hiii I'm blaze!⋆he/they/it pronouns!⋆Ship and let ship!⋆ occasionally I post my art but mostly I just talk a lot about anything and everything⋆ permanently obsessed with MCR, TØP, CSH, Star Wars, MLP, & Supernatural⋆ avid bone collector and ghost enthusiast
⛤ pronouns- he/they/it and I also don't mind xeno or neo pronouns getting thrown into the mix, idk gender is a really nebulous thing to me, I'm a guy in the way that a sea urchin or jellyfish is a guy.
⛤Other stuff-
⋆ im a grown person
⋆ I'm staunchly pro fiction and anti harassment <3
⋆ I'm constantly searching for new things to be obsessed with. Please recommend me bands, movies, shows, games, ect, especially but not exclusively horror, thrillers, and anything with excessive religious themes because I love that shit.
⋆ I'm vegetarian and I talk about it occasionally (thank you Frank Iero for converting me)
⋆ I collect CDs and DVDs (I will forever prefer physical media)
⋆ I'm an alterhuman! My theriotypes are whitetail deer, and Eastern cottontail rabbit, and my linktypes are scavenger birds, pigeons, and opossums.
⋆ I like bones a LOT. I collect them, I make things out of them, I draw them, and I'll talk your ears off about them if you'll let me.
⋆ I'm a theistic Satanist and a witch. I talk about it here on occasion
⋆ I collect bugs! My favorites to look for are stag beetles, moths, and cicadas.
⋆ I've actually started writing pretty consistently this year and I finally made an ao3 account for posting my dead dove stuff. currently the only things on it are my two Cain/Abel fics (one of which I'm hopefully going to be posting the next chapter of soon) but I have other things in the works that will be posted at some nebulous date in the future (I write fast but take absolute ages to edit </3)
⋆ I have an unhealthy obsession with ghosts
⋆ The Anatomy of a Fall by Novembersmith (yes the My Chemical Romance fanfiction) is my favorite fic of all time and quite possibly my favorite written work of all time. I read it for the first time at 14 years old and it has stuck with me since. It has impacted me, and my perspective, on a lot of things. And it saved my life in more than one way. ily Novembersmith
⋆ I have a lot of weird dreams and I talk about them sometimes.
⋆ I tell the trees everything.
⋆ I like angels. Like. A lot.
⋆ I collect fandoms like they're pokemon. And... I also collect Pokemon like they're pokemon
⛤ Fandoms- (in no particular order)
⋆ My little pony friendship is magic
⋆ Steven univers
⋆ Teen wolf
⋆ Ginger Snaps
⋆ adventure time
⋆ gravity falls
⋆ Titanfall (but not Apex. Fuck you Apex, you know what you did)
⋆ portal
⋆ terraria
⋆ Stardew valley
⋆ Animal crossing
⋆ Downton Abbey (I've seen all but the most recent movie)
⋆ legend of Zelda (but I'm specifically really into tears of the kingdom rn)
⋆ Hermitcraft (Ren is my favorite hermit and the one I watch most consistently)
⋆ Star wars [(my favorite projects are the original trilogy, the Clone Wars, Rebels, the Bad Batch, and the Mandalorion) I'm still yet to watch a few of the newer projects including but not limited to Ashoka, Kenobi, Andor, and tales of the Jedi, but I plan to watch them all at some point)
⋆ 9-1-1
⋆ Supernatural (I'm on season 6 rn)
⋆ Twilight (I've seen all the movies and I'm currently reading the first book)
⛤bands I like an unhealthy amount- (also in no particular order)
⋆ Twenty One Pilots (I'll forever be a clikkie)
⋆ My Chemical Romance
⋆ Car Seat Headrest
⋆ Fall out boy
⋆ Blankstate (an underground emo band that I've seen live live three times, they're so super awesome I love them so much, and you should totally give them a listen)
⋆ Modest Mouse (but mainly their older stuff)
⋆ Hot mulligan
⋆ Siouxsie and the Banshees
⋆ the Cure
⋆ Specimen
⋆ Talking Heads
⋆ 12 Rods
⋆ Psychedelic Furs
⋆ Virgin Prunes
⋆ Chase Petra (I cannot recommend them enough, they remind me of old panic!)
⋆ Newgrounds Death Rugby (seriously, look them up if you've never heard of them)
⋆ Pixies
⋆ Good Kid (not the be that person but I've listened to them since 2021 and have been putting people onto them since years before they began to gain recognition)
⋆ The Mountain Goats
⋆ Oasis
There's actually like a ton more bands but I genuinely cannot list all my favorites or I'd be here for days. So uh yeah
in my very long history of having extreme mental breakdowns over seemingly inconsequential things, for the first time in my life it was genuinely bad enough that I was actually about to call the fucking suicide hotline.
Didn't end up doing it, Instead I ended up on reddit looking at all the posts about people having incredibly poor experiences with 988 and then I was like shit maybe I would rather just flip out alone in the woods with my dog where I don't have anything I can even hurt myself with then end up having a conversation that makes me feel a million times worse. I've known for about four or five months that I've really needed to seek some kind of mental help, that I genuinely probably need some time in a mental institution or just completely away from my life, there's actually even a pretty good one only about twenty miles from where I live but I just was too scared to tell my parents because they would be the ones fucking paying for it and they'd be so pissed if I refused to tell them I was struggling for so long that it got this bad but I can't tell them shit because they don't ever understand it because somehow two very sane emotionally regulated people ended up having me who can't handle very regular things like getting baptized or cashing a check or getting their drivers license or going on a plane or even just fucking eating aa meal in front of other people like a regular healthy sane human being and so I always felt it was easier to simply bottle it all up and pretend to be so fine and that there aren't any signs for them to go off so that they think I'm just weird and not deeply fucked up but now they'd be like "there were never any signs" as if I'm not catatonic 95% of the time and just really good at pretending to look happy for a couple hours every day while internally I'm about for seconds from seeing just how many of my dad's various named kitchen knives would have to be embedded between my ribs before I move on from this awful fucking life. Basically just I'm sitting in the woods completely filthy right now and covered in chiggers and probably poison ivy and I'm ignoring texts from my mom and waiting probably pointlessly for my best friend to text me back because she hasn't seen anything I've said in the last hour and I can't go back home because my mom is there and I cannot confront her today and if I go home I'm literally just going to have another twenty minute panic attack and probably relapse and definitely end up in a ton of trouble and when my dad gets home tomorrow I'll be so dead because my mom will tell him what happened and he's Already really super on my case about problems and inconsistencies and shit that mostly just stem from the fact that I don't remember most of my fucking life and have been in survival mode for the better part of seven years ever since he found out I used to cut back in April even though I actually haven't cut in almost a year because I promised myself if I didn't cut that I could get more tattoos this year but none of that will matter if I'm fucking dead and I feel bad because my dog can tell something is wrong and is being really sweet but at this point I feel like a burden even just for letting her see this because she's a dog and obviously doesn't understand what's going on and probably just wants me to take her back home But I can't. I wish I could just call my brother but I don't know what I would say and he probably wouldn't even pick up because I've been ignoring his texts too and also he's working and I have no clue what his schedule is like these days and so I'm just stuck.
almost fell like three times, I couldn't see shit because I got mud on my glasses and I couldn't clean it off. I ended up weeding the garden and refreshing the water for my batches of degreasing bones and watering a bunch of plants that are super wilty because there's a drought, and now I'm locked in the bathroom trying not to freak out again because I'm trapped again and my mom texted me again and she keeps trying to talk to me about the thing I really need to not talk to her about and so I keep just jabbering on and on anytime in in a room with her to keep her from getting a chance to say what I know she's gonna say and Im already freaking out because I don't know how I'm supposed to eat dinner with her in a couple hours shit im so screwed I don't know what to do I have to make it to tonight without her talking to me about this or I'm literally dead. God and it was just last night when I experienced a new low and even though i was fine this morning I am very much not fine now I'm so so so fucking dead and my best friend never texted me back and I didn't call my brother because it wouldn't have helped anyways and I probably just would have said something that would've scared him so badly that he'd have told our parents which would've helped no one and I don't know if I would've been able to handle that. Im genuinely terrified and i think I lied the other day when I said I don't post when I'm having an episode because apparently I do and am.
in my very long history of having extreme mental breakdowns over seemingly inconsequential things, for the first time in my life it was genuinely bad enough that I was actually about to call the fucking suicide hotline.
Didn't end up doing it, Instead I ended up on reddit looking at all the posts about people having incredibly poor experiences with 988 and then I was like shit maybe I would rather just flip out alone in the woods with my dog where I don't have anything I can even hurt myself with then end up having a conversation that makes me feel a million times worse. I've known for about four or five months that I've really needed to seek some kind of mental help, that I genuinely probably need some time in a mental institution or just completely away from my life, there's actually even a pretty good one only about twenty miles from where I live but I just was too scared to tell my parents because they would be the ones fucking paying for it and they'd be so pissed if I refused to tell them I was struggling for so long that it got this bad but I can't tell them shit because they don't ever understand it because somehow two very sane emotionally regulated people ended up having me who can't handle very regular things like getting baptized or cashing a check or getting their drivers license or going on a plane or even just fucking eating aa meal in front of other people like a regular healthy sane human being and so I always felt it was easier to simply bottle it all up and pretend to be so fine and that there aren't any signs for them to go off so that they think I'm just weird and not deeply fucked up but now they'd be like "there were never any signs" as if I'm not catatonic 95% of the time and just really good at pretending to look happy for a couple hours every day while internally I'm about for seconds from seeing just how many of my dad's various named kitchen knives would have to be embedded between my ribs before I move on from this awful fucking life. Basically just I'm sitting in the woods completely filthy right now and covered in chiggers and probably poison ivy and I'm ignoring texts from my mom and waiting probably pointlessly for my best friend to text me back because she hasn't seen anything I've said in the last hour and I can't go back home because my mom is there and I cannot confront her today and if I go home I'm literally just going to have another twenty minute panic attack and probably relapse and definitely end up in a ton of trouble and when my dad gets home tomorrow I'll be so dead because my mom will tell him what happened and he's Already really super on my case about problems and inconsistencies and shit that mostly just stem from the fact that I don't remember most of my fucking life and have been in survival mode for the better part of seven years ever since he found out I used to cut back in April even though I actually haven't cut in almost a year because I promised myself if I didn't cut that I could get more tattoos this year but none of that will matter if I'm fucking dead and I feel bad because my dog can tell something is wrong and is being really sweet but at this point I feel like a burden even just for letting her see this because she's a dog and obviously doesn't understand what's going on and probably just wants me to take her back home But I can't. I wish I could just call my brother but I don't know what I would say and he probably wouldn't even pick up because I've been ignoring his texts too and also he's working and I have no clue what his schedule is like these days and so I'm just stuck.
the funny thing about gracerocky with oblivious grace is that rocky is absolutely going through it. like he'd be thinking, "is leaky space blob STUPID, question? rocky try eridian courting. NO WORK! rocky try human courting. NO WORK EITHER! rocky try confessing. TRANSLATOR NOT TRANSLATE PROPERLY. 🎵🎵🎶🎵🎶!!!"
also i just know rocky is seething whenever he tries to talk about his feelings but the translator spits out some crude, chewed-up oversimplification of his confession that can still be reasonably construed as platonic. which grace absolutely does.
rocky: you are half of me, and i want us to be so inexplicably intertwined that it's hard to tell where i end and where you begin. love is too small of a word to encompass the depth of what i feel for you
Okay wait fuck I shouldn't have done that I just told my best friend and all she said was 'ah' we literally dated for three years I feel like a horrible person oh my god I shouldn't be allowed to talk at all ever
Sidenote but if I am actually aroace that would be pretty hilarious because it means at least 50% of the kids my parents had are aroace because my sister is also aroace.
Im getting really really suspicious that I'm aroace and that this whole time I've been trying to force myself to feel things I'm just incapable of feeling.
H8 comments r sosososoosoooo annoying even if they’re not directed @ me. Like yr on the internet, yr not gonna like everything u see, why r u interacting??? Jst let them b. If they like it they like it it’s not that big of a deal. U don’t have 2 point it out every single time u don’t like sumthing u see. Get over it.
Muffins are about to come out of the oven and while I was waiting I also went ahead and made some pudding. The pudding in question expired in January of 2024 which is probably fine but if I randomly disappear just know it's cause I ate some super expired pudding
