(un)spoken

heartbreaks & poetry | kai masa

[beneathunspokenwords]

i have never not

tried to outrun time

never not tried

to sleep my

nightmares away

never not tried

to unlearn

my mistakes, and

for so long,

i have tried to live my days

in hours, my hours in

minutes, my minutes

in seconds

but these days,

my heartbeats have started

to feel so

forgiving,

so accepting

like gentle arms

patiently carrying

me home

telling me,

it’s okay,

it’s okay if i want

to live my present

today

kai masa

[beneathunspokenwords]

it’s okay;

it’s okay if

the kindest thing

you did for

yourself today

was to

just breathe

- kai masa

[theprocast]

we got so good

at wanting to be

the best that

we forgot what

it means to

try

kai masa

[beneathunspokenwords]

what it takes //

[beneathunspokenwords]

every day lingers

with the aftertaste

of something my tongue

has never known

how to speak

kai masa

[theprocast]

and on days

when i feel like i

am never going to

make it home-

you embrace me

Kai Masa // coming home

[theprocast]

to choose

to heal

is

to choose

to breathe

through the storms

inside your lungs

to carry

the scars

of your mistakes

weighing

down on your chest

to heal

is

to keep choosing

to live-

it is finding

the reason

to

Kai Masa // healing is a choice

[beneathunspokenwords]

to choose

to heal

is

to choose

to breathe

through the storms

inside your lungs

to carry

the scars

of your mistakes

weighing

down on your chest

to heal

is

to keep choosing

to live-

it is finding

the reason

to

Kai Masa // healing is a choice

[theprocast]

healing is not all

soft and gentle

sometimes it

is all teeth

and bones

grinding, bending

to the point

of exhaustion

to the point

of breaking

sometimes healing

is not all good things

it is not all happy

and bright

even if we want it to be

healing is a choice

that most days i still

often ponder over

but i find myself

coming back

i still find myself choosing

to clench my teeth

to grip my knuckles

so tightly the moon starts

to imprint itself on

my sweaty palms

i still find myself choosing

to endure the pain

until this body is all

bruises and aches

because healing

whispers a silent promise

of another day

a silent promise of

a tomorrow i almost

always have a hard time

seeing myself in

and most days,

it gives me comfort knowing

that i tried

Kai Masa // the truth about healing

[theprocast]

i fall asleep with my

eyes wide open

my heartbeats

racing,

running,

trying

to outrun

my nightmares

but they

keep following

me even

when i am

awake

Kai Masa // waking up to my nightmares

[theprocast]

i genuinely hope

you’d find the

courage to

let yourself

heal

Kai Masa // taking a leap

[theprocast]

every day is

a battle against

monsters only i

can see

Kai Masa // battlefield

[theprocast]

and even in

the darkest corners

of my mind,

a part of me

still hopes

that someday

all of this will

make sense

that someday

everything will

finally fall

into place

Kai Masa // falling into place

[theprocast]

you told me

to hold myself

together when

everything is falling

to embrace myself

when my heart is

breaking

you told me

that i needed to save

myself before i

save anyone else

and i will-

it’s time

Kai Masa // becoming your own savior

[theprocast]

we fall hopelessly

in love with

the thought of

making people

stay

Kai Masa // sink or swim

[theprocast]

after all these years,

we’re still

so desperate

to outrun our past

that we keep

on running

and

running

without really

knowing where

we were going

Kai Masa // finding nowhere

[theprocast]

in a world that only

knows how to go

and to never

stop going,

you stayed

Kai Masa // a pause