Ahhhhhhh

???????

[elflady]

you: AOC

my brain: Archive of Our Cortez

[jackironsides]

oh thank god it’s not just me

[sneakyfeets]

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

[sneakyfeets]

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

[sneakyfeets]

Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:

Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears

Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night

Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning  

Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels

Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash

Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4

Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack

Tricked me into loving him forever anyway

[mens-rights-activia]

[thewriterkb]

The reverse progression of Modern Humans to simple life forms. 

[correct-vampire-opinions]

Bimboification

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

Jo, my friend, my best buddy I will strike you down if you continue to say things like this

[tlirsgender]

Me trying not to tell random people trivia about whatever my hell brain has latched onto this month

[respectfulmemes]

[lesserjoke]

Reblog this post with your weirdest ancestor’s name.

I had a great-grandfather named Kermit Dickman.

[wuqs]

why did you start a competition that you’ve already won

[dankmemeuniversity]

[revilonilmah]

#218 Slugma is cookin’ up a delicious pizza pie!

Consider supporting me on Patreon!

[dongstomper-deactivated20161230]

“games aren’t art, huh???” *picture of skyrim*

[nttht-deactivated20181225]

[mentosmorii]

the funniest thing to do as an older sibling is to add an ‘s’ onto shit your younger sibling plays. “Oh, you’re playing pokemons? you’re booting up fortnites on the switch? skyrims?” because it’s the closest thing humans have to a rage spell lmao

[casettadellorso]

OP you are missing the power of “the.” As in “the pokey-man” or “the fortnite.” Hell, I just say “the Costco” and everyone around me loses their shit.

[rue-nightly]

Once you’re over the age of 30 you can put these two hands together and instantly deal out 15 points of psychic damage to anyone under the age of 21 within hearing range

[mesovideo-blog]

waterproof watches sold in bags of water, and you get to keep the water

[cheaphalloweencostume]

this is not true. i purshased one of these watches and as soon as i removed the watch from the liquid an operative in a suit approached me and forcefully repossessed the water. i tried to drink what i could but he was strong and i was weak

[arianneiam-deactivated20130318]

[zachsilberberg]

[donald-trump-official]

Quick I need someone with photoshop expirience pm me

[donald-trump-official]

The last guy we picked up on Twitter just put in his two weeks, first response gets a job at the White House

[avita-creator]

I used to use MS Paint a decade ago. How’s that for experience?

[donald-trump-official]

You’re hired. I need a photo of the squads heads on the devils body. Please note that I want it to be a 4 headed demon and that’s there’s a bonus in it for you if you can have “satan squad” stepping on the constitution. Just post it to my twitter account once you’re done

[avita-creator]

I wasn’t sure which squad to pick, so I picked yours, cause it’s the bEsT.

[donald-trump-official]

This is 100x better than anything I expected 10/10

[nitronine]

I saw this post and immediately thought of this scene...

[mens-rights-activia]

👀👀👀

[lavender-lemonade-soy-candle]

Critically important cinematography

[yaboyroy]

my waist ain’t snatched that shits confiscated got me wig confiscated

[cool-dad-deactivated20240526-de]

there are few things I look forward to as much as her songs

[crystallized-for-eternity]

okay but no offense this shit goes hard!