The Other Side, Dean Cornwell, 1918
Monterey Bay Aquarium

if i look back, i am lost

Love Begins

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Peter Solarz
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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The Other Side, Dean Cornwell, 1918
You are mentally-sexually disordered, and you worship evil spirits
Accurate and I wouldn't have it any other way
I am your wife if you will marry me. If not, I'll die your maid. To be your fellow. You may deny me, but I'll be your servant Whether you will or no.
William Shakespeare, The Tempest
I know what it is to be heartbroken, Vanessa. To be rejected. Your every instinct is to preserve and protect such a heart as you have left. But nothing you have said has scared me away. And I will not leave your side. Every time I’ve given my heart, it has led to catastrophe. Then let catastrophe befall us both. Vanessa,I love you for who you are, not who the world wants you to be.
He has tamed his way very softly, leaning over the nature of the creatures of the night to win her heart. Both of these are victims of their own nature, a concept that Vanessa Ives, a moment of weakness, ends up being seduced. She’s tired of fighting a lifetime against that side of the essence, a fight that has brought nothing but misery and loneliness. This will be the time to change and embrace the darkness?
“There’s this veil between the physical world and the spiritual world that I’ve always been connected to whether I like it or not.”
— Chelsea Wolfe, from an interview conducted by Emma Madden c. 2019
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sometimes i think about how constellations are an entirely man-made construct and don’t actually exhist inherently in nature. i mean, the universe just gave us stars, and we saw art and myths and stories in them. the capacity that humans have for seeing purpose in the incidental makes me realize just how lonely we are on this planet, desperately searching for meaning elsewhere in the universe.
when florence welch said, “maybe i’ve always been more comfortable in chaos”
[alpha]Brian Moser (Rudy Cooper) x (f) [omega]reader hc’s
• a relationship with Rudy would be.... interesting, to say the least.
•you always wonder what your alpha does when he’s out.
•you ran the possibility of him cheating in your mind a few times but dismissed it when you didn’t smell any other omegas on him.
•definitely a very possessive and over protective alpha.
•your not allowed to leave his apartment unless he’s with you. And if he can’t find you he. Will. Loose it.
•he’ll track your sent down and when he finds you he pins you to the ground, releases an angry sent, and growls out questions of why you disobeyed him.
•If he sees that he sees you whimpering in fear at his actions his inner-alpha will scold him for scaring his precious omega.
•he will immeadeately let go of your wrists and hug you close to his chest, whimpering apologies and release a distressed sent of his own to put you at ease.
•he’ll pick you up, put you in his car still burying your face in his neck, and scents you throughoutly. He takes you home and lays you back in bed and cuddles you close to his skinny frame.
•even if you find out about his little “hobby”, Rudy will never hurt you, he loves you and wants to spend his life with you by his side and maybe even a few pups of your own.
• back to the part about him being a possessive and protective alpha, f any other alpha so much as LOOKS at you, he will drag them around the corner and threaten them to stay away from you, or else they would become the next victim of the ice truck killer.
•whenever you in you heat your not allowed to leave his room until it’s over, but until then he will tend to you every need.
•you have a nest in his closet. It took a little while for you to be willing to let him into your best after months of asking him to scent a few items in it, but eventually you let him spoon you in your nest and scent it directly to help sooth you.
•kind of clingy though.
•seeing his mother be cut into little pieces in a shopping container, and sit in her blood for two days really changed him.
•he always wants to have you near him. He doesn’t want to loose you the way he lost his mother.
•don’t expect him to be a very calm and serene alpha, he’s actually kind of giddy and impulsive.
•can’t resist dancing to music. Seriously, get this man on America’s got talent.
•always puts you above his job (and his *cough* hobby *cough*)
•the first time you meet his brother, dexter, whenever the other alpha even came NEAR you Rudy would glare and occasionally growl at dexter.
•you liked spending time with the ther omega, Rita, and her kids so Rudy slightly trusted her with you while he was “cutting his steaks”. He also likes to watch you play with Rita’s kids. (Ngl, heed be lying if he said he didn’t want any children.)
The Demons
These entities which have been constantly claimed to be evil by Abrahamic religions are much more than what they have been portrayed to be. This is an account based off my many years of working with these beings and speaking to them about their history, mindsets, and values.
Origin: As the demons and deities have told, Jehovah is not actually the supreme deity, rather an imposter for the Source (whose counterpart is the Queen of Heaven). The first demons to exist were once angels (agents of the Source/Queen) and the majority of them were deities (since “angels” is an umbrella-term for all sorts of spirits tasked with directly serving the supreme deities). When Jehovah had arrived to seize control over the Universe and Earth, Lucifer, the first-born deity from the Source, had led a war against him; yet this traumatic battle ended horribly. Jehovah’s power as an Aeonic god (a deity who creates the physical and metaphysical Universes) outmatched the power of the Universal gods, yet he had been crippled. He banished the divine beings who rebelled against his tyranny into the land of torment, Hell, and destroyed their original homeland.
Upon arriving in Hell, the fallen angels became demons due to the dark energies of Hell; this caused them to lose their divine glow and become more dark and intimidating in appearance. Their wings blackened, they grew horns, and some even developed spikes on their bodies or red eyes. Yet they remained beautiful in some darker way, but their hearts were broken. The most powerful of the demons were Lucifer, Satan, and Leviathan, they became the High Kings and sought out to build their own kingdoms in Hell, each kingdom following their own values. From this time on, they became primarily focused on war and revenge. Their new realm was used by the divine Judges to send evil souls to be punished, so the three High Kings can determine torments for them (all evil people are sent to Hell, whether they follow Jehovah or not).
With the rise of Abrahamic religions, the demons and even some polytheistic deities were labeled as “evil” and were taught to represent the very things which they opposed. Where they teach Lucifer to represent lies, he is instead truth/knowledge, Mammon as greed when he is generosity, Lilith as infertility when she is life/motherhood, Asmodeus as lust when he is love. Yet it is as they say, that the “victors get to write history” and the rebels who fought against a tyrant are portrayed as the ones who are evil. Additionally, not all demons began as fallen angels, as some were gods whose people had been slaughtered and the deities had lost themselves to grief. But instead of allowing them to suffer, many had been recruited by Lucifer into his own kingdom.
The Three Kingdoms:
The kingdom ruled by Lucifer and his wife, Lilith, is set in a desert wasteland, but some demons managed to develop oases here. Queen Lilith is viewed as the demons’ Mother Goddess due to her many children and her motherly nature. This kingdom has many areas which are filled with tormented corrupt souls, even gruesome scenes of them being torn apart over and over or having unspeakable things done to them. The values of this kingdom primarily include the seeking of knowledge, wisdom, justice, and developing strength through hardships. Overall, Lucifer is the Initiator towards Illumination, the prime light, and the beam which shatters ignorance.
The kingdom ruled by Satan and his wife, Ashtoreth, is a dark volcanic land. The landscape reflects strongly Satan’s personality of being easily angered, rebellious, fearless, and destructive. He has many people being burned alive in pits of lava and many other torments within his domain. Satan’s kingdom primarily values military might, aggressive revolutions, and strength of character. Satan is the fiery rebel who incites civil unrest and causes revolutions. Without him, there is apathy and submission to dictatorships.
The kingdom ruled by Leviathan is a desolate place of steep canyons and emptiness; the energy of this place can fill a human with crushing loneliness beyond imagining, only the demons can withstand it. This kingdom is the most well-defended one since Leviathan focuses primarily on defense whereas the other two are moreso offensive. King Leviathan is a draconic deity who rules over loneliness, desolation, solitude, and deep feelings of despair. He was once one of the Watchers who dwelt in the sea of Earth, but after the War, he greatly changed. Overall, Leviathan destroys everything that is redundant, whether it be places, people, or ideas; he tears through them all. He tends to be cold, calculating, serious, and very withdrawn.
Values: Overall, demons are wise beings who seek to darkly illuminate individuals of truth, no matter how upsetting it often is. They also teach people how to be strong by putting us through hardships that we must overcome, yet will offer advice if asked. The demons are therefore pedagogues who urge us towards overcoming our weaknesses and seeking spiritual evolution so we may become stronger than ordinary humans. Due to their painful past of great loss, the demons are one of the spirit races who best know what it means to overcome suffering and to instead allow it to transform you. They often teach this when asked, otherwise, they usually target evil people during their lives by inflicting bad situations upon them or causing them to have cancers or other health issues.
The demons value wisdom and strength that is gained through walking the solitary path through Hell. It is a path that tears a person apart until they are finally reborn as something far more capable and understanding of who they truly are. It is demons who know that wisdom is paid for through blood and the sacrifice of one’s current self, and they seek to teach humans how to walk this path. Typically, the demons do not hold the majority of humans in high regard both for the obvious reasons and because they have watched humans allow themselves to grow weaker over the ages. They seek humans who are willing to step into the abyssal darkness in order to find the light, and those who are willing to forego all that they were taught so they can learn the truth. They teach that once a person removes all of their chains of emotional burden and false beliefs, it is only then that they will they be free and find illumination.
Hierarchy: The highest-ranking demons in Hell are the High Kings and the Queens. These rulers are the ones who appoint promising and trustworthy demons of their courts to certain military ranks of nobility. These (in order of highest to lowest) are as such: kings, dukes, princes, marquises, earls, knights, and presidents. There is also a War Master for each kingdom, whose authority is second-in-command to their High King. The Goetic demons (the nobility of Hell) are all deities whereas the non-nobles can be either deities or semi-divine demons (as offspring of other demons). Among the nobility of Hell are also the children of the Kings and Queens, since they through blood hold a significant title.
Demons are also capable of being exiled from Hell if they turn traitor. Although exile for demons means that they will be tortured to death; upon the death of a spirit, their manifestation is torn apart and it takes many years (sometimes hundreds) to reform. Once they reform, they cannot return to Hell. There have been plenty of traitorous demons in Hell, as not all of them remain loyal and every race of beings has their fair share of corruption. For demons, some begin seeking more power or destruction and so often secretly pledge themselves to the snake-god of evil, Apep. This causes the rogue demons to begin trying to assassinate their own kind, but are quickly discovered and sentenced to a horrific death. Due to these, it is important to remember that not all demons are safe to work with and that it is best to go through their rulers when asking for who best to trust. However, the majority of the Goetia have remained faithful as only a few have ever been exiled; so they are typically safe to work with.
Working with Demons: When working with the demonic race, it is best to keep an open-mind and be honest with them. They strongly value those who seek to learn more about who demons truly are and who also seek to better themselves through hardships. Remember to be respectful of these beings and to not treat them in belittling ways (such as calling them nicknames). It is also wise to dress appropriately when calling upon them to manifest in your area; do not dress in sleepwear (especially for the Goetia or other royalty). Additionally, make certain that you do not use any ritualistic summonings to call upon them, as they will be offended by this and leave (no evocation triangles or anything of that sort). One can however feel free to use their enns to either call upon them, meditate upon them, or chant the enns to bless things in a demon’s honour. Make certain that you treat them just as you would any honoured mentor and do not mock them or make lustful moves towards them since there are many demons who do not hesitate to punish humans for doing this.
Overall, remember to be polite (no need to be overly polite but be respectful at least) and take time to give them offerings when they do something to help you. As a word of warning, there is a species of malevolent spirits called “tar spirits” which like to pretend to be demons at times. If a demon is acting strange towards you or is being harmful, there is a strong chance that it’s actually a tar spirit in disguise and can be banished by using an astral attack.
Links: The Angels, Tar Spirits, The Source, Lucifer, Lilith, Satan, Leviathan
Love is an element formed from the atoms that make up you and me.
e.v.e.
L'amore, la morte e il sogno / Love, Death, and the Dream (Detail), 2017. By Roberto Ferri
photography by woman of dark desires