fly like paper, get high like planes

¿tienes wifi?

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via JordanKAdams97)

[woahdudenode]

[calikushchicana]

[jauregxis]

[bob-belcher]

Who needs Meghan Trainor’s “NO” when there’s this masterpiece?

[vampirezigzagoon]

I THINK YOU COULD USE A MINT

[shezasag]

this is literally honestly a fucking bop

[bonesarelife1]

[deafeningsilencee]

Chatting with my friends online is okay, because they will never notice how broken I am inside.

[bluepaperpeople]

i really hope this time i dont forget. i really hope this time its the turning point for my future as we are.

[bluepaperpeople]

i hate myself is a tired phrase

i don’t even have anything to say anymore. lost for words, a first. its difficult to deal and face your inner emotions when you know that although the inner emotions are the ones you need to be facing, those arent the ones that are making you feel the way you do. i cant see how im going to be able to face these feelings.  there are so many things that need facing, but am i really going to do anything about them? probably not.  its been long enough that i honestly managed to convince myself that i probably wouldn't end up back in this state again. must be the resulting response to my arrogance in wishful thinking. its as if im standing outside of myself, watching myself fuck up my life, and im allowing me to do it. and whats worse, unlike others who are on the same page, i am aware of the place im at, hate it, want to change it, but know that its not that i cant, i just won’t. and in doing so ive made the issue 1000 times worse by allowing others in who can’t do anything but will pull me furter away from being able to do anything. it turns my stomach every time i think about it. i can do nothing but grimace at the thought. i hate myself is a tired phrase.

[bluepaperpeople]

it's unbelievable how the exposure of inner demons in an attempt to aid merely amplifies the issue by taking power from the host but not resolving the issue! can we catch a break?

over time you make a lot of mistakes. a lot of shit happens. there are highs and lows, some very happy moments and a shit load of the worst feelings you can imagine. i think that one of the worst feelings you can have, is the malaise of thoughts and emotions going through your head, all amounting to the same shit feeling of helplessness and betrayal...

hatred for the betrayal and the distrust, the invasion into the mind of someone already on the edge but slowly moving away from that edge, and the self-hatred for the exposure of an insecurity you know you already have, a fear you’ve got. something that plays on your mind all times of day both during and not during you making those thoughts worse. the only think worse than hating yourslef is knowing other people have exposed you for hating yourself but dont even understand why you do what you do. when you don't even know why you do what you do...

i dont know why i continue to do things that i dont want to and continue to hurt myself when i know its unhealthy. but that's my own demon to deal with and my own battle to fight. its something that if it never mends, that's my burden to carry and i have to make peace with that fact.  now my demon has been taken away from me and yet the weight has not been lifted. i still have the demon to battle with and the burden, the back breaking and dark weight on my shoulders, the only difference is im now on stage, performing my struggle to others against my will. and the only person i have to blame for that is myself.  and although i hate myself for it, deep deep down, the feeling of helplessness where you know that no matter how much you hate it, its not going to change. all that has now been achieved is that i have been pulled further away from helping myself as i am being forced to do so. with feels like these they need to run their course and that's the only way i know how to deal with them. all the inevitable input into my mind will surely make matters worse and fuck everything up to no end.

[hrselover5]

[melisica]

[hoekage-deactivated20141204]

college???????? living on my own????????? paying taxes??????

[bluepaperpeople]

i know it's long but please read...

so i guess my life has fallen apart again. its almost comedic how the equilibrium of being seems to be so askew for such a select few people in the world.  now i know theres thousands and thousands of haters out there who are thinking “oh why you gotta be so damn self centred, loads of worse things happen to other people in the world, theres famine, poverty, disease and you’re worrying about you upper middle class rkoi problems”

stfu.

for someone who isn’t confused about as many things as people like me, you don’t know what its like to have a constant nagging tickling pain of all the bad things NOT ONLY TO DO WITH ONES SELF, but to do with the entire world.  you don’t know what its like to feel happy and suddenly have the dark noose of regret, pain, sadness, hopelessness and awareness looped around your neck and pulled tight.  for people like us, we feel the pain and empathy of how all people in pain feel, and one is never truly worry free or “happy”.

even the smallest thing can set you off.

theres a confusion created that causes you to doubt everything about your existence and weigh out the possibilities of your impact on the Earth.

“what would it be like if i weren’t here?”

“stop being so f*ing self centred, its not all about f*ing you”

“maybe it’d be better if i just weren’t here then”

“think about all the people you would hurt by doing that”

“but who actually cares though”

“stop being so negative and get over yourself”

get over yourself…

get.

over. 

yourself.

without a doubt, the most cynical thing a person can say.

how can you get over yourself if your struggling so much that you are question your own being.  stubbornly and aloofly expecting me to be able to simply put on the mask of a smile and pretend like everything is okay is a daily mountain to climb.

why must i be the one to console and look after others knowing full well that they have no idea what I’m going through, and if they did, would give two and a half f*s to want to help.

wheres the point?

who are your true trustees when they can’t see past the day to day charade and notice the true anguish and illness.

a million shades on a spectrum of emotion but unless you’re one of the primary feelings of happy sad of indifferent you simply go unnoticed.

unless you can define yourself as straight or gay, you are put into a pigeon hole of what society guesses you are

 there seems to be no in between from total haphazard messy person to mentally defective OCD, why can people like things clean and tidy, or simply be mildly obsessive, why is all this considered a fearing illness, its a problem for the person, but why must everyone around them feel its their place to discuss others issues as if they were celebrity gossip.

what is the point?

who cares?

why does it have to be black or white?

wheres the light at the end of the tunnel?

when is help going to arrive?

the only way to truly resolve a situation is to talk about it amongst people that care and people that know, please reblog this post and anyone with any sort of difficulty or problem that they don’t think they can discuss, please message me and we can have a conversation and work through any ailments, I’m not a shrink, you’re not crazy, I’m just a person that knows, understands, and feels that the way to find a place in the world is to need and be needed and it would make so much difference if i was able to at least help one person with one thing.

xo

hang in there, and together we will pull through

[thoughts-memories]

[africant]

[lilithminded]

this hit me like a bus

[nastynas1991]

I’ll reblog it till my fingers bleed

[bluepaperpeople]

word vomit

you know those moments when  I'm gonna start this by saying that, most people, if for some reason your bored enough to read this, won't actually know what I'm talking about. most people will just see this as some endless splurge of shit. and I can totally understand and respect that. those that know what I'm talking about I don't expect any of you to want to read this either. to be honest, I feel like I'm just writing this for myself.....

people that have been through some difficult places in their lives, doing things to themselves that they will eternally regret. and will have the marks and remnants of their mistakes to remind them. every fucking day. it's tough. but we learn to live with it. constantly looking for ways to distract ourselves. finding a way of coping. day to day, of course, treating each second, minute, hour, day, week, month year, as it comes, don't look past it and go to bed every night knowing you can survive another day in this shithole. I have found writing. it seems like a solid and firm way of getting the cacophony of crap in my head onto a page.  it's all shit, there's no structure, there do not sense most of the time. but as fast as my fingers can man voyeur the keys, I can get what I feel onto a page. I plat the piano, and I like to put my pain through it (wow that was just too cliche and Tumblr lol soz) but oh, it just isn't fluid enough. I a fluent in script and words. I can do this.

I have been clean for a while now, I have had my slips. and I feel like counting the days puts too much pressure on the timings. I just take it as it comes. a slip is a slip and I have weeks of regret looking at myself and seeing the shitstorm I have brought on myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm unhappy with the reflection. nevertheless, I strive to complete and achieve the person I know I almost was. it won't ever happy but I know I can try. and it keeps me going. these are the cards I've been dealt and I work with that....

why is it though

every time I really am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, something just creeps back in. absolutely innocent and unmeaning to offend, but from someone I really don't like, but is my closest family so am stuck with. and of course, they have made an ‘innocent’ comment that has set me off again.  I have never been more confused about so much at the same time in all my life. I was getting to a point where I thought I knew who I was and was beginning to come to terms and accept that. then of my own accord, i decided to wake up one morning and 180˚ change that. I don't know how much it has happened and it has caused a doubt that I can't describe. a gut wrenching feeling deeper that you can even reflect upon and its dark and indescribable. how I can manage to make myself feel the way I do is confusing me more than anything. I can set myself off without any form of catalyst. I don't understand myself and it makes the feelings more intense, worst and spiral down.....

people come and go in life. I have never found someone in my life that I can both enjoy and trust. I need this I can't keep doing this by myself. everyone I confide in screws me over and I don't know how to deal with it. when everything builds up I don't understand what to do. its alien to me and I know pain is a familiar relative of mine, but I don't want to cause pain, I want to understand. the curiosity mixed with the not understanding why I am in the place I am, the dislike for so many things. it's worst than anything. I feel like I'm in a different place to everyone in the world. on the other side of a glass partition, I can watch interact and hear. but I am not truly with the world. a separate entity that is not associated with the earth of other people.

I know this isn't going to be read by anyone, and I don't mind, having my crap whirling round cyberspace is a regular occurrence ahah

[mysharona1987]