Desperate Housewives starters
feel free to change pronouns!
“last time we talked you called me a greedy bitch and I called you a crazy hag.”
“ok the truth is, i’m not perfect. only yesterday i burned a tray of biscotti.”
“i’m planning on having a massive hangover tomorrow.”
“tonic, water, bourbon, ketchup. that’s your grocery list?”
“do not get broccoli that is not your friend.”
“two of my friends involved in a nasty catfight? i live for that stuff.”
“you like to run i like to….sit.”
“she is annoying and i hide when she knocks on my door.”
“hi i’m from down the street, can i borrow a cup of condoms?”
“if she knew everything you did for her, she’d forgive you for everything.”
“actually he’s committing adultery. i’m just getting laid.”
“you once called yourself “proof of god’s existence.”
“oh, i’m in agonizing pain. thanks for asking.”
“when you jump up and down the room moves more than your boobs.”
“i’m not gonna be old. ever since i was a child i knew i would never see 50.”
“i appreciate my life in a way most people don’t.”
“i love him enough to let him hate me.”
“it’s not hard to let go of live when you know you have lived.”
“you can dye that hair all you want but the gray is just gonna keep coming.”
“everyone knows the wife keeps the house and the husband gets the crappy apartment. it’s the american way.”
“do you know how bored i was today? i came this close to cleaning the house.”
“i don’t want to be the person i was before.”
“return the shoes?! i can’t talk to you when you’re being hysterical.”
“yes, i’m unbelievable, close your mouths.”
“i feel a wave of sickness coming on, and i want to be standing on your mother’s grave when it hits.”
“i’ve never seen so many sweater sets — are you sure this is a closet and not a portal to the 1950s?”
“i never forget a gay face. i have what scientists call a homographic memory.”
“love can bring out the best in us…the confidence to move on, the courage to tell the truth, the strength to keep hoping, but sometimes what surprises us the most isn’t what love brings out but who it brings back.”
“we all take the gift of life for granted, if only we could slow things down because before you knew it, the gift is gone.”
“it’s so important to say these things when you can because when it’s over, it’s over.”
“a sense of security, it’s something we all search for whether it’s knowing you’re desired, taking control of our fears, or finding strength to do the right thing. but, the danger of a sense of security is that it may prove to be false.”
“__ isn’t really the bar fight type. he’s more of the ‘raise voices at a cheese tasting’ type.”
“please, i’ve eaten burgers bigger than you.”
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