First off, these are Emergency Commissions and will be open permanently or until further notice. The title on my blog page will change if they’re closed. Journals on Deviantart and pinned post on Twitter will also be changed right away if they’re closed, so if they say open, assume that they are still.
!!Trigger warnings ahead for child abuse mentions, alcoholism, and domestic violence.!!
!!Trigger warnings ahead for child abuse mentions, alcoholism, and domestic violence.!!
So I’ve never really gone in-depth about my situation in public because I’ve always felt very uncomfortable talking about this to strangers. I’ll try to sum it up to the best of my ability but I think a bit of backstory is necessary in this situation.
Now onto the gritty stuff.
My parents have been abusing me since I was 12 years old– and when I say parents I mean my mother and my aunt, who raised me. No father in the picture, and no family members helped/are around to help. My Aunt fell into heavy drinking around the time I was 12, and it spiraled down into a mess of physical abuse, verbal threats and gaslighting. My mom was always working at the time- she worked until I was about 16 until she lost her job, but while she was at work and I was home from school, my aunt would do things to me that she’d work to lie about as soon as my mom got home.
She would threaten me with violence, hit me, chase me out of the house. She’s thrown me into things; screamed at me– no matter what she did, she’d either lie and say it didn’t happen to my mom, who never wanted to deal with it and thus just said “yeah okay, leave me alone”, leaving me to question my own memory and whether or not it really was abuse for a number of years… or she’d flat-out say “That’s in the past, stop bringing it up; it won’t happen again.”/”I’m an adult, I do what I want in my house.”
Mom herself has a relentless anger problem. Whenever she wakes up from a nap or being asleep she’s volatile abusive, albeit more emotionally and verbally than physically.
They’d tell me that calling child services or going into foster care would be way worse than what I was dealing with at home, and as a child it scared me so much I never told anyone until I was 18, but it carried on until current day, though the physical abuse has lessened now that I’m big enough to fight back, the threat of it hangs over my head as well as the threat of losing my home. Whatever they can hold over my head, they will. Coupled with the fact that I’m in constant pain from an old car accident in which we were rear-ended by a drunk driver going at high speeds at a red light, I can’t take this anymore.
Nowadays they refuse to talk about how they’ve been to me- that me trying to bring it up is just “asking for trouble” and “digging up the past.” My parent’s version of “moving on” is just carrying forward without ever talking about it– acting like it never happened. My mom used to be on my side about my aunt’s problems for a long time; calling her a drunk, telling her she needs help. Nowadays she acts like it never happened at all, and my aunt’s not an alcoholic because she “doesn’t drink every day anymore”.. which is a lie, btw. My mom is so focused on pretending things are “normal” she’d rather believe her own delusional sense of normality than focus on the reality. When I pry at her about it, all I get is “What am I suppose to do, hang myself??”
My parents are the definition of problematic. Not only did they abuse me for several years and feel as if they can go on with a clear conscience, they prefer to only deal with all problems only after they get serious– for example, they left our last cat, Sasha, to suffer with a golf ball-sized tumor on her hip and never took her to the vet no matter how much I begged. Instead, when she started becoming incontinent, they just locked her in my mother’s bedroom to pee everywhere. The smell would waft into my bedroom in the summer time and make me ill, but they’d never clean it. My mom would go, “see, she’s purring, she’s just fine” up until Sasha finally died of complications associated with the tumor last year. They didn’t tell me she died until after the fact, as I was staying with a friend here at the time, but from what I understand she didn’t go peacefully.
I’m out of options financially and don’t know what else to do. I can’t live in this house any longer– my parents are so delusional about how things are “fine” despite themselves and their disgusting habits [24/7 smoking even when I had pneumonia last year, leaving food to rot, living in their own filth] My art is all I can do to reel in money. I have someone willing to help me, but I can’t get to them as I am..
I need 750$ CAN to pay for the flight ticket to live with someone who is willing to have me, my cat’s safe passage in the cabin, an airline approved carrier for him, the baggage fee as my cat would count as my 1 carry-on and thus my actual luggage would have to be checked, ensuring I can pick the seats in my flights that allow a pet in the cabin [no exit or bulkhead rows], and transit fees both here and at my destination.
I am willing to draw whatever I can, but I cannot draw animals [though parts are fine] or mechs, and I’ve never drawn anything NSFW in my life. If you can’t commission me then please REBLOG this. Please spread this as far as you can.
Payments are through Paypal. Message me here on tumblr to get started..
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