Hey Twinkies it's been while since a last update and I just want to fill you in before I forget or don't got time too.
I haven't updated anything because to be honest I have lost alot of interest in Undertale. Which honestly breaks my heart.
When I first found out about the game 3 years ago it intrigued me at first. But then my interest started to grow.
I was isolated from the world even before the Covid pandemic, the circumstances of that wasn't abuse or anything just we lived out in the country and moved to a new state. To top it all off I was homeschooled... So you can imagine how lonely I felt.
I am a social person since, well forever! So maybe it took more of a toll on me then some others.
Yes I had my siblings and my parents who I love dearly but there was no one else to talk too. It became so bad I uh started saying all my thoughts outloud just too hear a different voice and to feel less lonely.
I had no one to turn too, but UnderTale. It really did help me! At first it was the comic videos on YouTube, heh then finding Sans and Frisk as a cute couple, then thats when I learned about fanfiction.
Oh the glorious fanfics out there!! Undetale ones! And I fell happily into the fandom with my arms stretched out, just jumping into that big hole.
I don't regret jumping in blindly, I made amazing friends and just had pleasant conversations with people. It felt so lovely, I know that sounds cringy, but it was! Then I got inspired by so many wonderful fanfics to finally write my own, heh or 5 XD!
I was on the track for a good year and a half until... I found the exit to the hole I jumped into.
But just like Frisk, heh I didn't want to leave. I didn't want this feeling of having this freedom, having this certain type of happiness be gone. My escape from reality to be gone!
So I avoided it, I couldn't get it out of my mind but I just let it go. For awhile I just forgot about it, until one day it got bigger. The exit got bigger? Why?
Turns out it wasn't the exit getting bigger but my hole, my save haven, was becoming smaller.
My inspiration, my creative thinking, my ideas, my fics to read, and my online friends all were shrinking and I didn't even notice...
I hated it so much. So I walked out of my hole to just prove that I am better off in it then out.
I had all intentions of coming back.
But life is funny that way, you don't truly have control of your life. For me God does.
Before I knew it, I had a job... I was scared.
I thought I knew what life would be like wants I got back. But I felt so vulnerable, so stupid.
Boys weren't what I thought they were, work at first wasn't what I thought it was. I know I was stupid and naive to think it would all be good.
But I was just so caught up in this fantasy world of Undertale that I was missing so much of life.
I was back in the real world. I was older, finding out more about myself and the type of person I wanted to be. I was also crushed deep down.
I went back to my hole, and just stood infront of it.
I didn't move. Why though? Why!?
I thought I would be so happy to go back, to get lost in my new ideas for stories and read as much as I wanted...
I stood there stareing at the hole. Was it always this small? This closed up? How did I ever fit in it?
Then I realized how unhealthy it was for me to be in there.
It was depriving me of the real world. It was clogging up my thoughts too much. To the point when I first got out I couldn't think of anything else. Anyone else, I was being selfish and didn't care about anyone else but myself and Undertale.
I watched that hole close up along with everything with it. As the tears streamed down my face and bittersweet moments flashed my mind. I knew I had to let the undertale fandom go...
Which means my stories as well...
That was the one that hit me the hardest. My online friends I can still talk too but... My fans, I may not have that much but every. Single. One. Mattered so much to me. You guys still do.
So I let the hole close up and let a flower grow in it's place. Heh I think buttercups are appropriate, don't you?
Right now I am doing so much better, I haven't wrote a thing in 2 months and I feel better but I still feel this want to write.
But I know too that I probably won't be writing anytime soon. Who knows maybe this is it. Maybe it's not.
But I know that I have no true interest in Undertale. Not anymore. As much as I am grateful for it helping me in my hard times. I let it go.
Now that my life is rolling I don't rely on it anymore to steady me. I shouldn't have done that in the first place, but I got something better. My salvation. Along with all the happy memories I made along the way!
I do pray that I will write another chapter. Just not for awhile. Hopefully it will be for fun and in a good place.
I won't say how long cause I don't know.
Until then, bye Undertale and Thanks Toby for making that game! Bye Twinkies and hope to see you again!
Wow that was um, alot, if ya skipped thats fine! Probably bored ya anyway, (¬^¬)
I will still post and talk and answer questions if you want!?!
This was also supposed to be a HUGE thank you for the 200 followers!!! Which I really don't deserve. I will think of something, until then see ya next time Twinkies!
