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Love, punches, and packs of gum,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Blackhill Mods
To @hereforalltheblackhilli for getting this out of my head...
Maria spends her down time going through files. Despite defeating Thanos, crises never stop coming. She's long overdue for a vacation, but the closest she'll come is a decent night's sleep. It's been a while since she's had one of those too.
Nick is someone she considered a friend. She's not sure what his official role is these days, but she knows he's not taking a vacation either. That's what she tells herself every time her calls go to voicemail.
With a sigh, she sits back and looks over at Natasha, who is fast asleep next to her. Her gaze falls onto the old photo that Natasha carries with her. Natasha has always traveled light, but they had received two photos in their post office box. One from an unknown sender and the other from Clint.
The first is an old family photo. Natasha's family, her Red Room family, but still family. Maria smiles softly at little Natasha with blue hair and her arms around her little sister, Yelena.
The second is a photo of Yelena standing next to Kate Bishop. A new young archer. Maria grins, remembering Clint's email about how he had his hands full with her. Maybe he has a better idea of all the trouble he'd given her and Coulson in the early days.
Her eyes fall back on to the first photograph. There's something familiar there. She has the files open because with every new threat she needs all the help she can get and hopes to find someone with a connection or experience. More often than not, she comes up dry and has to figure it out as she goes. One more thing she has to handle in addition to everything else. She remembers a time when she'd been on the helicarrier and missed being in the field. She'd like to take that back now. It not as easy now, not with how many times she's had to testify before some committee. Her face isn't unknown anymore.
She finds herself flipping through Clint's old files. She curses as the images fly past, stupid Stark and always needing an interactive interface. She misses him and his teasing. That's when she comes across it. That familiar face.
After Natasha was brought in by Clint and started working for them, Maria had things shifted. Natasha had proven her loyalty to SHIELD, but it didn't mean Red Room operatives would come out of the wood work seeking their revenge. Red Room was all some of them had ever had, having it seemingly destroyed wouldn't sit well so she took measures to keep Natasha safe. Leaning back, she shakes Natasha's leg to get her attention.
"Hmm?"
"When you started working with Clint as partners for good, I had our operations station moved."
"Looking out for me even then?" says Natasha in that voice that always gets to her as her arms go around her neck and leaning against her back.
"I had Clint go through a number of hoops before you two went out again."
"I remember that. Endless medical visits and enough stuff taken from me to make a clone. Why are you bringing this up?"
"Because it looks like Melina kept tabs on you. Made sure you were in good hands with SHIELD." Tapping on an image, she loads an employee's ID photo. Dr Marta Shearing. She can feel Natasha leaning in closer when she switches to another one. She feels her taking a shuddering breath.
"Mama Melina..." she hears Nat murmur.
Clearly the scientist infiltrated SHIELD as a scientist and could have interfered with numerous things, and that's with HYDRA already secretly among them, but that's for another day. Right now, she's letting Natasha know the woman she'd seen as her mom had never forgotten about her. It warms her own heart too, knowing that there are others who cared about her and didn't just use her. With a swipe of her finger she sends it to Natasha's private files.
"Do you know where she is now?" asks Nat.
"A general idea, but I can find out more."
"Not now. Let's sleep for now." That sounds like a good idea. Pushing her tablet aside, she lets Natasha curl into her.
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Time certainly has flown by, with less than a month left until the bingo closes. We hope that you’ve been enjoying all the incredible new content from our lovely participants so far! As a way of including everyone - creator or not - we’ve brought back our reader card for this very last month of the bingo
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
The Old Guard AU is back with a new installment! Updates are likely going to be somewhat sporadic as I’m working on this next to a bunch of other fics but I’m aiming for weekly uploads.
peter parker really needs to start coming out to people but it's a lot harder than you think to just tell everybody 'hey, i'm a boy now'. one evening after training, though, he finds himself outside the door of the two people he knows that would probably be the most accepting. in his head he jokingly called them his lesbian aunts but they didn't know that.
aka the one where peter comes out as trans to maria and natasha
Peter knocked on the door to Nat and Maria's apartment in the Avengers Compound. They were going to be the most accepting, right? At least, that's what he told himself. He hadn't told anyone and he really needed help. Nat had survived being gay in Russia, she would know how to help. They both had also always been his biggest supporters: helping him get a haircut, telling him it's okay to like girls and always calling him 'P' and 'spidey' when he asked everyone to. He hadn't told anyone he was trans and that he used he/him pronouns and that his name was Peter but if any two people knew how to help or knew how to come out it had to be them.
"It's open," he heard Nat call from inside the apartment. He could also hear Maria's comment asking if they were in an alternate universe because someone was actually knocking.
Maria is snapped back, she’s disoriented but her first thought is Natasha. Upon finding out about Natasha's death, Maria began drinking heavily.
warnings: angst, alcohol abuse
When Maria snaps back, she’s disoriented but her first thought is Natasha. She looks at Nick and he looks as confused as she does. They have their phones, but they’re dead so they walk to the closest electronic store. Maria stops in her tracks when she sees someone reappear in front of her, shocked to actually see what’s happening. All around her, people were reappearing on the street one by one. Maria didn’t know what happened or why it was happening but she had one question on her mind: Was Natasha okay?____________________________________________
After finding a charger, she called Natasha but the call went to voicemail. She called again and this time someone picked up.
“Nat, baby are you okay?” The words flew out of her mouth quickly.
“Maria?” Clint’s voice came over the line confused.
“Clint? Why do you have Natasha’s phone? Is she okay? Did she disappear like I did?” Maria just wanted to see her wife, to hold her.
“I think it’s better for us to meet in person, where are you?” His answer was vague and it made Maria’s heart beat erratically.
“I’m in Atlanta with Fury but Clint, what aren't you telling me?” She questioned. He was hiding about Natasha, but she couldn’t figure out what.
“Maria, please, just go to the old SHIELD safe house that’s there and I’ll meet you there in a few hours.” He begged.
“And you’ll bring Natasha?” her voice was pleading and Clint felt his heart squeeze for the news he was going to have to tell her.
“I’ll see you soon.” He said instead. Maria noticed he avoided the question, an uncomfortable feeling set in her stomach.
____________________________________________
A few hours later, Clint landed a jet outside the safe house. He and Steve packed up Natasha’s room at the Compound and he kept them in storage. Packing up her room felt like admitting she was gone, even though he watched it, he didn’t believe it, but that moment solidified it for him. His best friend was dead and now he had to tell her wife who only wanted to see her.
He grabbed the boxes of Natasha’s favorite clothes, blanket, her pictures, her laptop, phone, and a letter he found on her bed addressed to Maria. He held the box in one arm before knocking.
Maria opened the door, hoping to see Natasha and was disappointed when she saw only Clint. She looked at the box he was holding, Natasha, written on the side of it.
“Can I come in?” He asked. Maria stepped aside, to let him in and closed the door behind him.
“Clint, where’s Natasha?” She questioned. Clint sat the box down near the couch and gestured for her to sit on it.
“You know, the entire way over here, I practiced how I was going to tell you this and none of them felt right, they still don’t.” he started.
“Tell me what?” she urged. He was silent, trying to find the right words. “Tell me what, Clint?” she pleaded.
“Natasha’s dead.” The words spewed out of his mouth like word vomit.
Maria froze, time stilled as she processed his words. Natasha Romanoff was dead. Her wife was dead. The love of her life was dead.
“What?” She stammered out, disbelieving. “No, you’re lying, she’s not dead. Clint, where is she because she’s not dead.”
“YES SHE IS.” he shouted. He didn’t mean to shout but Maria upset him. “I watched her die. Maria, she's gone.” He repeated. Maria was silent, processing his words. Tears rose in her eyes, threatening to fall.
“What happened?” Her voice broke as she spoke.
“Thanos happened. A mad total from outer space wanted to wipe out half the universe and he succeeded using the infinity stones. You, Yelena, Fury, Laura, my kids, we’re gone. You disappeared for 5 years until Scott Lang showed up to the compound. Then for the first time in 5 years, we had hope. We had a chance to bring all of you back and we took it. A group of us split up to go back in time to get each of the stones, Natasha and I went to Vormir to get the soul stone which was at the bottom of a cliff. What we didn’t know is that the soul stone came with a price. A soul for a soul.” His voice began to crack, but he cleared his throat before continuing.
“In order for us to get the stone, one of us had to die. I fought her, Maria, I tried so hard to stop her, but she was always a better fighter than me. The last thing she told me was “Tell her I love her and I’m sorry our story has to end here.” The entire time Clint had been telling the story, Maria had silent tears falling down her face but the last like made her release a sob.
Natasha was really gone. She sacrificed herself to save the world and Maria couldn’t be mad at her because it was something she would do too had she been in that position.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Her voice quivered as she spoke. Clint pulled her into a hug, and they cried together. Cried knowing the one person they both wanted to see, was never coming back.
“I’m so sorry Maria.” He sniffled out. She shook her head, pulling away from the hug. “It’s not your fault. Natasha was stubborn, she would’ve found a way to get that stone and save the world another way. I just wished she didn’t have to die for it.” Maria responded.
“I brought you her favorite things and personal stuff. She wrote you some letters, I think you should read them.” He checked his watch. “I have to get home to Laura and the kids, I’m not going to ask if you’ll be okay, just please call if you need anything.” He encouraged, before taking his leave.
____________________________________________
After he left, Maria sat there in a catatonic like state. She was in shock, so she did the only thing she could think of: found cash and made a trip to the closest liquor store.
Maria wasn’t a big drinker, she only drank at events or for celebration. Her sobriety and desire to never be an alcoholic like her father kept Maria sober but since her world has just been turned upside down, all of that went out the window. Fury was off-world for the time being, meaning the other half of her support system was gone, therefore, there was no one to stop her.
So, Maria drowned her feelings in alcohol. She drank until she passed out and after she woke up and threw up, and after that, she did it all over again. It took her three days to touch the box of Natasha’s things, she just couldn’t bring herself to touch something so sacred.
Maria sat on the couch with a stack of letters in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. She opened the first one.
Dear Mia,
We lost. Thanos won and you’re gone because of him. My first thought when I got back to the states was to find you, but when I called you didn’t answer. So I ran a facial match and found the video of you turning to dust in the middle of the street. You looked so confused and scared, I just wanted to give you a hug.
I’m in our room at the compound and all I can think about is the last time we were here. And we had a fight, but I had a nightmare and you instantly came to comfort me. I remember you telling me that you would never leave me by choice. Even in death, you kept your promise. I want to be mad at you, because you’re not supposed to be dead, but I can’t because you didn’t have a choice and I have to find a way to accept that.
I love you,
Natasha
The letter was stained with tears, dried ones from Natasha and current ones from Maria. Seeing Natasha’s handwriting brought on a wave of tears she wasn’t expecting. She was all alone and sad and Maria wasn’t there to comfort her. Maria didn’t really like the taste of vodka, it wasn’t her favorite, but that night she drank the whole bottle and passed out with the letter clutched in her hand.
____________________________________________
Another day of Maria waking up alone with a hangover and an empty stomach. It’s been about 5 days since she came back and found out Natasha died. Maria couldn’t remember the last time she ate, and since she needed to restock her alcohol supply, she decided it was time for a trip to the grocery store. After a call to her bank to make sure her accounts were unfrozen, she went to the nearest store. She mostly got non perishables because she didn’t plan on going out for a while and today's alcohol choice was Jack Daniels. The cashier and the people in line behind her gave her judgmental looks because she had 3 bottles but she glared at them until they looked away.
They didn’t understand that Maria lost the love her of life for a stupid rock and she wasn’t about to explain it to them. When she got back home, she did put the food away, but she didn’t eat any of it, just grabbed one of the bottles and went into the living room.
Maria made her way over to the box, and grabbed the blanket that was in there. This was Natasha’s favorite blanket, it was fluffy and had all the Avengers symbols on it. Tony had got it for her as a christmas gift as a joke but Natasha ended up loving it. Maria wrapped it around her shoulders and held the blanket up to her nose, it still smelled like her.
She picked up the second letter in the stack and began reading.
Dear Mia,
Happy Birthday, Ria, is what I wish I could tell you right now. I should be waking you up at the crack of dawn with a cupcake to give you for breakfast. But I can't do that, so I bought a cupcake and lit a candle to make a wish. They say you aren’t supposed to tell people your wishes or they won’t come true but no one else is going to see this. Of course I wished for you to come back to me but I don’t think that will happen.
I miss you with all my heart,
Natasha
Glued to the bottom of the letter was a picture of Natasha. Her hair was red with blonde tips and even though she had a small smile on her face, Maria could see the sadness in her eyes. Next to her was a chocolate cupcake with a blue candle in it. Maria hadn’t mustered up the courage to look at her phone or Natasha’s since she got to the safe house, so this was the first she was seeing Natasha’s face in 5 years. That night was the first time in 5 days Maria didn’t drink a drop of alcohol.
____________________________________________
Two days later, Maria was right back where she started, drunk and reading another letter.
Dear Mia,
There was a Pride parade today and it reminded me of the first time we went to Pride together. We had so much fun together, I wish we could experience it again. Part of me wants to go out and celebrate with them but it just doesn’t feel right to do it without you. It’s more sacred to me than most people would understand because not only does it give me a chance to connect with my fans and be a positive influence on them, it was our thing. Something we always did together to celebrate us and I just can’t do without you.
Happy Pride Ria,
Love Natasha
Maria let out a watery chuckle at the memory. She had spent so much time working up the courage to ask Natasha, just for Natasha to turn around and ask her. They had so much fun when they went to Pride together. Maria brought the bottle of scotch up o her lips and drank, downing what was left of the bottle. She really missed her wife.
____________________________________________
By the time Maria opened this next letter, she had already drunk half her stash. The only thing she had eaten this week was a peanut butter sandwich, something to honor Natasha and help her stomach. She grabbed one of the picture frames and it was a picture of her and Natasha on their first wedding anniversary.
Dear Mia,
It’s our 10 year wedding anniversary, and you’re not here. This was supposed to be one of our biggest milestones yet, we were supposed to settle down and maybe start a family. Now we don’t have the chance and it makes me so angry because it’s not fair.
But do you remember how disastrous our first wedding anniversary was? I really didn’t mean for us to spend it in a hospital bed but with you next to me, I didn't care where we spent it. We never talked about how we were going to celebrate this one, so I’m going to celebrate by watching Moonraker because it’s my favorite.
I love you,
Natasha
Maria sobbed realizing Natasha spent 5 of their anniversaries alone and she has to spend one of their most important ones alone. But it also made her realize she would now have to spend the rest of them alone and she sobbed harder. That night, she drank 2 bottles of alcohol and spent the next two days in and out of sleep. ____________________________________________
Maria was now on Natasha’s last letter and she was debating if she wanted to open it. On one hand, she really wanted to read it because it was her last connection to Natasha. On the other hand, it was her last connection to Natasha, what if it was a goodbye letter. Maria took a deep breath, she needed to woman up. This time she didn’t have a whole in her hand, just a glass. She wanted to save this last bottle as much as she could, mainly because the store banned her from buying alcohol because they were “concerned”. She rolled her eyes at the memory and unfolded the last letter.
Dear Mia,
For the first time in 5 years, I have hope. Scott Lang told us about the Quantum Realm and how time moves differently there, and we can go back in time to get the stones. Mia, you could actually come home, I can actually get you and the rest of my family back.
This is the first letter I’ve written to you where I haven’t cried. I’m just so happy because you could come home and we can be together again and that's the only thing keeping me going.
Honestly, I’m scared. I have to go to space and it’s unknown territory for me. What if I got my hopes up for nothing? What if we go through with this but it means nothing? I really don’t think I could bear it.
But then I’ll look at my ring or our pictures and I remember I’ve faced a lot of my fears with you by my side and if I have to face this fear to get you back then it’ll be worth it.
See you in a minute,
Natasha
There was a picture of Natasha glued to the letter. Her red and blonde hair was in a braid and she was smiling, really smiling, and holding her thumb up. Maria threw the glass in her hand against the wall and put her head in her hands, the letter falling to the ground. Natasha was truly never coming back and there was nothing Maria could do to fix it.
She heard the front door open but she honestly couldn’t bring herself to care about who it could be. However, since no one but Clint knew she was here, she didn’t think she was about to die and drunk or not, she could probably still take them in a fight.
“Mia.” She heard a voice, Natasha’s voice. The footsteps of the person got closer to her. “Maria, look at me.”
“No, I'm drunk, you aren’t real. If I look at you, you’ll disappear and I don’t want that. I can't handle that.” Maria cried, a slur in her words from her drunken state.
Natasha squatted down in front of Maria and grabbed her hands, pulling them away from her face. “Maria, I am real. Open your eyes, please.”
Maria opened her eyes, blinking to get rid of the blurriness from her tears and looked at the person in front of her. Those eyes. She’d know her wife’s eyes anywhere. They were the same eyes she dreamed of in her sleep, the same eyes she’d looked into when she said her vows. Natasha really was alive. Maria didn’t say anything, just pulled Natasha into a tight hug which was returned just a tight, if not tighter. They were finally together again.
____________________________________________
Maria quickly fell asleep with her head in Natasha’s lap, Nat’s fingers running through her hair. Natasha had been so surprised when Clint came to Vormir to exchange the soul stone for her. The first thing she asked was if Maria was alive and she felt very relieved when he told her yes. However, that relief quickly turned to worry when Clint told her about Maria’s state.
“Tasha, she’s alive but she’s not doing so well. She’s been drinking a lot. She hasn’t been answering her phone or your phone, it got to the point where I had to call Fury, who’s off-world at the moment, to have someone check to make sure she was alive.” He explained.
Natasha felt her heart constrict hearing about her wife’s state. Maria’s sobriety was very important to her, especially because of her childhood. Natasha had only ever seen her drunk on their wedding day which was a decade ago. “How bad is it?”
“It’s bad Tash. Fury had to call the store manager to make them ban her just to get her to stop buying alcohol.” He winced, he didn’t know the full story about Maria’s sobriety rule, but he knew it was very important to her and Natasha so he never asked questions.
Natasha inhaled sharply. That was bad. When Maria was sober, truly sober, this was going to hit her hard. Maria never wanted to be a person who was constantly drunk, like her father, and now that’s exactly the state she was in. “God, this is such a mess.” she pursed her lips with worry.
Clint placed his hand on her knee to get her attention. “Nat, I know you’re worried about Maria and I am too, but I’m also worried about you. Nine days ago, you died. Nine days ago, Maria was dead for 5 years, how are you doing?” he asked, concerned.
“It’s a lot to take in. I don’t have any negative feelings about dying. It’s always been a risk of the job and it became an even bigger risk when we became Avengers. I knew I would probably die saving people and I made my peace with that a long time ago.” she confessed. “Maria dying is something I never thought of and it shook me to my core. I’m happy she’s back, ecstatic, but I’m also scared that this is a dream and I really don’t want to wake up from it. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go to her because I’m scared it’s not real, that she’s not real. Am I wrong for that?” she asked, not meeting his eyes.
“No, you aren’t. When I went back to the compound after you died, the first I did was call Laura. I heard her voice and I was so happy to hear it, but I also didn’t want to go home because I still couldn’t believe it was real. So, no you aren’t wrong for feeling that way. Seeing Maria will just make it all real but you should only see her if you're sure you’re up to it.” He empathized. He knew better than anyone exactly how she felt.
“Now, we’re going to stop by the farm so you can get a shower because you’ve been wearing that for nine days and you stink. I have all your clothes there because I didn’t know what to do with them.” Clint joked to lighten the mood.
Natasha cracked a small smile and shoved him. “You’ve smelt way worse than I do right now.”
She was brought out of the memory when Maria started shifting in her sleep, subconsciously bringing herself closer to Natasha, almost laying on top of her. Nat didn’t mind, she was holding her wife for the first time in 5 years. If anything, she just wrapped her arms around Maria and fell asleep with her. ____________________________________________
When Maria woke up again, she was a little bewildered because she was laying on top of something. Actually, she was laying on top of someone. Her head was pounding from the hangover and all the alcohol she’s had over the past week or so. She removed her body from the person below her, and jumped back in shock.
There was Natasha, asleep on the couch and Maria couldn’t remember how or when she got here. She rubbed her eyes, wondering if her eyes were deceiving her, they weren’t. Natasha was really here, alive, and she had found Maria in a drunken stupor.
Maria felt shame and self loathing rise within herself. She had never wanted this, never wanted to wake up from being blackout drunk with no memory. She was no better than her father, even in death, he managed to haunt her. Maria pushed all the negative feelings and memories of her father to the side. Just because Natasha found her like this, doesn’t mean she was going to wake up to her like this, so Maria began cleaning.
Seven bottles. Maria had drunk seven whole bottles of alcohol over the course of nine days. All of them were scotch which makes sense because it was her favorite. The bottle of vodka confused her though, she didn’t drink vodka and the bottle in her hand was unopened.
“Thought you didn’t like vodka.” Natasha’s voice came from behind her, startling Maria. She turned around to face her wife, who was 100% real and not a figment of her imagination she reminded herself. “I don’t. I don’t remember much over the past few days, but I remember that before I was banned from the store I bought this. I was going to drink it while I read your last letter, as a toast to you. But I just couldn’t bring myself to, because it felt like accepting you were gone, and I just couldn’t. So, I drank the last of my scotch.” Maria said.
Natasha didn’t say anything, just hugged her. “You must be so disappointed in me.” Maria murmed. Nat pulled away from the hug, confused. “Why would I be disappointed?” she asked. “Because I broke my sobriety. I haven’t had a drink since 2014, and that went to shit in nine days.” Natasha didn’t reply, just gently pushed Maria onto the stool behind her.
“Mia, I’m not disappointed. You were coping. Was it unhealthy? Yes, but you weren’t the only one who coped in an unhealthy way. I watched the video of you during the snap, and your confused face haunted me. I wouldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, so I would dance. I would dance until my feet bled, and I passed out from exhaustion. Once Steve took my shoes, I would go to the gym and do the same thing.” Natasha began. “I’m not telling you this to make you upset, I’m telling you this because you weren’t alone in your feelings. And I know we’ll get through this because you’re sober and you hate the fact that you got drunk, so I know you’ll try your hardest to get help and I’ll be right by your side to help you.”
“You’re right, I can get through this.” Maria repeated, she didn’t sound convinced though. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Maria apologized after a beat of silence.
“It wasn’t your fault. All that matters is that we’re together now and we don’t have to go through that again.” Nat soothed.
Maria sighed as she pulled her wife closer to her, laying her head on her chest. Natasha was right, they were together now and as long Maria had her, she would be her best self.
fury sends natasha and maria on a mission which apparently only they could do. unfortunately, it doesn't involve anything they are used to like guns, fighting or infiltrating an enemy nation or agency instead it involved pretending to be a couple and slow dancing for a night.
aka the one where natasha and maria fake date (at least for some of it)
-
“Call Romanoff in,” Fury walked into her office, no knock, no warning, no nothing.
“Nice to see you too,” Maria quipped sarcastically to her boss, “I’ve had a very good day, thank you for asking.”
“Emergency mission,” he dropped a file on her desk, “I need you and Romanoff to take it and leave tonight.”
Maria opened the file, looking at the first page absent-mindedly as she picked up the phone to call Natasha. “Hey Commander,” she picked up on the first ring, a little out of breath as she spoke.
i've been giving out chances every time (and all you do is let me down)
prompt: missed opportunities
nick fury is not a matchmaker, he is a very tired boss who wants his two best agents to be able to focus on missions and in meetings and not constantly pining over each other
aka the one where an exasperated nick fury tries is absolute hardest to set maria and natasha up
Nick Fury, a matchmaker. He’d sunk to his lowest point. Worst of all, he was shit at it. Absolutely fucking terrible.
He had wasted the last three months trying to get his deputy with one of his agents. It was honestly something that he’d never thought he’d do in his life but he needed her to be less distracted by pining over the Russian. It had been over a year of both of them being hopelessly distracted every time they were in a room together or, for the last nine months, anytime the other’s name was mentioned. They were two of his best agents and he needed them back so he tried to get them together.
He’d started by sending them on missions together. Actual missions just not serious ones because they were both oblivious messes when they were together. He sent them on three missions together where he ‘accidentally’ booked them only one bed but, on the first two missions, Maria always came back with a bad back from having slept on the floor. The third time, he booked them into the smallest room on the planet with just one bed so they had no choice but to share and they came back acting awkward around each other.
