A fanfiction or a series (my god, a series about this) in which Eli explains (in the voiceover for the series?) just how weird his family is.
Starting with Eli's many aunts and uncles, 3/4 of whom share no blood ties with him. ( Yes, the puppy pack is part of the Hale pack. Yes, Alec was Eli's babysitter. )
( Erica and Boyd would have twins about the same age as Eli. Why would that be? I have no idea. )
( For those who love Scott/Isaac/Allison, they would have 4 children. Yes, exactly, so that 3 of them would come from duos and the last one would come into the world thanks to the magic and presence of 3 DNAs. )
(The whole pack would not live in the huge mansion that is the Stilinski-Hale mansion. Thiam and Morey would have their own place. Sheriff would have refused to move in. )
Then his cousins, of all ages, each more unusual and annoying than the last. With whom he shares the same grimaces when they learn that most of their parents have gone out with each other.
His dziadzia, who had never been angry with him for ruining his wallpaper (he had every reason to be. They were horrible drawings-) and who had taught him to lie to his tata while making him promise never to lie, understood, you little rascal, when they went to get the greasiest order in the whole fast-food restaurant. And his babcia and his abuela and his abuelo and his tias and his tios and his primos and his primas he knew only in grave form.
Finally, his dads, who look like they hate each other half the time or would kill someone if it made the other half smile. His two dads who have criminal records but brunch with the station cops once a month. His two dads who are both biologically men and who have biologically managed to have a child together.
(Eli politely asks anyone who jokes about him being his parents' little shit to fuck off. His dads told him his tata had a C-section, okay ?!)
A fanfic or series in which we discover the famous Hale Pack that has risen from the ashes and is so feared and respected. Where we discover how Eli feels so alienated from the pack he loves and cherishes, so alienated from his family. How Eli feels he's not cut out to be the next Alpha of the pack. How certain Eli is that he'll never be anything like his incredible, powerful, famous dads, no matter how many times he's told he's the spitting image of Stiles or has Derek's eyes and sourwolf face.
Eli sees himself as the boring kid in this extraordinary family, the boring offspring of a rich heir to a famous werewolf pack, a bad boy with a tragic past in his youth, a DILF today with his dad's super skills, a fair and fierce true Alpha (alive and not DEAD) and an FBI agent as sarcastic as he is intelligent, a supernatural detective in his spare time, a fearsome spark, emissary and Alpha mate. Like the good old cliché of the character with no friends but his cousins and an overpowering entourage, so beloved and popular and so much more remarkable and interesting script-wise than he is.
(Perhaps Eli never could and never will be able to shift? Perhaps being human is in part the source of his fear.)
And being the good old cliché that he is, he apparently becomes interesting when he gets superpowers. (Stiles is not at all happy that the Nemeton has chosen him to be its guardian. In fact, no one in his family seems happy. Great.)
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