RMH
Kiana Khansmith
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Cosmic Funnies
Cosimo Galluzzi
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Noah Kahan
Jules of Nature
Xuebing Du
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Origami Around
trying on a metaphor
Game of Thrones Daily
todays bird
we're not kids anymore.
titsay
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
h
The Stonewall Inn
seen from Saudi Arabia
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from Saudi Arabia
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@blixster
This state of mind is destructive.
I feel alone, a failure. Can't get a job i want nor one i was told I should be able to get to save my life. No friends still. Exhausted all the time. Don't like the house.
I suppose I'm the reason for all this dissatisfaction.
Jobless, a house to come, hopefully a home, yet I can only hope to like it. Spending my money on a house I didn't like grates at me. I give too much of myself to him, to support his wants and dreams, having barely any of my own to keep alive.
Concerns of compatibility, my puzzle pieces support his imagery but I feel his do not support mine, not fully, not enough to relieve my disconnect.
I can't approach him sexually - he turns away, his mind on Proust, Young, his workplace tasks or other *Ideas*
I am around too much. He desires his space. I have nowhere to go.
I need others around me that want to connect, that I'm not fearful to approach.
What do I see sex as? What does he see it as? I need to understand more and to understand less.
I am not sure who I am, what I want.
Another Weekend
He came up, one of the last times we’ll be together at my house, I imagine. It was a great weekend, as was the weekend before when I visited him. This trip, we visited the zoo, he met my family, and I spent some quality time with his family yet again.
I feel a strong kinship with him - a strong friendship. Of course, I care about him too, I have love for him, yes yes yes - but I haven’t felt a bond like this in a long time. He is a wonderful creature and he truly makes me happy. He makes me want to grow.
Now for all the risks that have to be taken... leaving home, finding animal fosters, securing a job (followed by the job that I actually want) and making sure that we keep providing space and reasons for one another to grow.
♥
Our Story
I’m reading his current edition of “Electric Pineapple, Blue Bullet Express”.
To my surprise, it’s a very crazy page-turner. Even if I didn’t know the protagonist, I’d want to see how this turns out. It’s a surprise because a couple of the other works I’ve read had a more horror-vibe, and I didn’t love that style or content. But this - it’s real, it’s relatable, and I feel while reading this.
I’m halfway through, and it makes me think now about how he would/will write about me -- not in a negative way. Moreso in an introspective way: I hope that any thoughts, writings, emotions that he feels are in a more positive light, and specifically that I focus and continually work to improve our relationship and emphasizing his role in it.
I see the branches in his story, the branches that I had applied pressure to on accident that caused us disturbances. I’m glad I can see them now - and now I can also see more branches to avoid breaking, branches that are strong, branches that lead to the slowly-strengthening trunk. I hope to get to his roots one day, so I can make sure that he has room and sustenance with which to grow even bigger and stronger. Nothing should be allowed to cut him down, including myself.
Toothless
The dual mother’s day episodes were better than expected. Ty was able to join in on my mom’s celebration at Red Lobster, and I was invited and joined in at his mother’s day celebration at his parents’ place. The former had my mom, tipsy on Long Island Iced Teas, joyful and laughing the entire evening. The latter was a whole-family event, full of grandparents and parents and siblings bonding and smiling and laughing together.
Ty’s nephew, Chase, lost his first tooth. His eyes opened wide in shock and curiosity, only to turn to his right and have his stare get wider when his grandfather removed a tooth from his mouth to mimic Chase’s lost tooth.
What a wonderful two days. I’m grateful to be getting to know Ty’s family - family is nice to have again.
He’s a great man that will continue to do great things and be a role model for everyone that sees him... including me. ♥
It's foolish to jump so hard and so fast. My mind can't transition from "suicidal" to "utterly happy and content" in the blink of an eye.
Without him here, around me, I feel useless and empty. I don't feel like I'm making progress because my progress depends on other people (contractors, job employers, etc).
It's hard to want to better myself when all I can come home to is... Myself. I need others to come home to, to exist near my space, to be around.
I'm forgetting what made me attractive to him in the first place. I feel completely stupid and inadequate. He's just so well balanced, and I'm a plate teetering on the counter's edge, emotional one day and smiling the next.
He's not going to want to deal with this for long. I hate who I used to be... He ruined who I could have been.
I hate being lonely. At least knowing he's there keeps the worst of the darkness away.
morgan harper nichols
He's so close to my perfect. His smooth corners and sharp edges fit roughly along mine. Mine are frayed and spotted, yet still his are tight enough against mine to bond.
He smells of peach trees, like a summer swell, like light petrichor. He's graceful in body and soul, his mind a beautiful extension of his grace with which I can barely keep up. His eyes, like all gateways to the soul, speak a language I know mirrors my own, twinkling with soulcast words I simply trust.
He wants the best for me, of that I am certain. I believe in him. All I want is to be there for every birthday, every sadness and every celebration, standing beside him as we explore the rest of life together.
And to Tyler, if you ever read this: thank you for finding me, for saving me. You have given me more than you will ever realize. I couldn't have wished for someone better to love and be loved by. ❤️
I'm smiling more, I'm laughing more, I'm living more.
I'm eating healthier, I'm planning for the future, and I'm interacting with people again.
All it took was meeting the right person; his motivation and his inherent goodness propels me forward.
One day at a time. ♥️ TH
i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.
Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better
— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )
— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient
— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.
— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.
— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.
— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way
— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.
