Black Women Are Not Bitter
Black women are not bitter simply because we expect to be treated as human beings (versus negative archetypes, a collection of stereotypes or animals) and demand such from others.
Black women are not bitter because we vent sometimes about our very human struggles that other humans experience as well, or human struggles unique to Black women.
Black women are not bitter just because we get angry sometimes. Humans get angry. It’s a normal emotion to feel when one experiences pain or injustice.
Black women are not bitter just because we seek support from other Black women from the hurt that other humans (including some other Black women) have caused us.
Black women are not bitter just because we might be single.
Black women are not bitter just because we might decide to date outside of our race.
Black women are not bitter just because we might not buy into the illusion that the only reason to date outside of our race is because somehow White men’s ice is colder than Black men’s ice.
Black women are not bitter simply because we do not want to take emotional, physical, sexual or spiritual abuse from Black men.
Black women are not bitter because we might need a break from Black men. It’s not easy being in a world that hates both Black women and Black men, but then also deal with some Black men’s sexism and misogyny. All humans need space at times.
Black women are not bitter simply because we refuse to smile on command when a street harassing man demands we do, as if we are dogs or a circus act. Maybe we’re having a serious day. Maybe we’re in a rush. Maybe we’re sad and hurting that day. Maybe we’re happy (though not engaged in masturbatory giggling or smiling) and a street harassing man actually RUINED it with his demand.
Black women are not bitter just because we aren’t interested in giving some random man a phone number, a conversation, time, a date, sex or love. We have the right to choose.
Black women are not bitter just because we desire quality partners. Women’s standards and desires for men do not magically become “unreasonable” when a Black woman has them, then reasonable again if a non-Black woman has them. The only way this would be true is if the world is confirming that Black men are permanently inferior, thus anything Black women could want is not possible, thus making us “unreasonable.” Black men should reject this, versus applauding anytime the media suggests that we are “unreasonable.”
Black women are not bitter just because we may choose taking care of ourselves over taking care of a man. We may choose to reject the label of “support” if that term becomes defined as accepting abuse, ignoring major flaws and spending money that we cannot afford on a male partner.
Black women are not bitter simply because some are in same gender relationships. Patriarchal thought has people thinking that women who are lesbians are only lesbians because of male rejection or past problematic relationships with men. FALSE.
Black women are not bitter simply because we speak of the impact of colourism and light skin privilege in our communities, in jobs, in the criminal justice system, in the media, in entertainment and in film/music/art. We have every right to voice this issue (within or outside our community) of active erasure engaged against us.
Black women are not bitter simply because we decide that Christianity or theism itself isn’t for us. Many decide that the abuses of the Black Church and religion itself are too much to bear, and we find morality, emotional support, and political/social justice action outside of the church.
Black women are not bitter just because we don’t behave exactly like White women. First of all, all White women do not even behave alike. Secondly, all Black women do not behave alike. Third, only internalized White supremacy within the Black community dictates that being absolutely anything like Whites means being “better.”
Black women are not bitter simply because we demand to be paid the same wage for the same work as White women, let alone White men. All women do not earn the same wages. ALL WOMEN DO NOT EARN THE SAME WAGES.
Black women are not bitter simply because we speak of issues specific to our existences that are NOT issues specific to White women’s existences.
Black women are not bitter just because we are fully aware of the challenges of living at the intersection of gender and race (with other crossroads that may include sexuality, gender [i.e. if trans not cis], class, complexion and weight/size).
Black women are not bitter and know how to love, support, be kind, be funny, be intelligent, be passionate, be charming, be beautiful, be wise, be resilient, be clever and be true.
Black women are not bitter because we embrace life-saving, self-affirming and empowering ideologies such as womanism that identifies with feminism with intersectionality, anymore than a person would be called bitter for craving food, water, shelter, clothing and love. I’ve never heard a person who is nearly dying and needs help or CPR called bitter. No, we applaud their desire to live. Black women too, desire to live.
And, even if SOME Black women are bitter at a certain point in time in their lives, WE ARE entitled to feel this emotion just like everyone else is upon hurt. It’s not a “plague” specific to Black women. It does not then become our “personality type.”
(Originally published October 2012; link updates August 2015)
