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23 - semiverbal autistic🇵🇷 & billy's no.1 court jester - they/them - sideblog

[californiaboytoys]

I never had the chance.

[maculategiraffe]

lots of times if I tell my boyfriend that I am proud of him for dealing with a situation, or that I'm sorry he's having to deal with a situation, he will say "no it's my own fault." meaning that he feels like he doesn't deserve praise or comfort for dealing with a situation that is his fault. (for example a financial problem caused or exacerbated by him having been too anxious or absentminded to deal with the situation sooner.) and I tell him this and I will tell y'all this, that I don't believe that. I think you are even braver and stronger for taking steps to deal with a mess that is of or partly of your own creation, because you have to cope with guilt and shame on top of the thing itself, and because you're fighting against the same ingrained dysfunction in yourself that caused the mess. that's like the bravest and most constructive thing you can do and you should be proud and I am proud of you.

[kelpforestdwellers]

also, mistakes don't mean you deserve to suffer

[imsodishy]

Billy has a tone problem.

Dad says it all the time, "Watch your tone, young man," and sure sometimes Dad is full of shit, but it’s not just him. It’s lots of people. All the time.

It's, "Why are you so mad about it?" when he’s just shooting the shit.

A sarcastic, "Well don't sound so excited," when actually he was kind of looking forward to the movie.

"I've had about enough of this attitude, Mr. Hargrove," from teachers when he was just answering the goddamn question.

And over, and over, "You don't need to bite my head off!" when he was just... he was just fucking speaking. It's just how he sounds sometimes. When he's tired mostly. Goes real good with his face that wasn't scowling actually, he was just spaced out.

So he practices. In private, in the shower, in mirrors, he rehearses. Line readings again and again, 'til he finds the right way to deliver it. Fleshes out the character. Hits the right note. Says nothing when he doesn't have something prepared. He can pull off the strong, silent type, that's better than saying it wrong. Builds himself a nice little bit of leeway by leaning in to the asshole persona, makes the slips ups less noticeable.

He gets better at it over the years, but it never gets easy. He thought it might. He thought maybe everyone had to learn how to be a person like this and then once he had it down it would be as easy for him as it was for them. No luck though. It stays hard.

And fucking exhausting.

And it's harder when he's tired, so it's a vicious circle.

If he spends all his energy at school, then he's got nothing stored up for home, and he'll piss Dad off. But if he keeps up the act at home, he can't manage it at school, and then he's in trouble, and when Dad hears about it... yeah, another one of those circles.

Either way, he's really got nothing by the time he’s alone in his room. Just blank. Staring at the ceiling. Music loud enough to rattle his skeleton. Shake him loose. Maybe loud enough to fill him back up so he can start again tomorrow.

[harringroveera]

Every time someone tries to turn Eddie or Steve into Max’s new brother instead of Billy I go a little more feral

[sunrisesarsaparilla]

Happy Stimming Billy Tuesday

[king-keery-archive]

JOE KEERY Domino’s “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” Advert March 2017

[carrieway]

hey, im trying to move out of a toxic living situation that's severely detrimental to my mental and physical health. any support would be appreciated.

ill also be doing commissions to go towards it all, you can send a message here, my instagram, or email me at [email protected] if you're interested. please rb.

[biillyhargroves]

Max’s little face when she watches Nancy loading her gun. “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?” So scared for her brother. Wanting to protect him and knowing that she might not have a choice. That same energy carried over when she’s trying to break through to him, begging him to remember who he is, because she doesn’t want anyone to hurt him. She wants him to walk out of there with her. She’s so little and she tried so hard and I’m gonna combust.

[dxcrekayd]

Baby Dacre

[kingsteve011]

“Where’s your accent from?” “Australia” “AAAGHHH”

IF THIS AIN’T ME

[memes-saved-me]

The Bite // Dear Billy

[wixterirox]

The weirdest thing about Billy wank (discourse) is that people will argue that he deserves death as if there isn’t real abuse victims that act and relate to Billy

[suledins]

BILLY HARGROVE in STRANGER THINGS 2 ↳ Chapter Nine: The Gate

[rebelflet]

[delcatty]

i just saw a tiktok edit of Billy with lotta true crime as the sound. like.

they literally compared him to ted bundy. im gonna scream.

[leporinelou]

this parallel fucks me up every time

[leporinelou]

[kaliwachumin-deactivated2022082]

Note how Max had already started picking up on Neil's abuse tactics and using them for her advantage, and she was just thirteen at the time. That one scene is a literal testament to what growing up in an abusive household can do to someone: if no guidance and no moral/emotional support are provided, anyone can go from being abused to becoming the abuser. And sometimes, having the upper hand in an interaction (like Max does in that scene with the bat) does not mean you've turned into a monster or into a villain, it literally just means you're doing what you gotta do in order to survive in a hostile enviroment-- Which is, by the way, exactly what Billy had done his whole life.

[knivesthemillions]

do you guys think billy’s mother was at his funeral