SILLY BLUE GUY! @bluuestdud - Tumblr Blog

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I'm sweating so bad dude sgould I give in.... to the evil evil thoughts.... should I give in and do the thing for once....

And then shower after....

I dunno man ughhHhh maybe I'll just get stabby instead. Or smoke weed. Or play minecraft. Or all three

Uuughhh I waited too long to reply and she went back to bed.... Fuck me dude I'm an idiottt

I miss her already...

#stupid stupid man #i'm so dumb #dumbest man ever

maybe

#vent art #im scared of the day he wins

Part of me really wishes somebody would like??? Coax me out of whatever made me horrifically ashamed of every single nsfw thought/desire/feeling I have? Because I've been trying to accept that I *do* have them lately-

I guess the problem is that I don't really uh.. Have anyone who I'd ever feel safe doing ts withhhh

It'd be way more realistic to ask my girlfriend but do you know how fucking impossible that would be...? When I'm attracted to somebody the idea of letting them know I have those kinds of thoughts feels fucking filthy and disgusting and horrible- Which is probably a problem, y'know? Like of all people I should probably feel safe about it with her, but I'm so fucking scared she'd like... Hate me? Or make fun of me? I'm so fragile about this if she made fun of it I'd never open up again and we tease each other a lot so like... I dunno. No way I'm asking anyone who ISN'T her, ew, I'm not cheating on her. But like. I can't ask her either. God I'd die

But I *want* to be sexually normal

I'm an adult and this shame and disgust is having an impact on my health, every time I have those kinds of feelings I start getting sick to my stomach, it gets physically painful because I spend so much effort ignoring it and curling up into a little uncomfortable ball to cry over it?? It can't be healthy I'm denying myself stuff for seemingly no reason

I dunno man. I can't. I think I'll just have to live like this the idea of asking for any kind of help is terrifying even if the shame is hurting me. I get flustered to the point of shaking and hiding my face and curling in on myself at the slightest flirting. She could just bring up something nsfw regarding a character I'm into and with how desperate yet horrifically repressed I am I just immediately start shaking and acting like an idiot

It's gotta be the stupidest sight, I'm a grown man and I can't even deal with the most normal ass feelings without insulting myself 5000 times, bullying myself til I get sad, and then repressing even harder. It isn't healthy but at the same time the idea of working through it is making me squirm

What a stupid post. I don't want anyone else seeing it dude. This isn't for attention or anything istg I just needed to vent

#nsfw warning #vent

antarctic-arcanine

If I ever share anything that was AI generated it is purely by accident. I hate that it's getting harder and harder to tell and it makes me want to never use the internet again. It definitely had its faults, but man I miss the internet of the 2000s so much.

myqueenmarceline

Adding to this: please TELL ME if I share something that is genAI and you know it is. I want to know this information.

bluuestdud

!!!!! For my friends, this applies to my Pinterest boards too

If I save something that is AI it will fuck up my algorithm so bad but I am literally legally blind irl. I can't see for shit and can't tell when something is AI :']

I don't want to see or share ai content, I am legitimately disabled

#fuck ai

I haven't drawn in weeks. I'm breaking the drawing tablet out

#its time

amygdalae

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

amygdalae

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

toonlink1210

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.

vocabulary-altering-posts

PHRASE ADDED!

"WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE."

WORD ADDED!

Pesis

bluuestdud

Someone in my system said this is what it felt like when he woke up in an afab body lmfao

#he's not wrong #it WASNT a beautiful night when he realised it was gone bro he asked me when it was coming back 💀 like im a blue tailed skink #it aint coming back little homie #pesis is gone :(

dovewingkinnie

hmmm

There was a period in my life when I was in a super abusive relationship. For some reason, during this, I drew nothing but anthropomorphic rabbits. I genuinely don't know why.

#ocs #art #oc #furry art #artisrs on tumblr #digital art

Y'know, the ironic part about my art is that most people think I'm being mean to myself when I say certain pieces are poorly made.

The thing is...

This is what I am capable of when I put in significant effort. Not perfect, but pretty good. I'm pretty good at shading. My anatomy could use work, but it's by no means terrible. I'm good with colours and facial expressions. My linework is shakey and could use improvement, but it's significantly better than what a lot of people could do. I'm not bad at art.

The problem....

... Is that that isn't my regular art style. I am painfully lazy. I call my main art bad because I am speeding through it. Most of these took under an hour. Some only 15 minutes. I call my art bad because I am quite literally not putting the effort in that would make it good. I *am* undeniably capable of producing good art. I can draw. I spent most of my life working on improving and I am fairly decent at drawing.

I just don't do my best. I'm lazy, uninspired, and easily distracted. Most of my pieces are just lazy doodles I cooked up in 5 minutes, some wifh half-assed colouring and lighting affects, most without. I call my art bad because I am a lazy bastard, not because I'm untalented.

#artist #small artist #digital art #no ai art #artists on tumblr #art #ocs #oc

bluuestdud

Ermmmm if anyone wants an extremely sad animatic about two of my backrooms ocs, here you go! I know this prolly won't get any attention but I thought I'd try-!!

bluuestdud

I feel like I should remake this lmao. My art has improved significantly since

sleepyhollowss

"Wow, your brother is kind of a baby isn't he?"

bluuestdud

Did I just find my all-time favourite Chica bully design? YES I DID. After years of searching I have finally found somebody who does something genuinely interesting and different with them /pos

Oh my god, I absolutely adore how you draw them. I think this is just gonna be the canon design for them in my head now tbh. I unironically wish we had like.. a comic series or something with these designs. Peak art style in general tbh, for some reason people who make fnaf 4 fanart with a warm colour scheme have always caught my eye, it just feels... right. Like you're looking at a memory. I feel like that's always been the point of fnaf 4 for me anyways.

I usually don't ramble about fanart like this but this just really caught my eye for some reason. Sorry if this feels like I'm glazing or something I just really like this piece. Fnaf 4 is still my favourite of all the fnaf games

#fnaf #fnaf fanart #I genuinely hope this gives OP an algorithm boost #this is beautiful

Tw slight nsfw(?) Idk I'm very vaguely mentioning a kink but this is more of a vent post than anything.

I hate the shame I feel around this thing so much. Like in the grand scheme of things this is one of the most harmless kinks ever already AND I'm only fully interested in it either for MYSELF or in fiction 😭🙏 It's non violent, consensual, and my interest in it is 99% just online stuff/roleplay/characters. I'm not even setting out to do that stuff irl, why am I so ashamed? It isn't even necessarily "gross" or whatever AND anyone who knows my life would know exactly how I ended up with it because I also struggle with something that is basically the exact opposite of it.

Honestly? I think it's because I have seen literal CHILDREN be outed for liking it and then having their entire online lives fucking nuked. Like mfs lost friends and had to delete accounts. If a child isn't even safe from the internet's cruelty, imagine what they'd do to a 19 year old queer/trans guy... They'd fucking kill me dude

What sucks is that I at least wish I felt safe yapping about it to my girlfriend. But the fear of weirding her out and making her not wanna talk to me anymore is so strong that I just kinda occasionally say stuff that vaguely relates to it and see how she reacts. She's been so chill about it. I've literally said stuff that hints at me having it and she does not seem to give a fuck. Why am I so ashamed. She would not care and she would understand how I ended up with it.

Like my life has been awful and so many things have happened to me that led to me liking this utterly harmless fucking thing 😭💔 I am so anxious and disgusted by myself for literally no reason.

I think the sad thing is that I have friends who have kinks that are even more socially hated. And they are in the same boat. The one guy who was actually open about it was bullied frequently and the other was too terrified to tell anybody to the point he was even scared to tell me (I didn't mind at all)

So it isn't even just random fear tbh. Like I know if I was honest about mine people would be awful.

The other problem is that it's a kink that could EASILY be mistaken for objectification by people who don't know I'm only really into fictional stuff.... Like I have friends in my life who might end up thinking I'm only talking to them bc I'm some kind of creep and it isn't like that at all :'( whilst I can be attracted to pretty much anyone since I literally do not have physical appearance standards whatsoever due to the fact I am acespec and I don't date based on looks, I don't seek people out based on this kink and if anything I direct it mostly at myself as a way of dealing with a specific mental health problem I have. I don't feel sexual attraction towards people at all and I'm definitely not seeking people out with intent to project a kink onto them. But they won't know that for sure and it would 1000% spark some feelings of discomfort.

God I hate my life. I really wish I was just into fucking like most people. Nobody judges you for liking sex but everybody under the god damn sun will want your head on a stick if you have an unconventional kink, including yourself. :(

People are gonna read this and think I'm a creep arent they. There's no avoiding it. I like a harmless thing because of trauma, I only like it in fiction despite it being harmless irl too, and if it ever gets out that I like this thing, my life is basicslly over. Fuck dude. I can only vent about this on Tumblr bc i know nobody will see it if I dont tag.

If you follow me and you see this i am BEGGING you to not leave based on this istg its literally the most harmless fucking thing ever and I'm never going to post about it to begin with chat istg please don't base your opinion on me off of this stupid shit </3 I wish I was pure and innocent like an angel

#ashamed of myself #please dont judge me #i swear im not a weirdo