We are not so different after all

I decided to make a blog to share my daily struggle and how is not so different than yours.

[benzenity-to-insanity]

Life Decisions.

Sometimes I wonder if the decisions that I have made were the right ones.

But why? why do we torture ourselves with the “what ifs?” Why are we so stubborn to let go of things that hurts us? Damn, Why are even human?

I begin to walk down the staircase and my mind went blank.The office that was going to host me for my work was everything I dreamed of. I was unique, I was the only person who they granted an interview. I was going to be working in a great place with great people. I saw my future exactly how I planned it to be and I didn’t like it. I begin to freaked out. My heart begin to ponder; I became worried. Reality took me back,  then I realized that the more I move the sooner I was going to advent. I checked my phone to review my destination, only to realized that I was running late. I begin to sprint and when I finally made, it was the wrong building. I ran down four flight of stairs and into the next building. I couldn’t wait for the elevator, I begin to ran all 5 flights of stairs with tie and dress shoes. I walked into the conference room with 14 top-tier French officials. I apologize and began my presentation. Myself became comfortable, I was in my forte. Me, began to think. I became aware of what was going on and so did myself. I took a deep breath, putting an end to my ran. I smiled, because we were happy. I proceed it to sabotage my interview because It was time to go home. I had touched the pinnacle at the age of 25. I controlled it before it could control me. 

A few weeks went by and I received a rejection letter. I was saddened, but happy to know that I followed my heart. In the moment of adventure, I switched interests. We are back at the beginning. It’s hard and painful. 

I am away from family, friends, and those who once were more than just friends. Wanting to let go to some of these ‘cause they cause pain, but can’t because they’re more than just people in my life. They’re my life. Nonetheless, new beginnings. The start of a new journey is the end of another one. Tonight we wonder if we made the right choices, but then I smirked in realization that it was and still is the best decision that I could of have taken. 

[benzenity-to-insanity]

Reset

Wow, I made this blog with a very unclear purpose. Obviously, I was not very committed because the last post is from almost three years ago. I am, however, very glad to have found this.

So much has happened in the past three years that I truly have no idea where to begin: Thailand, France, Spain, or perhaps my mediocre love life. So much to share, vent, and narrate.

Let me begin by giving my opinion on the first posts on this blog: Wow, I had a very arrogant tone, perhaps that has not change very much.

The "love" posts were all written to vent my broken heart, my first and only boyfriend had broken up with me; not once did he ever bother checking if I was okay. I became bitter and hated anything that had to do with LOVE. Long story short, i'm still single but I no longer hate the world hahah. 

In two weeks, I will flying to Paris, France to interview for my Ph.D. in Chemistry at  the world renown Institut Pasteur. I have completed my B.S. in Biology/Chemistry. See, so much has happened, and so much more to come. 

-Jacinto S. De La Cruz Diaz

[benzenity-to-insanity]

EXACTLY How I feel at this Moment in TIME!

...and it drives to crazy to think about how much you are not thinking about me. The things that I would do for a simple gesture of care </3.

One day at the time...

[benzenity-to-insanity]

a letter that should never be sent.

Hey, how are you? I understand that is been so long and that you probably forgot who this is, and if you did that's okay. I was once a person who thought that the best thing in this world was disneyland and candy, but then one day I met you at school. Funny thing I never thought you were a goodlooking guy, as a matter of fact I rolled my eyes and walk away. Never pay attention to you nor your friends, but I do remember the first time you text me. I beg to my mom for so long to upgrade my messaging data so I could talk you more. Why, IdK. Sometimes I think it was because our worlds were so different, but yet so similar. Do you remember staying up late talking about things that were pointless? Do you remember when you would sing to me? Do you remember when I ask you OUT for the first time? I felt like a superman, like if I could die at that moment because of the overwhelming joy. Do you remember what it was like to be madly in love?  SO much that we didn't care what god nor what people said? Do you remember fighting between who love each other more? -I think I have won that argument, because after 2.5 yrs of our break up, I still miss you and think about you. Today, it was a bad day because you still not here. I just really hope to see you one more time...

Love<--- heals.kills.

[benzenity-to-insanity]

Is not your average love identity.

*This blog is design for those whose realities are different, for those who think are especial, and for those who see life from a different angle.

The other day my English teacher said that writing about love is not a universal topic. A topic that not everyone could relate to. Honestly, I completely disagree with her bias statement. Everyone in this world have experienced some kind of love: pets, friends, family,and among others. If you are thinking, -no that's not what she meant, she probably meant having a significant other(bf or gf)- yes, you might right. However, is that the only kind of love that we always want to talk about? If it is, then we are taking so many things for granted in our lives.

Why do we always say that we want to live our life with no regrets, but when in reality we set up ourselves to regret everything we do? Why can't we ever take a minute or two to reflect that there is so much more than our redundant daily lives? Doesn't that annoyed people? Always being the average and never more? Why can't people believe for a minute that they can change the world? Why can't people appreciate the fact that they can see colors and actually have a tangible world?

So many people in this world are always in the search for a significant other and they believe that they life will magically become better, when in reality is much more complicated than that. In order to love someone else, you got love yourself and the things that surround you. Even something as insignificant, as appreciating a plant that miraculously was able to achieve existence.

Love is an amazing feeling and comes from so many sources. We are a source that constantly radiates love to everyone and everything that is around us. We don't need another person, but if we ever find one, we would irradiate even further.

Jacinto S. De La Cruz

If you made it this far, I must give you props for reading. NOBODY READS NOWDAYS!! :]

LEAVE COMMENTS IF YOU LIKE, hate, reflect, response, or expand on this topic.

[benzenity-to-insanity]

AS SIMPLE AS THAT. Everyone has their own defination of SEXY, here is mine.

Just a small insignificant reminder: I hate to write, if you read this far WOW. Once again I know that everyone hates to read/ write, and I'm no exception. This is blog for people like me, who believe the world when it promise another world in books, but it never came.

What is Sexy!? I am not about to talk trash about other persons defination on sexiness; nor about how we all think is the same due to SOCIETY. I am going to express what I found sexy on a person. As a matter a fact, this is going to be a challenge. Honestly, I have no idea how to begin to express on what I'm thinking. So far the sexiest thing near me is my phone. Seriously think about it for a second, have you ever really thought about what you define as sexy? Its hard to put it in words, and even harder if you had to explain it to someone; but what if you could, well maybe not to all full audience, but to someone. What would you tell them? Words should no longer be an issue.

I found myself defining Sexyness on the following terms:

Sexy is what makes me smile (boy/girl).

Sexy is someone that is willing to give part of their short life for a cause.

Sexy is something that I would like to mimic.

Sexy is someone that doesn't believe on looks.

Sexy is something that would paralyze my senses.

Sexy is what makes my world keep rotating.

Melodramatic, yes i know.

We are all different and we live for different reasons. We would never met all those who walk the earth when we did.

If nobody reads this GREAT.

If someone read this, once again WOW!

If you think this sucks, also great.

If you think this is koo, yay.

[benzenity-to-insanity]

Very Simple title.

The purpose of my title tonight is to catch all of you who like blend things. Hey nobody ever said being EMO was bad, & NO i never said that emo = blend. You just made that assumption yourself.

Here is a little bit more about myself. I am 21 and turning 22 in about a month. It is very scary. Think about it, roughly a 1/4 of your lifetime is gone. how depressing! Almost like blasting Adele's youtube playlist and cutting my veins status. Yeah, everyday that goes by is one less day in our lives, and there is always problems hunting us down: diseases, work, school, money, significant others, and our lack of confidence. Why live??? what are we doing wrong in our pursuit of happiness? Has anyone really gotten there? I mean think about were Bill Gates or Steve Jobs ever happy? How about Hitler or whoever plan 9/11? Were they ever happy after accomplishing their their life long goals? I mean you get the message right? bad or good, are we ever going to be happy? Probably not!

Let me ask you something. I'm 100% sure that you parents at some point did not let you do something and you did not agree with  them and cuz them out like there was no tomorrow? Did you live!? I mean, obviously otherwise you would not be reading this! If u r a ghost, well hello there buddy nice to meet you, let me know if dying is worth it. Not like I can prevent it. Honestly, does our lives really suck?

I really don't think so. Live is the most precious thing you can get. Humans can think, love, reason, communicate, and survive among any other species. Is worth living because we all are this complex walking things. Man, all this systems in our body working in harmony so we can live. It is indeed a precious gift and a example of how society should work. Key word in HARMONY. 

Do I hope my blog to change the world. NEVER! However, I do wish that people out there know that you are not alone. We all go trough the same struggles. Here is how we not so different.

I told myself that I would wake up at six and run and go to the library. Also, to turn in my work application.

Library check, for less than 30 minutes. Why? because i'm lazy. 

Run, yeah alright I woke up at 12pm.

Work app, done. However, they look at me and yeah you know the rest. 

See. Our "goals" never turn out the way we want them too, but when do they ever?

Anyways here is were my life sucks. Today I spill coffe in my laptop. Lucky me, my phone survive, but the right hand side keys on my laptop no longer function. So here I am, typing my blog on a Mac!

well good luck world. Nice talking once more.

[benzenity-to-insanity]

So it begins...

 Anyways, I decided to make this blog for many selfish reasons. I don't understand how some people hate school, well maybe I do too. Either way my grammar and technical writing are the worst ever, so DO NOT under any circumstances read my blog in the hope to persuade a higher eloquency in the English Language. However, I do wish that someday I will able to write, so I can communicate to the reluctant baffle world out there.

Why make a blog when people now days hate to read, but instead choose to go to youtube and watch very ignorant videos of obnoxious people who want to be famous?  Well simple, that's because you my friend might not like to read, but let's be honest everything that takes work and boreds you is waste of time for you. If you ever read a book in your life, you might find yourself very accomplish and above average a feeling that all humans have. By the way did anyone catch my ridiculous long question.

Here is where my blog makes its marvelous entrance. We all worry of what others think and how we can fit in in this society. I will be the first one to admit myself guilty of such crime. My blog is made with the purpose to share my life and how is not much different than yours, if anything I want my blog to portray the life of college student and its struggle to become one of the greatest

So my life goal is to become one of 1%. Selfish, yes it is indeed. Who doesn't have secrets; mine are just out there.

Here is my goal for tomorrow. I want to wake up at around 6:30am and go for a run and come back at around 8:00am. After, head to the library and get some reading done for my Organic Chemistry Course. I must make an appointment with my advisor and turn in my work application.

Yes, it doesn't sound very exciting, but my laziness and procrastination will define my day.