Ben's Curated Gallery of Bugs and Bric-a-brac

Oh, you know. Just Ben Frost things. 32/New England

[plaguedocboi]

Incorrect sayings that I use so often I’ve almost forgotten that they’re not the originals:

I have bigger fish to fight

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

You can lead a horse to water, but if you drown it you have to walk home

Opening a can of whales

You made your bed, now shit in it

Combining the latter two into the phrase “you opened this can of whales, now lie in it”

[axolotlsauce]

Stuff in the Dragon Ball series that is entirely real and has happened

- When Goku met Bulma, the first thing she did was shoot him with a handgun - The moon has been destroyed twice - There is a king of the entire planet and he’s a dog - Vampires are real. Werewolves are real. Ghosts are real. Goku is considered a freak for having a tail for some reason - There was an evil mafia rabbit called the carrot master who turned people into carrots. Goku banished him to the moon; it is implied he died the first time the moon was destroyed - At one point yamcha was actually considered a threat - There was a whole arc about the red ribbon army trying to steal the dragon balls; it is revealed that the RR general wanted to use them to become taller - Characters such as Krillin, Tien and Yamcha are actually some of the most powerful humans in the world but literal space gods keep showing up and killing them - Goku’s cloud that he flies has also died twice - Every character ever shown on screen has died at least one time. Except for mr satan - Mr satan is actually a skilled martial artist by real-life standards, but he lives in a world where kung-fu lets you shoot beams - Muten Roshi is (mostly) immortal and will outlive most of the cast - The pilaf gang, one of the earliest villains in dragon ball, are brought back after the distruction of earth, implying that they’re so incompitent at villainy that porunga doesn’t consider them evil - beerus blew up the dinosaurs, then an archaeologist brought them back with the dragon balls - Directly before becoming God, kami-sama was apparently one of the most powerful mortals in the universe at the time - Before joining the good guys, vegeta was basically a space realtor - Piccolo jr is both the son of King Piccolo and his reincarnation - aka he’s slug jesus - Piccolo took over the world once, but since then so many people have tried to blow up earth that no one now recognises him - The fact that krillin doesn’t have a nose is a plot point in the first world marital arts tornumant - Goku can use the kamehameha with his feet - There is an all-powerful god of the universe, and Goku used time travel to clone him - Earth has an absurd amount of powerful beings, and the rest of space is largely lacking in powerful mortals, because most of the powerful extraterrestrials either came to earth and died, or got killed by vegeta - the dragon balls have been used more times during the course of this story than they were in all the years before the story starts, and it’s entirely bulma’s fault for inventing the dragon radar

[isopodde]

- Yamcha owned this car

[petitesluxures]

“Friendly neighborhood”. French caption is a pun with “Neighbor opposite”: “opposite” is said “en face”, which sounds almost like “fesse”, meaning “buttock”. So it sounds like “the neighbor opposite” but means something like “the neighbor butt” 😘 https://ift.tt/2NQ39jv

[notsoterriblymisanthropic]

[wafflebloggies]

[pierregaslyliked]

[paragonraptors]

i just think shes neat

[glyphsmash]

hey man sorry im late. yeah i gave a mouse a cookie. you know how it is

[normal-horoscopes]

When I was in middle school we would do these weekly things called "Flag Salutes" where the entire school came out to the quad to stand in big ranks and sing patriotic songs. I lived in one of the most conservative counties in America and the teachers took the Flag Salutes very seriously.

We hated them. We didn't really clock the nationalist nature of the thing but we we hated being asked to stand in a big group and sing songs for nobody. It was boring and goofy. Thinking about it now, it really was just our teachers using us as fodder for a Mass Ritual to Prevent 9/11 from Happening Again.

Eventually, some kids developed a sort of game. The ceremony had all these little dramatic pauses between sections of a speech or in-between songs. Kids would wait for those little pauses and, right before the song started, just shout "NINE ELEVEN!" There was a voice for it to. You had to sound kinda like a Patrick Star or a similar exaggerated dunderhead type character.

It made the teachers incredibly mad but nobody ever got in trouble. The trick was to drop the Nine Eleven the moment before the song started so they couldn't stop to focus on who was yelling. Once they start the ritual they couldn't stop it or the spell would backfire and the Taliban Would Get You or whatever.

[afsgdhshcahzbsvsvzg]

[boobachu]

[tucutucus]

Neil :)

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ灬

[cypric-rat-hyperfixation]

ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ IIIIII

[dyketrinitysantos]

And I didn’t know you whittled. There’s a lot you don’t know about me. Actually, that’s kind of it.

[bearie]

its pretty fucked up how many healthcare workers hate addicts, mentally ill people, and disabled people. did you think the job was just going to be patching up John Sports after the Big Game and looking after 8 year olds with broken arms?

[queen-breha-organa-archived-dea]

Support your besties when they are being little haters. It is good for the economy

[queen-breha-organa-archived-dea]

My bestie, randomly texting me: So fucking get this-

Me, instantly:

[weaver-z]

My favorite thing that’s ever happened in an art class is that this weird pen artist (who was notorious for a) drawing body horror and b) bringing bananas to class in the front pocket of his shirt) was once like “wait let me draw you” and proceeded to sketch the most fucked up charicature you’ve ever seen. He told me I had serial killer eyes and a nose that “looked too much like a nose”

[weaver-z]

In early 2019 we went to an art competition together and at the end of the day we went to the convention hotel lobby and he drank seven consecutive cups of their complimentary lemonade while the front desk hostess looked on in silent woe

[weaver-z]

Going to have to call this mf up and tell him that my followers want his whole ass I guess

[homosexfag-moved-deactivated202]

[aksldhfgaajdshgaslg-deactivated]

I cant stop reciting this and then laughing so hard I cry

[vrson]

transcript:

I firmly believe all the best stories happen at WalMart self checkout, I was there at 3 in the morning one time buying Froot Loops, and there was a tall, tall country dad there and his little 5 year old daughter.

And when buying my Froot Loops, I dropped them. And I said "fuck. my loops." And I remember, like, in the back hearing, [gruffer, southern accented voice] "Yeah! Dont be afraid to speak!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "What?"

And he was like, [accented voice] "Youre angry, about your cereal. Say it. Say Fuck with your chest!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "...Fuck!" and his little daughter was like [less gruff accented voice] "Yeah my daddy lets me say Bitch!"

[butchsaint]

fanfiction was such a good idea. like put those guys in situations

[rumman]

did y'all know that child-resistant packaging actually has to be tested on children like they literally go to a daycare and ask a bunch of kids to open medication packages and if they can the company has to go back and redo their packaging from scratch

[foldingpaperflowers]

This is actually hilarious though