Men of Beliefs

The Knight, the Prince, the General, the Fighter, and the Writer. Indie multi-muse rp, semi-selective, canon-divergent, Trigger heavy! Sideblog.

[blckwales]

All muses have been moved to my main @inadxquacy which is now my multimuse blog. See you there 👋

[miska-za-deactivated20221119]

I absolutely love ships where one character is usually serious and distant, but when they talk to that one person, their voice turns soft and gentle and is suddenly filled with fondness that they don’t show to anyone else.

[blckwales]

@historypowered it’s Thomas and Eleanor 🥹

[historypowered]

blckwales​:

Although the knight was nobility Thomas had figured he wasn’t as wealthy to provide the life Eleanor’s sister was accustomed to. Then again the younger woman never seemed spoiled or too reliant of her privilege, then again Thomas knowing life without nothing well he doubted she’d be capable of letting go of too much unless forced to. Not that he’d expect her to, he was in no position to judge those with wealth as he had vast amounts of it. And having the privilege he wanted to provide as good of a life to all and any extended family he could. His own did not need him or wealth, his older sister and her husband were more successful than his own parents ever were. They hadn’t married up but it could be they’d been limited by need to get married as fast as they could but also perhaps they did not want to.

Her kiss made his heart flutter and wrap his arms around her to keep her close. When she asked if there was something on his mind he opened his eyes only to look down, sighing softly and staying quiet for a moment. What he wanted was selfish, his guilt never allowed him to have anything without feeling as if he was asking too much. Even with his own wife any desire he had felt wrong even if it was right. It was one of the reasons he wasn’t what some would have called passionate as he often held back unless she desired him as well. “You are, you consume my mind every moment. The thought of you, your voice, my need for you. Now even more…. a dream of you carrying another child. However I dare not ask you to go through it again.” The thought of her, her voice and bare body against his, her pregnant form made his throat dry slightly and he cleared his throat, “It’s selfish. I shouldn’t have said anything. Forgive me.”

“Why not? Did you think I despised every moment?” Whatever worries she had that something horrible was bothering him were washed away, replaced by happiness and more than her usual amount of yearning for him. Knowing that he wasn’t the most physically affectionate husband had kept her from insisting they sleep together almost every night, but when they did, it felt more special. Eleanor lifted his hand and kissed along his knuckles, smiling against the calloused flesh. “I did not. Knowing our child was growing inside me made everything worth it. Everything. Nor do I think you were being selfish.” Eleanor wouldn’t lie and say that the last few months weren’t difficult because they were. There always was the risk of her bleeding out and/or the baby being stillborn, and it was likely those two things that he wanted to avoid. However, one didn’t gain anything without encountering even a little risk, and what they had both gained at the end was someone priceless.

They’d left their infant son in Aquitaine, and in a few weeks, they would see him again. Maybe they had missed his first word or any of those milestones in a baby’s life, but this visit of theirs had been important, too, whether by giving him closure or giving her a glimpse into the life that he once led before fate led him to her. “If you want another child, husband, all you need is ask. Besides, I have missed your touch.” And ever-so slowly, she guided his hand to rest over her breast, her chest tightening at the sudden but slight pressure over it. It wasn’t the most intimate of touches, but it was her way of telling him that she desired him too, no matter how much his own mind tried to convince him otherwise. If that wasn’t enough, her gaze had dropped to his mouth, and she began to close the gap between them, her breath hitching a few moments before her lips met his in a soft, chaste kiss.

[blckwales]

Didnhe think she despised it? He wasn’t certain. Eleanor had been the most beautiful expecting mother he had even seen, when they expected their child he’d never felt more blessed and feeling it kick for the first time was short of a miracle. But he knew what he’d been taught, the pain and effort of pregnancy and labour was God’s punishment to Eve and her daughters and for two months he lost his wife due to the care she needed. He’d never been more terrified. During the Crusades he’d witnessed women losing their unborn due to injury or distress, he’d heard how some women had bled to death after giving birth. It was the fear he had of losing Eleanor and his child. “All a man can do is pray for God to protect his wife and child, and protect her from harm. But the burden, it was all yours.” It didn’t seem fair.

And he couldn’t deny he desired her flesh, hear her soft sounds as he claimed her. The kiss on his hand was almost cruel, she knew her softness and love was his weakness. And feeling her breast with his hand his mouth grew dry and he looked at her, able to see her desire. Kissing her Thomas’ hands fell to her waist and then to her hips, pulling her closer against his body. Breaking away slightly he looked at her, “I am your husband, body and soul, if you ever need me or desire my company all you have to is say so.” As traditional as he was he saw her above him. She was his queen and as the mother of his child she was vessel of their bloodline. Pleasure was sin but denying his wife her needs would be sin against her, something he could not allow and would seek forgiveness after her needs were fulfilled. And now his, he wanted her and another child. Looking at her for a moment his gaze darkened slightly, body overcome with lust as he watched her. Reaching for the laces of her dress he began to undo them gently. As much as he desired her he would not resorts to ravishing her, she deserved to be treated with care and gentleness.

[historypowered]

blckwales​:

Even Thomas hoped her sister would not move to England, not with the politics the way they were. There was no doubt of her future husband’s honor, he was a good man, but Thomas had very little trust in the honor of Kings and politicians which was odd considering he was a ruler of sorts but then again he did not see himself as one. “They could remain in Aquitaine, provided they are willing.” Thomas had lost one family, she had been separated from her own once, remaining together could be the best for them all in the long run as the power lied in her and her sister, not in Thomas. As hard as he had tried the family he had remaining was not the same as it was before he had left, he did not deserve their full forgiveness and they’d done well for themselves without him. Thomas couldn’t shake away the thought that had he stayed, witnessing the crumbling of his father and the loss of his mother he himself would have become a monster doomed to repeat his father’s mistakes. His mother always told him he was nothing like his father, yet he abandoned his family regardless of his parents blessing. Therefore he owed them a decent goodbye and a promise of safe haven in Aquitaine should the ever require it.

Looking at her Thomas knew she was the one God led him to, she and her grace had been his plan all along and she’d been worth all the pain along the way. That is why being in his childhood home with her confused him, his past and future colliding, yet he felt blessed. Stepping closer carefully his hand reached for her hair, his hand cupping the back of her head as he leaned closer to kiss her forehead and hold her close, “My dove. Mother of my child, keeper of my heart.” He wondered if God would bless them with another child, if Thomas could ask of her to endure to carry another.

Family was important to Eleanor for as long as she could remember. It was why she was supportive of Thomas finally visiting his family, whether to gain some closure on his past, open new paths for communication into the future, or both. Whatever decision he would make when it came to the family had in England was something she would respect. “She is. I’m not certain whether her husband is or not, but he does not seem to be making any preparations for them to relocate,” she answered, placing the last of her dresses inside the trunk. Before she could do anything else, however, his hand was on the back of her head and her body turned to his immediately, without question. There was something different about the way he spoke, the terms he used to call her sending a pleasant shudder through her. “Thomas. My love.” Words whispered as she tilted her head up to meet his gaze and then smile, her fingertips running down his arm and the few scars that lay there. He looked like he was thinking about something, but she wasn’t sure what that something was.

Having him close to her like this was a pleasant distraction from what they were supposed to do, however, and she couldn’t resist closing the gap between them to kiss him and rest a hand on the side of his neck. It wasn’t like she was starved for affection from him; she simply found her husband as irresistible as she did the first time she noticed herself falling for him. A feeling that she believed would last long after they both turned old and gray, God willing. Thomas might not see himself as an ideal spouse, but he was more loving, caring, and protective than most of the married men she’d met at court. “Is there something else on your mind?” Eleanor asked him, still close enough to brush her lips over his. While she could often ‘read’ his emotions, reading his mind wasn’t something she could do, no matter how well she thought she knew him.

[blckwales]

Although the knight was nobility Thomas had figured he wasn’t as wealthy to provide the life Eleanor’s sister was accustomed to. Then again the younger woman never seemed spoiled or too reliant of her privilege, then again Thomas knowing life without nothing well he doubted she’d be capable of letting go of too much unless forced to. Not that he’d expect her to, he was in no position to judge those with wealth as he had vast amounts of it. And having the privilege he wanted to provide as good of a life to all and any extended family he could. His own did not need him or wealth, his older sister and her husband were more successful than his own parents ever were. They hadn’t married up but it could be they’d been limited by need to get married as fast as they could but also perhaps they did not want to.

Her kiss made his heart flutter and wrap his arms around her to keep her close. When she asked if there was something on his mind he opened his eyes only to look down, sighing softly and staying quiet for a moment. What he wanted was selfish, his guilt never allowed him to have anything without feeling as if he was asking too much. Even with his own wife any desire he had felt wrong even if it was right. It was one of the reasons he wasn’t what some would have called passionate as he often held back unless she desired him as well. “You are, you consume my mind every moment. The thought of you, your voice, my need for you. Now even more…. a dream of you carrying another child. However I dare not ask you to go through it again.” The thought of her, her voice and bare body against his, her pregnant form made his throat dry slightly and he cleared his throat, “It’s selfish. I shouldn’t have said anything. Forgive me.”

[blckwales]

historypowered​:

“I suppose you’re right. I’ve become used to them being near me that the thought of her moving to England to be with her future husband is…unbearable.” What made it harder for her to consider letting them both go was that they had always been close. Even before both their parents had passed, she knew she could count on her sister and brother. Knowing that Thomas was supportive of her keeping both of them close was enough. His decision to inform his sisters of their impending departure did have her glance at him, though she didn’t question his choice. Like him, she did think it was best for him to be there – they were his family, no matter how much distance he felt existed between them and him – and she smiled and nodded once. “We could do that after supper. Or when you feel it’s best.” Still, she thought that there really wasn’t an ‘ideal time’ for them to say they needed to return home even though it was expected to happen eventually.

Even Thomas hoped her sister would not move to England, not with the politics the way they were. There was no doubt of her future husband’s honor, he was a good man, but Thomas had very little trust in the honor of Kings and politicians which was odd considering he was a ruler of sorts but then again he did not see himself as one. “They could remain in Aquitaine, provided they are willing.” Thomas had lost one family, she had been separated from her own once, remaining together could be the best for them all in the long run as the power lied in her and her sister, not in Thomas. As hard as he had tried the family he had remaining was not the same as it was before he had left, he did not deserve their full forgiveness and they’d done well for themselves without him. Thomas couldn’t shake away the thought that had he stayed, witnessing the crumbling of his father and the loss of his mother he himself would have become a monster doomed to repeat his father’s mistakes. His mother always told him he was nothing like his father, yet he abandoned his family regardless of his parents blessing. Therefore he owed them a decent goodbye and a promise of safe haven in Aquitaine should the ever require it.

Looking at her Thomas knew she was the one God led him to, she and her grace had been his plan all along and she’d been worth all the pain along the way. That is why being in his childhood home with her confused him, his past and future colliding, yet he felt blessed. Stepping closer carefully his hand reached for her hair, his hand cupping the back of her head as he leaned closer to kiss her forehead and hold her close, “My dove. Mother of my child, keeper of my heart.” He wondered if God would bless them with another child, if Thomas could ask of her to endure to carry another.

[thoodleoo]

extremely upsetting that the ancient romans didn't have zoom because i would pay serious denarii to see mark antony mute cicero's microphone while he's giving a speech

[blckwales]

historypowered​:

There would always be a cloud hanging over him, and maybe it would have irritated her to continue to see it even after the time they spent with his family. But, it was part of who he was, and it softened whatever scathing thoughts might have formed in her head and stilled her temper from lashing out at him. She couldn’t force him to feel better about the situation if he himself didn’t know what was wrong. “Will that be my future with my own siblings, Thomas?” she asked softly, closing the last of her trunks and stepping back, almost as if she was afraid it would come to life and start biting her. “Neither of them will remain with me for very long. Perhaps I should get used to not seeing them.” Whatever conflicts she’d had with them, she loved them greatly and had gotten used to having them around. Her sister had been with her as her lady-in-waiting and her half-brother was a stone’s throw away in the city that he governed. Though she said nothing more about arranging a visit for his sisters and their husbands ( a risky venture during times of war ), it never left her mind. “And as you wish. I could have one of our riders confirm the arrival of the ship to take us home and say our farewells to your sisters.” It should have been him to do the latter, probably, but it looked like he’d already started keeping them at a distance.

Her question took him by surprise not having thought of it, she was so young and her family was mostly together especially now that she’d returned and lived in Aquitaine. However he didn’t see it like that, he was estranged from his family emotionally as well but Eleanor wasn’t and there was no reason for her to not be with them as much as she could. Although Thomas was at peace with his choices in life he knew the cost of them, where it had taken him and moulded his life, and he knew it wasn’t something he wanted for his son either. “How close you remain to them is your choice, if you wish them to stay make it so.” Especially her sister, there was no reason for her to leave or go too far unless she wanted to. Thomas would not have anything against it if she remained with them with the family she’d eventually build. “We can do it together.” Thomas figured he owed his sisters that much, they may not know each other too well but they were still family blood.

[blckwales]

historypowered​:

for @blckwales​’ thomas from eleanor verse: main

Only a few weeks had passed since they arrived in Thomas’ childhood home, but for Eleanor, it felt like it had become a second home. There were still a few things about his youth that she may never learn, and she was content with the man she knew and loved. But even they were needed back home, and she was missing their son, too. “We could always return,” she said, though deep down, it was likely that years would pass before they could even consider it. There was the matter of her younger sister’s betrothal and her brother’s potential bride for them to look into, not to mention the growing pressure from the other French cities for them to choose a wife for their son. Who was still a few months old: far too young, in her opinion. Even her father had the sense to wait for her to grow up a bit before looking into suitors. “Or invite them to Aquitaine. This…I do not want this to be a prolonged farewell from them.”

Eleanor had adjusted better whereas Thomas felt still slightly as if he didn’t belong, as if it was all a bit wrong somehow. He didn’t express anything like it as he didn’t want Eleanor to know it and where the oldest sister had begun to reach a small part of him that she knew he still maintained a slight distance to protect her, to protect himself from something he couldn’t quite understand. Visiting the church did very little as well, the Order had been so different that Thomas didn’t necessarily find the devotion he had from his home lands. A part of him kept wondering how much further they were from Rome and why it felt so different here. As for returning, he wasn’t anymore optimistic. With the almost unavoidable war approaching, his responsibilities for Eleanor’s people and land, their son... The idea of returning seemed distant. As for inviting them he’d leave that for her to decide. “We will always be family but our lives are of different lands. We could invite them if you desire, and if they are able to travel such distances.” Travelling was hard, he knew it best having left England and travelled all over and seen the displacement and challenges of families travelling. “We should begin preparations for our journey back, season is beginning to change.” And the last thing they wanted was to get caught in the storms it would bring eventually.

[marquisoforder]

“this character is not canonically bisexual” to YOU. i know them personally

[inadxquacy]

Me thinking I was going to return gloriously to write only to realize the first 6 months of college would be the hardest (having to learn all basic anatomy and physiology, laws regarding practicing nursing, medicine laws and regulations, having to learn basic treatment procedures, basic principles of social interaction, cpr/first aid, etc) and I’ve only been to school for about a month and I’ve had two emotional breakdowns already.

(┛ ° Д ° )┛彡dlǝɥ puǝs

[dollykills-deactivated20240929]

How do I politely explain to my 6'4 partner that he can’t leave things on the top shelf because I’m 5'3 and he’s ruining my life?

[historypowered]

@blckwales

[blckwales]

@historypowered 

*purposely leaves stuff on the highest shelf so that they need my help* 

[inadxquacy]

Hey! Update!

So yeah I disappeared due to having a bit of a “withdraw from society” season and possibly a slight existencial crisis. I may be returning slowly however I just began my college for Nursing so studying will take most of my time for now.

I’m interested in keeping any threads we’ve had together or if you would like we can plot new ones.

love ya!

[invademyinbox]

Send me {PRAYER} for a religious/religion headcanon.

[driverdaily]

Deleted scene of season 2, HBO GIRLS.

[antyllvs]

IT’S ANTONY’S BIRTHDAY, LET’S CELEBRATE HIM WITH A POST ABOUT HOW BONKERS HIS LIFE WAS! LET’S GO!

i. Antony and his brothers (Lucius and Gaius) have always been Problematic Youths™️, so much so that Cicero even coined a name for them - and all his friends - “Perdita Iuventus” (literally lost youth).

ii. Antony was part of one of the many gangs that worked for Clodius (and Clodius himself was his patron and used to pay him in rubies for his services). That, however, didn’t stop Antony from chasing Clodius through the streets of Rome with a sword.

iii. As every other patrician youth, Antony went to Greece to study. This was the official excuse. In reality he was fleeing from his creditors. His debts by the age of 18 amounted to two hundred and fifty talents (circa five million dollars today).

iv. One time, when he was stationed outside Rome, he decided to ✨ spice things up ✨ and disguised himself as a slave to bring his wife Fulvia a letter that said he was dead. Safe to say Fulvia didn’t like the joke.

v. Another time he was so drunk that he puked in his own toga (that one of his friends was holding) right in the middle of the Forum.

vi. Antony liked to wear shorter togas than the usual custom because he loved to show his legs (that he always oiled up). King tbh!

vii. He was famous for being a drunkard so you know what he did? He wrote a book about it! De Sua Ebrietate! Unfortunately it didn’t survive and we don’t know exactly the context of it…but still!!

viii. He was very generous (too generous) with his friends. Once he ordered a HUGE sum of money to be given to a friend and when one of his slaves poured it all out on the floor to make him realize just how much it was, Antony said it was actually too little and ordered more.

ix. He had a chariot drawn by lions. Just that.

x. He loved being a dad! All in all he had one daughter by his first wife Antonia Hybrida, three stepchildren and two sons by his second wife Fulvia, three stepchildren and two daughters by his third wife Octavia and one stepson and three children by Cleopatra.

xi. Speaking of…him and Cleopatra they were extra as hell! They had a secret drinking club called “Inimitable Livers” dedicated to Dionysus. One time they melted a jewel and drank it together (??).

xii. “Therefore Cleopatra was indebted to Fulvia for teaching Antony to endure a woman’s sway, since she took him over quite tamed and schooled at the outset to obey women” (Plutarch). ANTONY CANONICALLY GETS PEGGED!

xiii. BONUS: one time he scaled the roof of curio’s house to meet with him after curio’s father forbade him to see his son because he didn’t like they were lovers.

[blckwales]

Headcanon;

Thomas has PTSD from the Crusades and there are several nightmares/flashbacks he has. They’re not that easily triggered but if someone would jokingly attack him he’d definitely go in fight or flight mode, mostly fight.

What triggers/horrifies him the most is pretty much the very same weapon he uses, a long sword. They’re heavy and not actually that sharp. In order to be efficient with it the blow has to be hard, otherwise you’d need to hit someone multiple times with it in order to kill them. Thomas has fallen and been pinned down a few times, resulting in broken bones and bruises but his chainmail prevented cuts. 

Those times, and having seen so many killed painfully gives him nightmares and flashbacks. His own sword is something he refuses to be without, especially outside his home, because it was his main means of protection (as it is too heavy to carry a shield with it). It still remains his protection since he doesn’t fully acknowledge in his subconscious that his fighting is over, as if just awaiting an ambush to occur.

So during stressful times he is the medieval equivalent of a PTSD soldier with a loaded gun

[blckwales]

Also modern!Thomas has special forces background, was a military priest so there’s some modern PTSD too, however he does not carry a gun in public but has a pistol hidden in his home

[blckwales]

Headcanon;

Thomas has PTSD from the Crusades and there are several nightmares/flashbacks he has. They’re not that easily triggered but if someone would jokingly attack him he’d definitely go in fight or flight mode, mostly fight.

What triggers/horrifies him the most is pretty much the very same weapon he uses, a long sword. They’re heavy and not actually that sharp. In order to be efficient with it the blow has to be hard, otherwise you’d need to hit someone multiple times with it in order to kill them. Thomas has fallen and been pinned down a few times, resulting in broken bones and bruises but his chainmail prevented cuts. 

Those times, and having seen so many killed painfully gives him nightmares and flashbacks. His own sword is something he refuses to be without, especially outside his home, because it was his main means of protection (as it is too heavy to carry a shield with it). It still remains his protection since he doesn’t fully acknowledge in his subconscious that his fighting is over, as if just awaiting an ambush to occur.

So during stressful times he is the medieval equivalent of a PTSD soldier with a loaded gun