American Made Machine

Lobster Thermidor snatching wench. She/her. Puts the bi in bimbo.

[sweeetestcurse]

Planet Earth II: Episode 05 - Grasslands

[sashayed]

has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing

[boomstab-papa]

[heartwarminganimals]

Trail cam catching a deer fawn with the zoomies

[c3rvida3]

"I hate when the skeletons on decorations aren't anatomically accurate." A Halloween skeleton isn't the same as what's inside you, idiot. It's different. A Halloween skeleton is, like. A guy or something. It's an animal.

[c3rvida3]

If Halloween skeletons had bones like ours instead of hollow bones like that of a bird, they wouldn't be able to play their ribcages like xylophones. You sound so fucking uneducated right now.

[theadhdgoblin]

[quotefeeling]

“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

[woosh-floosh-art]

Situation that happened in class this semester that was so funny I immediately sketched it out in my notes

[marcelshorjian]

A Victorian puzzle purse for a special someone's birthday 💌 ✨

See it unfolding here

[segamascott]

[nattousan]

ladies and gents may i present you with my favorite photo of Ella Fitzgerald ft. that guy

homie was down bad, and can we blame him?

[hopeless-eccentric]

that guy is jazz trumpeter dizzy gillespie! i think it was the smithsonian which just found a second angle of this moment and .

yeah, me too dizzy

[algoresextape]

First photos I have ever seen of Dizzy Gillespie where he doesn’t look like this

[punkitt-is-here]

this duck LOVES pink drink

[punkryuki]

[sawdust-emperor]

Her just pouring the puree straight over the duck's head because she knows there's no getting that duck out of the cup is killing me

[pissmoon]

Catholic church doesnt even allow divorce if domestic violence is involved and vatican city wouldnt exist nowadays without the help of Benito fucking Mussolini and yet theres always some motherfucker being like i hope the next pope is pro gay marriage. I hope I get a house from Santa Claus this year. I hope a horse is going to buy me cheese in the grocery store

[peaky-arthur]

[foxofninetales]

More like

[ruinedchildhood]

[societalchameleon]

"If I wanted garbage, I'd go to Bonnie's tumblr"

[april]

cats are really good at looking at things. very useful

[april]

having two cats essentially means you have a bug and rodent triangulation system. if they are both looking somewhere you know for damn sure there is some unauthorised fucking thing there.

[kalichnikov]

“Terf is a slur used to silence us” dang bitch I wish it worked shut the fuck up

[yoursoftmachine]

my d.b. cooper theory is that the rapture happened while he was falling and he was the only christian worthy of heaven