tonight I watched every single Taskmaster live task intro from series 13 on and typed them all out because I wanted to know how many cute ways Greg addressed Alex
so like
here they all are
the winner by a mile is “young fella m’lad” which Greg has used to address Alex 7 times, followed by “baby boy” which he has called Alex 5 times. then there a few he’s used twice, but mostly one-offs!
full list under the cut!
Greg’s cute terms of address in bold, (Alex’s response if any) in parentheses, the one time Greg flirts with someone else—Nick Mohammed—in italics!
series 13: 6/10
13x1: Hello, you sweet young prince! (Ohhh… hi…)
13x2: Right, who’s gonna read the task out, lovely pretty boy? (Thank you again, Greg, for my compliment)
13x3: Who’s gonna read it out?
13x4: Who will read the task out, Little Alex Horne?
13x5: Who’s gonna read the task out, silly boy?
13x6: Who will read the task?
13x7: All right, my love? (thumbs up)
13x8: Who’s gonna read the task out?
13x9: Hello, my sweet! (Hi, mate.)
13x10: Who’s gonna read the final task, you silly boy?
series 14: 0/10
14x1: Who’s gonna read the task out?
14x2: Alex, who’s gonna read the task out?
14x3: Hello. Who will read the task?
14x4: Who’s gonna read out the task?
14x5: Alex, who’s gonna read the task out, please?
14x6: Who’s gonna read the task, Alex?
14x7: Who will read the final task?
14x8: Who will be reading out the final task?
14x9: Who’s gonna read the final task out today?
14x10: Who will read the task out?
NYT3: Hello, you lovely little nerd.
series 15: 5/10
15x1: Five pots on a stick! (for me!) Anyway, let’s dance!
15x2: I’m already excited. (Oh, yes)
15x3: Who’s gonna read the task out?
15x4: Hello, Corporal Good Boy! (Good evening, Captain!)
15x5: Having a little stretch? (Gentle stretching) Why not. Who’s going to read the task out, you lovely bearded boy? (Frankie Boyle, another lovely bearded boy.) 🎵Two lovely bearded boys.🎶
15x6: Who’s going to read the task out, Alex?
15x7: Hello, young man! (My tongue is still sore)
15x8: Who’s gonna read the task?
15x9: Hello, young fella m’lad! (Hello, mate!)
15x10: (Hi, Greg!) Hello, mate!
CoC3: Young fella m’lad (Here I am!)
series 16: 4/10
16x1: Hello, young fella m’lad!
16x2: Hello, there, Sonny Jim!
16x3: Who’s gonna read the task out?
16x4: Who’s gonna read the task out?
16x5: Hello, my love. (Wotcher, mate)
16x6: Alex, who’s gonna read the task out?
16x7: Who will be reading the task?
16x8: Who’s gonna read the task out?
16x9: Hello, there. Who will be reading the task out?
16x10: Hi there, cutie! (Oooh, hello!)
NYT4: Young fella m’lad.
series 17: 6/10
17x1: Hi, Alex. (Oh hi, Greg!)
17x2: Hi there, babycakes. (That’s me!)
17x3: Who’s going to read the task out?
17x4: Hello, there, my old friend! (Wow! Let’s do this!)
17x5: What’s cooking, good-looking?
17x6: Hello, you lovely boy. (Ohhh, thanks, Greg)
17x7: (Hi, Greg!) Who’s gonna read the task out? (Nick is going to read the task) Read it out, you nimble mouse!
17x8: Hi there, good boy, who’s reading the task?
17x9: Hi, baby boy. (Ohhh, hi, Dad.)
17x10: Greetings. Who’s reading the final task of the series?
series 18: 4/10
18x1: Who’s reading the task out?
18x2: Hello, old friend!
18x3: WHAT is going on?
18x4: Who will be reading the task out, young fella m’lad?
18x5: Hey, you.
18x6: Rotate the human!
18x7: Hello, there.
18x8: (Hello, Greg!) Hello!
18x9: [voice cracks] Hell-o!
18x10: (Greg, we have a hot dog) We do. [So, no cute greeting before the live task, but after the episode winner is announced, Greg says “Who has triumphed? My dear little boy, my sweet sweet little angel…will you reveal the final scores?”]
NYT5: Hi, there, baby boy (thumbs up)
series 19: 7/10
19x1: Hello, there, sweetcheeks! (Hi, Greg!)
19x2: You’re the best boy in the land, you know that? (I’m good at jumping!)
19x3: What’s up, sweetcheeks! (Thank you!)
19x4: Hi there, baby boy! (Hello!)
19x5: What’s cooking, baby boy?
19x6: Hello, honey pie. (I like the hairy girl!)
19x7: Who’s going to read the task out?
19x8: Who’s going to read the task?
19x9: Hi, there, my dear friend. (Hey, Greg!)
19x10: I hoped we’d end on something big.
series 20: 5/10
20x1: Hello, young fella m’lad. (Hi, Greg!)
20x2: Hello, everyone.
20x3: Who will be reading the task out?
20x4: Hello, my tender friend.
20x5: Hello, you angel.
20x6: (so, Greg, I think Phil should read the task.)
20x7: Who will be reading the task?
20x8: Who will read the task, young fella m’lad?
20x9: My dear man, (You’re my guy!) who will read the task?
20x10: What a lovely collection of final pirates.
CoC4: Hello, baby boy. (Hello…)
NYT 6x1: Who’s gonna read the task out?
NYT 6x2: Hello, you lovely boy (Well, hello, you lovely man)
series 21: 5/10
21x1: Hello, my handsome prince. (I’m a little worm! Hello, Greg!)
21x2: Alex, who will read the task?
21x3: Hello, you delightful cherub. (Hello, Greg)
21x4: Well then, my boy, who will be reading out the task? (I’m your baby boy!)
21x5: Well, that is a very big T. Who will read the task out?
21x6: Hi there! (I’m back in my counting booth!) Cool, man.
21x7: Hi there, ya hunk! (Oh! Me?!)
21x8: Who will be reading the task out, young man?
the key to understanding kermit is that line from the original muppet series where lesley anne warren is like "i thought you were the only person here who wasn't crazy" and kermits like "me not crazy? i hired the others" that guy loves chaos. he loves crazy shit, and he loves being the guy who has to handle the crazy shit. he deliberately creates these circumstances! he puts himself in these positions! and then he's like "i cant believe youre making me do this." anyway that frog is more human than any of us
I was lucky enough to be in the studio audience of episode 7 of series 21 and thought I'd post some notes from the recording, like I did for NYT 2026. Again, these are mostly things related to Greg and Alex rather than the contestants, but there's a lot of general stuff as well.
I have to mention that the studio recording for this ep was 8 months ago, so unfortunately I've forgotten a lot of details – this write up is the best I could do based on the notes I wrote down after the recording back in September
So, after several hours of queuing outside, the audience is let into the studio and you get your seat. Then it takes another hour before the show starts (this is my experience, but probably it varies from recording to recording). That hour went by quickly as I had never been in a TV studio before and was fascinated by everything that goes on before the filming starts – I enjoyed watching what various members of the crew were doing and looking at the details of the set.
First, a couple of things that surprised me. The platform/stage where Greg and Alex and the contestants sit is REALLY small. For some reason, when I saw that stage up close, the first thing that popped into my head was this outtake from series 6 where Greg and Alex are spinning around holding hands:
and what I was thinking was that I can't believe they didn't fall off or crash into the chairs when they did that. Also, the first row of the audience seats is so close to the stage that if you sit there it would be possible to touch it if you just leaned forward a bit.
Another minor detail – the thrones aren't actually shiny gold colour like you see on screen, the colour is kind of faded/dull gold, and the thrones look shiny only when the stage lighting is on.
Some of the pre-show time is taken up by the crew moving audience members around – some people are moved to fill the gaps in the rows, some shorter people are moved to places where taller people would block a camera etc.
They also check if things are working properly and fix things if need be – at this recording something wasn't right with a camera high up in the ceiling – I think it was the one that shows the studio from this angle:
so they brought out a VERY tall ladder and a member of the studio crew climbed up and did something up there.
This pre-show time is apparently also when some VIP audience members/production guests get shown around backstage, get their photos taken etc (I don't remember if it was at this recording or the NYT recording but one of the people showing some production guests around in the area behind the big VT screen was Andy D).
There's also a lot of studio security whose job is to constantly watch the audience members to make sure no one takes out their phone (there's a very strict "phones must be switched off" policy).
Another thing worth mentioning is that when Alex has props for his opening banter, then it's the floor manager who brings them to the stage and leaves them on his throne/in the drawer. The floor manager also brings out Greg's cards and leaves them on the table for him. Having now seen more than one recording, it seems that when you see the floor manager bring these things onto the stage, it's a sign that they're nearly ready to start the recording.
While you're sitting there waiting for the show to start, the full studio lights are on. And then, when the team is ready, suddenly without warning the full lights go off (and only the stage remains brightly lit), which makes everyone in the audience go "Oooh!" in unison, and the show starts. I can't describe how exciting that moment was for me the first time I experienced it.
Greg on stage
Greg is always the first one to be called onto the stage after the warm-up comedian (Mark) has finished. Greg chats a bit with the audience and lets people ask questions. One of the things I remember from this bit is that Greg took off his suit jacket and showed us his backless waistcoat – it was specially made for him because of his sweating (apparently he shows this to the audience at most recordings).
An audience member asked him what advice he would give to someone who has just quit teaching. Greg said, "Celebrate and have sex with everyone. That's what I did." Then he started giggling and said something like, "You don't have to do everything I did." One more question I remember was who would Greg choose if he had to replace Alex as his assistant. Greg said he would have to think about whose spirit he could break. Then he said that with Alex he sometimes feels guilty (about breaking his spirit).
Also, an audience member got to sit on Greg's throne (at Greg's invitation).
Greg and Alex's hug
Then Greg calls Alex onto the stage and it's time for their awkward hug. This time it was one of their Titanic hugs. Greg opened his arms, Alex went behind him and put his arms around Greg. It looked a bit like this promo image from s18:
except Alex wasn't peeking out from behind Greg, he just stood behind him and held him.
Alex's improvisation
After the hug it's time for Alex's improvisation – Greg asks the audience if they want the show to start or if they want to see Alex improvise a song and dance. Of course the audience always want to see Alex sing and dance. The audience shouts out some suggestions for what style should the dance be and also a topic for the song. Greg decides which one Alex will do. My notes say: country style, about fragility of life?? But I don't unfortunately remember anything about it.
The show starts
Then they call the contestants onto the stage and start the show. It's also worth mentioning that the audience (which is different for each recording) doesn't know beforehand who the contestants are and only find out in the studio when the show starts.
Once the recording starts it plays out exactly like a broadcast episode, starting with the opening credits and ending with the winner's celebration on stage, with breaks at the same points as in the broadcast. But all the studio discussions go on for way longer than what you see in the broadcast ep and obviously there are breaks for setting up the live task and the prizes for the winner at the end etc. Overall, in my experience, it's about 3.5 hours from the moment the show starts until they've finished filming pick-ups and the audience is let out of the studio. As the length of a broadcast episode is around 47 minutes, it's clear that a lot of comedy gold is left on the cutting room floor...
Greg's intro
When Greg started to read out his intro, it turned out the autocue was upside down and they had to fix that first.
After Greg's intro for Alex and his comment about Alex wanting women to be "more hirsute downstairs" several contestants (not just Amy) said that they didn't know what "hirsute" means, and then everyone started discussing what Alex had said to Greg and what he could've possibly meant by those things he said. So finally Alex felt the need to defend himself and said quite vehemently, "I did not say ANY of these things!" It was very funny.
Banter section
The banter section was actually longer compared to what was shown in the broadcast ep. Greg said something like, "Is that it, normally there's something for us to go on, but this time nothing," so Alex said he has some things for Greg. First, he had a picture of a dog (the one you can briefly see in the ep):
Then he gave Greg some chocolate, and also 40 pounds. Greg said he'll give the money to the contestant who pleases him that day. But later on in the episode, Greg was pleased with himself about something (I don't remember what), and said, "20 pounds for Greg", took the money he'd promised to a contestant earlier, and put it in his jacket pocket. Also, during one of the breaks, Kumail ate the chocolate and shared some with members of the audience.
Some notes about tasks
During the prize task, the Braille menu chat went on for a while, and started one of the running jokes in the episode, which was about asking permission for various things. I think it started with asking permission for something from the visually impaired community. Having to ask permission was brought up again and again at various points throughout the episode (there was also a moment when a member of the audience was asked for permission for something), and because of this running joke Greg's end-of-episode "What have we learned today" was also about asking permission (more about that later on).
During the "switch on the telly" task when they revealed that Joel touched the TV with his bum, there was much longer discussion in the studio whether touching someone with your bum counts as touching or not. In the broadcast ep the camera cuts away at this point:
but in my notes I've written that Greg actually stood up and started to move towards Alex, bum first, as if to sit on him, but then sat back down on his own throne. Eventually Amy said that men saying that touching someone with your bum isn't touching is not OK, and they moved on.
When they showed the VT for the sock task there was a long conversation in the studio about what is considered as "standing up"
The "half lob" chat went on for a while and was very funny. Greg said the editors will cut all of it out because it's too blue. Alex (in character) said that he thought that "half lob" is an innocent term, something that you use when talking about sports, like tennis, for example. And Greg had to explain that they were talking about erections. When Armando and Greg bonded over Armando saying "if a soft lob counts as standing up then there's hope for many of us", then Alex said to Greg "good luck with that."
The live task went on for far longer than Alex and Greg expected it to, because all the contestants were really good at it. So they decided to go up to four and then very quickly to five-digit sequences so someone would make a mistake.
I have to say I didn't focus at all on remembering the tasks because I knew I would see the VTs again once the episode airs. So while I did keep an eye on the VTs, I was mostly watching what Greg and Alex were doing when the VTs play. Alex is mostly watching the screen but he's also often tapping away on his iPad, sometimes he glances at a contestant or Greg. Greg is always watching the screen and often writes down notes on his cards. Sometimes he leans over to Alex and whispers something to him (behind his cards), occasionally pointing at a thing he's written down. It's possible that their mics are turned off when the VTs are playing because you can't hear anything when they are whispering to each other (at least I didn't). But I think Greg just asks clarification about some details or asks Alex to let the gallery know that he wants a clip of something to be replayed to the audience (like Amy's "remix" clip during the sock task in this particular episode, for example).
One of my favourite task/contestant-related memories was this one:
this got a really good reaction in the studio as well, Greg was especially delighted.
Ad break links (these are cut from the Youtube version)
I was sure that the dog leash bit would be included in the broadcast episode and not cut, mainly because the bit that followed it got the biggest laugh of the episode. So what happened after this moment:
as soon as they stepped off the stage, Greg dropped the leash and Alex took it off. Then the warm-up guy stepped up and said that this was for certain people on the internet, and asked the audience if we've heard of Taskmaster fanfiction. Then Greg and Alex returned to the stage and did the poo bag bit
After Greg lifted the poo bag it was a long while before Alex could say his doughnut line because both the audience and the contestants absolutely lost it laughing.
I remember thinking that Alex's "Why did you pick it up?" and Greg's "Because I'm your owner" may be cut from the episode because of too much audience noise as people were still laughing loudly but luckily all of it was left in. (Side note: I think that these lines weren't scripted)
When they started the VT after that, Greg gave the poo bag to the floor manager who took it away. Later on in the episode Greg wanted to do another joke with the poo bag, but couldn't - he opened his drawer to take the bag out, and only then remembered that he'd given it away.
At one point, Greg and Alex also recorded a bunch of generic ad break links – the kind of links where Greg just says something like, "Time for a break, see you in a few minutes". So I guess they use these when one of the links they've recorded for the episode needs to be cut for some reason.
"What have we learned today?"
As I mentioned before, one of the running jokes in the episode was asking permission for various things. Because of this, Greg's "What have we learned today" bit at the end of the ep was also about asking permission. He gave examples of things people may want to do and followed it with "you have to ask permission". One of those things was a callback to the dog leash and poo bag ad break link – Greg said, "If you want to go and do a poo on the lawn outside the studio, you ask permission." I don't really remember what the final thing he said was, but my notes say: Kumail gives Greg permission to speak with a Pakistani accent (voice-over). So I think it may have been something like – Kumail's voice-over for the final line and Greg was just moving his lips and not actually speaking, kind of a callback to the "revoice this footage" task.
Pick-ups
At the end of the show, once the winner of the ep has done the celebration on stage, the contestants can leave and Greg and Alex stay behind to re-record some lines (because they've messed up or because the audience was making too much noise or for some other reason). Greg asked Andy C how many they have to do this time – apparently it's always around 10-12. At this recording it was 12.
When they've finished filming the pick-ups, Greg and Alex thank the audience, wave everyone goodbye, and leave the stage.
After that the audience can leave in stages. The first ones who can leave are the VIP/production guests (seems like they are always seated in the balcony seats located towards the back of the studio). And after that it's the audience members who had seats in the stalls, and then the rest of the balcony. It's all very well organised.
Audience Q&A
During breaks in the recording there's chat with the audience and the warm-up comedian – or sometimes Greg when he's on stage – says that people can ask questions. These are some questions I remember from various points in the recording:
The warm-up comedian was asked what's the difference between the old studio and the new one (starting from s21 they are filming in a new studio), the answer was that the dressing rooms are bigger and the studio is closer to Greg's place.
Greg was asked if he sees the VTs for the first time in the studio. He said that for the most part yes, but in case of some more complex tasks he gets shown the VTs before the recordings, to make sure he doesn't miss anything important. But he also said that he never makes judgements before the recording, he always makes decisions about points in the studio, in the moment.
Someone asked whether it's really Alex who writes the tasks. The warm-up comedian said that Alex has a team. Greg was actually on stage at the time, heard that, and took over answering the question. He said that it's still Alex who writes most of the tasks – it seemed to me that it was really important to him that Alex gets proper credit for what he does. (This is something that Greg often mentions in interviews as well – that he admires the fact that Alex is still able to come up with new tasks after all these years.)
When Greg was on stage waiting for the live task to start, someone asked how long it took to set up the sock task. Greg said he can find out and contacted Andy D via his earpiece. Apparently it took 30 minutes and 5 people – there were people who were unfolding, people who laid them on the floor, and someone who was ironing.
And now my favourite question. This was during one of the breaks when it was only Greg on stage, sitting on his throne. An audience member asked him whether he would want to spend Christmas at Alex's place (with Alex's family) or whether he'd want Alex to come over and spend Christmas at his place. Greg actually took a LONG moment to think about it, and then said that he likes Alex's family but he would want Alex to come to his place for Christmas because he'd like to have Alex's undivided attention. Alex was standing somewhere at the side of the studio at this time, and when he heard how Greg answered this question, he opened his arms and ran towards Greg, all excited and happy, as if to give him a hug, but when he got onto the stage he sat down on his own throne, and then they giggled together. (I might actually make a separate post about this at some point in the future, because it wasn't just what Greg said, it was also how he said it, and it's... something to ponder.)
More notes:
One thing I wanted to include in this write up is that Greg really makes Alex laugh A LOT during a recording – and I mean this kind of leaning-forward whole-body laugh that you can see in this screencap (an outtake from ep 2)
Greg had an earworm that day, he kept humming and singing some lyrics at random times throughout the recording, and was very annoyed about that. He actually mentioned what the song was, but unfortunately I didn't catch it.
At one point Alex said it would be a big problem if Kumail won, because they can't afford to fly him back from the US to film CoC. I have to stress that this was very clearly a joke.
They do explain relevant series-long running jokes to the audience – so they did explain to us that Joel is the only one doing the egg task
During those breaks in the recording when all the cast and Greg and Alex remain on stage, hair & makeup and costume people come onto the stage and touch up the makeup and go over their costumes with a lint roller if need be. (I was unreasonably excited that one of those people was Patrick – the person who amongst other things is responsible for choosing the socks Greg and Alex wear during recordings – I love their socks!) Greg was also brought a little hand-held fan, because he's always too hot, and he proudly showed it off to the audience.
It was surprising to me that the breaks in the recording are relatively short. Some are only a minute or two, some are maybe 5 minutes or perhaps a bit longer. But I guess it varies greatly from recording to recording. At this recording, even the break before the live task was short because they didn't need to set up any props for it.
One question that the warm-up comedian seems to ask every time is whether there's anyone in the audience who doesn't live in the UK. At my first recording I was a bit worried that I would be the only one there who is not from the UK, but there were actually quite a lot of audience members who had travelled from another country.
Final note:
I'd been trying to get tickets for a TM studio recording since s14, but was always unsuccessful, so finally getting one felt like winning the lottery. The cast was a joy, the energy in the studio was brilliant and it's clear that Greg and Alex still have so much fun doing this show together. And they're just SO FOND of each other. It's incredible to witness in person – a dream come true
the rainbow is a well-known symbol of gay pride that originated in the late 1970s in san francisco, when the gay community promised to never again destroy the earth by flood
I went to the recording of Taskmaster Series 21 Ep 4
I was lucky enough to attend the S21 Ep4 taping of Taskmaster and it was the horniest Taskmaster episode I have ever seen filmed. I don’t know what was up with Alex and Greg, or what happened during the break, but they were flirting up a storm. I was in the front row, directly in Alex’s eye line, and he knows me because I attend a lot of events after which he comes to say hello and pretends that he really wants to take a picture with me every single time, and he has remembered my name and you can tell I’m totally normal about this… anyway the point is that I’m a face he knows and because of the position of the seating it felt like he was looking at me and talking directly to me the whole time which made the whole thing even more intense.
We started hot with the intro bit and Greg did his usual ask me anything and a male audience member asked Greg to marry him and he said, “I’d have to make some decisions but I’m not saying no.”
Greg introduced Alex by saying that he had seen Alex’s penis and that it was a perfect cylinder which is completely unnatural. Alex then walks on stage and says, “all I heard was you said I’ve got a perfect penis,” with a pleased little smirk. Then there was several kisses to start the show, Greg hugged Alex front on and then kissed the top of his head. Alex turned his head to face the audience while they were still hugging and Greg kissed the back of his neck several times with little kissy noises.
I do not remember anything about Alex’s improv at the beginning because despite me loving him and everything he does I find it cringy and watched through my fingers.
For Alex’s opening banter there was a bit where Alex had two red cups with water in and he asked Greg to copy his actions. Greg did everything to copy him. Alex sipped the water and so did Greg but then Alex spat it back out into the cup and Greg had clearly swallowed his. Alex said, “you swallowed,” and they gave each other such a look and then Greg got excited and said, “I’ve got such an urge,” and mimed throwing the water at Alex’s face. Greg then said, “I can’t they’ll kill me for the edit but I really want to.” Alex replied, “is it weird that I really want you to?” Greg then had quite a long conversation with the gallery and then turned to Alex and tossed it in his face. Alex made a brief surprised expression and started to wipe his face and Greg said, “oh god that felt so good,” he squirmed a bit in his seat and then added, “I’ve got such an unexpected erection.” And Alex leaned over to look at his lap.
As part of the prize task Greg made Alex (I say made but Alex put up no struggle whatsoever) eat a kebab in a wrap with jam and then called Alex ‘baby girl’ and Alex just smiled cutely at him.
Greg called Alex ‘baby boy’ in a variety of different styles and inflections and every time he said, “baby boy?’ Alex would reply, “yes?” And this went on for a really long time. Greg was repeating ‘baby boy’ to him and messing up and refusing to move on and he said, “this is not even on the autocue, I’ve just said to myself I’ll say the baby boy thing at him.”
Alex said he was going to wait to tell Greg the scores until after the ad break and Greg said, “you fucking little tease,” to him in a sexy growl and Alex turned to look at Greg and bit his bottom lip while maintaining eye contact with him.
Greg called Alex a cunt when he did something wrong in the mustard/custard task and Alex got all squirmy about it. Alex then said that his job was so difficult, I think in response to the thing he did wrong, and then Alex added “Hashtag hard for Horne,” and looked directly at me with a little smirk and I managed to nod and smirk back, the little shit.
Alex made a sexual joke, I still can’t remember what about and Greg said, “you don’t usually say dirty things like that,” and Alex replied, “not often.”
After the task in which Joel ate a bit of wax in lieu of a sweet they were talking about anything being food if you put it in your mouth and Greg said to Alex, “in that case I’ve got something for you in my dressing room. and it's not food.”
Amy offered Greg a sexy piece of wood and he said, “I’ve got wood,” and again Alex checked his lap and Greg added, “actually I don’t often and that’s the problem.”
During a task, Greg said that Alex leaned across to him and described one of the male contestants as ‘hot’ and Alex just nodded in agreement that he did.
Greg called Alex a ‘pussy’ when an audience member asked why Alex won’t reveal who the contestant he doesn’t like is, Greg said, ‘because he’s a pussy. I’ll tell you, I’ve got like 10 of them I don’t like, but I asked him the other day and he now says that he likes that person again.” The audience member then said, “it doesn’t matter if you tell us then,” and Greg was like “clever but no.”
Greg called Alex ‘boy’ when he passed over to him for the live task.
Greg threw water at Alex again in the episode and said, “we all knew it was coming and yet it was still funny,” he then looked down at his lap and looked at Alex. Alex asked the audience, “do I look wet?” And smirked at me (hopefully that was a coincidence and he is not aware of Wet Alex Horne…) then the audience responded no and he asked, “where did it all go?”
The bit that made me gasp the most though was they were doing Greg’s makeup and he asked if it was because he was sweaty and the makeup woman said no, and he asked why they were touching it up then and she said it was because Greg was a bit red. Alex then leaned over and said you are a bit red and Greg responded to Alex, “that doesn’t bode well for you tonight then because daddy’s horny.” Then he panicked a bit and said, “I’ve creeped myself out with that one,” and Alex touched his arm really softly and reassured him that it was okay.
It was a great experience and I highly recommend if you get the opportunity to watch them flirt in real life, then definitely take it.
i dont post about taskmaster but i was watching cats does countdown reruns and i thought some of u might enjoy this clip of greg from like... 11 years ago
I was in the studio audience for Taskmaster S21 E08 so here’s my very long taskhusbands-biased post about what happened at the recording:
This episode was recorded on the evening of Sep 16 last year at the Television Centre. The recording lasted about 3.5 hours from 6:30pm to a little over 9:45pm.
Intro
Greg was introduced on stage after the warmup person Mark Olver. He had a little chat with the audience, asked how everyone was doing, showed us his front-only vest and explained he was not allowed a real vest cause he sweats too much. After that he sat down on a chair on the contestants side and said ooo is something missing? The audience yelled Little Alex Horne and Alex was introduced onto the stage. Greg made an attempt at bear hugging Alex to welcome him onto stage, raising both arms up high, but Alex, after hesitating for a sec, went for his belly and gave him a good rub on the tummy like you do with a big cat.
Greg also disclosed to us that he was back at the peak of his weight (to which we cheered loudly), that he just had a nap and panick ate a Twix before coming on, so I guess that explains his good mood. When Alex came on he asked Greg about it (“you had a twix?”) in a sort of playful way and Greg asked if he’d had anything backstage. Alex said Haribo (cheer again) and added that he had a call with his wife. Greg, smiling fondly at that, said “you had a call with your wife?”
Greg asked if we wanted to see Alex do improv and was delighted when everyone yelled YEAHH with terrifying enthusiasm. He said this actually wasn’t a required part of the format, we could just start the show, everyone yelled NOOO and Alex tilted his head back and sighed so very loudly.
Greg then asked around for genre ideas. He picked an audience member “because of their enthusiasm”, and the audience member asked Alex to sing a hymn. For the topic of the song someone yelled out "carrot," so Alex was having to made up a hymn about carrots on the spot. The lyrics were “Did God give us little orange sticks? Yes he did. Yes he did.” Greg hummed along with him to provide melody. There was also a professional opera singer in the audience. Greg asked them to do a solo, then everyone joined in and sang the carrot song together. The song actually turned out surprisingly well. Later on, while the contestants were taking their seats and getting ready for the show, Greg kept humming "little orange sticks" to himself which was. Very adorable old man behaviour.
After the improv Greg went and sat down on the throne, and asked Alex to sit with him. Alex first sat down on the armrest of the throne - he perched up there so smoothly it genuinely looked like he does that very often, like he just belonged there (I’ll shut up now). Then Greg patted his own thigh and said Come sit over here. Alex’s first reaction seemingly was to straddle Greg’s legs and to sit on Greg while directly facing Greg, but he didn’t go through with it. Instead he stopped short, half hovering over Greg, they looked at each other and laughed, after which Alex spun around and sat right into Greg’s lap. Then to make things worse he started bouncing a little on Greg, up and down up and down. As if to stop his boy being naughty, Greg leaned his entire body forward, pressed against Alex's back, rested his chin on Alex’s left shoulder, wrapped his arm around him and hugged him tight. It looked so intimate I had to bite the inside of my cheek to not scream out loud.
LAH’s intro got cut a bit. After Greg saying the line about the postman in Alex’s neighbourhood, Alex admitted that there is indeed a postman who loves wearing shorts, and he said now that guy is going to think the story is about him. During the final pick-ups, Greg did the intro again, and Alex whispered under his breath, "Beautiful… beautiful eyes."
The banter was very pun-ridden and has something to do with Alex going on holiday. It wasn’t very long and will probably be released as an outtake so I’ll skip it here.
Prize Task
Loads of chat re Amy’s pregnancy pillow got cut. Greg said something to the effect that he only learned his one was a pregnancy pillow because his Romanian cleaner had asked him about it (gesturing towards his belly). Amy said she likes the big pillow because "it hugs you back like a big boy," to which Greg laughed and said, "I like a big boy too." Joel said he thought it was a sex thing, and Amy replied, "No, I have another thing for that." Greg said, "Me too, have I mentioned my Romanian cleaner yet?" (He immediately regretted the joke and started yelling "No, no, no!").
Also the pillow was named Linda. After all the sex chat, when Greg was taking notes on the pregnancy pillow, he accidentally wrote down "lesbian".
At one point Kumail called Joel by the wrong name - He called him "Reece". Apparently right before going on stage they were talking about Joel’s jacket, and the brand of the jacket was Reece? This resulted in multiple callbacks later in the studio.
Task 1
In the VT Alex called Joel a twat. The studio discussion on this was longer, in that after Joel said Alex turned different shades of red, Greg very naturally decided he had to make Alex say dirty words. He asked Alex what he called the bits downstairs and Alex said "Mr. Cheeky". Kumail followed up by asking"How is it cheeky? Explain." I can’t remember exactly what Alex said next, but the gist of it was somehow that it’s called Mr. Cheeky because he likes to suck grapes. Greg then said, "Yeah, Alex often comes over at lunchtime asking to suck my grapes."
Kumail’s nipples were discussed extensively in the studio. They talked for ages about whether he actually had nipples or not. Kumail eventually admitted that he does have nipples; wardrobe and makeup helped tape some body hair over them to cover it up. It was Alex who suggested that they could just leave it a mystery, saying “we'll start a rumour". Kumail actually said after that he preferred to come clean, so this might get addressed on the podcast when he comes on, or it could be that Kumail now canonically just doesn’t have nipples in the Taskmaster universe.
To top this off, Joel had another bit about how his nipples have been able to lactate(?!) ever since he was a kid. Greg asked if he had to milk himself from time to time. This bit went on for a while. Alex looked up whether male lactation is a sign of a tumor. Joel said he had looked into it and the doctor said it's fine. Greg then said he once had a condition where if his nipples get touched, his tits would get bigger. He said he had to go see a doctor about it when he was a kid, and one time he bumped into something on his chest for some reason and they swelled up massively. I forgot what the condition was called and I genuinely hope this is a real thing and not the product of my fever dream.
The Hank Green cameo in Joel’s part of the VT felt longer in the studio and more identifiable. I wonder if they’ve cut it shorter.
Task 3
I can’t remember any major stuff that got cut in Task 2. But for task 3, Kumail pulling the doll’s underpants off was talked about so much in the studio that at one point I thought it would surely be the major running joke of the episode. And then I remembered channel4 wouldn’t for their life air that many pedophile-adjacent jokes. It was such a good laugh for everyone though. Even after the recording they were still talking about it. Kumail was quite exasperated at the end and said "Have none of you ever pulled the underpants off a doll before?!" And everyone said no and said "You made it worse."
I might have dreamed this up but I swear they had a bit about Armando’s face during this task that got cut. Cause I remember seeing Armando’s face on the studio screen? But can’t recall much detail about this.
Live Task
This was such a live task to watch in person. Alex was in charge of measuring distances and adjusting the cameras inside the mops. His body was so stretched out and looked so nice while he was doing that hashtag hardforhorne
Pick-ups & Ad Breaks
There were a few pick-ups at the end. During the pick-ups, Greg noted that it was getting quite late, yawned, and very adorably said, "Sleepy time."
I think one of the ad breaks got cut. It was Greg saying "If you live nearby, you can take Alex home. He is what the sex circle calls a unicorn, and he will be happy to be the meat in your sandwich." In the final pick-ups, they recorded another version where they cut out "sex circle." For some reason Greg ended up saying: "He will be happy to be the meat in your couple's sandwich."
End note
I was so lucky to be in the audience for this episode. It was my first Taskmaster recording and it was perfect. The atmosphere in the studio was electric and I felt hysterical even before the prize task had begun. I wrote all these down as soon as I was out of the studio so hopefully didn’t miss that much stuff. There might be some grammar errors and wording glitches as I wrote my note in Chinese and have only just now rewritten them into English. The one thing I regretted was that I didn’t know Joanna before Taskmaster so didn’t write down much about her contribution in the studio. Who’d thought she’d now be my favourite contestant of the series! I wish I could remember more about her. Anyways hope you enjoy reading this as I enjoyed typing it up!
During the pre-show, when Alex sat on Greg's lap, Greg said "Oooh, someone's a meatier boy" (implication: Alex's ass has grown since he last sat on Greg) and it looked like he squeezed Alex's ass with his right hand. He also said something about Alex's ass being very warm. Alex started bouncing on his knee. Greg then pulled Alex back against his chest, wrapped his arms around him and leant his face against the back of Alex's shoulder, pressing his cheek to it (facing the audience). It was both very sweet and very holy shit: Greg's face squished there and his eyes shutting for a moment. Okay. 😭
Greg's intro joke about Alex was about him fancying his postman because of their "lithe hips" and possibly something about their bum in shorts. It was extra amusing that the gender wasn't specified in Greg's words – very deliberate. Alex pulled a face and said "I do have a postie who wears shorts and he's going to think that's about him now". Greg said something devious about that.
Something I found interesting was that Greg always paid rapt attention to the VTs, or tried to anyway (it was sometimes difficult to hear everything with the audience reacting). He was fully twisted around in his throne, leaning on the right arm of it, and watching in full. Alex has definitely seen every VT beforehand, as he has little anticipatory reactions like putting his hand over his face just before he or a contestant does something particularly awful, giggling into his fist when something’s about to happen, etc. Alex really enjoyed the first two VTs in particular – he did a ton of giggling during them. It was adorable to watch.
A couple of times per VT, Greg would turn to Alex, hold his card up to cover his mouth and murmur something to him. I tried very hard to hear him, but I couldn’t pick up a single word even though I was right in front of them. From body language and context, though, most of it seemed to be clips or stills he wanted Alex to queue up, ready for him to reference afterwards. Some of it was talking about stuff he or Alex had just said and some of it was apologising for various nonsense. He also wrote a ton on his cards in quite small handwriting. When Alex had questions or wanted to double check something with Greg, he would tap delicately on Greg’s upper/middle back with his hand. Like ✋ tap tap. Sometimes he had to do it a few times before Greg noticed. It was very sweet.
Personally, I'm astounded that my favourite ad cutaway was, well, cut. I didn't think they cut those! I highly doubt they'll make it an outtake because they have yet to do that with a cutaway iirc, so here it is: Greg said that if any couples live close by, they should hire Alex. “Alex is what's known in sex circles as a unicorn. Ready to be the meat in your sandwich!” The audience lost their shit.
In the pick-ups after the contestants left the stage (where they redo lines, film alternatives, etc), the first alternative they tried for this cutaway was removing “in sex circles”, so it became “Alex is what’s known as a unicorn. Ready to be the meat in your sandwich!”. The second alternative reduced it further to “Alex is a unicorn”, but Greg also accidentally added 'couples' before sandwich here, so it became “Alex is a unicorn – ready to be the meat in your couples sandwich!” 😂 So sad they cut this. How is Greg going to sell his Assistant's services now?
During the breaks, Greg and/or Alex offered to answer questions about the show while they were getting lint-rolled and brushed by Wardrobe. Someone asked what they’d done in the break between the morning taping and this one. Greg said that he’d “panic-eaten a Twix”. Alex said that he’d wanted to nap, but “had a call with my wife instead”.
Also during a break, an audience member pointed to Alex's pineapple tattoo and said “so you put the pineapple upside down” in response to the unicorn line. Because his tatt looks upside down from the outside when he's not holding his arm up. Mark Olver the warm-up comedian came on and (lovingly) ripped into that person with a ribald, “You know what that means, then!” And then, out of nowhere, in his measured ‘I agree with you’ voice, Alex deadpanned: “Single people mean nothing to me.” 😂
Also, after Amy's unnecessary censorship VT played, Greg goaded Alex about holding the onion over his crotch. Greg: "What is it over?" Alex: "I don't want to say." Greg: "Tell me." Alex: "My.. area." Greg: "Yes and what do you call that?" Alex: "My cheeky chappy!"
They then went off the rails, bantering back and forth about what Alex's cheeky chappy does. Greg said that Alex often gets it out in his (Greg's) dressing room. Alex said yes, “For grapes. It likes to pick up grapes.” A contestant was like: “It picks them up?” And Alex said yes, "It has a suction function.” The audience was in pieces by this point. Alex: “But it can't pick up anything heavier than a grape". Greg was rolling about laughing.
It was really lovely. You work pretty hard as an audience member and your hands and throat will be (ahem) sore afterwards, most likely, but by god is it worth it. Love the whole crew so, so much.
more feral husband taskmaster opinions! find the rest here!
series 17:
his favourite was Nick Mohammed (mine too!)
he liked John Robins more than i expected (and more than i do), but honestly i should have expected it because he likes competitive contestants as long as they’re very pathetic about it (eg. Ed Gamble)
he really liked a lot of the tasks this series, and almost always spotted the “trick” to them right away
he absolutely loved the Nick/Greg of it all, but was completely unsurprised because he immediately fancied Nick himself and was like ‘well, obviously Greg would too, look at him, he’s adorable’
series 18:
during episode 2 he said “I miss Nick. I’m gonna go pour myself a glass of white wine with a single ice cube.” and then he did
his favourite was Andy Zaltzman (??? baffling to me, mine is Emma Sidi, and I find Andy a bit annoying) but he thought this was a really solid cast with no duds, second favourite was Rosie Jones and he rates the other 3 highly as well
at one point he said “I don’t know why anyone has trouble with Rosie’s voice, I think she’s just Northern” AND HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW SHE MADE THAT JOKE
he liked the hotdog costume wildcard thing a lot
he also really loved that Babatunde Aléshé was too unfamiliar with the show to know he was supposed to hate Alex and just befriended him instead, like it showed that Baba took Alex’s persona at face value and his response to it was “wow this boy needs love and encouragement”
halfway through he asked me if Jack Dee was Greg’s comedy hero because of how reluctant Greg was to go after him, when I said he was actually Alex’s hero and not Greg’s we had a whole long convo about how Greg’s authority is actually quite fragile but he’s so adept at reading the contestants that he rarely goes after someone who’s actually going to respond by stepping to him and shatter the illusion
series 18 is kind of oddly full of self-assured and naturally dominant characters, like all of them stood very firm in Greg’s presence
we also had a long convo about Greg’s career trajectory and teaching, bc my husband assumed since Greg was a drama teacher that he actually quite liked kids (and enjoyed being silly with them), but I explained that he seems to genuinely dislike children and mostly became a teacher because his father was one and he really saw his dad as a hero, and being a drama teacher was kind of a compromise between being a performer and practicing the family trade
my husband over-identifies with Greg and happens to see his own dad as a hero, but he never once considered going to uni for social work (he studied classics and intended to be an academic in moral philosophy), so that is a big difference between he and Greg (he also does like children)
series 19:
we just watched episode 1, but he’s sure Jason Mantzoukas will be his favourite because “I always love him in everything” but I think he’s going to really love Stevie Martin and Mathew Baynton too
