Benjamin

22 with Avoidant Personality Disorder, Selective Mutism and Self Harm DOA: 8/2/14  

[ben-mercer]

Prompt: Hurt

What hurts your character?

Ben is overwhelmingly hurt by people's reactions to something he did or just to him in general. Even if they respond in a way that would be fine with a healthy-minded individual, Ben will still spin it the wrong way and find another reason to hate himself. Peer rejection is at the top of his list.

Who can your character be hurt by?(friends, family, etc)

It doesn't matter who you are; if you're a living human being, you'll probably end up hurting Ben in some way. Family is a sore spot for him as well as friends, but for some reason he takes things done by strangers in an exceptionally bad way. The thought that a person that doesn't even know him but has already decided they don't like him can tear him to shreds.

What sort of things hurt your character? Snide remarks? Accusations? Insensitivity? What upsets your character?

Ben can handle sarcasm and snide remarks surprisingly well--possibly because he typically misses when someone is being sarcastic--but cannot tolerate indirect jabs well and is also sensitive to direct comments to or about him. Those words will resonate through his head for years if he hears them.

How does your character react when something someone says or does hurts them? Do they cry? Do they become angry? Explain.

Ben cries and he becomes angry but only at himself. He'll hate himself and take the blame for everything. He'll sit considering what would have happened if he had acted differently, perhaps been a little bolder or more courageous, or even talked more or less. Ben hates everything about himself and uses other's feelings towards him as fuel for that flame.

[infinityandmadness]

" It is the twenty-fourth of September…Why do you ask?"

[ben-mercer]

"Already?"

[cai-keating-blog]

"September 23rd.  It’s a Tuesday."

[ben-mercer]

"...Oh."

[ben-mercer]

"Does anyone know what the date is?"

[kieran-grainger]

Fair enough….How are you?

[ben-mercer]

I guess okay. Could be worse. You?

[kieran-grainger]

Why’s everyone…gone?

[ben-mercer]

Perhaps they're afraid of getting locked all together again, so everyone is keeping to themselves...

[infinityandmadness]

At the others silence, Osric understood what had happened. With a grin he looked away. He would not say anything more. He had gotten enough of what he needed from the other by this point. Staring at the screen then. He grinned, watching the scene. After he looked back toward the other, then away once more. They were avoiding looking at him, of course. Which Osric felt was reasonable. But he really wanted to know what was going on in Benjamin’s head, he could tell the other had questions he wanted to ask.

[ben-mercer]

Benjamin could feel every time Osric looked at him. He refused to look back, however, and stared at the screen instead, neglecting the popcorn now ominously sitting between them. Half the movie had already gone by. Ben shrank further into the cushions behind him and tried to look invested in the scene. 

[angel-woods-kwi]

This time, Angel nodded too quickly, and she nodded several times in quick succession. “I’ve seen every Disney movie. I love them. I want to get my boyf—” She cut herself off and blushed bright red, giggling nervously.

[ben-mercer]

Ben caught her blush and almost went red himself. "Your-your boyfriend..." he began with a small smile on his face, "doesn't watch Disney?" 

[infinityandmadness]

Raising his eyebrows as the other spoke, taking note of the edginess. Then with a small nod, he continued to listen. As the others words spilled out, he almost laughed. Not at Benjamin, but at the staff that he had to put up with. Osric glanced to the side, nervous ” Really? Nothing?” Surprise lit up in his eyes.  Scrunching his nose then ” That doesn’t sound… That’s horrible…” And as the other continued he looked, confusion on his face, at the other ” Should have been you?”

[ben-mercer]

Benjamin wanted to ask Osric so many questions. Why was he suprised? Did Seth hate someone in that room, or does someone hate Seth? He didn't get a chance to ask any of them, though, when he realized Osric had heard him mumble and that was that. No more talking. Ben's throat closed up and he shook his head, looking down into his lap to avoid his gaze. He had said too much already. 

[angel-woods-kwi]

Angel beamed at him when he picked The Little Mermaid. Inwardly, she felt her curiosity about the male get the best of her as she made her way back to her chair. “Have you seen it before?” She asked softly, still smiling.

[ben-mercer]

Ben nodded quickly. Too quickly. Was that too quick? He hoped she wouldn't notice. He cleared his throat nervously. "Have you?"

[infinityandmadness]

Seeing the other cover their face, he swallowed, knowing he hit something. Osric grinned a bit hearing the others words ” Of course, yes. ” Thinking then, he got the feeling whatever happened in that room, had made the other doubtful ” So, what were the staff members in the room doing?…While the patients were hurting each other, seeing as there were no injuries reported on the staff that appeared to be in there….I would of assumed one of them has a few enemies…”

[ben-mercer]

"Nothing," Ben said with a bit of an edge to his voice. "they did nothing." Ben reflected on the silence from Seth, how he laughed at the wrong moments. It made him sick how every time Ben looked to someone in charge for help, all he got was a shrug and a smile. "I wish it had been me..." he murmured under his breath. 

[infinityandmadness]

Chewing for a moment as he continued to look at the screen, then glancing to the other ” You and everyone else who’s not in the loop, apparently.” He sighed. He apparently was not allowed to be in the loop. Thinking on the nights of the black out, and the groups between the two rooms. He was starting to put some pieces together ” So, do you think you can tell me what happened in there? Obviously some very serious things happened…” Eying the other for a moment ” Has it bothered you sense? What happened..”

[ben-mercer]

Benjamin covered his face with his hands and shook his head. "So much happened. So much bad stuff." Thinking back on it freaked him out. He never wanted to attend another group therapy session. Ben dropped his hands and nodded. "Everyone got hurt. Except for a few of us, they all..." He wanted to tell Osric that he felt so much distrust towards staff now but decided to keep his mouth shut.

[infinityandmadness]

Nodding at the other then and turning to look at the screen. Osric let out a breath, calming himself a bit more. He took another handful of popcorn and continued watching the movie, when Benjamin had asked another question. Glancing over toward the other ” I was in the cafeteria…” He answered.  Knowing already where the other had been ” It wasn’t that scary, as I assume the therapy room was…” Because, of course not, no one had to be near one another if they didn’t want to be, in the cafeteria. The therapy room was, on the other hand, a lot more cramped.

[ben-mercer]

Ben was still quite in the dark when it came to the blackout as no one had spoken to him about it since they left the therapy room. On one hand, it was killing him, but on the other, he wanted to just let it go. Ben nodded to confirm Osric's assumption. "I still don't understand..." When he left the therapy room, he had been incredibly drowsy hadn't heard much of the announcement. Nothing made sense. 

[angeliablakewood]

She blinked a few times, waiting for the reply that never came. Sighing lightly, she dropped her smile and shrugged, making her way to one of the empty couches and taking a seat. “What are you gonna watch?”

[ben-mercer]

Ben looked down at his hands and twisted his fingers. He had disappointed her by not speaking. Perhaps he should try, but no, he couldn't find it in him to say anything. He would just say something stupid anyway. Instead, he shrugged and shook his head at the same time, waiting for the next question.

[skinny-nightmare-hazel-blog]

Hayden walked into the lounge a blanket wrapped around her. Seeing another person in the room, she sat on a chair and smiled at him. “Mind if I join you?”

[ben-mercer]

Benjamin smiled back at the girl but was sure it had seemed awkward to her. Going out on a limb, he decided he might try a joke. "That depends."

[angel-woods-kwi]

[she stood and walked over to the movie rack and then pulled out three Disney films: Brave, The Little Mermaid, and Robin Hood.] You pick one.

[ben-mercer]

"Oh, um..." Benjamin carefully stood and took The Little Mermaid and placed it in the DVD player. He smiled as he sat back down. He wanted to say something about how he had always liked the movie but decided against it.

[infinityandmadness]

Looking over at the other, he gave him a small grin ” Okay. It’s just..” Osric thought back to just a couple of years before, shaking his head ” It’s fine. I believe you. “He brought a leg up and rest his head on his knee.

[ben-mercer]

Curiously watched Osric, wondering what he was recalling. He had given that look many times before and knew it too well. "Okay." Ben turned back to the screen and tried to come up with something else to say to change the topic but all he could think of was the blackout. "Where were you? During the blackout?"