Halldis listened intently – relieved that the questions had not seemed to trouble him – and smiled softly as Bo spoke of his uncle. After their talk before – about nightmares and such, when he’d been so upset – it was nice to hear him speak so fondly, and happily of Elias. The image he created was a good one, though he sounded like the sort of person who might have made her nervous until she’d gotten to know him. She tried to picture his face, but only managed to see an older, very serious version of Bo, which was probably not at all accurate. And oddly comical for some reason.
In all honesty she was jealous, and it felt terrible. Bo could sit and speak so confidently about what sort of man his uncle had been, without hesitation or doubt. Halldis remembered her father well enough, but only through the eyes of a child. If ever someone were to ask what Valkar had been like, how he had regarded others, she would not have known what to say. And while the letters where helping a bit, it was not the same. No matter how many times she read them, she would never know her Da the way that Bo knew Elias.
Although, it occurred to her, that Elias was only his uncle. Bo had never known his father, or mother. And that realization only increased her guilt and shame. Suddenly she felt very ungrateful. Da may have died when she was little, but at least she’d had him for a little while. And for all the difficulties she’d had with Mother, and how awful that had been, she’d had one. If he could not know his mother and father, it only seemed fair that he have such a good, close relationship with his uncle.
The final comment snapped her out of her thoughts, Halldis found herself somewhat taken aback. It was hard for her to think of herself as someone that a parental figure might approve of or like, but still, she was pleased by the thought and smiled, “I think I would have liked him too. He sounds like he was a good man…and a very interesting one. I wish I could have met him.”
“…I’d have liked to have known my father like that,” she added quietly, almost ashamed to utter the words, “I mean…I knew him when I was little but…I’ve never felt like I know what he was really like, you know? I remember the way he was with me, and my mother but…” she trailed off, and shook her head, certain that she wasn’t making any sense. Those thoughts were pushed aside for now, and her attention returned to Bo, “…H-How long ago did he pass? Your uncle I mean…”
Bo watched her expression and body language. It was clear she had other thoughts, other concerns, but it wasn’t until she finally spoke again that he started to understand. It didn’t seem fair, to him, that Halldis was stuck with a mother like hers. Of course, that was cruel of him to think: he had never personally met her mother, but from what he had learned he thought the woman unreasonable and cold at best. But that likely wasn’t fair to him, and at least Halldis hadn’t been alone all her life.
He had never asked much about her father. Bo knew that the man had passed, but he wasn’t entirely sure how long he had been gone, or how old Halldis had been when it had happened. Bo assumed it had been when she was very young, but he didn’t want to risk upsetting her by asking too many questions.
“Elias passed... gods, it’s been nearly eight years now,” he said, looking away from Halldis in surprise as he added up the years. It felt simultaneously too long and not long enough, and there was an uncomfortable ache in his chest at the memory. “I was seventeen... I was devastated. I...”
Bo hesitated, recalling what had happened in those very long years between when Elias died and where he was now. It wasn’t something he wanted to discuss, least of all with Halldis: he was far too afraid of how her view of him would change. But she deserved to know.
“I... lost myself. Regrettably. For far too long.”
