His eyes burnt from the tears that welled up in those chocolate brown, bloodshot orbs, anger had swelled up from within him with every word that fell from the others lips. He had blood on his face from the nose bleed that wasn’t lightening up and his breathing was heavy. With a hand on those hardwood floors to support his weight, he pushed himself up off of the ground and came to a stand as a drip or two of blood slipped and splashed against the wooden floor.
Ben tilted his head back, bringing the sleeve of his navy sweater up to wipe away the blood on his face, his eyes could barely focus, but they remained practically glued to Andy in that moment. Every little movement the other mad, every object he’d picked up and tossed into the trash, he analyzed every movement.
“Alright,” he paused, throwing the bag that’d been in his hand at the wall as his breathing sped up; his chest would rise and fall harshly. Every breath was loud and pumped through his energy filled chest. “Since you’ve fucking decided it’s sharing time, let’s really get it all out there, alright Andy? Is that okay with you? I know your need to control everything might make it hard, but I’m sure you’ll manage,”
He yanked one of the stools he had at the kitchen counter away and dropped it hard in front of him while his fingers dug into the wood. “I can’t control myself, I’m a dog, I’m a pig, I don’t care about my ‘friends’, I don’t care about my ‘family’,” he let out a loud snort, bloodshot eyes practically rolling to the back of his head. “I don’t even have a fucking family.”
“Let me make it easier for you, I don’t want you to hurt yourself getting all worked up. We all know how fragile you are!” his voice rose with his temper, his foot connected with the stool and it went flying.
“I’m pathetic, I don’t let people in, I’m a bully, I’m not trustworthy, I’m a bad friend, I make bad decisions, I hurt everyone that’s supposed to mean something to me, I can’t connect to people, I’m the reason my life is so fucked up, I can’t blame anybody but myself, I’m killing myself slowly day by day and I just don’t give a shit.” word by word, the anger, the pain, the emotions over the last few months were pouring out in his words and the stress of the world that had been weighing down on him was rising.
“What the fuck do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? That I’ll try to fix it? I don’t want to, I can’t stick to any fucking thing and I don’t strive to live, I just want to pass every day and get it over with but you-” he paused, aiming a finger at his friends chest, poking it harshly as he got further into his face.
“-You, you’re so stuck up my ass that you have to come ruin it, make everything harder. You know, sometimes I wish you’d never escaped any of the shit you went through, sometimes I wish you’d just have died in those fights, in those cages...At least then I wouldn’t have to deal with you every day, at least then I wouldn’t have to look at your face, every ugly little scar on your skin every day and listen to you sit and whine about how hard your pathetic life is,”
Ben couldn’t stop himself in that moment, everything had felt so deep, so raw, it coursed through his veins with adrenaline and took over what little control he had left of his mind. The same hand that stabbed at his friend came up and shoved at Andy, sending him back a few steps as his voice grew it’s loudest.
“Now, lets move the fuck on and talk about you,“ he practically growled, wiping the blood away from under his nose once more, voice scratching, “I’m not the only person in this room without self control, you talk about how to try and try so hard to make a change, but I don’t see anything. All I see is a man-..Can I even call you that? All I see is an animal that can’t control itself! You get so fucking absorbed in it all that you just hurt and hurt and hurt, you ruin every little thing you touch and yet you still act like you try,”
Ben felt like he was going to puke, those hot tears that had been building up were spilling now. His face was red and he was talking through gritted teeth, his entire body shook.
“You should have stayed in those cages, even your parents were afraid of you, you’re nothing better than a rabid animal. You’re toxic, you have no one to blame but yourself because of your own lack of control. Don’t get me starting on your complaining, either, you it and whine and whine and talk and complain about how you’re in all of this constant pain like the world is supposed to feel bad for you, like we’re all supposed to just accept the fact that you’re a monster because “your bones hurt”? Grow up, Andy. Everybody goes through pain, try living everyday lost in a fucking mind that wants nothing but to kill you, you’re a washed up joke and it amazes me that anybody could want you.”
“Is that why you’re here?” he asked as the room spun, “Because you want to feel like you’re better than me? Because you want to hold on to anything that makes you feel remotely human? News flash, you’re not and you never will be, you are nothing but a scarred up, ugly waste of space.”
