♔ BOBBY KIM

trc's one and only.kim jiwon. ♔

[ygboys-ot11]

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` be humble.

@tenrk

trc wasn’t exactly noted for their complicated choreography’s or synchronization but there were the few tide and true members of the company that had their passions begin with dance and bobby was one of them. over the past few months he’d rekindled his love for dance and with the most recent eval coming to an end on such a high note for a largely choreographed dance, bobby found himself in the dance studio aching to come up with a dance more reminiscent of when he’d first started out. following his last song he’d created, every next step would lead him towards a mindset that would put him back in the mindset he had all those years ago when trc first took their chance on him.

he was finding his mental footing in the company once more.

during the evaluation, he’d come into contact with some amazing dancers and with some already having left trc bobby was running rather low on aquaintances he could meet up with in the trc building to get himself lost in the mesmerizing art of dance with that shared the same passion for it. he’d talked with ten about as much as the evaluation practices required but maybe it was time that he try to attempt to add substance to their relationship. just as they were dismissed for free practice, bobby took the first jogging steps towards a social encounter and caught up to the newer trainee.

“hey! did you have plans for free practice or did you want to hit the dance studio? i’m working on a piece if you’re interested.”

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` super sunbae.

@rkpcy

when bobby first started out in trc, he’d had these aspirations that he’d be the sunbae that every one of his juniors looked up to or at the very least had a comfortable relationship with. he wanted to be the sunbae that was truly a help towards the newer members coming into trc but that didn’t seem like something that was quite that likely the more time passed. schedules got busier and because of his perfectionist nature, his focus shifted to his own self-development almost obsessively so. there was no one to blame but himself but part of him wasn’t entirely apologetic either. the new trainees would reach a point where they too turned their sights introspectively and would begin to explore who they are as artists.

bobby liked to celebrate that kind of future.

trc was filled with artists and known for their musical independence so when he began to see trainees take those first steps towards experimenting in the many facilities available to them, that was when bobby began to take an interest. he knew the familiar sight of a rapper practicing their craft. the earbuds filling their conscience with the beat they were working with. the papers in their hands crumpled from writing, erasing and re-writing lyrics over and over again to make sure they were just right. the bobbing of their head as they attached their mind to the rhythm and their soundless words mouthed to follow along as they delivered to an invisible audience. a large part of rapping was in your head what with the memorization, confidence and wit and bobby didn’t want to interrupt that process for this trainee but what was a rapper to do when he was trapped in vocal lessons.

he kept his hands humbly in his pockets as he stood off to the side, his back to the wall and his feet crossed at the ankles, but as he saw the trainee go to restart the beat to begin his practicing once more, bobby interjected before he was drowned out. “is that a song that you’re working on or do you have some kind of assignment?”

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` freestylin’

@rkxiao

rapping and being able to freestyle came almost hand in hand and bobby knew better than to let himself get rusty at the art because it kept you on your toes. having found a newfound love for devoting himself to his training, each class seemed to be brightened with a new light that gave him the mindset of a rookie trainee excited to completely absorb everything being taught to him. where he used to go rapping lessons thinking that things were going to be a bit redundant, he now approached with a much more humbled mindset and allowed the criticism to become the focus of his practicing as he once had in the past.

they were paired off to practice lines off their partners or groups they were put into to practice thinking off the top of their heads and keep their wit sharp and when he heard who he was partnered with, he was pretty excited. he hadn’t really heard her rap extensively since the mga’s and so he was looking forward to having a friendly head to head. he pulled up a seat near her and turned it around to rest his arms on the back, facing her with a welcome smile.

“i’ll be the first to admit that i don’t have much practice in freestyling so go easy on me, okay?”

even if he was a senior trainee, it didn’t mean he knew everything.

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` i’ve been there.

[bobbyrk-blog]

rkjiwon:

she hadn’t felt guilty for considering the survival show, not initially. it hadn’t even occurred to her that just the thought of it would send her closest friends into borderline hysterics. but days later and she was still reeling from the way sohee had teared up as if she’d found out an asteroid was hurtling toward earth and the imminent end of the world was guaranteed. it’s just for fun, jiwon had insisted, i doubt i’ll even make it past the first elimination. you’re going to win, ji, sohee told her, you’re going to win and you’re going to leave.

an jiwon hadn’t even signed up yet.

“hey you,” she greeted back with a warm smile of her own, apologizing to a trainee she’d brushed shoulders with and facing the sudden stark epiphany that she didn’t recognize them. she did a double take, then continued making her way over to bobby.

you miss the last train out of here too?

her smile didn’t quite falter, but it did change in caliber, almost imperceptibly. it was a joke, yes, but a sad one. 

she’d told youngjae, she’d told sohee, it’d be wrong of her not to tell bobby too. he was reasonable, levelheaded, surely he’d understand. and if he didn’t, at least he probably wouldn’t cry. she didn’t think she could handle another bout of tears.

“actually,” she cringed inwardly, because there was no being gentle about it after starting out that blatantly, “not…quite yet.  you hear about the royal thing, right?”

things were looking bleak in terms of the future for trc honestly and all of those who remained in the building were starting to feel it. there was the competition that was going on in order to bring in some more new faces but ultimately bobby still felt he had a lot of disappointment harbored towards the company. it was something he could not easily let go of. the trc girls had even been given the option to, just as all of the other girls outside of royal, to be able to debut under another company in a project group.

he had to admit that if he were a girl, he’d have gone for it.

he knew of all people that jiwon would understand what he meant as it became evident that they were soon to be the only recognizable faces within the building and his smile matched hers with a quiet laugh. it was a bitter reality but there was no running away from it. at least not for him. he knew that trc was where he belonged. musically it was just the perfect place for him to be and he knew that any other company’s halls would be far too foreign for him to ever settle in.

should he have been surprised? mild surprise crossed his features but they were quickly replaced with an understanding softness following her question. “yeah, i’ve heard.” he said with a soft bite of his lip. “you leaving me too?” there was slight disappointment but he didn’t come down on her hard. it made sense considering the position they all were in. “if you’re going, you better do trc proud and show them we can sing just as good as them.”

[bobbyrk-blog]

☣ –  bobobobby2112

summer seventeen. 🌡️☀️

posted just now

[haseulrk]

♫ RK MEMES - SONG DRABBLES

Send me a ♫ and I’ll put my music on shuffle and write you a drabble about our characters based on the first song that plays! Remember RP karma and send, send, send if you wish to receive!

[bobbyship]

[bobbyrk-blog]

rktiffxny:

it hadn’t been completely intentional, letting him think she planned the christmas event to coincide with his birthday. while it was obvious she wasn’t doing it on purpose to spite him in some way or even punish him in some way, there was a part of her that wanted him to think she’d done so just to surprise him further when she did pick him up anyway. the event was technically still ongoing. it would be for a few more days until their ceo would definitely see the tree in ( hopefully ) completion. the timing was just perfect, a few days to get the tree ready but not too long that it dragged on. not to mention it had to be before their evaluation performances, not just to leave everyone with enough time to practice but to also relieve the pressure of such a performance. inevitable, really, but they could use all the christmas spirit they could get. why not, especially when the theme this month was for the holidays after all? 

he was just as busy in the end but still there was nothing that could trump celebrating his birthday and despite her schedule, she did her best to prepare everything. celebration after celebration. it was his own fault, she’d joke often: having a birthday so close to the holidays, so close to christmas in particular. he’s just lucky she doesn’t lump the two together, even if the thought of actually doing that put her off. back home, she’d had friends whose birthdays were just as close to christmas and they hated that it was paired together with the major holiday. one’s birthday ought to be another personal holiday, never to be shared with something else. that was also a reason she would jokingly scold him for confessing on her birthday, an anniversary that would coincide if she had said yes even if he told her to take her time to think it over. 

driving his car had become second nature for her these days, all because of him. it’d become habit when he was injured too, but that was out of necessity and convenience. this time, she knows it’s because it makes him more comfortable, protectiveness that dominates his thoughts and drives his actions. a subtle possessiveness to take responsibility and take care of who he considers his is something she can’t fault him for, not when she’s just as possessive. bobby’s just not so subtle. this is probably as subtle as it gets and even on some mornings, he’s not subtle at all, forcing the keys into her hand despite protests that she doesn’t want to get stuck in traffic anyway. seoul traffic has nothing on la traffic, if you ask her, so even that’s an exaggeration, especially considering that seocho isn’t too far from where she lives when driving. 

once he slips into the car, the act begins and she looks at him, puzzlement on her face as she laughs, “what are you talking about?” casual, right? even tiffany would laugh at herself if she was on the outside looking in. “how was today? did you find out more about the filming?” she knew that working again with yubin on a mv probably carried a sense of deja vu but to think this time is with a respected sunbae not just in his company but in the entire industry was amazing. it’s better than the last opportunity, anyone could recognize that. “i have to go by hyemin’s before we go home because she asked me to bring back some of the stuff from today. is that okay?” 

his hands were busy with unloading his things as he sat down but he paused as even he could recognize bad acting at it’s finest. his scarf carefully came undone and he placed his backpack on the ground to start loading his excess baggage into it. he always made sure to bring what he considered the essentials: water bottles, protein bars, vitamins and gatorade. no matter how focused he became on his bodily cleanse for his health, gatorade was simply not a luxury he could afford to give up. even in the dead of winter, an ice cold gatorade was ideal.

he pulled one out now to take a sip from the remainder of a blue one that he still had open from the day and he settled himself back in his seat, taking the seatbelt across his body, and looked over towards her. “oh yeah?” he asked with a laugh, raising a suspicious brow. everything was going just too smoothly he felt but there was always the chance that maybe she had planned something for later and he was expecting too much too soon. he had to admit that he was excited for whatever was coming his way. a lot of positive things were coming his way to keep him busy but that didn’t mean that they weren’t going to turn him into a ball of stress. she was always the solution to his stress and she knew just how to get him to his peak relaxation. he was pressuring her but only playfully so.

“the filming is apparently going to be one long drawn out process from recording to styling to the actual live stage itself so it’s really starting to sound like no end in sight.” it was a good thing but it was still a busy schedule to adjust to and he wasn’t given much of a grace period. still though. trainees seemed to operate on a different energy source than normal people. the hours were strenuous but they commit themselves to it each and everyday because this was what they wanted. he’d feel the effects of the new set of schedules but the excitement would get him through it. “i’m excited though.” a small sentiment but she knew just how deep it went for him.

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` home sweet home

[bobbyrk-blog]

rktiffxny:

( .. )

she hears him say her name but acts as if she doesn’t because she does know exactly what he means by it, it’s just nothing she wants to hear. there’s nothing wrong with what he says, part of her agrees but there’s always that part of her that thinks every character has a chance for redemption. call it optimism or hope, whatever you will. she’s always put more hope into fictional characters because one day she hopes she could have such faith in the actual people in her life. “rafael had cancer, bobby. all bets are off when it comes to that,” and she doesn’t mean to. she doesn’t mean for her voice to become softer at that word but it does. “he was infertile for as long as he had it. all the plans they had of having a baby just pushed aside because he got sick and they couldn’t do anything to change it back as quickly as it came.” and maybe it’s why she’s more defensive, maybe it’s also why she likes the show so much, why she’s attached. “oh, you’re so gross! how could you even talk about putting it in the microwave? it’s sperm, not a hot pocket. that’s fine. you don’t have to feel her. it’s not like you gave michael much of a chance either!” 

crinkling her nose at the thought of it all, there wasn’t much else for her to say. not with everything else she’s started to hear about that person. it’s just all so … unbelievable? then again, she’d rather think that bobby doesn’t have such weird taste in women but he is with her right now after all. maybe his preference is weird women. she’d joke about it if she didn’t think he would go off and list all the reasons they’re different. “oh, don’t sulk. what a big baby,” she teases, leaning up to brush his hair back away from his face. “you might think it’s cute but it’s not.” a lie, because sometimes when he sulks it is cute but emphasis on the sometimes. a lot of emphasis. 

tugging at the blankets and pulling them further over them, almost snuggling more into it than into bobby, she reached to pinch his side again. “that phrase never makes sense to me. you know why? there’s a me in team so it completely defeats the purpose but okay, now you have to watch and suffer the way i did while watching this season. i mean, enjoy. it’s going to be amazing!” 

joking with her was like opening up pandora’s box. the more he seemed to try to pull from it, the stronger she came at him. it offered it’s humor at times but there were other times where he wished he was just a bit faster and a just a bit smarter to be able to gain and protect the upper hand but unfortunately that was not always the case. she always knew just how to come out of the gate swinging and by doing so he was instantly placed on the defensive.

his eyes rolled at her question because he didn’t have a type of guy because he didn’t look at guys in that way and the side eye he gave her spoke volumes about how unwilling he was to go there with her. though, he had to admit, he had brought the question upon himself with the phrasing of his words but if anybody knew his limitations it was her. it was a joke on her part and her laughed along with her but she was not going to get an answer out of him under any circumstances. he took the small win he got from it though as the shudder rang through her body. “that’s what you get.” he chastised childishly with an even more juvenile smile as if he had truly obtained some form of substantial victory in a battle that was technically not even being fought.

but again he was made to raise the white flag.

her taunting was tempting and the comfort of the private space was enticing. his eyes had met hers and followed her gaze down as her hand depressed upon his chest bu he knew when he was facing a carrot dangled before him and as she abruptly cut her advances short -- while disappointed -- he wore a small smile. “now, see, i was the one behaving and keeping my hands to myself but then you go and do things like this as if you want me to get distracted.” his hand came up as if to create fake distance between them. “i am going to have to let you down right now, little lady. i came here for jane and rafael. your seductive ways will have to cease for the time being.” his words sounded more confident than he felt and that was made clear by the slight smirk he wore.

he wanted to argue his point because it simply did not make sense to him. only a significant lack of sanity would drive someone to take such drastic measures to bring someone back into their lives in such a way but he didn’t want to touch upon that subject for too long for her sake. it was still a wound for her and it was never something that you really got over. he heard the way her voice changed as she spoke about it and he bit the inside of his lip gently. “but that’s all the more reason she should have thought about it more. she, above anyone else, knew how finite that was for him.” he said it gently but he was set in his opinion. for him, her actions were a bit too selfish for him to forgive. “that’s my point!” he exclaimed, his finger softly pointing to his temple as if telling her to think. “you think it makes more sense for her to put lukewarm, unfrozen sperm in a turkey baster and inject it into herself in her office?”

“i’m not sulking.” he said maybe just a bit too defensively but he allowed himself to wear a soft smile. she wasn’t worth his thoughts anymore but he had to admit that he had been concerned for quite some time. however, some things were just unforgivable. there wasn’t any going back so he committed himself to moving forward and he liked the direction he was headed in now.

he eyed her playfully as the recap started and lightly pulled at a strand of her hair. “you should come with a spoiler alert. rude.” he scrunched his nose up at her but faded into a smile. “nothing better happen to raf.”

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` local talent.

[bobbyrk-blog]

rkpyoeun:

it was just a bit disappointing to hear that bobby wouldn’t be going up. “too bad. you would have made this whole affair a little more interesting.” still, eunji couldn’t complain too much. just seeing him here was a pleasant surprise. she snickered, her deep laugh mixing with his. “i’m hoping it’s not gonna be just cutesy shit. that’s not really my thing either. maybe if i get paid.” eunji shifted in her seat.  

“he’s taking a call.” she frowned. “i’m sure he’ll perform either way, but we’re sort of dance partners, so.” it felt strange to bring it up with someone outside the studio, especially bobby. eunji’s life as a dancer was pretty much separate from her everyday life now that flashbang was no longer together. and she and jaeho were an odd pairing, to say the least. it wouldn’t make sense to anyone who hadn’t seen them dancing together.

“we’ve been working on a routine for a while now, so jaeho thought we should finally show it somewhere. but i’m not sure about the setting. tch.” eunji watched as the event staff pushed brooms across the stage, clearing away flower petals. “i hope you’re enjoying the show. some of these kids aren’t bad.”

“i appreciate it but i don’t think i’m going to be heading in the same direction as san e-sunbaenim.” it wasn’t a diss but it was pretty obvious that san e had ventured from his more underground fueled rhymes towards the more sweet and lovely vibes that were suitable for spring and summer romances. the songs were good but definitely not bobby’s personal style. he’d only ever attempted to write one song that was sweet on the ears in that way and he had yet to release it let alone let the person he wrote it for hear it. his head cocked a bit unsurely at her words, a small smile forming. “i don’t know... that seems to be the general outlook. i mean the cherry blossoms and nice weather have got people out here craving some attention from their preferred partners i think.” he knew he was craving a bit more attention.

he understood the term dance partner and it made him think how he had never really established one like that with someone because he knew how intimate of a bond it could be. dance partners understood you almost as well as your significant other and it could get to be overwhelming at times sharing those kind of raw emotions with someone but the outcome was always stunning. with her dance experience, he was a bit surprised that she had a dance partner but it made him curious as to how their routines played out with one another. he wanted to encourage her to get up there and do her thing but with him also taking the back burner, was it really his place?

besides, he could understand.

“what kind of routine is it? i’m assuming something not cutesy shit.” he laughed, using her words to describe the vibe of the event with a lightly taunting eyebrow. “i’m sure they are. some might be hoping to get scouted with the way this stage has been filling up time slots but i’m not sure that’s the point of this event... i haven’t seen too many but there are some talented people here, that is for sure.”

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` i’ve been there.

@rkjiwon

with all the faces disappearing around trc lately, bobby felt as if he needed to do a roll-call to see who still stuck around just in case anyone else ghosted the company. all of the faces that he knew when he first came into the company nearly three years ago were all gone for the most part and walking the hallways he was greeted with the smiling faces of a sea of strangers. maybe he was being a bit too sentimental or overdramatic but trc just wasn’t the same place it felt like anymore and the listless sadness that dwelled in the halls was a blatant reminder of that.

it was during the free period where he saw her and though he had not been looking for any specific place or activity to do, he was thrilled to have discovered a familiar face in a place that was slowly starting to seem foreign. “hey.” he called out to her, a hand coming up in greeting as he bore a soft, friendly smile. “you miss the last train ride out of here too?” it was a joke but even he didn’t find it funny. 

it was their reality now.

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` rekindling a passion.

[bobbyrk-blog]

rkjxy:

to her, dancing is like second nature. it’s that one thing in her life that will always be a constant figure. joy thinks that it’s a part of herself that will retain itself no matter which dimension she belongs in. which is why she worked on honing her craft for the greater part of her life – she cannot even imagine life when she wasn’t putting her passion to work, wouldn’t even want to think about it. she simply deems her entire existence significantly empty without it.

she’s grateful for the two years of training with perhaps the most demanding entertainment company in all of the world. all the sweat she’s put forth on the daily proved to be worth it after all for she’s improved in ways that she cannot even imagine. the kind of training that she’s received with trc cannot be matched by any other facility out there and she’s proud of it despite the company’s many flaws. it’s the kind of training that will put her name as one of the best.

joy brightens at bobby’s confirmation with a nod of her head. she likes songs from this particular artist just because they’re quite easy to dance to. it is one of those songs that you’ll only need to listen to once to inspire a choreography which is why she’s always been happy to use his discography. “that’s fine, i’m a very patient teacher.” she laughs at his statement but happily nods her head anyway. then with an excitable clasp of her hand, she moves into position. “okay, so this is how it goes..” joy proceeds to show the first few steps, counting in that familiar way that all the dancers do.

he was grateful to be able to return to something that was his original passion even if a heavy cloud had been hung over his head when it came to participating in vigorous activities. he’d gone through extensive physical therapy to combat the repercussions of his knee injury but the initial trauma of having damaged it on more than one occasion filled him with caution when he took the next moves towards dancing. he carried with him a brace for his knee just to be on the safe side, painkillers and he had access to icepacks should he need them in the gym freezers -- well they were frozen water bottles but that was close enough.

he was advised to be careful when exercising and dancing so as not to aggravate his knee but he wasn’t sure that he had the proper capacity to be able to hold himself back in such a way. he was deprived of dancing for so long on the premise of playing it safe that he was like a horse bolting from the starting point. he knew he should pace himself but he was simply too pumped to give that much thought in the moment. he followed along with joy’s counting as he watched her move in the mirror -- his body mimicking her movements -- and he could feel the familiarity of a controlled dance course through his muscles like a much needed exercise.

it was not short of blissful.

the years of dance experience he had made following along a natural occurrence and what he did not commit to memory, his muscles mastered in place. however that was not to say that he was all gearing to go right off the bat. he had to warm himself up. details were overlooked and minor lapses in memory gave him pause when flowing into the next movement the choreography called for. he was a touch frustrated at having returned to a student’s seat as he had once been a teacher but that was what the point of practice was, no? as he had her show him the transition from the first verse into the chorus one more time -- on top of the other three times -- he smiled apologetically at her in the mirror because he knew how annoying it could get having to be repetitive so he vouched for something that might ease her pain.

“maybe it’ll stick if i do with music?”

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` let’s hurt tonight.

[bobbyrk-blog]

rktiffxny:

she could tell herself that because barry is still young, still a puppy, practically a newborn, she brought him over. but it’s mainly an excuse and one she could easily hide behind even though she shouldn’t. a ruse, just like it was when she brought over wine to apologize to him when they first started out, a misunderstanding that could barely compare to the new one she’s created, to the one she hasn’t realized she’s created yet. 

because to her a break means not being together nearly as often as they had been— with anyone else, it meant not at all but she can’t easily do that with him, not by choice, not when nothing is truly keeping them apart— and because she just doesn’t know how to do that, how to not see him at all. 

no, to her, some words have a new definition, exceptions because he’s one of the biggest exceptions in her life in the first place. because when she decided she was going to focus everything on training and not bother with dating ever again, with getting involved with someone again and having things potentially get messy like they had with the past, it was as easy as an unintentional conversation, things said when they should’ve swerved the way he actually had to because he’d been distracted by what they were talking about, by the possibility of it all. 

it’s ironic that they’d been distractions then and weren’t when they were together, as a couple, and it’s the past tense that hurts most. they’re still a couple, right? even if they’re not physically together. she thinks she’s so sure whenever she fiddles with the ring on her right hand, twirling it as she pleases on her middle finger. even her hands thinned a little, making the switch almost necessary from her ring finger. her long sleeves offer solace in that form too— it’s not that easy to spot it despite the fact that she doesn’t bother wearing as many rings lately with it the way she used to in order to disguise it. she’d grown lazy, complacent, a little reckless, and maybe the fact that she’s standing there is reckless too. 

the way his face dims and the storm that brews within his eyes tell a tale of discontent. he offered but did he really want her to come in? should she have? it’s selfish that she did it anyway, that she wanted to see him and so she did but whether he wants to see her seems like a question she no longer needs an answer to. he doesn’t, and this becomes one of the moments she told him she was worried about: her doubt. 

because she should always know that he wants to see her. 

the only occasion he wouldn’t, one of the only reasons he wouldn’t want to be with her anymore, is if she ever cheated, if she was ever too careless when it came to risking either of their careers, and this isn’t that. he’s hurt but she can’t help feeling the same way. 

when chocolat comes out, she’s immediately all smiles, kneeling down and away from his immediate view. for a moment, she could pretend everything is normal. that it isn’t awkward for her to be here because chocolat doesn’t seem to feel awkward around her. no, the mastiff is more comfortable with her right now with bobby and while it’s momentarily a comfort, it starts to upset her the more she thinks about it. 

this wasn’t what she wanted at all. “oh,” her answer is soft, small, insignificant compared to what else she could say because she’s suddenly worried. her heart begins to race and it’s at the thought of his injury coming back, of him having to make that journey out of country again for rehab. a month, her birthday month, gone and she can’t say a thing. because he had to, because the goal is obviously for him to go back to dancing and everything else he’d been doing, but the fear is still there. it just doesn’t dawn on her that it’s not fair for her to be able to worry about him like this when she keeps him in the dark about her own health. 

but she has no real answer for him either because the truth is she wasn’t doing much at all. she wasn’t writing, wasn’t running lines to stay in practice, nothing special or in particular and it’s a shame. it’s a shame that she just falls back into letting everything slip, a regular routine with nothing marking it as different or important. 

“i … nothing really,” she mumbles. “housetraining barry.” avoiding everything. 

there were moments where he felt as if he were overreacting and perhaps taking the choice of words too harshly but with those words came the creeping doubts and insecurities that he’d never felt with her but had always experienced in the past. he was a truly raging river and where the waters split, both sides were equally rocky. he knew she was overcoming her issues and he longed to be there for her, to see her each day and to give her comfort and support just so that she could know that this would all come to pass because that was just life. trials and tribulations constantly rocking the boat and even when it felt as if there was no edge to hang onto, he wanted her to know that he would always be there to catch her right before she fell.

but could he do so when he felt as if he was falling?

his heart felt as if it was in pieces and he hadn’t the slightest idea as to why he was made to feel this way. he didn’t like associating the actions of past girls with her but unconsciously he was reminded of the first steps they’d all taken to effectively erasing him from their lives. the room she kept him in was dark while she navigated waters unknown to him and though he subtly pushed, he only seemed to give her rudder fodder to move even quicker out of his reach. this springtime filled with love and cherry blossoms was dreary in his eyes. to think that they were heading down a path all too familiar and to feel the palpable awkward tension between them... honestly, he couldn’t handle it.

he both wanted to see her and to keep his distance at the same time.

he’d never wanted to actively be away from her but self preservation was kicking in. he recognized the pattern, his mind had predicted the outcome and his heart went into defensive mode but they all were in conflict with one another. he cared about her deeply. the future where he declared his love for her was not far off it seemed and yet even though his heart yearned for her and his arms felt the ghost touches of her body pressed against his in the embrace that he longed to smother her in, he could not bring himself to step towards her. that would be him accepting the hurt into his life and he’d become the fool he’d always been. he couldn’t do that. he wouldn’t do that.

he’d honor what she wanted and what came of it simply would be the outcome.

he was happy to have chocolat provide a distraction as it allowed him to bury his face into the soft, smooth fur of barry’s back. he felt like he was at an impasse. he simply could not be hurt in this way again but it was killing him not to be able to be with her. his heart was heavy with sorrow, pain and a concoction of emotions that left him feeling as if he’d been taken for a ride in a blender to stand with all of his scars to bear.

a break.

who knew one word could cause such a turbulent storm?

a single syllable was all he got. the weeks and weeks of rehab and months of recovery on a problem that would haunt him throughout his career coming to a positive point where he felt confident enough to pursue one of his original passions once more... and all he got was one syllable. he didn’t try to take it personally but from his perspective all of this was personal and so that stung. maybe they were getting distant... he didn’t like feeling as if he couldn’t trust his own mind. he fought the urge to sigh and battled the worry that threatened to show on his features. barry was blessed with kisses instead.

“how’s that going?” he asked, softly nosing the puppy on the top of his head to receive a small paw to his chin. the small touch of affection made him smile. it seemed like it’d been a while since he;d done that.

[bobbyrk-blog]

rktiffxny:

it’d been an issue she couldn’t stop fretting over after her first asked her— asked her to be his girlfriend. they’d come so far in their careers and in their relationship. she used to think it was always going to be one or the other in the end, it seemed natural. a decision to choose their careers first was instinctive, right? but being with him has slowly taught her that it’s not necessarily true anymore. because sacrificing her relationship with him when it’s only helped her become better, whether it’s in training or in healing, didn’t make sense. honestly, it was one of her only concerns and that feat alone is astounding. a new record when her mind used to be plagued with worries galore. 

now they’re just buried. 

“uh huh … do you even work with them often or are you too busy steamrolling over all your beats on your own with your rapping that you forget anyone else? don’t act like i don’t know you, bobby. there’s no one that could rap on your own music better than you and if you let someone sing for it, well … she better be able to compare to me or i’ll judge you,” she practically huffs, nose crinkling but she can’t deny that it crosses her mind from time to time. it feels too personal, sometimes, to think he could compose a song and have another female join in. composing is personal to her, almost as much as lyric writing and she can’t say much when she sings duets with the other males in her company from time to time. it’s bound to happen but it doesn’t stop a small jealousy streak from arising. “so which is it? do they love you or like you? someone doesn’t sound so confident anymore ~ “ 

her laughter only dies down at the explanation of his trust when it comes to his friend’s culinary skills and she thinks to herself, if only he knew. although she could’ve asked them for help to that extent, she wouldn’t have. on his birthday, she only accepts certain types of help. some things are just too special to pass off to someone else. “as long as he’s glaring at them and not me,” she jokes, hinting at the truth, but she’s well aware it’s not too obvious. that much tiffany never goes for when it comes to her surprises for him. “you’ve got a point though … it just isn’t fair that he looks so good and can cook … “ part of her is only teasing but after hearing from jihyun, she knows it to be fact. “i mean, you’re perfect as you are, babe.” squeezing his hand, she bites her lip to keep from laughing. 

“aw, i thought evaluations were your favorite! all that positive encouragement— “ she’s never heard the type of request he mentions and she’s tempted to ask if he’s joking, exaggerating, because she wouldn’t put it past him but she also knows it’s something she can’t put past the trainers either. “what does the hardness of an almond even mean … aren’t walnuts harder to crack?” there’s an immediate smile on her lips at the kiss to her hand but she doesn’t falter at his question, hand slipping from his to reach for the blindfold in the backseat. reaching over to place it over his eyes herself at a red light, she even kisses his cheek for good measure, a reward for not protesting— if he doesn’t. 

“you’ll just have to wait and see! i should make you wait even longer for not realizing anything sooner. you’re always so easy to trick, it’s cute but a little concerning.” 

it was like she knew him without him even having to say anything. her accusation was so spot on that he lauged before he could even stop himself. it wasn’t that he didn’t want to work with the other trc trainees but, for her exact reason, he was too much of a perfectionist and each song he created with a vision. to have to rely on someone else to execute that vision would paint him as a wretched vocal director because he might not ever find himself satisfied. recordings might take weeks. he’d earn the reputation of someone who was difficult to please. the alternative was to do the recordings himself in the exact way that he wanted and worry not about anybody else. he’d love to collaborate on tracks with people but maybe it was because he was so used to working alone that he still hadn’t acted on the idea. he wasn’t used to compromise with his music.

“i have thought about it!” he began defensively, a finger raising as if to halt her following points. “i’ve yet to act on it and create a song for someone else to perform but that doesn’t mean that i never will.” it was about finding someone whose creative spirit flowed as one with his. the thought of rappers collaborating was common but with the egos that existed in the scene and distinct colors and visions, it was highly unlikely that he’d be able to swallow another person’s ego long enough to complete a song. thinking of it that way sounded so uncooperative but toes were bound to be stepped on and he was never one to back down and that wouldn’t be a situation that he would adopt the habit.

well, unless they were someone that he respected.

“i’d like to think that i’m liked.” was his final answer and he was sticking with it. no more changing. when he thought back on it, his original answer differed vastly from his conclusion but such was the presence of an overabundant confidence. “you say that but he was glaring at me too. he was daring me to touch it. i was scared to even smell it in case the carbs traveled through the air.” just talking about the food made him lick at his lips. “but it was great. i paid for it later but,” his head shook. “so worth it.” he would’ve continued to rave about the food but he was completely caught off guard by her agreement at the adoration. he tugged his hand from hers with playful jealousy, his eyes cutting her way to show his dissatisfaction. “tell me i can cook.” he knew that might not be easy for her to admit. his diet was too much even for her. 

“i don’t even know. maybe harder than a usual almond but with some softness to it. who uses food as a reference for a feeling? i’m so confused as to what to actually do when they start rattling off their shit i just kind of try to grasp it and wing it.” he knew that he wouldn’t be so confusing as a vocal director but, sadly, he couldn’t say for sure. he was too nit-picky when it came to his music. the blindfold made it’s appearance and he sighed dramatically as he went along with her plans but not before his eyes lit up with genuine surprise. the kiss was sweet in contrast to the bitter realization that he had been fooled once again. “something told me to be prepared...” he lamented. “you made the food didn’t you? i knew rome couldn’t cook like that.”

[bobbyship]

bobby for vogue

[bobbyrk-blog]

♚` let’s hurt tonight.

[bobbyrk-blog]

rktiffxny:

standing in front of him now, she finally has her answer: absence makes the heart grow fonder and she’s grown weaker. she can convince herself she’s fine dealing with everything on her own, as long as she can’t see him. being this close to him and not being close affects her more than she’d care to admit and she can’t deny that every cell in her body screams for her to move, to speak, to do something, anything, so he knows she still wants him as much as she always has— even more, because every day brings more than the day before. it’s cliche, she knows, but it’s true when she thinks that she likes him more and more each day. 

her secret is that she’s worried she likes him too much, more than he likes her, and it’s a dumb assumption when she knows, she just knows she means so much to him, but it’s her own fault. her own doubt comes from her own withholding, because there’s a big part of her life she didn’t tell him. a big part of her life that she keeps hidden in the dark, shrouded by shadows and never meant to see the light of day but leo’s visit and why everything is falling apart dragged everything out into the light. she’s burning alive in the wake of the fire, smoke that claims her lungs when it’s usually him that takes her breath away. 

how does she tell him something so serious? how does she tell anyone? it’s as if her vision was scorched in the fire and she was too blinded, too scathed to think about how the word break bothered him. while she was tending to her own wounds, one of his was opened and she hadn’t thought of it in that way, hadn’t realized the word itself would affect him so strongly and the sad part is that she still doesn’t. 

a word she’d said before, used before, without thinking of how those relationships weren’t the better for it. a word she used again, now, because she thought this would be different— because it has been different, because it is different to her and that’s the most terrifying part, to think, to know that their relationship could survive most things and yet she’s questioning how it’ll fare against the biggest secret she has. a secret that doesn’t belong to her alone, and won’t for the rest of her life. even emily was at risk, still is without confirmation that won’t come until years from now and that upsets her most. there’s no choice in any of it, just what seems inevitable. 

there wasn’t enough words to express that it wasn’t about not wanting to be with him, it never was that. even if she said it before, even if she says it now, she’s not sure she could convince him anymore without having to say everything and she’s just not ready. the truth is, she’s not sure if she’ll ever be ready and that fact scares her as much as losing him does so there’s a part of her that can’t truly keep away. because it’s him and she doesn’t know when but her life isn’t complete without him. she told herself over and over, she couldn’t let a relationship be about letting the other person complete her anymore— it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t an equal standing, but this isn’t that. she realizes it slowly: that it’s not about him completing her but him completing her life, giving her happiness, and access to that is at risk just as much as she is now. 

a risk that even if she tells him, she could never give him a guarantee. there’s no exact science to any of it. the broadest of ranges when it comes to a catalyst for her fears: ten to seventy percent. how does one explain that? how does one forgive that? she’s spent all her time trying to forget instead. barry goes easily towards bobby’s hands and she can’t explain why she almost wants to cry at the sight— but even that answer is simple. it’s because as a puppy, as a dog, he doesn’t have her concerns. he can go to bobby just like that and she can’t. 

in all her life, she never thought she’d feel so jealous of a dog, especially her own. “yeah,” and her response comes almost too quickly, her throat and lips dry until she has to drag her tongue over tepid lips. an attempt to wet them failing miserably as she tries to control her voice. all the vocal lessons and practice in the world and she couldn’t maintain composure around her own boyfriend, if he is still that in this moment. “if you don’t … mind … “ 

but she’s already making her way inside, jacket being slipped off and left in its usual place, even the slippers she always uses become part of her routine and it’s painful how second nature it is for her to fall back into that pattern. she’s already gotten a little thinner and she thinks there’s no one that could notice as easily except for him so she’s in a loose long sleeve, hiding the way her wrist has changed already. it’s always her arms first that look so frail. it’s the small talk attempt that hurts the most when she asks, “how have you been?” 

he didn’t want to call it resentment and he hated the feeling that scratched at the surface of his current state that made him feel as if he were being completely selfish but to put it bluntly, he was emotionally overwhelmed. overwhelmed by the mysterious situation that had plagued her for so long having come to such a drastic head where she completely lost herself. overwhelmed by the suddenness of their parting that left him without answer and without a comforting thought in her wake. overwhelmed by the blatant awkward air that thickened between them. in all of his memories involving the woman standing before him, not once had he ever contemplated that they would feel this kind of distance so heavily and yet here they were.

if not for barry, he wondered if words would have even been exchanged.

he was utterly confused by her visit in the stead of their situation. had she simply used barry as an excuse to come and see him? why would she do such a thing when the deal was to be apart? maybe she had come for barry’s sake after all... he should feel joy at seeing the excited face of the puppy but, frankly, had she truly brought him over for the sake of the animal’s feelings, bobby would have rather she stayed home. as much as he tried to suppress the bitterness that tainted his tongue and soured his thoughts, the negativity could not help but seep through at times. it mixed with the deep feelings of worry he felt for her and the concern was crippling from behind the black curtain he stood before. sometimes he didn’t know which was more powerful: the cynicism or the disquiet.

how could he properly express himself without completely disregarding her? how could he tell her everything he felt without feeling as if he was dumping all of his problems into her lap that already seemed to be overflowing? did he even have the right to do so in this moment? he tried to chalk his insecurities up to him being too reactive but he couldn’t just ignore the familiarity of the situation. the call for distance due to a problem that had gone unnoticed on his part -- or simply because she had decided she’d had enough of him -- followed by the steadily increasing frigidity until they were nothing but strangers any longer. these weren’t thoughts he associated with tiffany...until now.

cliche as it may be, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her and yet he wasn’t even sure if she was slipping through his fingers or not.

had he not been enough? had their flames died out? was she pressured by him? his mind played a highlight reel of all of his greatest mistakes with women and he feared that soon her face would join the others because of his own incapability and that simply was too much for him. she was everything he had ever wanted and more. if he had ruined this...

the thought alone...

he tried to suppress these feelings. the thoughts that told him he’d been taken for a ride yet again and that his turn in line was coming to an abrupt end. had that been why she’d come over? to end it once and for all? she’d been hesitant when he’d asked her after all. dark thoughts clouded his mind and he buried them beneath his carefully controlled facial expressions but when it came to her, he was an open book with transparent pages. he couldn’t be any more obvious. she’d always been better at hiding.

her answer stunned him and he fought to not show it as so, his mouth buried into the fur of the puppy he cradled close to deliver soft kisses to. maybe his free spirit would rub off... he hadn’t been sure how to reply -- since when had become so inept? -- and so he let his answer be the removal of his frame from the doorway. soft, quiet steps traveled along the hardwood floors but they came to a halt. where he’d usually divert to the bedroom to claim their spots within the covers, he now was at a loss as to where he should go.

everywhere was filled with her memories. nothing would satiate this unwieldy situation.

chocolat came blundering out of the room curious as to the visitor that had prevented her owner from returning for their mandatory cuddles and instantly greeted tiffany with all the love and affection that bobby now reserved for the puppy in his arms. to receive that kind of attention from his dog and not her boyfriend... was he still her boyfriend? his fingers scratched absently at barry as he searched for words.

“good. started dancing again... you?”

since when were they reduced to small talk?