Fairly recently I reached a tipping point with my parents behaviour and told them they should just get divorced, and my mother, who is the more toxic and aggressive of the two, told me I shouldn't "listen in on private conversations"
Cut to now, as they have come home from a 12hr drinking binge, and after I had text them to say I was going to bed early, my parents have come home intoxicated and arguing.
Arguing is a strong word actually, these occurrences are usually my mother screaming, shouting, insulting, emotionally manipulating. And generally throwing her weight around while my father let's himself get walked all over and silently takes it
She often threatens to leave him. She often accuses him of all sorts
And typically its all triggered by something so mundane it blows my mind, its clearly her own insecurities and self doubt that got her here. Tonight, from what I understand, she is angry because a server at a fast food place joked that she is a good digger because my dad always pays for the food?
Anyway, this was the point id tried to make to them last time I snapped, I told them there were no such things as private conversations in this 3 room bungalow we call home, especially not when she's slamming doors and yelling at the top of her lungs
Idek what i hope to achieve posting to tumblr about it other than i just need to scream into the void. Im so done with this. I need to be out of this house.
I need them to get a fucking divorce because clearly they need one
I need to not be in a constant state of trauma response because this happens so regularly I am almost always on edge and have been since I was forced to move back here like
I am not just walking on eggshells in this home I am living and breathing them, choking on whatever shrapnel of her latest mood swing is about, terrified the next one will be directed at me
Idk. Im tired. So fucking tired.
