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[blueivy25]

Walking down the same lanes, I remember each n every window pane, with numerous faces staring blankly at my soul. Inside the houses made of anxiety, guilt and unfulfilled desires reside the ghost of memories.Ghosts which haunt me, reminding me of pain each n every man has ever given me, some of deep that my body flinches. Dreams projecting realities, sleepless nights of turning n tossing,I search for a fire torch to burn those lanes forever.

[blueivy25]

Idk why I got so affected seeing his stories of that girl

N him talking about her so passionately made me sad ..vry sad!

I had never thought it would affect me this much but yes it did. It did affect me vry vry vry much, n I'm not sorry for myself for feeling this.

Why does this always happen to me. Why is this cycle repeating itself, why am I the one stuck in this never-ending loop.

It kills me, listening the man u love talk about some girl. I can't do this anymore i really can't

It's triggering, the last one year just came back rushing to me. The feelings toh which u had felt n never wanted to feel again just came back to me running. Will it ever leave me? I'm really tired of this...will u really find someone who likes me n loves me as much i do? 😭

[blueivy25]

I wish u hadn't experienced whatever has happened with u in the past. I wish for u to know what it feels to be loved by the right person. How love is much much above your freedom and updating the things u do daily to each other.

Love is not an obligation..it shouldn't feel a duty u hav to do everyday.

Love is simple. It's not always butterflies in the stomach.It is the calm n peace u feel when u r with him/her.

Love comes n knocks your door at an unexpected time with a face ull least expect to be on ur door.

When such a person arrives don't bang the door shut on them... instead welcome them ,open ur arms n ur heart to love once again ..the right love this time n probably the last love n the most sweetest love of ur life.

I promise to love u right. Love which does not demand for your freedom to be sacrificed.

I want to shower with all the stacked love i have. I want to make u understand the meaning of this simple, pure four lettered word.

I hope u give me this one chance.

(almost 2 months n this is the status. Let's see wat happens ahead)

I really feel there's more to this coincidental connection n i really wish to explore it more. I'm hoping my heart doesn't get broken once again. Let's see what's waiting further down the line.🤞🏼

[blueivy25]

Wonder how the sky bleeds a plethora of colours at the end of each day,

Each color an elegant representation of the emotion she feels,

Eventually leading to darkness and silent wishes for a little less pain every day.

[blueivy25]

Why is it that when ur already tired n hurting from within... everything small things which usually you ignore starts hitting u bad ..vryyy bad. Every small thing gets u..every small gesture hits u, hurts u. I know I'm alone in this cruel world..i hav to deal things all by myself when people will just sit n stare at you. They don't care about anything. They know what things hurt u but still they do that again n again n again. A person is getting hurt by your actions ..but it doesn't matter. U are happy that's all u want. Can't u ever think about me..how i must be feeling in between all of this.

I just want to get over with all of this. I want to leave this place as soon as possible. People here aren't worth any of your sacrifices. Instead they'll question u on why did u do those sacrifices..i never asked u for...

In short every one is selfish. NO ONES worth any of your sacrifices. Try to live everyday for yourself. At the end only you n your family matters! NO ONE ELSE!!!

[blueivy25]

Another day ended with each and everyone reminding me how alone iam in this small world of mine... everyone just thinks about themselves...how can people be so selfish i don't understand. Am i the only person who thinks about everyone else before myself..i guess so, bcos everyone is constantly proving that.

Where n to whom should I tell all of this ? ..no one understands me .. everyone thinks I just cry too much about every little thing. For once can u people put yourselves in my shoes ..just for once ?

Best friend this term no more signifies any value. No one's my best friend .. everyone just knows how to use me when they need me, other times they won't even look at my face. My so called male bestie..it's a joke! That person can't be anyone's friend, he's just a selfish jerk. Then comes my female bestie who just remembers me when her boyfriend is not around...she doesn't talk to me anymore..if there's no one to talk to maybe she'll consider me .. otherwise her boyfriend is enough for her.

For once she doesn't think how i must be feeling about all of this. May her happiness be always at this level, even after two years when all of us will get separated. My happiness or sadness anyways doesn't matter, so let's wish the best for others. May everyone be happy with their friends n boyfriends n girlfriends.

If I die someday, it's a humble request..pls remember me atleast for a day ..pls remember my kindness n live i had showered on you since forever!

[blueivy25]

No matter how angry I'm with u or how many times i fight with you, I love You bro

Wish u were there with me today ...we really enjoyed a lot. Remembered you n us n our first year days today!

Times changed n so did u n me ..a timelapse of a beautiful relationship blossoming is the best thing to hold on to! Wish u were the old u again

Love you!! ♥️

[blueivy25]

The truth is when u get drunk you always speak the truth. You express yourself freely without thinking what the other person will think about yourself...so when a drunk person tells u something it's what they have always felt. Why can't u see me? 🥺 ...cant u see how i always hug you n always sit with you n always be with you when I'm drunk. No matter how angry iam with you ...i have never thought about saying anything bad to u or scolding you. U have hurt me and my feelings endlessly...i don't even hav a count of how many times my eyes have rained for u..but hav never thought anything bad about you ..The only thought is about how much I love u n miss u each n every moment of the day! ...My anger just melts away, literally just melts when i see you smiling 🥺

And i really felt bad n angry when u told me she said such things to you yesterday 🥺...y are u with her ???? ..y ???...cant u see how much I love you! ..can't u be with me for sometime..for just a year...even if u don't speak to me for a week ill still be the happiest person alive 😞

Still it doesn't matter anymore now 🙂 i want to see u happy n not the way u were today. I want to see u happy n smiling 🥺 ..just be happy yaar i love u to the moon back bro even if u don't!! 🥺

[blueivy25]

Can I end my life today? I no longer have the energy to fight with myself. I am happy, i guess, to lose this fight to myself..(if I know what happiness means anymore). Will my parents miss me ..will my friends remember me anymore...or will they just forget me like they always do. Maybe they'll remember me for a day or two n the close ones (ppl i consider to be close not the other way round) may remember me for a month or so, if they are free ..if they get time to remember me.🙂

But i dont want to end my life like this, my parents are proud of who I'm today ..i dont want to disappoint them, i want to fulfill their wish of seeing me in a white apron with the title of Dr in front of their daughters name!

I'm scared of myself ..I'm scared for my future. I don't know whether I'll survive all of this. Everyday I win the battle of not killing myself. N yeah the downfall of being a med student..u actually know what amount of pain n trauma the person goes through before the final gasp.

[blueivy25]

Loneliness would have felt a bit better to be dealt with if I could talk to my shadow. It will never leave me alone, it won't give me false hopes and will never make fake promises. It will understand me, the hollowness i carry around with me will be finally understood by someone on this planet. It won't question about my feelings and counter question me on my decisions and the way I feel about certain things and people. It will accept me for whom I am. If n only if....

[blueivy25]

What would you like to do if you came to know that tomorrow is your last on this planet. Death is awaiting for you as you always imagined it to be ..in a Black robe with a scythe in its hand, ready to take you with it. Death believes in granting one last wish though...n that wish is you are allowed to take with you only the last memory of your life.

What would you like your last memory to be, that you would cling on to forever in the world that death takes you too?

Would you be scared of death or will you rejoice it's arrival?..

[blueivy25]

Disappointment day 3: So today also the same things happened again. Pls think about me too sometimes. U were no longer the person who used to be my best friend. U hav become some one else now. I don't know u anymore. U once used to carry me in your heart. But now u hav just dumped me in some corner. U used to share things with me, ask me about my day, ask me about my life, ask me about my problems, u no more care about these things. I am trying my best everyday to keep this relationship alive. I am providing oxygen to keep this dying flame alive when my lungs are screaming for oxygen. I don't know now for how many days more i can keep doing this. I fear, soon a day will come when the flame will die consuming me in the process. Ticking time bomb, have to find a solution to diffuse it or else everything well be lost forever in the blast.

[blueivy25]

Do I hate you...maybe i do a little or a lot more than that! Why .. because u deserve it.

So this time I thought things will really be different. I believed in what u said..u promised me things will be different, everything's gonna be just right! N yes I learnt one thing from this ..i dont know to identify fake promises from the real ones ..or maybe the real ones just don't exist. Promises are just meant to be broken they say ..n yep u proved it right once again.

Each time u do this a miniscule of my faith gets lost. N yeah, the love too! We hav outgrown each other as friends, i need to accept this fact as soon as possible to protect myself from getting hurt for the hundredth of time. So i guess I hav to go back to ignoring you again from tomorrow.

[blueivy25]

To the person I love the most in the world ...i miss you each and every second of the day, i wish I could be with you till eternity, sit besides you, talk to you, share my happy and sad moments with you, hug you so ..soo so tight and never leave you and soak u all up in me so that you never leave me alone in this cruel world to fight with the monsters all alone! Love you ♥️😭

[blueivy25]

And then there are some days when you just sit and stare at the world, unable to process the thoughts your mind has spun from this invisible spool of yarn,it's fibres made of anxiety, aching desires, regrets and grief.

Like an innocent insect, fluttering its wings in the open sun, unanticipated, gets trapped in the spider web. Struggling for life, it twists and turns, beats its wings hard with every ounce of strength left to get away from the stickiness of impending death. My brain, this giant arachnid, traps my poor little body in the web spun by itself. The struggle lasts for days, waiting for a few drops of rain to wash off the tenacious glue on my body.