used to getting called every variant of “Ty-(fill in blank here)”. Then later on I read a quote she keeps in her work area that made me feel kinda special.

“During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘Hello’.”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.“

lsdreaminn

This is a very important lesson to learn

il0veyoualatte

“1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier. 2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks. 3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do. 4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream. 5. Fart when you have to. 6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it! 7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.”

— Seven Simple Ways To Free Yourself, from girl to girl (via fawnbabe)

greelin

“i’m not bitter” i say, bitterly, with a bitter expression

today-ifuckedup

Today, I fucked up... by calling a locksmith when I was “locked out” of my car

I’ll preface this by saying I’m usually not a stupid man but I was at the end of my third 16 hour shift in a row and I was very tired. I’ll make this quick:

I got off work, went out to my car, hit the button for the doors on my remote unlocker - as usual. Nothing happened. I tried it a few more times, battery must be dead. I stand there for 10 minutes, mashing the little button, hoping for enough juice to open the doors. Nada.

I call a locksmith, explain that I’m locked out of my car. He says he’ll be right over. 20 minutes later he arrives. He walks up with his tools, inserts a thing that looks like a blood pressure cuff in the door jamb. He starts making conversation as it inflates, pushing the door open:

“So locked your keys in the car? No problem sir, I’ll have it open in a minute.”

“No, my keys are right here, my key fob is dead.” I replied.

He stops and for about 10 seconds. Doesn’t say a word. He sees my keys in my hands. Takes them from me, inserts them in the lock and opens the door.

I was mortified. I was so in a habit of opening the doors with my remote fob that I entirely forgot that keys could be used to unlock cars manually. He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. After he stopped laughing, he told me there was no charge. The story he’d have to tell was worth the drive out.