at least he burned

aesthetic sideblog to 𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐧

[nixscriptum]

[bizarremachinations]

𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐆𝐎 𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋     

3x09 — the three card monte job           nate and jimmy's breakdowns parallel each other

[bizarremachinations]

once you're stripped clean, what's at your core?

cauterizing rage.      /     the house has burned around you, and you’re the only one left standing. is it gratifying to be the survivor? fear and anger are weapons in your capable hands, used only to serve your agenda of fighting back when deemed necessary. you're a powerful person, built from the ashes of your despair and your family's mistakes. with time, you'll bloom into someone softer, like the full blossoms that grow each spring and wither away with the leaves in fall. they won't disappear if you take your eyes off of them. you're enough.

[bizarremachinations]

what does your heart look like?

molten lava and charred flesh / Your heart burned so fiercely that it burnt itself out, leaving horrible scars in its wake; scars inside your chest and on the hands of those who touched you, the hearts of anyone who got close enough to connect to yours. The person you are now is no longer recognizable, burnt up by your own anger and passion and love. The injuries can never be fully erased, but they can be soothed with time and trust and forgiveness.

[bizarremachinations]

who are you in this haunted house story? 

the father.      /     you’ve made mistakes.  you see them play out on an endless and nauseating loop whenever you close your eyes.   if you could just interfere!   somehow pass on what knowledge you now possess to the person you were then.  .  .    of course, now you know, you know, YOU KNOW.   but what’s done is done, leaving you behind, holding the shards of what you broke in your bleeding and calloused hands.    they look at you differently now, so you smile bigger and hope it reaches your eyes.     it’s okay though, because you’re going to make it better, you have to.    and god knows you can’t be wrong again, you simply won’t allow it, can’t even entertain the idea.    when doubt creeps in, you’ll stamp it down.    when things begin to go wrong, you’ll turn a blind eye.   there isn’t room inside of you to hold any more wrong.

( also this was the cover photo . . .  which is also a yikes  )

[vergak]

I'm a hard pillow hard mattress man. I need reliability. I don't want something to change into a completely different shape when I touch it, that's lying and I don't like liars.

[theundying]

I, too, go on living somewhere, blessed with all kinds of wounds.

Malina by Ingeborg Bachmann translated by Philip Boehm (via theundying)

[bizarremachinations]

where does your soul feel at home?

where it is understood.      /     you, i recognize you. you constantly chase this beautiful, desire to understand and be understood in return, yet more often than not you find yourself tripping over your own feet. what does it truly mean, to you, to "understand"? i can't say, i can't know. but i can share what i think, if you'll allow me. we're ever-changing, the world is ever-changing, our friends are ever-changing, when our desire to understand is limited to understanding things how we, as an individual, perceive them right now, we can get lost in time, we get frustrated, we become so many things we never intended to become. you're ridiculously intelligent and harbor such unique love for the tiniest details of our existence. there's probably nothing i could tell you that you haven't told yourself, and you're probably already writing up a counter-argument to everything you conclude from this (i wish i could sit down with you and listen to every word). the thought of you makes me smile. i wish a lot for you. i hope you can relax. i hope you can allow your emotions to be what they are. to allow yourself to be who you are. i hope you can find people who will ask you just as much as you ask yourself, people you feel safe with, safe to answer, to enjoy giving and taking with an absence of judgement. safe to bounce ideas off of and - at the end of the day - to simply embrace and be embraced back. hearts overflown with silent knowledge.

[hide-and-seekrets]

- Alice Notley, In The Pines

[fearlastyear]

Henrietta Goodman, “Descent”

[lifeinpoetry]

Look to your kingdoms— I am coming for them all.

Elisabeth Hewer, from “Love Letters from Helen of Troy,” Wishing for Birds (via lifeinpoetry)

[bizarremachinations]

what’s peculiar about your soul? 

your soul is volatile.      /      there is a deep, painful energy harbored within this soul...     at its very core festers malice, and a deeply rooted pain that craves nothing more but to inflict itself onto everything around it.    special care has been given to it- to stop examiners from coming into any harm should they draw too near to it.    you coil like a serpent, awaiting a moment to strike.    to claim your revenge.    it never comes.

tagged by :  @analyticallyminded

[armie-hammer]

[butterflypeaflowertea]

so fond of characters who haunt their stories, who exist without actually existing at all. when a character is long gone, but persists in the actions and words of all the characters they have left behind. when everything to come unfolds because of them. when they are both dead and the beating heart at the very center of the narrative... that’s the stuff 💗__💗

[butterflypeaflowertea]

it’s like... all of this happened because of you, and you weren’t even around to see it

[abdu117-deactivated20170830]

Maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love

(via quotes117)

[lostcap]

You look at him like the story of Icarus is a lesson you’re never gonna learn. Oh, but maybe some things were just meant to burn.

like he’s the ocean and it’s a goddamn shame that you never learnt to swim | via p.d (via ownhcros)

[bizarremachinations]

what’s your role in a found family dynamic?

the brains      /      people are not so much your forte. you are more at home with thoughts, ideas, hobbies, skills. as such, you probably have to learn how to work well with others -- but once you do, hey, it has its moments. while you are treasured for your ability to solve problems, people also have this unique love of novelty. when you break from your schedule, when you say something no one is expecting -- that's novel. you are as curious and lovable as the subjects you study. you are family. this place is not the same without your witty comments and wry observations. you definitely feel more comfortable when someone needs a straightforward answer than a shoulder to cry on, but it's not impossible to give both. know that your family loves you for more than that, though, and will (usually) remember to respect your boundaries.