sirius rediscovers himself under remus’s gaze, realising that love does not have to be merely what he was taught, but that it can also create and reconnect, because love is not just an emotion, but another way of opening his heart.
sirius always feels the need to talk to remus; even when there is nothing to say, he simply goes ahead and lets the love's power do an act of invention. invention of speaking: words that he didn't know they were there tumble out, thoughts sharpen, colours seem richer, inhabits himself more completely.
when their two hearts speak, they understand each other; that is what happens when one is under the right gaze. the right gaze: it brings the endless hidden selves and latent worlds into to the surface, that transformative engine that shapes you into who you are now.
two hearts speak to one another and two minds get to know each other, exchanging a pattern of attention, and, almost invisibly, they reorganise themselves around the other. what starts as perception becomes structure.
taking part in each other's unfolding, supporting one another so they can grow within the silhouette their love sketches out, and feeling their own edges soften and bend beneath the steady pressure of their gaze.
the right gaze—eyes, volcanoes of the soul—spit out bleeding truths, and such is the beauty when they soothe. a process in which they slowly temper themselves under each other’s attention, when their thoughts settle, when their habits crystallise, when their identities take root, when they fall in love.
that is why remus right gaze beneath sirius can change him down to the grain, because remus sees sirius vividly, he reshapes sirius image about himself, and when emotional heat loosens the structure of the self, it just remains something stronger, different, marked by the shape of attention.
attention becomes an anchor; sirius identity reshapes in response to remus rhythms, his gaze. perhaps this is why his right presence can feels like destiny; whole inner continents, hidden selves and latent worlds, begin to surface, shaping sirius into someone he hasn’t met yet.
now sirius understands why people write songs, and then more songs, about love; why people in love cannot just stop talking about it. it is because they have just rediscovered themselves under someone’s gaze, because it makes them more. more alive, more aware, more passionate, more calm. and now, the only thing he wants is to make remus more too.
and as he learns to see like a lover, he glows differently in love. the right gaze is a kind of heat, loosening himself just enough for new patterns to take hold. he shines differently when he sees with love, because that warmth remakes him.
he learns through friction, attunement, repair. when tiny emotional moments accumulate into new neural architecture. sometimes the only work is learning to receive belief without flinching; to look with imagined love, drafted in the space between his gaze, when each act of seeing draws up another hidden self from the depths.
to fan the flames when love asks for heat and leave the cold behind. but beneath that steady warmth of attention, where he can soften and take a new form, where the right gaze reorganises the self; he can recognise himself more clearly in remus eyes, and remus in sirius eyes. each becomes more singular by being seen, a longing to inhabit the silhouette cast by their radical faith.
to love is to let himself be remade. to become someone else, not because he were incomplete, but because there are parts of him still waiting to be made real in the presence of another. and when he loves someone like that, he offers remus the same possibility: to explore his hidden selves and latent worlds, and to find, in his gaze, in sirius gaze, a home for what remus will discover.
snowghoul
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
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