SPAMTON G. SPAMTON!!!

H ELLO >SPONGES!! OuR [Mailbox is open!] AND [[Just Beggin' For Letters!]]!

[bestsalesman1997]

* WELCOME!! WELCO ME [To my Garden of] SPAMTON!!!!

HEYHEYHEY!!! YOU'RE A [Curious Critter], AREN'T YOU?! I KNOW THAT [[Look at me!]], ADM1T IT!!! EVERY ONE OF YOU WNTS A PIECE OF SPAMTON!!?

WELL.

I HAVe. [[Good news]].

I HAVe. A N [Investment Opportunity].

JUST. FOR YOU.

YOUU GIVE ME [No such thing as a stupid question]. AND I. GIVE > YOU. [[Hyperlink Blocked]]. WHADDOYA SSAY, [ChumBucket]?!? WILL YOU TAKETH3DEAL?

SEND %ME MAIL NOW AND RECIEVE [[Riches aplenty]]!!!!!

GET THE INSIDE SCOOP BELOW: 🍝

Yeeeaaahh its a Spamton ask blog because I fell back into my old brain worms LOL. Welcome! Call me Fizz, I run this account. Baby's first ask blog! If only my mama could see me now!

Very simple rules below!!

No serious NSFW. Joking is fine, but I'm a minor.

I'm not huge on ships since I'm aromantic and romance-repulsed (and, I can't emphasize this enough, A Minor) but I do engage in 1 (one) OC x canon ship because it's really really funny (and if you'd rather not see that, filter out "HEAVENLYVIRTUE" in the tags!) - I also enjoy most Spamton ships but dislike Spamton x any Addison.

Serious and joke responses.

Dumpster Era Spamton (post-fame, pre-neo - before the Lightners arrive).

Please don't be too mean to Spamton! I know this one is silly, and that he deserves to be bullied. I'm sorry! I am just a little sensitive and it is not fun for me to open my askbox to see a bunch of threats every day LOL.

Keep in mind this will not be entirely canon-accurate!! I am prioritizing having fun over accuracy!!!

TAG GUIDE:

SPAMTON SPEAKS - post tag

MAIL DELIVERY - ask tag

REPLY2EMAIL - RP reblog tag (aka rp threads? not sure how to refer to them.)

FORWARD EMAIL - reblog tag

INSIDE SCOOP - ooc tag

KILL YOUR TV - tenna neg

KILL YOUR JESTER - jevil neg

SPAMLORE - LORE IMPORTANT posts!!

THE BLOG LORE SO FAR:

Spamton has FOUR exes, but two notable ones, Tenna (@/ask-tenna) and Jevil (@/ask-the-chaoschaos). He has a truce with Jevil for their kid's sake (see below paragraph). After having some clarity knocked into him by some anons, he's realized he's made some mistakes with those two. Instead of apologizing, he's avoiding them and anything about them like the plague. Only the most mature course of action for Spamton G. Spamton!

Spamton has THREE kids! Two (@/ask-a-pipis & @/audience-rpblog) are adopted*, while one (@/mrpipis) is from HIS timeline!!! He is neglectful towards all but Audience, and that's because he's a little afraid of her. Sad...

*Pipi is technically his kid, just not from his timeline. That detail doesn't really matter to Spamton, though!

Spamton met Audience's mom, Soul, a goddess who gave him a free house and some money! He's... normal about their whole situationship. Very normal.

As we are right now, Spamton is in a better living situation, but he's still not doing very well mentally. Having another eldritch benefactor isn't doing him any good in the sanity department, and neither is being so isolated... :^(

(Also, didn't know where to squeeze it in, but Spamton has FRIENDS!!! Or, well. He hasn't talked to them in a hot minute thanks to the whole Soul thing, but they're worth mentioning anyway. @/tellure-lennet & @/relifaker!! Love those guys...)

I'll do my best to TW & CW properly as well as to add spoiler warnings. If I don't reply, I'm either: thinking of a reply, Can't Reply without breaking the "canon" of the blog, or it just made me uncomfortable, but I trust you all to be respectful. Please be patient, it takes me a bit of time to keep my replies as accurate to canon as I can manage. That's all! Ask away!

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{He feels a familiar presence around him. The stable pressure of Her being near appears. However, this time, he can describe it- he's experienced it now. It's like being cupped in Her hands. She seems in a particularly good mood.}}}

Greetings, virtue! How have you been? Your sudden influx of prayers have been lovely- This is the best I've felt in the last century!

{{{She laughs, the sound addicting and just a little more incomprehensible that normal- seems Her power really has increased.}}}

I do hope that you're keeping yourself healthy.. I wouldn't want My favorite virtue to get sick, would I?

(It takes Spamton a moment too long to process her being there, and longer to process her words. His voice is raspy and strained, like he hasn't spoken in days.)

* I- Y. YOU. WA1T... [favorite virtue]?

[bestsalesman1997]

are you good lil email dawg

(Spamton is praying.)

(He has been praying for some time now.)

(He doesn't hear you. Spamton keeps praying.)

[bestsalesman1997]

do you feel lonely

(Spamton cannot hear you... He is too busy praying.)

[bestsalesman1997]

Added a new rule.... Please do not be mad at me for it!! D^8

[bestsalesman1997]

Oh, well in that case... I guess there's no problem then if I do this!

[* AGGRESSIVE TERMITE CANNON ACTIVATE!!! ]

* !!!! YOU WOULD'VE DONE THIS [[Any way]], WOULDN'T YOU?! [[Sicko]]!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

Are you wooden? What would happen if I released aggressive termites upon you?

* I'M NOT [[Wooden Boy]]!! WHAT IS [[Issues and Complaints]] WITH YOU?!

[bestsalesman1997]

I've got a couple milk jugs.

C'mere puppet boy.

* NOOOOO!!!! [[Not again]]!!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

Spamton child abuse arc. Stay in that fuckin' dumpster, bro.

* OK. IT WAS [[Bad]]. BU T THEY'RE [[Gone for good]] NOW!! [[No one left to hurt]]!! SO W E DON'T NEED T0 [[Worryworryworry]] A.BOUT IT [[Happen again]]!! 0K??

[bestsalesman1997]

my brother in christ you actually broke pipi. her screen broke so bad it went past her screen protector. she tore down her room. she hates you. so much for just pushing.

* ...IT''S [Fine]. SHE HAS [Crt] AND [Devilsknife]!! SHE WILL [Wishing you a speedy recovery]!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

I hope you get hit by a car like Myrtle in The Great Gatsby 🙏

* I'VE BEEN [hit by a car] BEFORE!! YOU DON'T SCARE ME!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

tenna might not know where you live but jevil does :)

* I STILL DON'''T GET [[All the Fuss]]. OK!! [[Sure]]!! I WILL AD.MIT I WAS [[A little harsh]]!!! BUT I ONLY MEANT T.O [[Push]]!!! NOT [[Break]]!!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

Hey S man, Tinnitus says he’s gonna dunk you in the acid river and hold you there until you like dissolve and shit. You should probably hide.

* WHY'S HE SO [Up in Arms] AB0UT IT!! I TH0UGHT HE [wanted EVERY ONE [To himself]!!

* ...I'M NOT TOO [[Stressed? Take a vacation ]] ABOUT IT [[anywho]]!! HE DOES ' NT [[I know where you live]]!! AND IF I'VE GOT ANYTHING TO ABOUT IT, IT'LL [[Stay the same]] THAT WAY!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

https://www.tumblr.com/bestsalesman1997/788551446856663040/tenna-knows?source=share

Bro he's gonna punt you straight into the atmosphere

* I DO'NT SEE WH.Y HE'D [[Made with Care]] S0 MUCH!! THI S IS [[Ideal Compromise]] FOR EVERY !!

[bestsalesman1997]

Tenna knows.

* I [Don't Care Much] ABO UT WHAT H3 [[knows.]]

[bestsalesman1997]

[Enters in. Its a guy. That been missing for days. Rock guy. He gives like 4 bottles of water, 2 rocks, and a packet chicken.] Take this. Don't ask why I am here. I am here because I want to be.

Anyway, see ya and bye.

-🪨

* 0H!!! YOU [[Frightenede me]]!! T.HANK YO U, [[Rocko]]!! I W4S VERY [[Hungery]]... SEEMS I [[Forgor]] TO [[MealPlan]], EAHHAHAHA!!

[bestsalesman1997]

I SURE KNOW YOU HAVE QUITE A ROCLY RELATIONSHIP WITH TUMBLR'S SEXYEST TV MAN(MR ANT TENNA OBVIOUSLY), BUT LIKE....

Smash or pass