Unbetitelt

[berior12]

Are you happy?

What`s the point in writing things almost nobody is reading or even taking notice of? The point is letting own thoughts flow and not thinking about potential readers who might like or not like the things you write. You can write whatever you want to write and you are not influenced by the expectations of others. That`s a rare situation in nowadays life.

But now to my question above. If I would be asked to divide people into two categories it would be category 1: The positive people who try to do the best in every situation and category 2: Those who are modeling their own hell by sticking to the most negative things in every single situation.

Both groups create a circular flow. The first group is creating a very positive circular flow in which they gain friends, are popular within their clique and are also well liked in other settings as in the job etc.

The other group creates a vicious circle. They are always negative, always complaining, always discontent. We all have our own problems and it is absolutely not helpful to have a person nearby who is putting his or her own weight on your shoulders, on top of the problems you already have. Who wants to have such a person around? Another "talent" of those people is that they can turn a good situation into a bad one. Just imagine it`s your birthday and you bring a cake to work for everybody. The negative person, instead of appreciating this nice gesture, will possibly start complaining about the calories in the cake.

Of course it`s not that easy in real life. In real life you`ll rarely find 100%. We all are a mixture of both groups and of course everyone can change.

But it`s very important for me to let out a "wake up call" for those, who realize that they mostly belong into group 2. Try to break your vicious circle. Don`t make yourself a victim. Nobody is a victim unless he or she is accepting this role. Everyone can change. It´s not easy, I`m not saying that but it`s worth it!

So never forget to live your life not only deeply but also in a most positive way.

Take care and stay safe,

Berior

[berior12]

Doubts

Well, I have a very good friend of mine who is in the crisis of his life. We know each other now for over 20 years and he also was my witness to my marriage. He never had a girlfriend and is completely without any experience with the other sex. My husband thinks he might be gay but I don´t think so. All his life he was searching for something. So one time he had a buddhistic retreat in a monastery and after that he was convinced that he wants to be a buddhist. He prepared everything and left for his new home, but only after three weeks he came back as he realized that this was not his way. Then he developed a passion for fighting sports like wing tsun, escrima, mixed martial arts etc. Again he was totally absorbed by it until this too, got boring for him. Then he found God in a christian community. He bought bibles and reading helpers and was totally hooked by his new belief. And guess what - it was the same pattern....it just lost him. One important information that I didn`t give you before is, that he has depressions. He is taking pills to soften his bleak moods but he hates taking them. He thinks he is a very bad person and that there is not a single thing on him that is likeable. It is really heartbreaking to see him suffering like that. He has such a huge heart, he is one of the most generous persons in the world and his great gift is that he is getting along very well with everybody. He has absolutely no fear of contact with whomever. And he is a very humble man, caring about other people in such a kind way. But at the moment he is like in a giant, black vortex that wants to absorb him piece by piece. The real person is vanishing and getting weaker and wearker whereas the black vortex gains power. I am so helpless and my fear to lose him is soo big! Although I am not an expert, I am no therapist or doctor, we came to the conviction that the root of all evil is that he thinks himself to be a bad person. So he doesn`t deserve salvation or rescue. He doesn`t even deserve to get help. On the base of that thoughts he boycotts everything that could be good for him. It`s such an imbroglio. He says he cannot trust. Not even or especially not a therapist. Well, with this attitude he continues to follow his pattern to boycott himself.

He has had such depressive phases but after some months he managed to overcome them. But at the moment I am really afraid that he hasn`t got enough energy and belief to overcome it. At the moment I try to persuade him to do a therapy.

Do you have friends or relatives with a depression? How do you handle them and the situation?

Take care and stay safe.

Cheers,

Berior

[berior12]

Dependencies

Hey guys, I hope that you are healthy and happy!

Today I`m going to think out loud concerning the topic "Dependancies" in life. I can hardly remember a situation in which I was not dependend from someone or something. And here it is definitely not the question of self consciousness or self esteem but sometimes also a question of keeping your job etc. It`s like a red thread throughout life: In your education, your training, your job, your private life, your relationship, your sports etc. I can`t think of a tiny area in which dependency doesn`t play a role. You always have to doublecheck if and how you can say something to a person "above" you. Everything that you say an do has an impact on your life. One little example: A friend of mine is in a martial-arts-club. In the changing room she asked a woman to wait with using her spray deodorant as she is reacting very sensitive to it. But instead of coming after this really nice little plea, she got very mad at my friend. In the end she had infected and pestered nearly everyone in the club with lies so that my friend ended up feeling absolutely uncomfortable and miserable. So she just left the club. I know it`s a very hard example but I think everyone knows a similar situation in which you didn`t behave wrong but nevertheless the situation turned against you by mean people and their behaviour. That`s why I`m really appreciation people with whom you can talk very openly, even about critical things. What a lot of people mix up is criticism of a thing or behaviour with criticism of the whole person. And that, of course, leads to huge problems. Whenever I experience a situation in which another person might feel inferior to me, that can be because of internal or external factors, I make sure, that the person feels comfortable and knows, that he or she has the same right to speak openly or utter criticism on what I am doing or just did. Valuable relationships can only exist and develop when they are at eye level.

Again I would like to hear your stories to that topic. Maybe you want to share them with me?

Take care, stay safe and have a beautiful day : ) Cheers

Berior

[berior12]

Friendship

How many really good friends do you have? Let me be more precise, how many friends do you have who really know YOU with all your worries, problems, anxieties and problems? Or should I better ask do you have such a friend?

I think while being a pupil it came really natural to be in a clique and have friends with whom you spend most of your time, even after school and on the weekends. You saw those guys every single day and of course you made history together. So many situations, experiences, insiders and also the same teachers or other pupils of the class...there were so many things you had in common, this was the time when friendship was very easy. Of course not for everyone, don`t get me wrong. I do know that for some people the time at school was really horrible. But this is not the topic I`m aiming at this time.

After school you study or start an apprenticeship. Here it already started to get a bit more complicated. And then, when you finally arrived in your job it is definititely complicated. Some people don`t want to mix up private life and job. Others have only colleagues which are no friend-material for them. So the question occurs: Where can I get to know new people to make new friends?

As I am not the youngest person anymore and due to the fact that I already moved 12 times in my life, even from one area of my country to the other end of it, I gained lots of experiences with those online platforms to look for new friends. Here I could really write a book about. But this neither is my goal today.

Of course I got to know nice people and some of them are my friends now. But to come back to my question from the beginning. My honest answer would be: 2! Although I know lots of people and I know that I am the best friend for some of them, I don`t feel the same towards them. Maybe my expectations are too high, I don`t know, but here are the things I really need in a friend: Honesty, Openmindedness, HUMOUR (not only laughing about the jokes of others but also making jokes and being quick-witted) and a big portion of being a rascal. One of my friends told me that I get bored too quickly. Maybe she`s right.

One fun-fact is, that I often meet nice girls and we`re starting to build up a friendship. But as soon as I met their boyfriends, partners, husbands, I end up having a great talk with them and the girl sits on the side, maybe wondering what the heck is going on. My husband once told me that beautiful women don`t need humour as their outer appearance suffices to get friends and partners. Of course I sweared at him first to protect the honour of us women. But after thinking about his statement and going through the list of my friends and acquaintances I had to agree. Whenever I`m having a nice evening with friends, I`m the only person who is making jokes or makes comedy of a situation and my friends just laugh. I NEED HUMOUR with a friend. It is so important!!!!

Another strange fact is, that most of the people that I met - remember, I found them or they found me on an internet platform saying "I want to find friends!" - are primarily interested in themselves. I am a very curious person, so I`m of course asking lots of questions as I want to know everything about the person I met up with. But don`t think that they are asking back. So some meetings ended up in me, knowing everything about the other person - also the really boring details - and the other person doesn`t know more about me than my name or the things that I´ve written on my profile. But of course they were absolutely enthusiastic about our meeting. I give them more time as I know that some people are very nervous or overexcited, maybe also insecure at such meetings. But if the situation stays the same I directly give them my feedback. I don`t want to waste my time as well as theirs.

What are your experiences in friendships?

What are the characteristics that you need in a friendship?

It`s such a huge topic and I will definitely write more about it.

In my next post I may write about dependency and narcissm in relationships.

Maybe you have some questions or topics within the topic "Friendship", then write it to me : )

Take care & stay healthy!

Cheers

Beri