Hampshire College Wellness Center

The Wellness Center promotes health and wellness in the Hampshire community; our work is prevention oriented and firmly rooted in the philosophy of harm reduction. The center consists of a professional staff director (Jordan), student staff (Emily, Aisha, Sophie, Bri, and Dylan), and partners with lots of student groups and organizations. Quick links: self care sex ed queer mental health consent smoking cessation

[smelsea]

[sarahlee]

another friendly reminder to take your medication

[outforhealth]

We get a TON of questions from our amazing and fabulous new patients in our Planned Parenthood transgender hormone therapy and preventive health service program about what and when they can expect hormones to start making changes happen in their body. We turned to the info from our colleagues at WPATH – that’s the World Professional Association for Transgender Health – and put it all together in a sweet little handout. Information is power.

[autostraddle]

50 Ways to Deal with the Aftereffects of Trauma | Autostraddle

"The day begins when you say it does: I'm not talking about work. I'm talking about the soul."

[bewellhampshire]

Emotional labor and compassion fatigue

CW: trauma and suicide

Given recent campus events (and just my work in general), I’m tired. Not so much physically (except my gf’s cat is fond of walking on my head early in the AM), but emotionally. So I want to talk a little bit about the emotional labor I do, that many of us do, and the compassion fatigue that can result.

First, let’s make sure we are on the same page in understanding these concepts. Emotional labor is the requirement or expectation that certain folks and certain roles use emotions as part of their work, whether expressing them or suppressing them. Emotional labor can be more formal, like when a therapist listens to and validates a client or a bartender or server feigns happiness during customer interactions. Emotional labor can be more informal, like listening to a friend who had a tough day or letting someone cry on your shoulder or explaining for the third time why that racist joke isn’t funny. It can be relatively minor, like smiling at someone on the street, and it can be relatively major, like checking in with a suicidal person to make sure they are still alive.

Emotional labor is not distributed equally. Women (trans and cis), genderqueer, non-binary, and trans folks, and gay men are expected to perform emotional labor more willingly and ably than cis het men. People of color are expected to perform the emotional labor educating white folks, then of consoling them and wiping away those white tears. As a white person, I have been guilty of asking POC to educate and console me; I am sorry and will do better.

Emotional labor is about time, about feelings, about comfort, and can extend to very concrete logistical work, like ordering food that meets everyone’s dietary requirements or carrying tissues or giving hugs or just listening. Emotional labor is frequently intangible and invisible. We take it for granted and often don’t notice it til it’s gone or not available.

In an effort to make the invisible visible, I want to tell you about some of the emotional labor I do on this campus. My intention in sharing this isn’t to call anyone out or to shame anyone for needing support. I chose this work and I am grateful when people trust me with their thoughts, experiences, and feelings. I just want to be heard and for my efforts to be seen and valued.

Emotional labor is actively listening while someone shares the story of the most traumatic event of their lives.

Emotional labor is taking on a small piece of someone else’s trauma in an attempt to lighten their burden.

Emotional labor is making sure I always have tissues with me and trying to pass them out subtly so as not to call attention to the person crying.

Emotional labor is trying not to cry in front of folks who are hurting because I don’t want to make it about me.

Emotional labor is trying not to cry in front of my boss because I can see how uncomfortable it makes them.

Emotional labor is giving hugs when folks ask, whether I want to give them or not, because they took a risk and asked.

Emotional labor is asking:

“How are you? I mean really.”

“How do you feel?”

“What do you need right now?”

“What would be most helpful for you?”

“What do you want to happen?”

“How can I best support you?”

“How are you taking care of yourself?”

“Are you thinking about hurting yourself or someone else?”

“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

“Can you promise me you won’t kill yourself?”

Emotional labor is asking for help, which I don’t do enough.

Emotional labor is lying awake at night thinking about how I should have said this or done this and whose needs am I not currently meeting and who have I let down.

Emotional labor is texting (on a phone my employer doesn’t help pay for) with hurt students and co-workers during “time off.”

Emotional labor is putting other folks’ needs ahead of my own.

Emotional labor is risky and vulnerable and scary and exhausting.

Emotional labor requires trust that folks who are hurting know best what they need.

And admittedly, sometimes emotional labor is messing up. It’s making the wrong choice because you really want to fix something for someone or committing to provide support that you can’t follow through with.

So why do I do it? There’s a quote that may be from Emerson or Dear Abby or a grandmother in 1904 (it’s up for debate):

“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children… to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded.”

I do emotional labor because I want other folks’ lives to be easier. I do emotional labor because it can, at its best, help folks breathe easier. But it’s hard right now. Right now I feel drained, as I’m sure many of you do, and like I have nothing left to give.

So I started reading up on compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is often seen in helping professions or professions in which emotional labor is required; it is sometimes called secondary trauma or secondary stress. It can manifest physically or psychologically and can lead to burnout. It can be helped, reduced, or prevented by various self-care techniques, but who has time for that?

I jest, but truly. I don’t meditate or do yoga or journal, and when I start to feel stressed, eating healthfully and getting enough sleep are the first things to go. Next goes my physical activity and time with friends. My relationships are impacted. I don’t practice what I preach; I just don’t have time. And please don’t tell me to make time, as if it were something I could magically manifest more of. Like so many of you, when I take time away from work, calls and emails go unanswered and I get notes on my office door saying “I was here, where were you?” Needs go unmet. So the answer isn’t to take a day off.

I recently read an article called “Who Takes Care of the Caretakers? Valuing and Supporting Those Who Nourish Our Movements From Behind-the-Scenes” via Black Girl Dangerous, and the answer is basically that we have to take care of each other. On this campus unfortunately there are no guarantees that anyone else will. So I want to lift up and acknowledge some of the Hampshire staff folks who have recently helped take care of me so I can (at least try to) take care of some of you.

Christina, who holds me while I cry and isn’t offended when I don’t want to talk about it.

Shannon, who has a seemingly infinite capacity for compassion and understanding.

Emily, who makes me feel a little more sane and reminds me why I do this work.

Liza, who I wish was my mom (even though she isn’t much older than me).

Araiña, who is the embodiment of tough love.

Javiera, who is an impressive organizer and facilitator.

Kalyn, who is on their way out but is still trying to make this place better.

This isn’t an exhaust-ive list, mostly because I am exhaust-ed.

So I want to leave you with a challenge. Find the caretakers in your life, the emotional laborers both visible, and invisible, and thank them. Say, “I see what you are doing and I appreciate it.” If you have the capacity, ask how you can support them. If you don’t have that capacity, that’s ok. But everyone can say thank you. Anyone can say, “I see you.”

Folks who do emotional labor are helpers; I remember Mr. Rogers talking about witnessing traumatic events, and how his mom told him to always look for the helpers. He said where there are helpers, there is hope. I’m not saying I’m a helper - I’m not running into burning buildings or bandaging actual wounds, but I’m doing what I can to help. Many folks are right now. Find them, see them, and thank them.

[bewellhampshire]

Resilient Self-Love: A Survivor’s Suggestions for Turbulent Times

Wow, is our campus stressed this week or what?!

It seems to me that everyone is feeling the weight of some real disillusionment, disappointment, and disrespect. And reasonably so! We are struggling with some serious conflict among students, not to mention the shocking failures of our administration. For some survivors like me, deep pain is resurfacing and bringing up rage, fear, and straight-up depression. Many of us feel neglected, insulted, and unsafe on campus – So where the f#$* is relief?!

Here’s my thought: it’s in your heart.

When it feels like everything around you is cracking/bursting/exploding, how do you keep your heart safe? I’m finding that after the exhausting, triggering days, I ultimately have to fall asleep with myself; and sometimes I just want to hide from my own body and pretend nothing exists. All the community turbulence forces me to relive trauma, taking me right back into wounds I thought I had healed. I start beating myself up by returning to cycles of self-blame and destructive self-image, and once again it feels unescapable…endless. In these times, only one thing is clear: my own heart has to be my guardian.

For me, this means taking my body back. It means filling myself with adoration, positivity, and love, so strongly that I feel truly resilient in the face of rocky times. It means making self-love my anchor, my baseline – the thing I always return to. Everyone does this differently, so I won’t tell you that my suggestions will definitely work for you or are the end-all be-all solution to surviving these re-triggering times. I want to share them in case they do help you and – if nothing else – as a reminder that you have the right to self-love, boundaries, and power over your own body and life.

Here are some little activities I do with myself to reclaim my body, heal my heart, and rediscover my smile. I hope you or someone you love find(s) them useful and encouraging. Either way, never forget that you are brave, powerful, radiant, beautiful, and above all else, enough – exactly the way you are.

With big love, Aisha Delilah

Self-Love Activities that I find Anchoring & Restorative  

1. Journaling. Writing out everything that is pissing me off, making me cry, poisoning my spirit, or any other awfulness helps me do two things. The first is self-validate. By writing down the bad stuff, I acknowledge that it is real and is affecting me, which usually ends the internal cycle of self-blaming in my head. The second is expelling it from my mind. Remember Anna Nalick’s song “Breathe”? When she says, “…If I get it all down on paper it’s no longer inside of me / threatening the life it belongs to”? Yeah, it’s like that. Sometimes writing about what’s bothering me helps me see it more clearly, and other times it serves only as an agent for banishing internal pain. For me, both uses are fabulously effective. 

2. Dancing. I don’t mean going to a dance class or a party (although if that floats your boat, hell yeah); I mean turning on your favorite song in your favorite clothes in your favorite space and “dancing” (which for me usually means thrashing, jumping, or aggressively twirling) alone. This helps me cut off the over-thinking that comes with my trauma. It helps me get back in my body and fill up my own space, staving off any potential emotional invasions without having to analyze anything. Hell. Yeah. 

3. Decorating myself. This is when I make getting dressed into a full-blown activity. I say f$%* it to what anyone else thinks of my clothes and I straight-up DECORATE. By acknowledging that my clothes house my body and my body houses my soul, I find that I therefore have the right to wear whatever makes me feel like a goddess. I make my outfit into my own altar for self-worship. I find this extremely empowering. For me, it usually means a lot of different colors, textures, patterns, and noisy jewelry; but some days it means plain leggings and a simple slouchy sweater. The point is that you are the decider and you deserve any self-decoration that you see fit. I find temporary tattoos can be a fun part of this, too.  :) 

4. Decorating my space. In times of stress, my room becomes an extension of my outfit theory – another altar for self-worship. I take to emptying my room of anything that brings me even the slightest bit of pain and refreshing my walls, shelves, and desktops with all kinds of knick-knacks that bring me smiles instead. It helps me to consider all five of my senses. I burn incense that fills my room with soothing scents. I cover my bed in blankets that feel soft and safe against my skin. I hang colorful fabric that makes me feel vibrant and energized. I put out small bowls of candy and trail mix to munch on when I come home. I play Phish (as always, whatever floats your boat). My room becomes my autonomous safe space, where I am the decider of what happens to me and how I feel. That power becomes embedded in my heart again and I remember that I am allowed to carry it with me into the world. 

5. Creating self-portraits. This is one of my favorite ways to reclaim my mind, body, and soul. I draw myself exactly as I feel I am. Sometimes it’s a jumbled collection of shapes, sometimes you can make out my face, and sometimes it’s a plain old predictable depiction of my physical features. It depends on how I feel at that time. But one thing is consistent: seeing my honest self-depiction as art makes me feel like art. It tells me that no matter how I feel, no matter how jumbled or overwhelmed or plain, I am beautiful! Plus it reminds me of Frida, and that can never be a bad thing.

I hope some of these things bring you healing. Most importantly, my biggest suggestion is this: whatever you feel is good for you, whatever you feel you need, honor it. The choice to honor what your heart tells you will ultimately bring resilience in any time, even when the campus environment tests everything you have. You are always, always, always enough. You are surviving.

[bewellhampshire]

Pink Moon: Astrological Self Care and Compassion

April 22nd brings the return of Earth Day, as well as the Full Pink Moon (also called the Egg Moon, the Fish Moon, or the Sprouting Grass Moon). It’s named for the return of the sun, and new life marked by the blooming of wild ground phlox, the first flowers to appear to welcome spring. In my last post I talked a lot about getting back to the cycles of the seasons and the rhythms of the earth; I think these tools that were so integral to times of the past can be useful in the modern age as well. In college, late April may bear stress, tension and anxiety while we try to finish up the semester’s work. But does this have to be so? We are so tied to our work when we live within academia, but I’ve found that this environment can be toxic, draining and causes illness when I forget why I am here in the first place. Let me first make the assumption that we are all attending school at an institution of higher education to learn. Whether that means learning about other people, learning how to be a better friend, activist, community member, or just learning about our own experiences and bodies, we quickly realize what we are capable and incapable of achieving in college. From there we are aware of the reality of overexertion, and whether it is necessary or unnecessary.

As a consequence of finals, my experience has been that exhaustion has been necessary for me to get done what I need to at the end of the semester. Sometimes that means doing the bare minimum, which will also leave me to burnout quickly. To be quite honest, all the stress that comes with 15-page research papers makes me long for a different reality, one with the freedom to do this learning and growing outside of college, on my own. I think this upcoming Pink Moon can be a soft reminder to return to what is lovely and sweet during hard times. The color pink, usually associated with femininity, represents passion and self love. Pink colored rose quartz is said to stimulate heart healing, and comfort. In Victorian times, the gift of pink flowers (i.e. roses) symbolized gratitude, grace, and joy.

We’re going to need a lot of these qualities, especially self love, to kick start the loveliest of spring seasons and kick butt in our studies, while staying true to what we can or cannot do. Don’t be afraid to be luxurious while caring for yourself! For me, that means getting my eyebrows threaded or my nails done on pay day, or taking a bath while watching Netflix from the tub. I have included some DIY recipes and cosmetics below, which all utilize the power of pink; aesthetically calming and soft, and nourishing to the body. May you find comfort and pleasure in the coming weeks, and when the worst is over, I hope you celebrate the fruits of your labor! Whatever you are able to do or create during this month, be it little or large, is enough and is beautiful.

Much love, Sophie

Pink Moon Self Care:

1. Rose Infused Oil- I included this recipe for those who like aromatherapy. The smell of rose not only calms the nervous system, but makes a lovely smelling body oil that can be used as a moisturizer right after a shower. Dried and fresh rose petals and buds can be purchased inexpensively from Acadia Herbals in Northampton!

2.  Goodnight Teas- Here is a list of herbs most effective for helping to ease anxiety and putting your mind and body to sleep, which can be especially useful amid worried thoughts about finishing the school year! Passionflower, Lavender, Lemon Balm and Hops can all be found as packaged teas in your local grocery store, or make your own combination of these herbs at Acadia Herbals, where you can also find strainers for your kettle or cup. Here’s how to make your own straining device for tea.

3. Bath Bombs- Ok, if you’ve ever wanted to find THE master post for bath bombs of any/every variety, you’ve found it here. Recently I’ve been trying to use less and less manufactured beauty and body products (as I am deathly allergic to chemicals found in most brands), and bath bombs are my favorite way to use safe and cheap ingredients in my bathing routines.

[bewellhampshire]

Hi, is there someone I can go to to talk about issues I'm having reaching orgasm with my partner?

Hello! First of all, I’m so sorry if you asked this question a while ago and we’ve taken too long to respond. I hope that, if you did ask this long ago, you have since found the answer to your question. But this is a very important question, so let’s answer it!The short answer is no, there’s nobody on Hampshire campus whose job it is to help with this.The long answer is that there are a whole lot of online resources all about sexuality that might help you find your answer. Some of my favorites are Scarleteen and Savage Love (Dan Savage also has a great podcast where he answers questions out loud. While he’s definitely said some transphobic and biphobic things, he is one of the best sex educators out there and can be really helpful to listen to/read).

But more to the point: there are a million and one reasons you could be having this problem. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable enough around your partner to let go enough to orgasm. Maybe you feel too shy to tell them exactly what gets you going. Maybe you need to show them with your own hands how you want to be touched. Perhaps you need to spend more time with yourself, learning how to make yourself come before you can get someone else to do it. Maybe you are putting so much pressure on orgasming that it’s become impossible.My best advice is first of all to relax about it. Sex doesn’t have to be all about coming. When we see orgasm as the end-goal, it puts a lot of pressure on those of us who have trouble reaching it. And sometimes people just can’t orgasm from certain things, like penis-in-vagina sex.

You also might want to try stimulating yourself while you’re getting frisky with your partner. There’s no shame in keeping your hands down there to help out, or using a vibrator.

And finally, don’t be afraid to tell your partner exactly what you need to get there. But overall, try to think about orgasms as a fun, extra bonus to sex, not the endgoal or the prerequisite to satisfying, wonderful sex.

[bewellhampshire]

When our perpetrators are also oppressed

TW: sexual assault, abuse, relationship violence, transmisogyny, mass incarceration

I was at a consortium last week at UMass called “Feminist Poetics: Legacies of June Jordan.” One of the presenters, a filmmaker, was talking about experiencing sexual abuse as a child. She said that she would never want the men who violated her to be incarcerated; she believed, instead, in restorative justice.

This was in the context of the black community. Her abusers were black men; incarceration, as a racialized means of oppression and control, was not something she wanted for anyone in her community. I’m white, as are my perpetrators, so mass incarceration is not targeted at me or my perpetrators. However, this viewpoint really resonated with me. I and my perpetrators are queer, and my abuser is a trans woman. If she was to go to jail, as a trans woman, she would be placed in a men’s facility where she would be abused. Perhaps she would be put in isolation, as incarcerated trans women often are. I cannot bring myself to wish this on anyone, even someone who abused me for years.

But I don’t feel like this viewpoint is common, or typical. It’s at odds with the typical narrative of abuse between straight, white, cis people. When a white woman is abused by a white man, it makes perfect sense to wish for incarceration or other forms of legal justice. Women are taught to put men’s feelings first, even perpetrators, and to dispose of empathy for their perpetrators can be liberating and empowering. Healing can come from anger towards one’s perpetrator, from wishing bad things to happen to them.

And I’m not saying that’s wrong. It makes perfect sense in the lens of a white cis straight man abusing or assaulting a white cis straight woman. But it doesn’t necessarily fit when your abuser or perpetrator is also oppressed.

Because I don’t feel that way. For a long time I wanted bad things to happen to my abuser. She’s a genuinely scary person who hurt me deeply. I dream about her constantly and wake up sweating. Since it’s been years since I’ve seen her, I’ve been working hard on healing from this abuse. This time buffer has definitely softened my desire for bad things to happen to her. But ultimately, I realized that because of who she is, because she’s oppressed, bad things will and have happened to her. And that doesn’t feel good to me. But often, in survivor spaces, I feel uneasy because my feelings toward my abuser don’t match with other survivors’.

So what do we do? I think we need to do two things. First of all, we need to reexamine how we view empathy in the context of abuse and trauma. I am not saying that everyone needs to feel compassion for their abusers, far from it. Instead, I am saying we need to accept that if we do feel that compassion, it’s not wrong. It doesn’t mean we’ve succumbed to victim-blaming or the patriarchy. Compassion and empathy are distinctly anti-capitalist values, and in certain cases can feel as liberating as anger. And they may be borne from an understanding of the ways that our perpetrators are oppressed.

We also need to expand how we think about sexual assault. It’s not just men assaulting women. But just acknowledging that queer intimate partner violence happens is not enough. We need to open up space for queer survivors to share their stories; for survivors of color to share their stories; for disabled survivors to share their stories. Because many of the ways we think about trauma, sexual assault, abuse, and healing just don’t fit with every survivor.

So let’s start doing that right here on this blog! If you’d like your story shared, email it to us at [email protected]. We won’t use your name, unless you’d like us to. If you want to be completely anonymous, send us an anonymous ask (click the box “ask anonymously”) and we will publish that here as well. And stay tuned for a Survivors Open Mic at Hampshire later this month.

[bewellhampshire]

A Tale of Infinite Salt: Letting Go of Something

Though I try to be a beacon of positivity, I often find that I am actually the saltiest person on Earth. In my previous blog post, I mentioned how I can remember things that happened from 8 years ago and still have strange emotional attachments to them.  In this blog post, I want to discuss methods of letting go, and why this process can make you feel a little lighter inside.

Letting go is awesome because it’s like character development in a really good novel, except the novel is your life and the main character is you! When you let go of something negative or weird that’s taking up space in your life, it’s like injecting sunlight into your soul and peeing out unicorn tears. Letting go is rarely an immediate process, but once you realize it’s taken place, you can jump up, punch the air, and say “Damn straight I just improved as a human being! Go me!”

So, what am I saying we should let go of? I understand that there are some traumas and experiences that people must process and work through for long periods of time; I’m not saying anyone can easily “let go” of something that really impacted them. We all need to be good to ourselves, and this means working through our stuff at our own pace with friends and family to help us along the way. In this particular article, I’m talking about  anything cluttering your existence that you feel it is beneficial to finally, finally walk away from.

Here’s a list.

Connect, Briefly, with The Thing

Take a look at this situation, this someone, this event that has been plaguing you. It’s important to acknowledge your relationship to it: did you kinda hurt someone’s feelings? Were your own feelings hurt? Do you not know how you feel, you just know you’re ready to be done with it? This is the point where you take some kind of action to absolve yourself of your ties to The Thing.

This might look like apologizing to your little brother for pushing him around for a long time. This might look like accepting that you won’t receive an apology from an outside source, and finding strength in your conviction to still survive, still succeed. This might look like reframing your experiences in a way that gives you power - making art about it, getting in touch with others about it, going out into a field and screeching about it. All of these are valid.

Make sure some external source is aware of your decision to begin the letting-go process. This can incite some level of accountability in yourself. Letting go is something to be proud of! Make sure you are going to want to stick to it.

You are valid. Remember that, especially in your endeavors to let something go.

Think Future

Once you have acknowledged/tried to remedy The Thing, it’s time to think about the future a bit. Get invested in something! This might be the hardest part of the process, because it takes the most emotional and mental determination to fulfill.

Look to the passions you already have. Now, dedicate thirty more minutes a day to them, if possible. Get really hyped up about your work-study job. Help that friend out with their Div III a little bit. Binge that new show on Netflix that everyone has been talking about.

Whatever you do, give yourself something to look forward to. You might find you are most distracted and most productive when you’re focused on the things you are going to accomplish. Reward thyself.

Practice Mindfulness

While it may perhaps sound contradictory to the previous point, existing in the present is of infinite importance. While you are busy planning and dreaming for the future, you can take care of you in the now.

To be mindful is to maintain awareness of yourself, your emotions, and the world around you in a way that is grounding and full of acceptance. When moving on, it’s crucial to know that you exist only here, regardless of what has happened in the past. Let that help inform how you lift yourself up as you move on from The Thing.

When we are mindful, we are aware of our physical space in the world, as well as our current emotional journey. If you take time to really consider how we’re doing, what we need, and the ways in which we are lucky, we might start to feel a little better, despite past pains.

Remember, you’re here right now, reading this. In a bit, you’re gonna go do something else. Your life will continue, no matter what you’re trying to let go of. That’s what is amazing about perceiving a linear temporal timeline: no matter what, everything moves on. You can, too. You will, too.

[bewellhampshire]

The Care and Keeping of Sex Toys

Read the following guidelines to keep your toys looking and performing at their best!

Don’t Use a Damaged Toy. Always check over your toy for any defects, cracks, tears, or leaked batteries before use. If you find that any damage has occurred, you’re best off to throw it out (or return it if it’s new, per the store’s policy) and select another toy. Damaged toys can collect bacteria or be harmful to use on your body.

Clean as quickly after use as you can. In the post-use blissful moments of lying in bed and coming down from a state of euphoria, getting up and walking to the sink to clean your sex toy probably seems like unappealing chore. However, the longer you wait to clean your toy, the more time bacteria has to make itself at home on your beloved toy. While it may not be the most fun task, both your toy and your body will thank you later. If you live in the dorms and don’t want to walk down the hall to access a sink to clean your toy/s, consider investing in some high quality toy cleaner to keep in your room.

Additionally, you should never move from one orifice to another (or from one partner to another) using a toy without cleaning it first. If using condoms on your toy, make sure to put on a new condom and toss out the old one before resuming play. If your toy is uncovered, take a few minutes to clean it before switching orifices or partners. Doing this prevents the spread of bacteria or sexually transmitted infections from one area of the body to another, or from being shared between partners.

Use specific toy cleaner if possible. Using soap can dry out and crack toys. If accessible, cleaners made specifically for sex toys should be used. If you do use soap, a mild anti-bacterial soap will be sufficient- no need for harsh cleansers. Try to avoid selecting soaps with any added colors and fragrances- they may irritate you the next time you use your toy.

Different toy materials may require different cleaning and storage methods. All toys should be stored in a cool, dry place. To prevent them from sharing bacteria, breaking down, or even melting together, store them in separate baggies, cloths, or storage sacks. Silicone toys and toys made from soft vinyl, rubber, latex, or hard plastic should be treated with extra care when storing due to their material and/or porousness.

Silicone toys are generally non-porous, but some toys marketed as silicone may be silicone blends (read the manufacturers description to find out). To clean, simply wash and dry your toy, and then store. There has been much debate over whether or not boiling silicone toys or cleaning them via dishwasher is safe for the materials. Some argue that boiling them could cause the silicone to break down, or that they cannot stand up to the extreme heat of the sanitizing cycles of dishwashers; however, no definite conclusion on the matter has been reached. Remember: keep silicone and silicone separate, as coming into contact with other silicone materials may degrade your toy. Therefore, store silicone toys separately, and avoid using silicone-based lube (or condoms containing silicone-based lube) on your toy.

Jelly toys are extremely porous, and can never fully be disinfected due to their porosity. If desired, use a condom for extra protection during play. Because of their high porosity, they require a more thorough cleaning, preferably with a sex toy cleaner. Once dry, store them separately from other toys in their own cloth or bag.

Glass toys, because they are non-porous, should only require a simple wash with mild soap or cleaner before being dried and stored.

Soft vinyl, rubber, latex, and hard plastic toys are porous and should be thoroughly cleaned with a sex toy cleaner. If soap is used, make sure to totally wash off all soap- these toys may absorb the soap, which could cause the toys to degrade, or could irritate you the next time they are used. Once all cleaner or soap has been washed off, dry and store separately.

Stainless steel, acrylic, or pyrex toys are non-porous and can be cleaned one of a few ways. You could wash them with toy cleaner or mild soap, boil them, or even throw them in the dishwasher. Be careful using abrasive surfaces on acrylic toys, as they may easily become scratched. Once clean, dry off and store.

Cyberskin toys, like jelly toys, are highly porous and can never be fully disinfected. Use a condom during play if desired for extra protection. These toys should be thoroughly cleaned using a sex toy cleaner. Once dry, powder with cornstarch if desired to help prevent any stickiness of the material (do not use talcum powder, which may be cancer-causing) and store separately from other toys.

Be mindful of batteries. When cleaning toys that run on batteries, make sure to keep the battery packs away and unsubmerged from the water. Remove batteries prior to storing to prolong the life of the batteries, as well as to help prevent any leaking. When cleaning a rechargeable toy without a removable battery pack, be careful not to get water in the electrical contact points or conductors.

Use a lubricant that is compatible with your toy, barriers, and style of play. Water-based lube is the “universal” lubricant because it is compatible with most toys, condom-friendly, and is the easiest to wash off. 

Silicone-based lube is a good lubricant because it does not have to be reapplied as often as water-based and is water-resistant (which makes it a good pair for play in the shower). However, silicone-based lube is not compatible with silicone toys or latex condoms, as it will degrade them. Oil-based lube should be kept away from silicone, jelly, and plastic toys and is much more difficult to clean up. Essentially, oil-based lube is safest for glass and stainless steel toys.

Check out these other links! Head over to the sex toy comic review site, Oh Joy, Sex Toy!, to read reviews of sex toys, advice for taking care of them properly, and other comics about sexual health, sensuality, and entertainment. 

Check out Good Vibrations and Babeland’s suggestions for taking care of your sex toys. Or, read Persephone Magazine’s article for additional information on keeping your toys looking and performing at their best. 

The American Cancer Society provides information about the link between talcum powder and cancer here. 

-Bri

[bewellhampshire]

social justice, self-love, and sharing care: a love letter to trying

At Hampshire, we hear a lot about social justice. While everyone defines the phrase differently, most of us agree that it’s expected to play a role in our studies sooner or later. This is well-known about Hampshire within the five colleges, and even outside of Massachusetts.

A huge number of Hampshire students are genuinely interested in exploring what social justice means and how we can move closer to it. But still, when any institution (particularly a damn expensive one) claims “social justice as a goal of discourse, a responsibility of citizenship, and an accountable way to bring our ideals to life in the world,” the whole concept easily runs the risk of seeming totally insincere. It begs the question: “yeah, they say all that, but do they really mean it?”

Simply by enrolling at Hampshire, we all seem to agree tat the world needs to become a “better place.” But among the madness of navigating academics, social life, or just figuring out how to afford groceries, it’s enormously stressful to simultaneously try to heal every wound we encounter. So eventually we all learn: we have to choose our battles. When it comes time to “bring our ideals to life in the world,” we learn that there is a lot that needs to change, and no individual can fight all the fights alone.

So, as someone who is admittedly not an expert on any of this and always has a lot to learn about balance and love in an effort to validate and soothe some of the anxieties surrounding social justice and self-care on our campus, I share these three thoughts:

1. Tackling it all at once is impossible.

Many of us, especially those socialized as women, often get the idea that we are caretakers of the universe and it’s our job to fix everything. But we can’t! It’s impossible!

So what do we do? We find our own nooks to improve--whether it’s creating much-needed inclusive and accessible sex education workshops, or serving at a domestic violence shelter, or giving a stressed friend a massage, or organizing against police brutality, or making people laugh, or any number of other actions that contribute to “making things better.” And with all of these efforts happening at once, I like to think that the Hampshire community as a whole does sincerely make an effort toward social justice.

2. Self-care is an essential part of social justice work.

We can’t fix everything on our own, but we can make little differences and work as a community toward larger ones. And if we truly want to contribute to any larger effort outside ourselves (a goal which is at the core of social justice work), we have to learn to love ourselves.

Sometimes Hampshire’s culture romanticizes the idea of over-doing. Like during finals week, how the number of all-nighters someone pulls seems to be a measure of how much they care about their school work. Social justice venues can go in the same direction, but in my experience, it’s a one-way street to burnout and resentment. If I’m at an organizing meeting and I can hardly focus for more than thirty seconds because I was up all night doing outreach after writing a ten-page paper and my eyeballs feel like they’re about to fall out of my face, I’m not much use at the meeting. I might even start to resent the folks who are, because I’m so grumpy about my own lack of self-care that I tell myself they must not care about the cause as much as I do. If it doesn’t eat me up from inside, it might start to eat up my community when they have to pick up my slack because I didn’t make sure I got enough sleep.

My point is that being a badass social justice warrior shouldn’t mean brutalizing your mind, body, and soul in “the name of the cause,” because the more you do that, the less you can actually contribute to the cause. And separately from any “cause,” your joy matters! Making time to love yourself and do things that make you happy is a great way to fill yourself up with energy to take on whatever it is you want to give your attention to. (Time-management is a big part of this, which may mean learning to say no without letting guilt devour your spirit.) Self-love means something different to everyone, but each of us has the right to spend time figuring it out! So if you make time to put up your hands and say “I AM TAKING CARE OF ME TODAY!” your community may find that you end up being more useful to yourself and to others. And that is some badass business.  

3. We’re all in this together.

Because tackling it all at once is impossible, we all rely on each other to move toward a more socially just world. It all leads back to one phrase I hear over and over again: “no one is free when others are oppressed.” Hearing this can easily lurch us back into “fix everything” mode, but I think it reveals something else that can help remove the panic and strengthen us: we are all connected to each other, and we are all in this together, for better or for worse.

That’s why we each find our own nook to improve, and we take good care of ourselves in order to be able to do that work well. And it’s also why it’s important to recognize everyone’s nooks, including your own! And when you need help, whether it’s changing the laundry or changing the law, it is okay to admit that you can’t do it alone. None of us can! It doesn’t mean you care less or work less or have less to offer. And whenever you feel like there’s no safe place to reach out, come on over to the Wellness Center for some tea and snacks and see if we can be that place!

I wrote this blog post as a love letter to trying. Care is wide and deep, and if you are trying to make something better, your efforts are like little flashes of light. Every single one illuminates something new, and we learn, and we brighten, and we try.

Follow-up reading

A cool article I found

The Self-Care Project

and a site with a collection of awesome resources on self-care & activism

Also, I suggest reading books by Joanna Macy, which center around activism for the Earth but are relevant to everything.

[bewellhampshire]

The Hunger Moon: Utilizing the Earth and Sky in our Self Care Practices

Recently I’ve been thinking about cycles: The way my energy for taking on the week slowly grows from Monday through Friday, or the sleepiness that comes with starting a day full of classes and having it end with exhaustion, only to be remedied with coffee and herbal tea. Throughout the stress and chaos that we endure in order to remain “caught up” with school work, maintaining a social life, and house chores, I find the movement of cycles comforting in times of academic chaos that almost always comes with an emotional component. Nature, the ultimate universal cycle, is what I tend to focus my attention towards during hard times; Mother Earth and her gifts never cease to amaze me, and keeps my wonder at the world alive.

As part of a class on Herbalism and the magic of Botany that I’m enrolled in at the Stockbridge School of Agriculture (UMass), I’ve had time to read about the cycles of the seasons, the cosmos, and their effects on our emotional wellbeing. During this deep sleepy wintertime, I’ve been thinking a lot in particular about the bright winter moon. Greek mythology links the moon with the goddess Artemis, divine hunter, feminine, fierce and powerful. Ancient Egypt equated moon worship with gains in wisdom and justice, and Pagan traditions equate the moon’s phases with the menstrual cycle, and inner intuition. 

Keeping these different cultural definitions in mind, try and think of memories in which you looked up at the night sky, and marveled at our moon and it’s pale, white light. If you were at Hampshire last September in time to view the Blood Moon, you may remember going outside, alone or with friends, blankets piled high in your arms. That night my modmates and I followed the noises of shrieking and screaming to the field by the Red Barn, where it seemed that most of the college’s population was preparing to watch the Lunar Eclipse. Finally, when the moon became completely blood-orange it seemed like the audience in the field was transformed; howling, growling college students laughed and danced and even took off their clothes, like the disgusting hippies we truly are. This experience will no doubt be one of my fondest and most joyful memories of college, and was so indicative of the cultural significance of the moon’s beauty and ability to bring together community; whether at a small school in Western Massachusetts or around the world.  

Traditionally, names were given by the indigenous people of North America to each full moon of the month to keep track of the seasons. Now chronicled in the Farmer’s Almanac, (historically used by the European settlers of New England), the full moon of February is often referred to as the Snow Moon, or the Hunger Moon. As the month of February tends to receive the most snowfall out of the year, mid-winter is the season of fields yielding no crops or signs of life, and of starvation (during pre-Industrial times).

Jessica Prentice, food activist and author of Full Moon Feast calls for a re-examination of the February full moon as a time of intentional, spiritual hunger. She urges her modern readers to remember purification and ritual as being part of the ancient themes of the month, and to be able to celebrate the inner-facing reflection, as part of living in the darkness and cold of Northeastern winter. “Scarcity can be ritualized as a way of acknowledging it without having to actually suffer it. It can be seen as part of a cyclical whole, a new moon's darkness to the full moon's light,” says Prentice, as she calls for new ways to remind ourselves that we are cyclical beings, who need to pay attention to how our bodies respond to the most barren (physically and emotionally) of the seasons.  

Here I have compiled a list of self-care routines to help us to stay in love with the cycles of this planet and the power of the Hunger Moon. Maybe by looking up at the night sky, we can remind ourselves that even in the dead winter on this frozen Hampshire College tundra, we can make it through the winter by acknowledging the sacredness of the cold, and looking for inner-warmth.

Recipes As Jessica Prentice mentions, root vegetables are more frequently eaten in colder months as they provide much needed fuel, and can be picked in late fall and stored all winter long. Brittany Nickerson, local herbalist and professor of herbalism at UMass, stresses the importance of using spicy herbs in your winter time meals, as they are known to produce much needed fiery, internal heat.As a bonus, you can get most of these ingredients at Saga! Can also be modified to fit your dietary needs/restrictions.

Cinnamon Hot Chocolate

Potato, Broccoli, & Cheese Winter Soup

or if you’re into leeks (and are up for a more challenging culinary feat)…

Full Moon Soup

Full Moon Rituals These pages (in the tradition of Paganism), can give you some ideas on how to use the full moon to manifest your desires, let go, and set intentions for the month ahead.

Herbs for the Full Moon If you want to get a little creative, go back to the traditions of our ancestors and see for yourself the power of herbal medicine, and its effects on our bodies and minds. Herbs for the full moon are commonly used for their calming, rejuvenating properties in ritual, and in self-care. Make them into a tea, put them into an old (clean) shirt and tie into a ball to use in your bath, or under your pillow. Check out Acadia Herbals in Northampton for inexpensive dried herbs and information about the healing power of plants.

Full Moon Herbs

Acadia Herbals

Want to talk more about these topics? Please email me at [email protected]

[bewellhampshire]

Finding the Right Therapist

Note: Therapy isn’t for everyone. This guide is for people who have decided to pursue therapy as part of their own healing and mental health care, not to convince anyone to go to therapy/counseling.

I’ve been to many, many therapists in my life. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it’s really hard to find the right one. Therapists aren’t actually blank slates, no matter how much they like to pretend they are. Just like the rest of us, they have their own biases and opinions. But after years of continuing to see disrespectful, victim-blaming, transphobic, and otherwise bad therapists because I thought I had no other choice, I decided to make a change. Now I see a respectful, trauma-informed, wonderful therapist because I decided that it was worth it. But it certainly wasn’t easy—I talked to some real zeroes on my way to finding my hero. So I thought I might share with you some of what I’ve learned in trying to find a therapist.

Don’t be afraid to break up with a therapist The first thing you need to master is the art of “breaking up” with a therapist. I’ve done this a few times now, and it’s always awkward. Sometimes therapists will assure you that maybe they’re not the right fit, and it’s okay if you decide to go with someone else. But sometimes they don’t, and that just makes it way worse.

I’ve found that it helps to think about it in terms of a service. You wouldn’t keep going to the same car mechanic if they disrespected you, or if they didn’t know how to work on your specific car. Same with a therapist. Don’t continue to go back to someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and your healing process. Believe me, they’ve been broken up with before. They can handle this. You’re paying them for a service, so you should get your money’s worth.

You can keep it simple. Just say, “It was really great to meet with you, but unfortunately I think I’m going to continue to search for a therapist who better meets my specific needs.” Or don’t say anything; just don’t call them back. But remember that if you don’t show for an appointment you scheduled, most therapists will bill you for their time anyway.

Specific identities You should think about if there’s a type of person you connect best with. Perhaps you’re a person of color and would prefer a therapist of color. Maybe you’d like a woman, or someone who is older, or any other number of variables. These are real variables that matter and affect our experiences and relationships, so don’t feel bad for seeking out someone with a specific identity.

Experience It’s totally fair to ask someone about their experience. Maybe you have specific needs from someone’s experience. For me, based on some bad, bad therapists in the past, my biggest need is for my therapist to have a lot of experience working with the queer and trans community. I knew that many of my experiences and traumas were really connected with my queerness, and I needed someone who could understand those intricacies. But maybe you need someone who has experience with substance abuse, or family issues. It’s really important for you to spend time thinking about what you need from a therapist, and then be upfront about your needs when you’re interviewing therapists.

Listen to your gut Even after you’ve vetted potential therapists, found one with the identity and experience you’re looking for, there’s some stuff that can’t be determined on paper. It’s so important to find a therapist that you feel comfortable with. I’m not saying you should immediately feel ready to open up; that trust takes time. But people usually know within the first 20 minutes of knowing someone whether or not they like them. Trust your intuition, because if you don’t personally like your therapist that will be a real challenge.

Money Of course, money is a huge factor in finding the right therapist. Don’t be afraid to ask potential therapists how much they charge, if they take your insurance, and if they have a sliding scale. Often, community health centers offer affordable or free counseling, so you might want to look into those. And Hampshire College Health and Counseling Services offers free counseling to all Hampshire students.

Recommendations After you’ve figured out what you need, ask around for recommendations. You can go to Hampshire Counseling Services and try and find a counselor there. You can also ask the counselors there if they have recommendations for you. Or ask your friends and community members.

Write down what you need Before your first session, write down a list of questions to ask your potential therapist, and a checklist of what you need. Here are some example questions, thanks to FORGE:

How long have you been in practice?

What is your theoretical approach to therapy (in general)?

If I were in crisis, would I be able to reach you? How do you handle crises?

How do you decide which approach is best for your clients?

How and when will progress be assessed?

How do you protect my confidentiality? Who (besides you) will have access to my files?

Do you have experience with ______? (Queer patients, patients of color, survivors of sexual violence, etc.)

First impressions (to think about after your first session):

I felt heard—the therapist listened to my questions.

I understood the responses the therapist gave to my questions

The therapist asked good questions and listened to my responses

The conversation didn’t feel rushed—I was able to ask the questions that most mattered to me

I felt reasonably comfortable

I was treated with respect

I am able to afford this therapist (my insurance covers them, or their sliding scale is within my budget)

I am able to easily travel to their office

Good luck!

-Noah

[bewellhampshire]

F*#k It, Do What You Want

In defense of your awkwardness

by Emily

Ah, college - a young person’s introduction to the adult social sphere! For many, college is the first glimpse of conducting oneself with total independence. You make your friends of your own volition. Your group of humans is totally dependent on how your conduct yourself. This can translate to deep friendships, various support networks, and pizza and video games all night!

Now, while this sounds wonderful, not every social interaction you have will be seamless, easy, and free of error. Anyone who has ever been a human person will understand that. But what happens when you find yourself downright intimidated by these less-than-affirmative social interactions? A small community like Hampshire with its countless and colorful personalities can seem daunting when trying to face it head-on.

Many groups on our Hampus are hip, intense, and sometimes exclusive. Now, I’m not talking about identity-based groups; they have the right to be as exclusive as they deem necessary. I’m talkin’ friend groups, pal-squads, and cool folks you want to get to know. Several of these groups operate at the intersection of “chill”, which is a contested social phenomenon in contemporary discourse for twenty-somethings.

What IS “chill”, though? And why do I think it’s a problem when trying to make meaningful connections at Hamp?

“Chill and being cool are synonyms. They describe a person with a laid-back attitude, an absence of neurosis, and reasonably interesting tastes and passions [...] chill is “You do you” taken to its most extreme conclusion, giving everyone’s opinions and interests equal value so long as they’re authentically ours.”                 - Alana Massey, from Against Chill, which everyone should read

Chill can be great when it manifests in the positives listed above. But chill can also signify some pretty infuriating characteristics, like: “...emotionally vacant. Chill is what Cool would look like with a lobotomy and no hobbies [...] Chill takes and never gives. Chill is pathologically unfeeling but not even interesting enough to kill anyone [...] being enthusiastic or worked up is downright obsessive.”                 - Alana Massey, again

These traits can be incredibly polarizing and confusing, especially for those of us who are Not Chill.

But what exactly is “Not Chill?” To my reference, the Not Chill are people who have deep and sometimes explosive emotions, non-ironic hyper-interest in certain things (music, movies, cartoons, 15th century Russian literature, green beans, etc.) and experience a profound love and longing for the people around them. So basically, nerds. Don’t get it twisted; nerds are powerful and valuable because of their ability to love as wildly as they do, but the word itself has a negative connotation. We’ll refer to the Not Chill as Fire.

Now, binaries can be dangerous; Chill is a spectrum that everyone straddles. People who are more disposed towards Chill can live in harmony with people more disposed towards Fire, and do so every day. But since the overwhelming amount of Chill you experience at Hampshire is daunting when informed by all your unmanageable feelings, you might find that you crave human connection on a level that many people on Hampus would perceive as uncomfortable.

Side note: Please remember that I’m coming at this from a lens of being conditioned as a woman to want closeness and affection from other people while living in a society that tells women that those desires make them weak. Confusion and self-deprecation will follow, naturally, so there is a feminist conversation to be had here.

A Diagram

Exhibit A: Chill Hampshire Student

big jacket

understands nuanced conversations about social justice

uses “word” to respond to the agreeable sentiments of others

paramount of chill. low temperatures in general.

Exhibit B: Fire Hampshire Student, i.e. Me

lil bit greasy

buys 2-3 boxes of pizza rolls at a time

laughs earnestly, cries easily, and sometimes screeches inappropriately

trying very hard

Examples of Chill Disparities in Action

I have No Chill. I am 100% Fire, every second of every day.

One time I went to visit a friend who was having a small get-together at her mod. When I arrived, exuberant and loud and huggy as always, I found the room was full of like seven Chill folks. Less than ten seconds had passed before all of them went outside for a cigarette. Even my friend made comment about it - “Wow, I’m sorry they did that, that isn’t cool…”

It was kinda mortifying, but that experience highlighted the insecurities that can sometimes couple being Fire. Was it awkward of me to show up and embrace my friend? Was my vocal volume too high as I greeted her? Probably not, but everyone operates on a different wavelength of Chill, and my frequency in comparison to those folks was simply incompatible.

Doesn’t give them the right to be f*#&ing& d$*#s, though.

But I am no longer salty - this experience informs how I navigate the Chill of Hampshire.

Another time, I met up with a lovely human I had met on Tinder. Though we had only spent about an hour and a half together, we had some good laughs and cuddles. Obviously, I caught feelings immediately, and asked them if we should go on a date sometime. I instantly regretted this impassioned request because it exposed me for the severe lack of Chill that I possess. I mean, we had just met, and the unspoken rules of Chill dictate that you gotta keep your feelings in at least until you move in together.  

These instances of blatant human emotion are probably not lost on many. But the consistent wondering of “Oh god, what the balls is wrong with me? I came on too strong/I was too awkward/I’m loud and stanky and kinda funky-lookin’” has become so detrimental to many of us Fire folks. So this brings me to the actual point of this article, which is F*#k It, Do What You Want.

F*#k it! Do what you want! Are you feelin’ awkward and left out and like your whole life is a lie and people are talkin’ shit? Remember that feeling is not a damnation! Crying can be incredibly liberating! Holding in all your emotions is exhausting! To love something madly is to be alive! To feel excitement over small things is a triumph in this world that tells you to abandon all passion! Not to be dramatic, but these are the things that keep us alive! The worst thing you can ever tell yourself is that you’re too much! You just need to find the people who match your energy! You are valid and worthy and good and not wrong regardless of your place on the Chill spectrum and I heckin’ love you!

So anyway, Fire as a lifestyle can be exhausting even if you felt any sense of empowerment from the explosion above. How do you gain power from all those feelings?

How to Validate your Fire

1. The Power Stance

In her TEDtalk, Amy Cuddy discusses the power that body language has to make you feel some type of way. She mentions standing in a “Superwoman” pose, with your legs spread apart and your fists on your hips. This apparently can increase your confidence hormones by a small percentage. Body language is certainly important and can probably unfortunately dictate a lot of how we interact with each other.

If it’s difficult for you to do the stance of power, you can always achieve the same effect by making yourself “bigger” in some way, shape, or form. This can mean simply spreading your arms out wide for a few seconds, straightening your posture, etc.

To do a power stance is to remind yourself that you got this, and no lack of Chill can stand in the way of being taken seriously and having bang-up relationships with people.

2. Find and acknowledge affirming people

Do you have a small crew on campus that’s been with you since day one? This resource is more valuable than I can ever say. Sometimes when you feel that your Fire has been doused by the endless Chill of Hampshire, returning to your safe, cozy group can be what is best for you.

Friendship is so outrageously valuable, and taking time to fully acknowledge and respect your support system(s) can be a self-esteem booster of the highest caliber. There people are here to remind you why you’re great, what you have to offer, and why your Fire is particularly fantastic and necessary in this great cosmic battle of metaphorical temperatures.

Whatever you want to be able to tell yourself - that you’re funny, bright, likable, valid - can be mirrored by the people you choose to share yourself with.

Not everyone you ever meet is going to like you. That’s a side-effect of being as radiant as you are. But your pals exist within that radiance, and you will always be able to find someone comfortable in that position, even if it’s just one or two other people.

Find the other Fire. Or the other Chill, if that’s what you’re into, but always remember that you aren’t alone in your place on the spectrum. It usually isn’t too hard to gauge how intense you can be with certain individuals, but if it is, remember to always approach people intentionally with your wildness. And your wildness is alright, so don’t worry.

3. Whatever you can let go of, let go of

God, what does it even mean to let go of something? I remember embarrassing stuff I did from like, eight years ago. A good way to think about it is considering the innumerable experiences you will have as a human from the second you are born to the second you cease to be. This can really put awkward social interactions into perspective when you figure out that they aren’t major life events.

The two Fire-clash-with-Chill examples I mentioned earlier were easy to let go of when I remembered that I was acting from the heart in both of those circumstances, and there isn’t anything wrong with that.

Honestly, moral of the story: if people can’t handle you, they’re not the people you want to be close to forever.

No matter where you fall on this spectrum that I just made up, you don’t have to beat yourself up for how you conduct yourself at Hamp. There are a lot of unspoken rules and regulations that are totally annoying an arbitrary, and you certainly don’t need to abide by them.

Remember that whether you are Chill, Fire, or somewhere in between, someone is bound to understand you and feed your personality type. You just have to remember to validate yourself along the way.

You aren’t wrong or weird for the things you love. You aren’t too much for other people. The fact that you have enough personality to the point where other people might not understand you honestly means you’re doing something right.

“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.”                 - Frank Zappa, who was totally Fire and not Chill

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat some pizza rolls and watch videos of St. Vincent shred for the next three hours. And screech intermittently.

Love, Emily

[bewellhampshire]

Dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder

Hey friends,

Happy New Year! Remember in the Fall when we were all wearing skirts and t-shirts and walking around in the grass barefoot? Remember when it was warm and the sun didn't set until almost 9pm? Those were the days..

And they are coming back! The shortest day of the year is December 21st, and on that day we (in Western MA) had a little under nine hours of sunlight--the sun set at 4:12pm. Slowly but surely, our side of the world is tilting back towards the sun, each day is getting longer, and by the end of the semester, we'll have about fifteen solid hours of sunlight each day.

If you're like me, these seasonal shifts in sunlight feel pretty dramatic. This year, we've had absurdly warm weather (I ate breakfast outside in shorts this morning!), but even the fossil fuel and agricultural industries can't disrupt the annual sunlight patterns...yet. So, today I wanted to write a little bit about Seasonal Affective Disorder--how it works, my own experience with it, and some ways to help combat it.

The past several years, Seasonal Affective Disorder (otherwise known as SAD) has become an increasingly popular topic and diagnosis for many people who live far from the equator. For a long time, it was simply called the "winter blues", and it was no more than a common saying for someone feeling down during the colder, darker times of the year. But now we know that there are biological reasons for why people experience this seasonal shifts in mood and contentment.

Essentially, us humans are regulated by the sun. When the sun is up and out, we are being hit by rays of ultraviolet light, which causes our bodies to form and soak up vitamin D. Our bodies like vitamin D, a lot. And when the sun is down, our bodies begin to create melatonin, which induces a calm mind and gets us ready for sleep. Another thing that potentially plays a part is serotonin, a neurotransmitter that also plays a roll in your mood, and is reduced with lower exposure to the sun. So living in a place where the sunlight is so limited in the winter can have a very strong impact on one's circadian rhythm, which in turn affects how your body creates and regulates these chemicals which keep you content. Check out more info about it here.

I suppose a long-term solution for those that are feeling SAD could be to aim for a warm, sunny place to spend your life. The closer to the equator, the better (be thankful Hampshire isn't in Alaska). But for the time being, we're living here and need to cope with these crappy wintertime feelings, so I'll share a little bit about myself and how I do my best to make it through the dark. I will say that there are plenty of methods, and I'll try to touch on most of them, but there is no guarantee on what will work for each specific person. Even my own personal practice doesn't always keep my chin up this time of year. But that said, I'll share some solutions with y'all.

In middle school, I started to notice that my mood was beginning to shift. I was feeling depressed, lethargic, and unmotivated. Socializing turned from being a treat to being a chore, and I felt very sad and stuck a lot of the time. But I also felt much better once school was over in the summer. When I could be out in the sun and the warmth, I felt like a new person. A year or so into high school, I realized that this mood change was literally seasonally shifting, and I started to think that maybe my depression wasn't just caused by the stresses of the school year. And since then, I've identified as having Seasonal Affective Disorder. Having a name and a biological reason for why I was a happy, smiling, adventurous kid in the summer but a somber, aimless, reclusive kid in the winter, and learning that plenty of other people have the same experience, was a sigh of relief to 16-year-old Dylan. But this certainly didn't change the fact that I was an average of two or three points lower on a day-to-day 1-10 happiness scale for a chunk of the year, and when I found out that I would be moving further north to go to Hampshire, I was very worried that that chuck would be even bigger.

So, I developed a personal practice to offset my SAD so I could survive in New England. I'll list off some conventional methods that you've probably heard of and tell you how they worked for me, and then I'll add some of my own things that, although they might seem like small things that wouldn't help much, when you do them all together, make a huge difference.

+Light Therapy There are special lamps that mimics sunlight, and if you expose your body to it, your brain is tricked into thinking you're receiving sunlight (take that, brain!) and will start to give you some of that tasty, tasty serotonin and vitamin D. These work best when you use them regularly, and personally, I haven't ever committed to following a schedule. But give this a try, a lot of people report that it helps. And where can you find one? AT THE WELLNESS CENTER!!! You can also check some smaller ones out to take back home, or buy your own. Just remember that when you're creating your own virtual sunlight, you need to be doing it at a certain time of each day to spark your circadian rhythm. You also should try to avoid using a sun lamp at night, because this will make falling asleep more difficult (your brain will think it's daytime). I'd recommend ~30-40 minutes every morning or early afternoon.

+Vitamin D Supplements Of course, if your brain isn't doing the job giving you the chemicals you need, you can always buy them! Vitamin D supplements are small doses of what is usually made inside of your body from the sun, and can supposedly help improve your mood. Now, most "evidence" of these pills working are anecdotal; I know a few people who tell me they combat their SAD with vitamin D pills and it works for them either actively or as a placebo. Clinical trials have yet to show a significant benefit to mood from these pills. I tried them for a few months my first year at Hampshire...I don't want to say they didn't work--maybe they marginally helped in a way that I would only notice without them. But the effect was not dramatic, and once I stopped taking them, I felt a bit off. My guess as to why is because my brain had become dependent on these daily pills, and so it stopped making its own vitamin D. So, give these a try if you'd like, but do your research. Again, these work for plenty of people, but didn't for me.

+Exercise In my life, exercise has been a very important method of feeling happy, healthy, and whole. Again, there are chemical reasons for this--physical exercise prompts you to form serotonin and dopamine, and play helps you relax and de-stress, while actively making your body and brain work together. The problem with exercising though is that, when you're feeling that SAD pretty hard and you're already sluggish and unmotivated, the last thing you feel like doing is getting up and leaving your nest to exert yourself physically. Really, you gotta make yourself do it, or ask a friend to help you get up and moving a few times a week. There are times where I don't feel like going to frisbee practice in the winter, and if nobody asks me to come with them, I'm more likely to skip it. But once I start playing, I immediately feel my mood lift and my body awaken. Your exercise doesn't have to be something as intense as a team sport--you can jog or walk the track in the Multisports Center or on a treadmill in the RCC, climb the wall or bouldering cave, shoot some hoops or mess around with a friend on the tennis court, swim, take an OPRA course, go to circus on Friday nights, or even something at home like stretching sessions or yoga. This is a method that is so basic that people forget how crucial it is to keep yourself balanced and content. Your body is beautiful, go use it!

+Sleep It can be hard to maintain a solid and consistent sleep schedule in college, so this is easier said than done. But the best way to feel whole during the day is to sleep soundly each night, and get to bed at around the same time. This, like exercise, is a significant factor in mood and energy that is often overlooked. If you can get yourself up relatively early, you'll also get a lot more sunlight than you would if you woke up at noon, which leaves you less than five hours before the sun sets again. Taking melatonin supplements has been a real lifesaver for me. They are the same as what your brain makes on its own, so you're not introducing any foreign chemicals to your body. They won't knock you out, they'll only begin triggering the process of calm and sleepiness that your body typically feels when the sun is down. I wouldn't take them more than a few times a week, but they can be great aids at resetting your sleep cycle.

+What You Put In Your Body Matters Drinking water is never a bad idea. When it's cold out, it can be harder to realize when you're thirsty, and keeping your body hydrated keeps it feeling energized. And both the quality and quantity of what you eat play important roles in how you feel.

Substances can be an enticing coping mechanism for SAD, but be mindful and critical of how you feel when taking substances while already in a phase of feeling SAD. For me, alcohol can certainly make me more interested in socializing, but it also makes me feel more lonely and sensitive emotionally, and when the buzz has worn off, I begin to feel exactly why alcohol is called a "depressant".

+Get Outside Seriously. For January in Massachusetts, it's amazing out. Put on some layers and walk in the woods for awhile. You'll be getting those UV rays your body needs, even if it's cloudy out, and physically breaking off from your stress-inducing environment to enjoy the natural environment will help you calm down and slow down. Nature misses you. :)

+The Big One: Surround Yourself with Love For me, the worst part of SAD isn't the fatigue or lack of drive--it's the negative view of myself that grows in my mind. You know that voice in your head that tells you that nobody likes you and that everything you do is worthless? Well, in the winter, that voice gets pretty loud for me. I become very emotionally sensitive, I tend to focus more on the worse sides of people and assume they only see the worst in me, and I have a poor sense of self-worth. I don't feel like getting to know people, and I doubt they would ever want to get to know me. Love and care becomes harder to give, and nearly impossible to receive.

I've been dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder for several years now, so I'm very good at being mindful that these feelings are happening because it's that time of year. But as I said before, just because you realize you're depressed for a natural reason doesn't change the fact that you're feeling really shitty really often. I have an unhealthy tendency to isolate myself during these phases instead of talk about these feelings, and weather the emotional storm alone until the dark times pass and the sun is back again. But don't do what I do.

SAD is a legitimate form of depression. Just because it comes and goes with the calendar doesn't mean that you don't need a helping hand during the rough parts of the year. Explain to those around you that you tend to act and feel differently this time of year, and that you really need them to understand the reasons why and to show their love and support. Affirmations of your value and existence; smiles, hugs, and presence; acceptance of your mood and reminders that you ARE a very, very beautiful soul and you DO have a right to exist. These are all things that will help your island of depression feel much closer to the mainland. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your friends and loved ones. If they truly value you in their lives, they will be there to help you make it through the winter. Venting a bad feeling is sometimes enough to make it go away. Go talk to a therapist or counselor. Just because they're being paid doesn't mean they don't want to show you love and kindness.

When it's summer again and you're feeling fully alive and all-the-way You, write a message or record a video to yourself, so that in six months when the darkness is taking over your mood and your mind again, you'll have a light at the end of the tunnel, and a reminder from the other side of the year that it IS temporary and you WILL be happy again.

There are also plenty of online communities that focus on helping each other power through SAD in the winter. Here's one on Reddit.

Ok, that's it from me. Come find me in the Wellness Center or around campus or on Facebook if you need someone to talk to about SAD. I'm always here for you :) do some research on your own to find out how to cope in your own ways. The toughest part is fighting that fatigue and lack of willpower, and taking the first step to help yourself. After that though, it will become increasingly easier to be proactive as you start to feel better bit by bit, and eventually these coping methods will snowball into a much happier winter.

Tah Tah!

-Dylan <3

[bewellhampshire]

Hi I’m Sophie :) she/her pronouns please. I’m a second year Div II studying the intersections of birth, sexuality and parenthood through cultural and biomedical anthro. Some of my favorite forms of self care include knitting, being in water, and kicking it with my homies in our Greenwich den. Come to my office hours in the Wellness Center (MW 4-6) to show me your favorite crystals and rocks, or just to say hello.