⋕ paranoia・₊⊹ @bl00odd - Tumblr Blog

✧ ° ₊ ⊹ ‹3 Welcome to my blog ! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ ꩜

Lety / 16y / she/her

English is not my first language, I speak Portuguese and understand quite a bit of English.

Just a blog about the life of a teenage girl and her trivial, or almost trivial, problems, lol.

Here you'll find cute and sad posts, heartfelt confessions, and also a mix of various different aesthetics ! ₍ᐢ > ̫< ᐢ₎

Just a girl who loves books, movies, Letterboxd, Lana Del Rey, Sofia Coppola, David Lynch, Fyodor Dostoevsky, The marias, Crystal castles, Skins, mbti, Bojack horseman, Twin Peaks, cigarettes after sex, indie culture, intense love songs, beautiful aesthetics, the color red, overthinking and then getting sick from thinking so much, mitski, more movies, Natalie Portman, Jodi Arias, Rina Palenkova, songs removed from Mars Argo, Heathers, Winona Ryder, philosophy, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Tarot, things that are considered conspiracy theories, Tim Burton, and a dream of becoming a book and film writer in the future.

♡ . ✦ 。 ° that's all, bye bye babbies ‹3

#scott pilgrim gif

I'm honestly tired of all the manipulations he uses to keep me in his life.

I know I'm sometimes really confused, but it's a fact that he manipulates me to stay with him. He knows he doesn't deserve me, that he's bad for me, but at the same time, whenever I start acting like I'm really going to leave, he starts acting like he's the best man on earth, the one who would do anything to fit into my life. He might get hurt sometimes, or even adapt, but it's all part of his manipulation of me.

We're in the same boat: we don't love each other anymore. He only sees me as just a friend who sometimes talks about sex or some silly conversation; he can't even see me as a girlfriend. As for me, I don't love him anymore, so much so that I talk to and desire other guys (we're not in a relationship, therefore it's not cheating!!). I feel like we're only still together because we're afraid of being alone.

I talk to other guys, but I'm not sure about any of them. I don't feel the same way about him either, but at least he's still funny and makes me laugh. I feel more and more that the day I leave is getting closer, and that's good.

But at the same time, I know that if I don't leave him now (which will probably happen), I will gradually forgive him and get used to his messiness again.

#girl interrupted #the virgin suicides #sofia coppola #lana core #laura palmer #sad poetry #sad thoughts #girl core #this is a girlblog #blogging #pink aesthetic #girl interupted syndrome #lux lisbon #ultraviolence lana del rey #lana del ray aesthetic #cecilia was the first to go #Spotify

Natalie Portman, the mother of all of us pretty when i cry girls. ★ ・ ₊ ⊹ ° ૮₍⇀‸↼‶₎ა

#girlblogging #girl interrupted #ultraviolence lana del rey #lana del ray aesthetic #natalie portman #sofia coppola #lana core #girl core #the virgin suicides #france #pink aesthetic #laura palmer #i love being a girl #pretty when you cry #Spotify

I feel like an idiot. I don't fall for anyone's lies, but when it comes to him, I don't understand why I insist on this idea that deep down he's a good person.

I feel like I always idealize people too much, both negatively and positively. This happens more when I'm in a relationship.

For a long time in that relationship, I felt like I was to blame for everything, like I was the confused, bad girl and he was the guy who always does everything and loves more in the end. But today I realize that I was only bad because he always gave me a reason to be.

I read tarot cards, and they told me very explicitly that he's giving up on me simply because I can't reciprocate all my pure and deep feelings for him. He had told me exactly that just minutes before.

In the middle of our conversation, before reading the cards, I thought it might be his ex interfering, since they had started following each other again on Instagram. And thankfully it wasn't about her, not her actively involved. The cards showed me that the only thing preventing him from sustaining my feelings anymore is precisely the feeling of knowing that I feel more than he can offer me.

I tried to start something new with someone these past few days, I tried, of course. But this person was a jerk and childish. I felt like he was just playing with my feelings, and I decided to simply disappear from his life and the lives of everyone close to him. I feel like I could try again, but I don't know if it would be good for me or for him.

I don't think I'll find someone new for myself, but with the cards I can see that I'll be a different person by the end of the year. I'll be someone who loves and values herself, I'll be at peace with myself. And maybe that's what I really need.

I know he doesn't love me as much as I love him. Deep down I always knew that all those "I love you's" were just to fool me. He likes me, he likes to make me laugh, he wants to make me happy, but he knows better than anyone that he's not the guy I deserve. Am I a sick girl? Yes, I am, but he knows me better than anyone else ever has and he knows I'm a good soul.

I am a white soul in this dark and gray world. A white soul that has been hurt by people with dark souls. That's why there are some gray tones in my soul.

I hope to free myself from the love of men; it won't get me anywhere.

To be honest, I even feel like my feelings for him are slowly fading. Ever since he started following his ex again, things haven't been the same. And I thank God for freeing me from that whole relationship.

In the end, we remain like using you by Mars Argo.