Navigating Comments about Black Hair in the Workplace
I’ve been fortunate enough not to have one of those horror stories of a curious white stranger or co-worker foregoing all social norms to invade my personal space and finger my hair. But this does not make me exempt from being singled out and Othered for simply being a black person with hair in the office. The small, incessant comments I receive on an almost daily basis at the office are becoming extremely burdensome.
I don’t even wear my hair out in its natural state. I alternate between a low bun (sometimes with a flat twisted hairline) and box braids. I’ve been doing these two styles for the last three years, yet somehow every transition warrants a dozen comments from my white (and Asian) colleagues. I’m constantly forced to explain the mechanics, maintenance, hygeine and personal aesthetic of my hair every time I switch styles. And I get it. White people can wear the same hairstyle for decades, so the thought that someone can change their hair more than once a year is exciting enough to stop their day. But I’ve had enough. It’s routine at this point. Last month, I had box braids; this month, I have a bun; tomorrow, I add a flat twist. Yes, the braids are extentions and that’s why I can change the length. Yes, I can/do wash it. No, it won’t fall out.
I’ve done everything I can to minimize these comments. I only change my hair on the weekend, and one time I even put the same style of braids back to back so they would look the same on Monday. On Tuesday, a colleague stopped me to ask if my hair was different. I admitted I had changed it and she walked away without complimenting me, feeling smug that she had noticed. Another time, at least a week into me sporting Ghana braids, another female coworker asked out of nowhere, “Did you change your hair part?” My fucking hair part. (And no, I didn’t change anything.) I have people constantly declaring “You changed your hair” (even if it’s the same bun from yesterday with just an added flat twist), with no intention of paying me a compliment. They simply want to point out that my hair is different (ie. I am different). What these experiences confirm for me is that I’m under a microscope and that my body is not free. I am dissected, critiqued and micromanaged on a daily basis.
I decide a couple months ago that I should do whatever I want with my hair, because even the smallest *perceived* change is office entertainment. So I got it bleached and coloured blue and wore it to work flat ironed. This is the only time I’ve received attention for my hair that I’ve been comfortable with. A month later, the braids are back and most have nothing to say about it. They (mostly) get it now.
But two weeks into these braids, the one other black girl on the floor (who only started a few months ago–thank God I’m not alone anymore!) got braids as well and now twice I’ve had to hear “Oh, you have a twin!/How does it feel having the same hairstyle?” It’s as if these people have never stepped out and talked to black people before. These people don’t even say hi to me or ever have the courtesy to ask how I’m doing or how my weekend was. It’s just a matter of commenting on my hair, reminding me I’m different, laughing about it and moving on.
I know the solution is to simply not care and do what I wish with my hair. But unfortunately, how black women wear their hair to school and to work has real effects on how they are perceived and treated. And sadly, it feels like their comments are succeeding at whittling me down into another boring bureaucrat who wears the same hairstyle for an entire decade. I’m really trying my best not to conform or lose my identity and pride to fit into their tiny boxes.
Any one else going through a similar issue? How would you address it?
