Assalamualaikum dear sister, I'm having an issue rn. I'm having trouble to get away from the 'pleasure' of sinning you know. I mean, as a girl I do not talk to boys but then when there's a situation where I need to communicate with them there is something inside me feeling 'pleased' at doing so. It's hard to describe what I exactly feel. Another example, I don"t like to show off but I secretly feel 'great' when people ask about my life and I get to tell them about my achievement 😭
Salaam aleykum,I'm not going to lie, I feel uncomfortable to be asked questions like this because I feel like there is a certain expectation you have of me to be asking for guidance and I do not wish to let you down.I don't know how exactly to advice you because of your limited info. I don't like giving cliched advice because it comes across as presumptuous and a cheap form of sympathy. It also presumes that there’s a singular way to live and grow when there is nuance involved and the layered complexity of humans isn't something we can pidgeon hole easily. Nevertheless, I'll try my best to help.You say that when you need to communicate with men you feel pleased and you're guilt tripping yourself over this. My dear, you know it's not haram to talk to the opposite gender if it's done in an appropriate and Islamic manner? The fact that you said NEED and not WANT should tell you that it's okay. We all have natural desires that are part of us being human beings and the only thing Islam does make sure we do thing correctly and it organises those natural desires into something meaningful. So if you are person yearning for companionship and you are prepared then Islam has adviced us get married so that out of this normal urge comes something meaningful.There is nothing wrong with feeling happy about your accomplishments and sharing it with your loved ones. But be careful of the evil eye as not everyone wishes you well. Also, don't ever use your achievements to belittle others. Being proud of your work whilst remaining grateful to Allah is okay, being conceited is not. You need to remember my dear, that all of Allah Azzawajal's creation sins and the best of those who sin are those who repent, as the saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him) goes. So don't beat yourself up for it.I could be very wrong but this limited info exposes a emotionally repressed and confused individual. Perhaps your constant guilt of feeling any pleasure comes from your childhood? You need to understand what is shackling your conscious. Deeply reflect on yourself in that aspect. I hope I helped you even a little. Have a great day 😊💕