take my half // starter for @bejaeyoung
time isn't exactly something that's always boded well with siwoo. a topic that's sensitive to him, because of his inability to run from it - and siwoo, in his own words, had always been a marathon runner. and yet now, he's realized just how precious time is.
he feels as though he's had no time to himself at all, no time to breathe. while their debut hadn't been amazingly received (in siwoo's standards) by the public, they'd done well enough to garner the attention of some; siwoo appearing on a few variety shows, bagging himself a three-month long ambassadorship with adidas, and the boys appearing on music shows.
when they aren't on music shows, their faces are shoved in the faces of cameras, being told to film their web-variety, pose for the camera, and what not. and when cameras aren't shoved into their faces, they're practicing for comebacks and performances.
siwoo has found that time is scarce. so much so, that he's been struggling with sending jay his daily messages filled with selfies - he doesn't completely ignore his boyfriend, of course not! jay lives in the back of his mind, and siwoo is in constant worry about what jay is doing, how he's coping - if jay even misses him, remembers his existence. but it's hard to constantly check-in on your boyfriend when you have five other members you have to check-in on as well (the woes of a leader, though siwoo doesn't think he's been a very good one); and your schedules are constantly packed and piling up.
one thing that siwoo is sure of, is that he misses jay. and more than anything, he misses the time they'd had alone; be it in the comfort of siwoo's car, his bedroom or just anywhere, really. just him and jay, with no worries surrounding either of them.
it's a rarity for siwoo to be here nowadays, most of the training is done at the lime company building, and he barely makes his way to axis. still, there were one or two equipments he'd preferred at the larger building, and by coincidence, jay would be there as well.
he'd sent jay a text, asking where his boyfriend was, only to be met with no reply. which meant that jay was at the studio, working on music.
he walks into the studio, fully expecting jay to be immersed in music-making, only to see his head resting against the table, lips parted slightly with his notebook open. siwoo smiles, gentle as he grabs a chair and takes a seat next to the boy.
he doesn't wake jay up, instead he stares at the boy in front of him and gently, he tucks a strand of hair behind jay's ear. so pretty, he thinks. he's pretty and he's all mine. his heart swells, but he knows better than to kiss jay in that moment.
after a moment of admiring the face of his lover, siwoo tilts his head, staring at the screen in front of him, wondering what exactly jay had been working on to the point of exhaustion. without much hesitation, he presses play, and he's met with a song that he knows only jay can write. he listens to the lyrics, hands reaching out to hold jay's unknowingly as he interlaces their fingers out of habit.
now, even the smallest things. i'll save half of them for you, take my hand. i feel like i've finally grown, even if it's just a little. you can take my half.
"mm, it's pretty," he says to himself, watching the chords move on the screen as he continues listening. "wonder what made him write something like this."
