'sup

[bluewhaleboots]

Person A: You didn’t laugh at my joke.

Person B: I’m being shot at!

Person A: You should still laugh at my jokes.

[bluewhaleboots]

I haven't been around for a while. And honestly, I probably won’t make a comeback. This blog just hasn’t been very important to me compared to other things.

For those who know me from my writing on AO3, I am still writing. I will post eventually. Life happens. I’ll get around to it.

[bluewhaleboots]

Person A: Is this an April Fools joke?

Person B: ...It’s June.

[bluewhaleboots]

Person A: How would you feel if someone shot you in the face?

Person B: I wouldn’t mind it.

[bluewhaleboots]

Person: You inspire me so much.

Person: I mean... not enough for me to do anything, but...

[bluewhaleboots]

*driving with my dad, reading a map*

Dad: How far away are we?

Me: Eh. Two centimeters.

[bluewhaleboots]

Person: What’s your name?

Me: ...

Me: I’m wearing a nametag, it’s embroidered on my jacket, and it’s written on the board. What the &$%# do you think my name is?

[bluewhaleboots]

The Firetruck Game

This is a theater game with the goal of keeping a straight face. 

When given the verbal signal Green Light the individual begins moving their hand up the inner leg of the other person. When the other person wishes for them to stop, they give the verbal signal Red Light. To which the individual keeps moving their hand up the inner thigh of the other person and responds:

Firetrucks don’t stop for red lights.

[bluewhaleboots]

Person: We’re going “swimming” tomorrow. Do you wanna come?

Me: Isn’t the water going to be super cold?

Person: Yeah, but pretty much what we’re going to tan with the option of getting in the water.

[bluewhaleboots]

Friend: I’m getting super sleepy.

Me: I’m not. I have pills for that.

Me: I have pills that turn me off and pills that turn me on.

Me: ...

Me: That came out wrong.

[bluewhaleboots]

For class, I had to watch a video of this guy giving a powerpoint presentation. He gets to one slide where it lists the medication in one column with the next column describing what the medication is supposed to help with. Buried in a list of technobabble was this gem:

Cialis (for) antique bathtub sex.

[bluewhaleboots]

Park Ranger: Yeah, I’ve only been here for a year or so.

Me: Why’d you move up here?

Park Ranger: Prestige, mostly.

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me, inside my head: You’re cleaning bathrooms...

[bluewhaleboots]

Being strategically messy so you can be like Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry for all of the mess. And they just stare at you because they know damn well you just spent the last 4 hours cleaning.

[bluewhaleboots]

Me: I want writer friends to write with.

*meets writer person in same age demographic*

Me: We don’t write the same genre.

Me: We don’t read each other’s genres.

Me: ...

Me: Writing is meant to be solitary. Nevermind.

[bluewhaleboots]

The first name of a muscle I learned was gastrocnemius, or the calf muscle, because my dad was obsessed with how his looked.

[bluewhaleboots]

Friend, massaging my shoulder: Is that muscle or bone?

Me: Muscle.

Friend: No. No, I think it’s bone.

Friend: But it’s not on the other side...

Friend: Oh my god, that’s muscle. How?

Me, with jazz hands: I’m in constant pain.

[bluewhaleboots]

Roomie: *starts screaming*

Roomie: It’s a spider! Kill it!

Me: *squinting* I can’t see it.

Roomie: Look. Look. Come over here.

Me: ...

Me: It’s a hair.

Me: ...

Me: It’s your hair.