blog de snarf

Semi-pro human being, hero & inspiration 2 many. Living life with a What Would Beyonce Do kind of attitude. Not really. I mean kind of. In theory.

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Yep.

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no

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Classic.

No thanks, thanks tho.

80% match 9% enemy? Really OKC? 

I'll probably meet him in a Rite Aid or Superfresh in like 6 years and fall in love and marry him, never ~truly~ knowing why a stranger's face should look so familiar.

Just kidding no one meets their future husband at a Rite Aid or a Superfresh.

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Frankenstorm

The overly hyped weather system that local newscasters and moms have been loyally fear mongering for the past 4 days needs to chill. I bet it's going to rain hard for 3 days and I'll regret that moccasins and sandals are my only items of footwear but I don't believe that it's going to be terrifying.

Also, maybe I'm channeling my inner tween too hard but I'm sick of people telling me what to do. You know what I'm not gonna do?

Fill my bathtub up with water. No. This is not happening. This sounds like a huge waste of water and a safety hazard for my cat. Also my bathtub didn't come with a tub stopper. Who am I the queen?

Consider boiling water before drinking it if shit gets crazy. Trust me, if it gets to the point where I need to consider boiling water before drinking it I will drive to my mom's house and drink her boiled water or die trying. 

Stock up on water. I actually bought a six pack of water at Rite Aid today and I felt disgusting about it. Like, I am officially buying into the hype. I would love to return it, and it wouldn't really be that inconvenient to do so because it is only LIGHTLY RAINING.

You know what I am gonna do though?

Buy mad non perishables. Jokes on you Sandy, the only food I buy is non-perishables. If I had to live off of cheez-its for a week I would call it the week that was like every other week of my adult life.

Park everywhere I want for as long as I want. Free parking for the rest of our lives until Thursday, y'all! 

Hunker down. This actually perfectly describes what I do anyway on Sundays so like, no sweat off my back.

In conclusion, Frankenstorm can suck a D. Although there is a very good chance that by Tuesday I will look like this:

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fantasy football career is over.

Up next - a career as a degenerate gambler. NFL betting lines. 

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Internet-themed art collective Forced Meme Productions (dang, that’s some self-aware branding going on) and the feline meme curators of Tumblr are joining forces for ca$hcats.biz, an art exhibition at the DUMBO Loft in Brooklyn on September 6th. The theme of the exhibition, whose poster features a brightly-colored cat lounging on a pile of cash, is “how the one purr-cent live.” Inspired by Tumblr cashcats.biz, a blog which sports 27 pages’ worth of images of cats, stacks and occasionally, gats, Portland-based artist Lisa Hildebrant began painting cats in response to the site’s themes and images, and the gallery show is accepting new submissions. Although CashCats the blog is mostly photography-based, organizers of the show encourage “C$C$-themed ink/watercolor, neon, stained glass, interactive, taxidermy, maybe some limited edish jean jackets.

Cats Rule Everything Around Me, Including Art Exhibitions and Film Fests, Apparently - BlackBook

:) :) :) :) :)

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general thoughts on step by step

Step by Step, the 90s family sitcom about the modern American family is often just an afterthought in the conversation of 90s family sitcoms, dominated by the brilliance of shows like Full House, Boy Meets World, Growing Pains (was that 80s or 90s?), etc.

But personally, Step by Step was a very influential television show in my childhood. Not only do I think often (bi-weekly at least) of the theme song and opening credits but I also often think about 3 specific moments in Step by Step history where reality was suspended in a way that even I, as a small, naive ginger child, did not always believe.

1. THE POOL HALL EPISODE: The episode where Mark for some reason accompanies Cody and maybe JT to a pool hall full of ROUGH NECKS. For whatever reason Cody and these rough necks and maybe JT decide to play pool. Well I honestly am blanking on the set up but what essentially happens is Mark uses his geometry skillz to become an instant pool shark, recognizing that pool is all about angles and trajectory or something. I am going to have to call bullshit on this because being good at pool is way less about angles to me and more about, oh I don't know, not playing it for the first time when you are 14 years old.

2. THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE EPISODE: The episode where Dana can't afford to go to a private college so she goes to community college with Cody and she gets an F or a D on her paper and Cody gets an A. I have always raised an eyebrow at the supposed genius Dana not transitioning well from honors high school classes to an introductory college english class and to be honest, my own introductory college english class really proved my suspicions to be true. I think she would have been fine.

3. THE BLACK ACID WASHED JEANS EPISODE: I am really impressed that I remembered so many character's names but I am blanking on the oldest of Suzanne Somers' brood - her name might have been Claudia? Anyway, in one episode she tries to button and zip up a pair of (might I add super fly) black acid washed jeans and they are so tight Alex uses a pair of plyers to get the zipper up. I am not going to get into my own experiences with trying to button a pair of pants that are too tight but let's just say the button is really 95% of the battle and you would never need plyers to help zip your jeans up.

Anyway, these small flaws aside, we should all really give respect to what is essentially the 90s version of the Brady Bunch. Looking back at their cast photo I have to admit I completely forgot that youngest boy existed. I don't really remember his circumstances. I guess he was part of the father's crew.

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the secret to rock paper scissors

This evaluation of rock paper scissors is based on absolutely no scientific evidence. I don't even remember the last time I played rock paper scissors but I was just sitting here developing some real strong feelings about it that I wanted to share:

If you go rock first you are ASSERTIVE AND DOMINANT. You want to destroy your opposition. You want to smash the shit out of those scissors. You are direct and impulsive. You are confident. You are aggressive. YOU ARE WILLIAM WALLACE.

If you go paper first you are a THINKER AND PASSIVE. You are trying to outsmart your aggressive opponent. Your aggressive opponent balls up his fist and presents rock and you calmly put your flat hand over it and quietly say, "Paper beats rock." and you win. You are quick to react. You are sensitive. You are pensive. You are a planner. You are organized. You probably like color coding google excel docs. (I am a PAPER, not sure if you could tell). YOU ARE THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX.

If you go scissors first you are ANXIOUS AND A WILDCARD. You are thinking too far into this game. You make mountains out of molehills. You get that feeling on Sunday nights that you forgot to do your homework even though you have been out of school for years. You aspire to be a master strategist but maybe spend too much time thinking about rock paper scissors (don't we all). YOU ARE RUSSELL CROWE IN A BEAUTIFUL MIND.

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Give it, I got it.

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Nicki Minaj is all up in the bank with the funny face, and somehow, we're all acting surprised she's there.

Loved this article.

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Exactly.

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if i won the lotto

Everyone is freaking out about winning the mega millions and dreaming about what they would do with 500 million dollars and to be honest everyone's "dreams" are extremely weak and you probably don't deserve to win $500 bil if you are going to use it stupidly.

what i WOULD NOT DO that you might do:

1. pay off my student loans. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT American Education Services! I don't need good credit, I'll pay cash for everything for the rest of my life, fuck you! It doesn't matter that I COULD, it matters that I no longer live by the same set of rules.

2. same with my credit card. Forget you citi bank, and your wild interest charges! jokes on you now! come get me! get in line after AES!

3. donate to a church - just no. charirty? yes, of course, i'm not a monster. but a church? no. never.

4. "live the same lifestyle" - um no. why? what a waste of wealth. my lifestyle will completely change. I would go HAM like lloyd and harry.

5. "take my time, not make any rash decisions" - haven't you had your entire life to prepare for this moment? if I won like 5k then yes, I would have to think about what exactly I would do with it. But if I won 500 million I am not going to think about ANYTHING. I'm just going to buy EVERYTHING. LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

WHAT I WOULD DO THAT YOU MIGHT DO.

1. pay off the loans and debts of friends and family - because I'm sorry to say, loved ones, but you and I are now in different worlds. You have realities, and I no longer do. Your credit matters to your life in a way it will never matter to me again. I will be happy to get you all out of debt.

2. travel. everyone says they would travel. i obviously would travel also. I would start by going to this very expensive car dealership that I pass everyday on my way to get wawa for lunch and ask for the most expensive car and buy it. Then I would drive all over the place. Joe would probably come with me. I don't know what we will do with Tony. I will pay someone 1 million dollars to watch him for me.

3. buy franchises of everything i love. (thank you Annie for this idea) I would buy a subway franchise, a wawa franchise, a chili's franchise, and maybe an arby's franchise for joe just so I could show up at these locations whenever I felt like it and get all my favorite foods for free.

4. buy land. once in a lifetime movie I watched when I was little (or it was a Disney movie or it was a TV show I really can't say for sure) someone asks someone else what they should invest in, and a very wise man says "land. God isn't making anymore of it." - that has always stuck with me so I think I will follow this fictional characters words of wisdom and buy some LAND. TBA where and how much. Maybe some Riggins type Texas Forever land. For some reason I think that might have been from the movie "Three to Tango" but I'm not sure.

5. donate to charity. Because I have a soul. I would give a lot of it away to charities that help people.

[slaughterhouse90210]

“I guess time doesn’t flow in order, does it - A, B, C, D? It just sort of goes where it feels like going.” ― Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

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