I highly recommend following this magical cinnamon roll.

@theartofmadeline
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
Cosimo Galluzzi

blake kathryn
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Claire Keane

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club

ellievsbear

No title available
noise dept.

oozey mess
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

Discoholic 🪩
macklin celebrini has autism
Xuebing Du
Doug Jones

Origami Around

titsay
$LAYYYTER
Sade Olutola
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia

seen from United States

seen from Paraguay

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from Canada
seen from United Kingdom

seen from United States
seen from Russia

seen from United Kingdom

seen from United Kingdom

seen from United States
seen from Kenya
seen from Kenya
@biologistdrifter
I highly recommend following this magical cinnamon roll.
extra: father and son training
ksci band!
THIS IS MY JAM.
Send “Sorry! I have two left feet” for a thread where my Muse teaches yours how to dance.
Alternatively, send “ One, Two, Three” for a thread where your Muse teaches mine.
[SCIENCING INTENSIFIES]
Hit on my muse
Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
If I were a stop light, I’d turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
If you were a vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.
There are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Apparently, none of them have ever been in your arms.
Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.
Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
I’m not staring at your boobs. I’m staring at your heart.
Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?
Your body is 65% water and I’m thirsty.
My doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.
Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
If I were a cat I’d spend all 9 lives with you.
Smoking is hazardous to your health… and baby, you’re killing me!
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
You know I’d like to invite you over, but I’m afraid you’re so hot that you’ll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
Are you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s'more.
I bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.
I like Legos, you like Legos, why don’t we build a relationship?
Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
There’s only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.
Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!
Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control, because I just saw a fox!
I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die.
Are you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect
You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.
My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?
I have an “owie” on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
Hey baby, I must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Do I know you? Cause you look just like my next girlfriend/boyfriend.
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
I blame you for global warming… your hotness is too much for the planet to handle!
You’re single. I’m single. Coincidence? I think not.
Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
Baby, you’re so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
I hope there’s a fire truck nearby, cause you’re smokin’!
I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
If you were a burger at McDonalds, you’d be McGorgeous.
Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.
You’re so hot, I could bake cookies on you.
Is your car battery dead? Because I’d like to jump you.
I’m lost. Can you tell me which road leads to your heart?
It’s a good thing I wore gloves today. Otherwise you’d be too hot to handle.
Tumblr: Have a question for Bill Nye?
Every person who attended public school in the past 22 years: BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL
Hercules quote meme
“Aren’t you…a damsel in distress?”
“If? If is good.”
“I’m a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.”
“Um, I don’t know. I thought they looked kinda dashing.”
“So did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?”
“Well, you know how men are. They think “No” means “Yes” and “Get lost” means “Take me, I’m yours.””
“Is Wonderboy here for real?”
“Um, maybe we owe him money?”
“Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?”
“It’s been a real slice.”
“Coming, your most lugubriousness.”
“Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.”
“You know, I haven’t seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself.”
“He comes on with his big, innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.”
“She’s a fraud! She’s been playing you for a sap!”
“Somebody call IX-I-I.”
“Whoa. Is my hair out?”
“Sometimes it’s better to be alone.”
“Ah, but dreams are for rookies, kid. A guy can only take so much disappointment.”
“People do crazy things… when they’re in love.”
“Are you always this articulate?”
“Hey, I’ve sworn off manhandling.”
“It’s all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed.”
“For a true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.”
“Indoor plumbing. It’s gonna be big.”
“Is there a downside to this?”
“How sentimental. You know, I haven’t been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat.”
“Hey, I’m walkin’ here.”
“I didn’t know that playing hooky could be so much fun!”
“Stirring performance, boys. I was really moved.”
“He’s gotta have a weakness, because everybody’s got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?”
“You’re really choked up about this, aren’t ya?”
“Anybody listenin’? It’s like I’m - What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it’s me. Nobody listens.”
“So is this an audience or a mosaic?”
“It’s a small underworld, after all, huh?”
“I thought you were going to be the all-time champ, not the all-time chump.”
“How can I come down there, when I’m feeling so up?”
68/100 photos of Idina Menzel
sillysurgeon
Send "Tickle Fight!" for our muses to get into a tickle fight
The loser has to do whatever the winner wants
Best Friend Starters!
{Text}: Go to bed and stop texting me. This isn’t the intended use of emojis.
“Hey, I read about this super illegal thing and I think we should do it.”
“GET DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE I HAVE TO COME GET YOU!”
“Do you think foods have feelings? Maybe that gumball I dropped today was sad I didn’t eat him…”
“No, we can’t buy five hundred pugs.”
“What do you mean I’m too loud? It’s not like I’m SHOUTING IN YOUR EAR!”
“If I go down you’re coming with me! This is a mutual effort!”
“I’m not picking your drunk ass up at three in the morning anymore.”
“Stop coming into my house to sleep on my couch! Someday you’re going to find the door locked.”
“Oof, get off! You’re too heavy!”
“I honestly think you belong in a cell, but again, I guess we’d be cellmates.”
“Now who the fuck took my skittles? It was you, wasn’t it, you smug little-”
“Somehow I don’t think the teacher believed our story about the sword wielding elves breaking the window…”
“BUDDY SYSTEM IS IMPORTANT, YOU MIGHT GET LOST! NOW GIMME YOUR HAND.”
“I don’t care if you didn’t wanna share, it’s mine now!”
“YOU ARE A DICK. Also I’m at your door, let me in.”
“C’mon, smile…I’ll tickle you if I have to!”
“You’re sad. Don’t lie to me. I see the pouty thing you do.”
“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”
“You can’t even reach me to hit me, shortie-OW!!”
im tired of all these askmemes being for otps tbh
so leave a brotp/platonic ship in my ask and i’ll tell you:
who steals french fries off the other’s plate
who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple
who has to bust or bail the other out of jail
who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues
who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes
who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk
who starts and who wins the pillow fights
who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush
sleep sentence starters 💤
"*yawn* I'm not tired I swear..."
"I'm too tired for this shit."
"Would you get mad if I fell asleep on you? You're so comfy.."
"You can take a nap on me if you want."
*wiggles around while dreaming like a sleeping puppy*
"I just had the weirdest dream... and you were in it!"
"My snoring's not that bad..."
"I do not snore!"
"Do I really snore?"
"I'm trying to sleep here!"
"That doesn't look like a very comfortable place to sleep."
*yawn*
"I do not drool when I sleep!"
"Do I really drool when I sleep?"
"If you do the cold water prank on me while I'm sleeping I'll kill you."
"If you do the whipped cream and feather prank on me while I'm sleeping you're dead to me."
*sleepy mumbling noises*
"Do I really talk in my sleep?"
"Do I say anything interesting when I talk in my sleep?"
"Have a nice nap?"
"Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite."
"Want me to sing you a lullaby?"
"Having trouble sleeping?"
"You can sleep in my bed if you want."
"Your snoring kept me up all night."
"Go to sleep already..."
"You were crying in your sleep... is everything alright?"
"Bad dreams again?"
"Not another nightmare is it?"
"You look exhausted, you should get some sleep."
*draws mustache on you while you sleep*
"You woke me up... I was having a nice nap too..."
"I wanna go back to bed..."
"Wh-? I jus' woke up..."
"You sleep too much."
"You don't sleep enough"
"You look so cute when you're asleep. So peaceful."
"Sometimes I watch you sleep."
text message starters, part 1/?
[MSG]: If you come home and see an ambulance outside, don’t worry. I’ve got it all under control.
[MSG:] One time I thought I was heterosexual.
[MSG:] I’M WEARING A FLAG.
[MSG:] Just get in the fucking blanket fort.
[MSG:] I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I pass out for 3 days.
[MSG:] I am going places. Maybe not college, but places…
[MSG:] I don’t think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
[MSG:] THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESN’T EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
[MSG:] We’re making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
[MSG:] Can you pick me up? The threeway turned into a twoway while I sit here alone in the corner…
[MSG:] Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
[MSG:] You know, my friends think I make these stories up…
[MSG:] I’m bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We’re plotting your demise.
[MSG:] My cute new neighbor has a cast on his leg. How sad is it that my first thought was, “Hey! This one can’t run away!”.
[MSG:] OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still…
[MSG:] I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
[MSG:] I just walked into the room at this party and someone shouted “dibs!”
[MSG:] He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
[MSG:] Uh, I almost got the bride to go down on me. I’m the smoothest maid of honor ever.
[MSG:] Somehow a ride to Walgreens turned into a threesome.
[MSG:] Yeah, don’t like to call her my roommate. Too cordial. I prefer to call her “the whore that was assigned to live with me.”
[MSG:] Why does every bad decision I make end up with at least 100 likes on YouTube?
[MSG:] I feel like I don’t show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time.
[MSG:] I told you not to buy lube from a tourist shop!
[MSG:] He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
[MSG:] STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE.
[MSG:] There were containers of weed in the piñata.
[MSG:] So far today I’ve had six shots of tequila, one joint, I’ve hit three parties, made out with two people and been chased by security. It is spring break.
[MSG:] OMG SOMEONE JUST CRASHED THIS LECTURE SCREAMING “TROOOOOLLLL IN THE DUNGEONS!!!” I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HELP
[MSG:] I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon.
[MSG:] Uh, I think that pic was for someone else. At least, I hope so…
[MSG:] My gaydar is infallible. Trust me.
[MSG:] I’m actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We’re just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators.
[MSG:] See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
[MSG:] Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?