It's not the moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you
Suara piano lembut mengalun dari ruangan kecil itu, diikuti suara lirih yang berusaha bernyanyi dengan volume lebih kecil. Tenggorokan pemain piano itu sepertinya sedang terlalu sering dipakai, sehingga tidak bisa membantu memproduksi suara lebih keras lagi.
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation
Oh no, it's just the nearness of you
Suara lain terdengar dari ruangan di sebelahnya. Lebih keras. Lebih lantang. Jadi tidak harmoni dengan alunan piano yang mengiringinya. Suara piano itu berhenti. Kaget, mungkin.
"Hey, don't stop", pemilik suara keras itu protes. Dia kemudian berjalan menuju piano untuk menyampaikan langsung protesnya, dan terkejut menemukan pemain pianonya sedang duduk dengan mata yang bengkak.
"Wow. That's a sad eyes", katanya.
Pemain piano itu beranjak dari kursi dan mengambil gelas kecil di depannya. Dia berjalan menuju teko air dan mengisi ulang gelasnya. Pemilik suara keras itu mengikutinya.
"A very sad eyes", dia mengulanginya lagi.
"So what?", pemain piano itu membalas dengan ketus. Dia kembali berjalan ke kursi di depan pianonya tadi. Lalu duduk membelakangi piano. Pemilik suara keras itu duduk di sebelahnya, menghadap piano, dan menekan beberapa tuts sambil bernyanyi. Kali ini dengan suara lebih kecil. Tidak sekeras tadi.
And I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams came true
"I never know that missing somebody will be this frikin hurt", pemain piano itu menyela di tengah-tengah lagu.
Pemilik suara itu berhenti bermain. Tanpa menengok ke sebelahnya, dia menyahuti;
"I know. And it will not getting easier, though you hope it will"
Pemain piano itu menatap lurus ke depan sambil menarik napas.
"It's weird. It's like you're not living in the present. Not in the future. But you're not in the past either. You're in a void, full of stuffs that keep you coming back to the moment you were together"
Pemilik suara itu menengok ke sebelahnya.
"Yeah, right? The hardest part is, you're not only missing the person. You miss yourself when you're waiting for the moment you two were going to share, you miss that excitements, all the focus you have like the other sounds from this world is muted and you've got nothing to do but spending it entirely with that person, and even you miss that clingy version of you who whinned when your time was almost up and you have to wait for another week. You miss every single thing in details, of that very person. And to know that you might never be in the same way again, it sucks"
"I mean, this is not that kind of longing you can casually talk about or telling to the the person how you miss them"
"Because it's embarrasing?"
"No, because it's too intense. Too thick. Too heavy. You can't put it in words. You just know, your body's aching"
"But you have so much words for it. Well, you've said it"
Keduanya diam. Tidak ada suara piano kali ini. Hanya suara deru pendingin ruangan dan suara pewangi ruangan yang otomatis menyemprot beberapa menit sekali.
"Why should this feel ache? I already accept everything. Does it suppose to make me at peace while reminiscing?", pemain piano itu gantian menengok, menatap pemilik suara yang mulai terlihat melamun.
"Maybe, because your heart consider a 'peace' feeling is a foreign body, when it deals with you two are no longer together. So its self defense mechanism fights it hard. And it hurts. Like an infected wound"
"Then I will never be at peace, at all?"
"Not until you embrace it. Embrace the wound, and let it heal"
"I'm not scarred. I'm fine. We're fine. We're still talking. But this longing grows even bigger"
"It's okay to miss somebody, okay? Once in a while, you're going to wish for being in certain episode of your life, doing exactly the same thing with exactly the same person. You're going to feel the pain, knowing that it passed you already but you're going to be thankful since you're glad you were there once. That's okay. That's so human"
Hening kembali. Pemain piano itu menatap ke langit-langit. Menahan matanya yang mulai rembes kembali.
"It hurts to miss yourself, because you dont know where to find it. But it hurts more when the version of yourself that you miss, is yourself in another human being", ujarnya, di sela-sela napas yang mulai pendek. "And the version of you when you're with that specific human being", lanjutnya.
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you will only grant me
The right to hold you ever so tight
Pemilik suara keras itu bersenandung melanjutkan lagu yang tadi dimainkan. Suaranya kembali mengeras, untuk mengalihkan diri dari matanya yang mulai perih.
Pemain piano itu melanjutkan liriknya sambil menyeka ujung matanya. Ia kemudian membalik badannya menghadap piano.
"I know we might never be in the same time and space anymore. But heck yeah, I'm gonna wish we will be. Maybe in another life"
Suara piano itu kembali mengalun. Keduanya menarik napas.
It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me
Oh no, it's just the nearness of you
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