Beyond the Prose

I like the asoiaf series, but sometimes I like poking fun at it more. Just sayin'.

[grrrenadine]

If Game of Thrones took place in an idealistic world where people were happy and good stuff just kept happening.

(all three designs are available at my society6 store)

[beyondpftw]

"A Character I Used to Know"

[kris-allen1359-deactivated-deac]

I've been watching a lot of Game of Thrones lately

And you can tell when I’ve been watching Game of Thrones because I start talking in aphorisms. Someone will text me in the middle of an episode:

"Hey man you still coming to dinner tonight?" And I’ll just glower at my phone and type

"We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy.” "I don’t know what that means. Listen, are you coming?"

  "A man understands what he wants to understand."

"You’re watching fucking Game of Thrones aren’t you."

"A man watches what he wants to watch."

[lowgardenarchive-deactivated201]

Gendry’s Report Card

Requested by: anonymous

[beyondpftw]

Is it appropriate to cheer for the King in the North whenever a conversation comes to a close?

I'm going to guess yes.

[beyondpftw]

Plot twist: Arya does pull her cock out and takes a piss.

[beyondpftw]

The Players and the Pawns, Part 1/20

Name: Robert Baratheon

Age: 35 at the start of A Game of Thrones

Claim to the throne: He got pissed off when his crush died and decided, "Fuck it, I'm gonna kill Rhaegar and sack the Mad King while I'm at it." Iron Throne: TREAT YO'SELF.

Playing style: Robert is about as subtle as a charging rhinoceros. When he decides he's going to trounce the Targaryens, he starts an honest-to-goodness war--and rompstomps his way to victory.

As great as it is that Robert managed to snag himself the Seven Kingdoms, he was not made to hold them. He admits to Ned almost as soon as he gets to the north that "sitting a throne is a thousand times harder than winning one." The courage and confidence he displayed during the War of the Usurper translated to zilch when he sat his soon-to-be fat-ass down, and his careless attitude towards the crown and its duties allowed the council around him to gain footholds on their own quest for power while he made a tonnage of bastard children.

Judging by his attitude, it's pretty safe to assume that his end-goal was not necessarily ruling the realm, making him that "Beginner's Luck" player that everyone else despises. When the war ended, so did Robert's good fortune.

Player or Pawn?

A pawn by the start of A Game of Thrones.

Does he have a chance to win the Game?

Nope. Definitely not. For, uh, obvious reasons.

[shirtoid]

Rinter Is Coming by Haragos is $10 today only (12/13) at Shirt Punch

[beyondpftw]

To everyone who thinks that Jon is the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna

Stop pretending like you invented it.

You are not an original.

[beyondpftw]

"Oh, I think that Lord Tyrion is quite a large man," Maester Aemon said from the far end of the table. He spoke softly, yet the high officers of the Night's Watch all fell quiet, the better to hear what the ancient had to say. "I think he is a giant come among us, here at the end of the world."

What are you, blind??

Oh.

Oh right, you are.

Sorry

[beyondpftw]

"Robert had hardly been seen; the talk was he was traveling in the huge wheelhouse, drunk often as not."

I'd be drunk all the time too, if I were married to Cersei.

[da-natash]

[beyondpftw]

Renly: I see you have arrived safely, Lord Stark.

Ned: And you as well. You must forgive me, but sometimes you look the very image of your brother Robert.

Renly: A poor copy.

Littlefinger: Though much better dressed. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I HEAVILY IMPLIED THAT HE WAS GAY BECAUSE OF HIS TASTE IN CLOTHING. JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

[yourresayingitwrong]

[beyondpftw]

Sam and Jon Become Friends

Sam: My character flaw is that I'm afraid of everything.

Jon: ...Really? That's all you've got?

Sam: Oh, like you're any better, Daddy-Issues!

Jon: Touche.

[beyondpftw]

Plot Twist

When Jojen said that the wolves would return, he meant actual wolves.

[a-fineskylark]