Life...it happens.

[blindgurl72]

It's been awhile...

Man...I can't remember the last time I posted on here. I think that's mostly because no one reads this but me. Well, life still sucks. I still haven't gotten my A.A., and my friends have graduated from college, have gotten great paying jobs, while I'm stuck working minimum wage. I don't mind it because I need the money, but I feel like my life isn't going anywhere. On the inside, I'm feeling drained, but I don't show it. I don't need the people in my life bothering me, asking me, "What's wrong?," if I show how I truly feel. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of self loathing. In secret, I'm very hard on myself. If I don't do something right, I punish myself, as a reminder that I'm still here. One of the few reasons I even manage to wake up every morning, is because I still have the desire to become a special education teacher. If I were to ever lose that desire, I'm not sure what I would do. So, for now, I'm still a college student, just trying to find my way.

[blindgurl72]

...

I wasn't really sure what to call this post, so it doesn't have a title...I wanted to write this as a way to vent and relax from what bullshit life has thrown my way. Lately I've been trapped inside my own head, just trying to figure everything out. I can't seem to grasp, and hold on tightly to, that quality of life that my friends seem to have. Everyday I grow more envious of what my friends have, college degrees, jobs, a future...With the way things are going, my future is not as bright as it once was. So, with that in mind, I ask myself one question, " Am I happy?" My answer, "For now, I guess I am."

[blindgurl72]

where have i been?

i haven't posted anything in a really long time, because i've just been so busy. trying to figure out what classes i'm gonna take in the fall, and basically everything that has to do with college, has taken up most of my time. and the rest of it? well, i spend what little time i have left with friends or finding a job (which my parents keep on nagging me about). and all of this mixed together causes me to be stressed, and a little depressed. recently a few friends/people i know graduated from college, while i'm still a sophomore. like seriously? why can't life just work in my favor for once, so i can finally move on, get my degree, and start teaching. hopefully all of the bullshit i have to deal with on a daily basis will be worth it in the end, because i want nothing more than to be a special education teacher (which at the rate i'm going, could be years from now).

[kaitlinmcb]

Finally Finished! - Hannah Hart Carrot Onesie Portrait Coloured Pencil on toned paper.

[blindgurl72]

Drawing/Doodling is just something I do, no matter what mood I'm in. It's a way for me to feel free and to have complete control. Rules do not exist, so I draw whatever is on my mind. Sometimes I love it, hate it, or am just completely confused by it. Well, whatever is, having a pen in my hand puts me in a place of comfort.

[blindgurl72]

Found this pic from last year of my best friend and I taking pics at the beach...I know the theme is "shadow self portraits", but to be completely honest, when I'm with my friends, I am more myself, than I ever could imagine.

[blindgurl72]

Dreams are my reality...I drew this over a year ago (not sure why I wrote it in french though). Any who, after going through my 2nd experience with depression, a light bulb went off. I remember my friend Maria, who helped me through my depression, tell me something that remains with me today. She told me to write down different things that I wanted to do in the future. And as the list got longer and longer, I grew even happier because it started to become real. Some of the dreams I've already accomplished include learning to play the piano (self taught), going on a mission trip (Jamaica), and going to college (I'm still in)...And I'm still adding dreams to that list, like backpacking with my friend Amy across Europe. So, even though my list of dreams are just that, dreams, I'm looking forward to the days when they become real, when the experiences are real, and something to be cherished :)

[blindgurl72]

The best book I've ever read, by far, has to be The Hunger Games. Not only was it well written, but Suzanne Collins manages to pull the reader into the story through in depth detail, which makes the book impossible (at least to me) to put down. An example of this, one that always makes me shed a tear, is Rue's death. Katniss, who bonded with Rue like a sister, sang her a sweet song in the midst of her death. And the photo is that of the last 3 lines of the song. Those are my favorite lines of the entire book, because the song was also sung to Primrose, and it both cases Katniss sung it out of love.

[blindgurl72]

My goal, as well as my best friend Amy's goal, is to go backpacking together across Europe after we graduate from college. I've always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, ever since I saw a picture of it. However, Amy doesn't want to see the Eiffel Tower because she already has before. But because we're like sisters, she is willing to go for me. So, that is my goal. To share an amazing experience with my sister.

[blindgurl72]

Saving You - Chris Ganim

Was fumbling around on YouTube, and discovered this song. Gave it a listen, and I instantly fell in love with it. It reminded me of a friend who basically saved me from myself. And there will never be enough thank you's to say how thankful I am for what she did <3

[blindgurl72]

i love my sketchbook as if it were my baby.

[blindgurl72]

What song is most encouraging to you? Share the music video, as well as a description about how it speaks to you.

Video by India Arie

This song is encouraging to me because it describes a woman just loving herself for who she is. And within recent years, I've learned to do the same.

"I'm not the average girl from your video."

And I'm fine with that. In every genre of music, there's always one video that is just filled with "cookie cutter" women. The world says that we have to be tall, pretty, and thin just to be accepted. In most cases that's true, but I don't agree with that. In fact, I'm the opposite of what the world wants me to be. I'm a voluptuous woman, and over the recent years, I've learned to love myself for who I am.

"Am I less of a lady if I don't wear panty hose?"

I'll always be a lady, no matter what I wear, because it's the way I was born. I dress to feel comfortable, or, "...whatever feels good in my soul." So whether I go out or stay at home, I'll be rockin' whatever makes me feel comfortable, unless I want to be a girly girl.

"Now don't be offended this is all my opinion."

So if you don't agree with me, that's fine. I'm just saying what I believe, and in a nutshell that is, "Every woman is beautiful, despite what someone may tell them," (not a song quote). So ladies, just know that you are beautiful.

[blindgurl72]

My 1st real home...When I was younger, I didn't really know what the term "navy baby" meant. All I knew was that my mom was a cook in the navy. And then it hit me...Before I was born, my parents lived  in Guam where my older brother was born. Next came Hawaii, where I was born. I was still a baby when my family and I moved to California. I attended pre-k there, where my early childhood memories lie. Once again, we took off. Rhode Island brought a change in climate. Snow days meant the building of snowmen, drinking of hot chocolate, and having snowball fights and sled races down "suicide" hill with my friends. And before we made our final stop in Florida, my family and I almost got sent to an even colder climate, which was the country of Iceland. And now that we're here, I finally feel at home. When we arrived in Florida back in 2001, it still wasn't home to me. I lived on a navy base, in 2 different apartment complexes, and finally what I consider to be my real home. I chose to write the word "HOPE" in my backyard because it's where I feel the most comfortable. The hope that I will hold on to my current group of friends, and the hope that I will finally be stable for once in my life. But for now, I'm just a college freshman, with a world of hope in my hands.

[blindgurl72]

Just had my day made!!!...too amazing for words <3

[blindgurl72]

after spending the day with my best friend, this is where we ended up...sunset at the jax beach pier :)

[blindgurl72]

This is something my friend said to me, when I was going through the most horrible depression I have ever faced (for the 20 yrs I've been on this earth). So now anytime when I'm going through something that's difficult to face, I'll always remember what she said because it changed my life.