remus always remembers that after the prank, when he stopped speaking to sirius, when he pulled away from everyone, when he hated himself more than ever before, when he couldnt forget — he remembered one thing in particular. he remembered sirius asking him if he ever thinks about him, if even for a little bit, he thinks about him. and every time remus remembers it, he laughs, because after everything, after doing what he had done, after doing what remus believed to be the stupidest thing anyone had ever done, sirius still manages to outdo himself. and if remus thought that prank was stupid, well, that question is even worse, because remus always thinks about sirius. remus could never stop thinking about him
he thinks about him with his eyes closed, right before falling asleep. he thinks about him when he wakes up, when he walks, when he eats breakfast, when he listens, when he looks at the sky, when he looks at the stars, when he looks at the most beautiful star in particular. when he sits beneath trees to read, when he looks at the scars in the palm of his hand, when he closes his eyes again — behind his eyelids, he still thinks about sirius. and he thinks about sirius everywhere. he sees him everywhere, needs him everywhere, wants him everywhere. here, there, and everywhere. and that, without a doubt, is what he hates most about himself, because even after sirius makes him feel disposable, after treating it all like a game, after making remus realize how little he can truly mean, after sirius was unable to think about him for even a single moment, when he didn't even care about the way he could make him feel, after that, after all the pain. remus still feels love. and he hates it, because remus tried to hate him. he tried so hard, he truly did, but the love he feels is stronger than everything else.
turnnoffyourmind
annaxmalina
areudirty
romaincrisis
snowghoul
stormborns
