🤷‍♀️

[hayywil]

Shout out to all the people whose families won’t recognize the fucked up things they put you through. 

You are beautiful and magnificent and your pain is valid. 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

[chillxmami]

still healing from things I don’t speak about

[blogsaraaaah23-blog]

I didn't cause it. I can't cotrol it. I can't cure it.

David Sheff

[cuppadaisies]

Having an alcoholic parent did not make me fucking stronger, it fucked me up and I will never fully recover

[djdiggity]

Can we stop making alcohol a joke?

[faunwolf-deactivated20190404]

for teens with alcoholic parents

• I know the feeling of stepping on eggshells and having to learn how to think fast at home, then going back to school like everything’s okay

• I know that stab you feel when someone makes a joke about being an “alcoholic” because they got drunk at a party etc.

• I know it hurts because it’s not a disease that’s acceptable to talk about, and people don’t know how to talk to you about it

• I know what it’s like to be 10 years old and thinking that it’s somehow your fault that they’re so sick because they can’t cope with you

• I know it sucks missing out on parties and gatherings where alcohol is involved because of that stomach-churning feeling you get at the sight of someone being drunk

• I know what it’s like to grow up with that constant conflict of fear/ disgust/ shame about them but you’re confused because you still love them because they’re your mum/ dad

• I know how it feels when other kids get upset about minor inconveniences but you’re there wishing they could see how lucky they are

• I know it is so hard for you right now but there is always help if you need it

• I know it feels like no one else can understand the pain but trust me we’re out here

• chin up dude. people like us are survivors

[rodpower78]

“I grew up with an alcoholic mother and, uh, abuse doesn’t have to be physical to cause damage.”

— Det. Olivia Benson

[parentless-suggestions]

I wish teachers had connected the dots to why I cried when they raised their voice, that I lied to not get hurt, that I was afraid to speak half of the time because I could say the wrong thing. It would have made me see that parents shouldn’t be their kids biggest fear

[ladycalyps0]

I never understood why kids my age had such an obsession with getting drunk. Just the thought of alcohol brought a dark connotation to my mind. It literally scared me. I grew up watching my mother down drinks whenever she got the chance. I got to see her pass out and stumble around. I grew up with an alcoholic.  To me alcohol is not a toy, it is not the pathway to a good time. To me alcohol is a dark, problem causing liquid that ruins you with each sip.  No matter what I say, the alcohol always wins. If it were me or the alcohol, I’m not too sure what she would choose. And that’s a damn shame. I grew up being embarrassed of my mother, not because she was lame, or uncool. I wish. I grew up around an immature child, I grew up around a person who was my mother one minute and an obnoxious teenager the next.  I came home hoping my mother wasn’t on the porch with her second glass of wine.  Not again, not tonight. But I get to watch my mother sneak drinks and smoke cigarettes. I get to watch her ruin her life, while ruining mine. 

[introvertunites]

“Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say … they’re just being careful about who they open up to.”

— Susan Gale

[parentless-suggestions]

my mother is abusive, like emotionally, because she always lashes out her anger at me and when she’s drunk she yells at me and I’m just so scared of her i can’t even talk to her on some days but sometimes she’s so nice? it scares me because I don’t know if I’m just imagining things and this isn’t that bad and like she does love me, she says so sometimes but she makes me feel afraid of her and I’m so scared of her.

[parentless-suggestions]

Thank you, mom, for making me afraid whenever someone slightly raises their voice. Thanks for making me afraid to flinch away when someone raises their hand, even though you are the reason I flinch away. Thanks for making me afraid of making any noise at all, because I’m terrified someone will scream at me and hit me. Thanks for making me hate myself with your words. Thanks for making me think I’m insane by telling me that you never hit me. Thanks for making me so afraid that I can’t do anything

[phoenixrising]

[ocpdiddy]

I just saw this thing that said “good parents don’t raise children with personality disorders” and hhnnngggg that thought is just burning through my mind bc I can’t… see my parents… as bad parents

And this is definitely a Me thing (that has been brought up in therapy lol I’m aware this subject is a Thing for me that I haven’t really processed)… but… is it possible that my parents can be good parents and just… inadvertently raised me in a way such that I developed a personality disorder??

<< so I’m just gonna dump thoughts here that amount to “my parents did [xyz] ‘abusive’ things but I don’t feel like they were 'abusive’ parents” so maybe skip it if that’s not something you wanna read >>

—————————

I say this (“my parents were good parents”) while at the same time saying “my dad did all these fucked up things that are sort of exactly like emotional abuse (but he didn’t MEAN to do that, he didn’t realize what he was doing, he has his own issues and he really didn’t know how to parent but he wasn’t being Bad On Purpose…)” and “my mom was unavoidably aware of my serious self-destructive disordered behaviors and knew something was seriously wrong with me but never tried to get me help and actively ignored it (but she just didn’t know how to deal with that, she was uncomfortable with the whole thing and didn’t know what to do about it so she did nothing, she didn’t really KNOW it was being negligent, it’s not because she didn’t CARE about me…)”

Idk, how do I rectify “my parents did these shitty things that technically amount to bad parenting in ways that likely seriously fucked me up” with “my parents aren’t bad parents they just didn’t know better”? They were trying their best, and yeah it turns out that their best sucked, but it wasn’t… on purpose!!

And I know this is like… A Response that kids who had abusive parents/families will have lmfao but I can’t help feeling like this is Different, I’m not just saying these things because my abusive parents have manipulated me into thinking/believing these things…

My parents have never* tried to justify their behaviors or… convince me that their behaviors were “right” or “okay”… This is a conclusion I feel like I came to myself, as an adult grappling with this issue. I can see how much my parents cared and I can see why they did the things they did and I can see how they’re just… fallible people. They didn’t really know* that what they were doing was Wrong, exactly, or that it could be at all “abusive”… So I mean idk, does that still make them “bad” parents?

(* I realize as I say this that it’s not strictly true, my dad was pretty defensive and tried to rationalize his behaviors… And I think deep down he knew that what he was doing wasn’t the right way to do things… But he had so much of his own stuff going on that he was kind of drowning in not knowing what to actually do instead……)

((okay I AM making excuses for him now, sure, I can see that… But it still feels like… That’s not coming from *him* bc I never believed any of his bullshit when he was being a dick, these are conclusions I came to on my own, as an adult, once I could really see how troubled he actually was/is as an individual… So it’s not REALLY an “Abuse Response”……….))

————————

Idk I guess what this is boiling down to is: can my parents have been bad at parenting without being “bad parents”? Can my parents have [inadvertently] engaged in abusive behaviors without being “abusive”?

Can my parents have caused me to develop a serious personality disorder and be “good parents” at the same time?

Lmfao let’s let my OCPD rip me to shreds trying to figure that one out 😌

[bruisedpeachbaby]

To Anyone Who is Friends With Someone Who Experienced Emotional Abuse

We do need reassurance.

We need to know that you want to talk to us. We need to know you want to see us. We need to know you don’t hate us. We need to know we aren’t annoying you. We need to know we aren’t making you unhappy. We need to know it’s okay to trust you with our emotions. We need to know you aren’t leaving. We need to know you still care. We need to know that you want to be here.

We grew up learning that the things we thought were wrong. We learned to stay quiet. We learned to be “low-maintenance”. We learned to put everyone else first. We learned not to make eye contact. We learned to wait and see if we’d be screamed at or treated kindly this time. We learned to shrink down. We learned our opinions weren’t valuable. We learned that talking about our feelings was bad. We learned that if we weren’t good enough we would be left or hurt.

Please be patient. We know we’re being inconvenient when we ask you for the millionth time if you still like us, or if every little thing we do is okay, but please remember we are struggling too.

It doesn’t take long to say, “No, don’t worry you’re okay.” “I care about you.” “I want to see you.” “It’s okay.” “I’m here.” “You’re safe.”

Please don’t come into our lives and make promises of not being bothered if you can’t handle constantly reassuring us. Please don’t tell us to trust you and then leave.

Be honest with us and yourself about your limits and capabilities.

[demilovato]

With the holidays around the corner, I wanted to write you guys a little something special… I know the holiday season can be a tough time for anyone working through any kind of mental health issues and I just want all of you to know that you can get through this! There is nothing more important than self care and I hope each and every one of you carve out the time each and every day just for yourself. It can be as simple as going to get your nails done to buying yourself a little present :) You deserve it and so much more!

Love you guys!! Make sure to take care of YOU ❤️

[blogsaraaaah23-blog]

inspiration!

[introverts-hideaway]