A long time ago, I used to enjoy picking apart all the details of the comic, analyzing it the way so many literature classes over the years have taught me to. Then, at some point, I just stopped. I don't know exactly when it happened, but although the dissection and analysis stopped, my love for the comic never did. Bittersweet Candy Bowl got me through a lot of tough times, and I've done more rereads than I can count. To some degree, the amount I enjoyed the dynamic relationships of the characters simply made me happy and helped me forget about anything that troubled me in real life. Part of it was also that I've always felt that the quality of any media or art can be judged based on its ability to evoke real emotion. BCB made me laugh, it made me angry, it made me cry. I believe these are qualities that a large portion of the fan base loves about the comic, but the overwhelming reason this comic has essentially saved my life before is more specific than general emotion, art, and beauty. Sympathy and experience. A lot of the struggles that Lucy went through, I shared over the course of my life. Being afraid of being completely alone but still pushing everyone away. Being told that something about your behavior is wrong when still very young. Being abusive and insulting, but desperately hoping the people around you are able to notice your compassion and accept it Being competitive but ultimately very introverted. Being told you're a bad person, selfish, or undeserving of love by someone or many someones you thought recognized that compassion. Being unsure whether they're right. There have been many times where I've felt betrayed, rejected, reviled, and neglected. Sometimes these were feelings that came from outside, but often they came from within. A million people can tell me I'm a good person, and I am deaf to their praise. Yet, one person tells me I'm a bad person, and I take it deeply to heart. I think it's because there's already a voice within telling me I'm bad, manifesting my fears as self-hatred and self-pity. But then I see Lucy. I know she's a fictional character, but regardless I strongly sympathize with her. The difference is, I see that her pain and her actions are often mistakes. There are people who love her, there is a reason to live, and she is a good person. I see all her friends over the years notice her compassion and her true feelings as it eeks out subtley, and I see how much pain her leaving causes them. It inspires me to keep going, to search for people who can understand me and accept me, rather than assume that I'm unacceptable. By now, I think I've found a couple of those people. But I don't just read when the times are tough. I read whenever it comes out, driven in part because I eagerly hope for the day that my new OTP can come true: Lucy x Lucy. I've been adamant about numerous different pairings over the years, but in the end I think that Lucy has the capacity to be happy with anyone if they love and support her and she can love herself. I'm far too shy to ever be direct about this, but thank you Taeshi. Thank you so much for what you do, you've helped save this poor soul, and I know I'm not the only one.
dailybridgerton
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