the_conqueror_of_parodies

Australian. Autistic. Transformers enthusiast. Backseat DM. Part-time gamer. Full-time parody writer. Complete dork. Artist Choice ≠ Endorsement Old Parody Archive (tell me if this breaks)

[bobpiecheese]

Taurine

A parody of "Chlorine" as performed by Twenty One Pilots

Parody number: 3,501

Red Bull gives you wiiiiiiings…

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"So how are ya? Shakin's kinda wild"

Sippin' on straight taurine, don't have time to stop or sleep I swear that it's medical, swear that it's medical Can you please just let me be? I've got mad monsters to defeat No, wait, this is medical, totally medical, sippin' on straight taurine

Flavour that I'm tastin', whoa-ooh Sure is on my tongue, it's hard to describe Likely explanation, whoa-ooh Is I've had too much, the sensation has died Too much of a vibe

Sippin' on straight taurine, lots of cans surroundin' me I swear that it's medical, swear that it's medical Only weak fools have to sleep when the damn boss is on Phase 3 No, wait, this is medical, totally medical, sippin' on straight taurine

Stop the indignation, whoa-ooh Always love to say that it can't be right Too much drink to take in, whoa-ooh-ooh I've heard you explain how it shortens my life I'm totally fine Yeah, these shakin' hands of mine? Had these all my life

Take another can, pop it, see how much of it I get And how much I'll feel mis'rable from how much of it tends To spill upon my t-shirt and my lap instead A shame that I'm too weak to crush cans 'gainst my head Although that may be a life saver 'Cause with my hands, would be a great flesh scraper Still say I'm doin' fine, you only hate that my High score is way higher, right

Sippin' on straight taurine 'cause I need that energy I swear that it's medical, swear that it's medical Maybe three more and I'll see through time, that sounds like what I need For reasons so medical, totally medical, sippin' on straight taurine

Watch me vibrate, it's fine, love to vibrate, it's fine Reason is medical, yeah Watch me vibrate, it's fine, love to vibrate, it's fine Totally medical, yeah, sippin' on straight taurine Watch me vibrate, it's fine, love to vibrate, it's fine For reasons medical, yeah Watch me vibrate, it's fine, love to vibrate, it's fine Trust me, it's medical, yeah

Stop? You know that I would love to I can hear my own heartbeat But I'm so close to the end of This game I've been stuck on for weeks Once that's done, I won't be needin' anythin' "medical" At this point, it's not a secret that it's not medical There's a part of me that needs it, know that's not medical All I want is end-screen seein', then real help medical

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Yeah, I skimped on the vocal runs in the background at the end there. Too faded, too overlapping, too "it's Friday", take your pick.

[bobpiecheese]

Conqueror

A parody of "Encore" as performed by Eminem ft. Dr. Dre & 50 Cent

Parody number: 3,500

Yes, it's my 3500TH PARODY, Y'ALL! And as is my tradition, I have taken a song I parodied back when I was stupid and inexperienced and re-parody along a vaguely similar topic. Last time I did some meta-bullshit about the website I submitted to. This time, it's some meta-bullshit about why I submit to a different website wait that sounded weird not that there's anything wrong with that ANYWAY

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C-C-C-Crazy aftermath (haha) F-F-F-F-Feels stupid, haha (haha)

Look, I came to pick up where I left off back on AmIRight Part of my life for twenty years, too long to put to the side 'Cause while I'm super down with quittin' games where I can't progress and just die This parody creation schtick ain't a thing I can let lie, needs a new site

It's been that long? That's a problem now, I find Half my facts all in a cobble, can't lay out How it goes, goddamnit, I ain't gonna just scrap it I can manage just the basics, you'll see my past now A young teenager, Australian Let loose on the internet, what's this place found here? Oh yeah, some peers to Yankovic Can do that too, can type fast, know some hits (hoo!) Stumblin', my tip for people tryin' this Don't start out workin' with rap, that is the deep end "First work bad", ev'ry creative is quick to tell you that I'm also one, so much was crap Mean that, literal crap now, doodoo was on my mind, true Did mention that I was just a teen? Mind you That excuse is bad yet all I have, won't lie, dude Just layin' ground, foundations for my poor start, was quite crude But soon that started shiftin' to knowin' I could be winnin' Contests that they're listin' right there on a forum diff'rent I did, I'm not braggin', only sayin' that my skills Did rise, so now the room-bound elephant: where's that site then?

Well, luckily, if you still wanna, there's still an AmIRight It's that plus dot-com or just click the link in my bio, fine I hope this chorus doesn't age like milk 'cause that would be awkward but I Am gettin' into a tangent, I should focus on the why I switched up sites

Good news: can say for once, didn't get bought up Just to gut, gut, gut, gut Bad news: pure guessin' will come, big drop from the good Because, 'cause, 'cause, 'cause The press ('cause) for the endin' of any new submissions Was so small, didn't notice 'til a week after, didn't get the message I only learned 'cause when my ass was checkin' Comments that were left on other folks' shit, felt "farewell" was trendin' So many posts were poppin' up, wasn't just comments 'cause whole songs All were just "Goodbye all, have fun, it's endin'" "What is this?" thoughts were had by one author, no guessin' It's me, my songs came off as off the topic, got me sendin' A message to the owner of the whole website to check it (what?) Then I found the big announcement, off to send a second (dumb, dumb) "Real sorry for the waste of time you had Readin' my last message, guessin' it's time at last" Felt like a shot to the gut, never thought I'd be sayin' That the site I had saved in my bookmarks for ages Will, while it's stayin' intact, won't update crap, same old pages are stayin' But any brand new ones, it won't be makin' No more comments, well, might as well face it That's a bright side, I can honestly say it, the few ones that graced my pages Were dweebs who would leave mad accusations like my votes are fakin' Not a lotta space here inside my brain to crave 'em back, just sayin'

It's true, maybe I should've worked out the end of AmIRight That all those trolls had gone and pissed right off but, well, at the time I more than likely had assumed they'd been kicked out, the mods caught all their crimes And I say "likely" 'cause it's been 'bout a year since the goodbye and I switched sites (made the switch, hey y'all)

So now we've come to the present, you Know where I come from, as for why I chose This one website for my brand-new posts? That was a call that you'd hope I could recall But I've got nothin' at all, too much else for my front lobes to carry All my brain can tell me is "Sorry, but I'll gladly Tell you which songs are way too catchy, but grant me Slack 'cause you were madly antsy" I'll take that guff from me, hate it but I need Space to hold the leagues of phrases in my speech And what parts of my real weird lingo makes my parodies, true What rhymes make sense to me and not any of my readers And other things botherin' me since the first day I started Why did I go on to Tumblr? What were my real options? New site? I'm lazy, and I could not be bothered To try to rebrand my dead deviantART as somethin' else, so, uh

This is where my freaked-out ass ended up from AmIRight Not interactin' all that much but, hey, that's how I get by And I don't ever wanna quit this game 'til I straight keel over and die Don't ask me where I'm goin' next if this place goes down 'cause I'll deal when it's time

Yeah, haha, don't ask 'bout that, got a huge list Of songs to make new parodies out of, they're comin' Best believe I'll do it (haha), nothin' else worth doin' Least for my creative output, that's the way that I like it, 'fraid so

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…okay, so I did manage to do it today. Who knew writing about myself was the key? And like the last time, I didn't include the Curtains Down skit because I consider that a separate track.

[bobpiecheese]

Toy Dents

A parody of "Boyfriend" as performed by Mabel

Parody number: 3,499

You may want your fancy-pants mint condition AFA graded toy collection. This guy? AUTHENTIC BATTLE DAMAGE!

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Ev'ry single time you show me Your collection, I get worried Because for cool toys, they just look too pristine And I just think that is sad now, buddy I wanna see signs that you've dropped 'em low, bro Plastic is strong enough to take those blows They're from action shows, a folly To keep 'em perfect and not tarnished

All my nerds 'round the world I know you know what I mean That some people get tetchy when their eyes see Any little lines not intended, freak All my nerds 'round the world You've got to just let it be Take pride in ev'ry knock and scratch that you see It's not a demand, just think on it, please

I want some toy dents to show that it's seen The kinda fun that's planned when they're designed, see Want some toy dents, 'bout two or three No, I don't mean in each one or do I? I could be I'd just like to spy For some proof it's been loved for some time, is that so wrong? I want some toy dents, yeah, yeah I want some toy dents, yeah, don't stay lookin' nice Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at?

Want it lookin' like a render From the character creator But I say the stress from the shit plastic grips Tells a better story, better Take that cool-ass toy, reenact a battle Send it for a roll with a clumsy tackle 'Cause, to me, well-loved looks better Than a fresh-out-of-the-box figure

All my nerds 'round the world I get that you want that sheen But all you're really comin' off as to me Is the guy from Toy Story 2, you see All my nerds 'round the world Re-sale value might plunge deep But if you're plannin' not to sell 'em, don't see Why a little scratch is worth the fury

I want some toy dents from too hard a squeeze A chip that proves a cat did what cats do, see Want some toy dents, 'bout two or three Still keep it intact, of course, not that kind of crazy I'd just like to spy Proof that you gave it love over time, is that so wrong? I want some toy dents, yeah, yeah I want some toy dents, yeah, don't stay lookin' nice Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at (I want some toy dents)? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at?

All my nerds 'round the world I bet you're lookin' at me Assumin' that the only reason I need Other toys look bad is 'cause of mine, please All my nerds 'round the world That kinda nonsense can leave Just 'cause its legs got stuck and I used my teeth Pure one-off, means crap-all to my whole screed

I want some toy dents, that's all that I need Not a gigantic crack, that's too much for me Want some toy dents, 'bout two or three Don't want it crumbled to dust, just some pockmarks to see I'd just like to spy Evidence it was loved your whole life, is that so wrong? I want some toy dents, yeah, yeah I want some toy dents, yeah, don't stay lookin' nice Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at (I want some toy dents)? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at? Where they at?

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I went back on forth on whether or not to include the "dang-digga-dang-dang" parts at the end of chorus but I decided…nah. Also that thing with the teeth did actually happen to me, stupid Ro-Tor. Anyways, 3500TH PARODY NEXT UPDATE! I'd say tomorrow but it may take a bit.

[bobpiecheese]

Ubiquity

A parody of "Here with Me" as performed by Marshmello ft. CHVRCHΞS

Parody number: 3,498

It's important to have realistic expectations for things, y'know.

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I get you're excited, I'd be too, believe me But I know the way to think realistic'lly You can sell your product, make a fair bit of green Won't be a ubiquity Sure you'll make enough to pay off your bills and all Buy the things you wanted back when you weren't that tall But I don't think you'll be eatin' lobster all week Won't be a ubiquity, have restraint

Your heart's gonna hurt when it won't go that way Such a pain in the arse that'll drive you insane I don't want that for you, trust me Won't be a ubiquity, have restraint Not sayin', of course, that it won't go okay Since you know what you're doin', with you all the way But a billionaire? Unlikely Won't be a ubiquity

Don't wanna see you racin' to the booze if you don't Break ev'ry record, be the name that ev'ryone knows I'm not sayin' that you're doomed to be super niche Just not a ubiquity, have restraint

Don't plan for the yachts and the other clichés That all rich people do when they don't spend their days Worryin' about daily fees 'Cause they're a ubiquity, have restraint Don't make me trot out the old egg-countin' phrase It feels like treatin' you like a child in that case So just stop the self-hypin', please Won't be a ubiquity

If it helps you, listen: just between you and me You know of the sort of douche who has all the green? Maybe smaller profits will bar you from that scene Don't be a ubiquity

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I almost called this "Empirically" about wanting definitive proof instead of anecdotes but I ran out of steam four lines in.

[bobpiecheese]

MEGATRON

A parody of "MEGATRON" as performed by Nicki Minaj

Parody number: 3,497

Seriously, you do a song called Megatron and you don't even make any robot puns? Truly this is the only way you'll ever disappoint me, Nicki Minaj! Must fix!

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Brra-ta-ta-ta Brra-ta-ta-ta

They call me Megatron, the top Decepticon Starscream may think I'm wrong, get his schemin' villain on But he will never get in, j-just lacks the proper vision I-It's more than pure ambition, need the skills to plan the mission A-And so I'm rippin' him, verbal and lit'ral bits 'C-Cause the 'bot that commands real strength is who's on top of this Army that I demand never start talkin' smack Otherwise they will face this big cannon that I have Do not tempt me, have this need To brutalise anybody Grunts are lucky that I need Optimus dead more, that's my creed (brra-ta-ta-ta)

Shots, shots, shots, I'm makin' To anyone who's face is Red and not purple, take this Crush 'bots when I'm (brra-ta-ta-ta) Shots, shots, shots, I'm makin' Or maybe put my mace in I'll bash your worthless face in Crush 'bots when I'm

Brra-ta-ta-ta Brra-ta-ta-ta Brra-ta-ta-ta

They call me Megatron, of course, dependin' on The fiction that you are readin', it's quite diff'rent what I-It used to be or if I-I didn't need a switch W-Was I once called D-16? It could be a myth N-Name's not the only, only thing changin', you might know me Shiftin', reformin'-formin' to a tank or a jet mostly Once was a gun-gun, now that's not done-done Could blame it on the lawyers, bitch just like a chud-chud Have someone else control me? Not really in-character, see Plus it's kinda weird, trust me To be held onto by Starscream (brra-ta-ta-ta)

Shots, shots, shots, I'm makin' To anyone who's takin' Steps towards where I'm ragin' Crush 'bots when I'm (brra-ta-ta-ta) Shots, shots, shots, I'm makin' My own damn steps, I'm takin' I'm in command, just face it Crush 'bots when I'm

Brra-ta-ta-ta Brra-ta-ta-ta Brra-ta-ta-ta

Find me, find me fightin' nightly Am I smart or stupid? Either might be Could be devious or just unsightly Long franchise, to be fair, change more than slightly (more than slightly) Either might be, either might be Threat or anti-villain? Either might be I-I'm ruthless? I-I'm foolish? E-Either might be Long franchise, to be fair, change more than slightly (more than slightly) Sometimes even a goody Mirror universe? It could be Sometimes genuine, you see Things change, no longer the eighties (brra-ta-ta-ta)

Shots, shots, shots, I'm makin' To any fool who's makin' Sad threats, I will erase 'em Crush 'bots when I'm (brra-ta-ta-ta) Shots, shots, shots, I'm (brra-ta-ta-ta) Shots, shots, shots, I'm (brra-ta-ta-ta) Shots, shots, shots, I'm makin' Crush 'bots when I'm

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If you're after my favourite Megatron, it's a tossup between Beast Wars and Animated.

[bobpiecheese]

Not Today

A parody of "Not Ok" as performed by Kygo & Chelsea Cutler

Parody number: 3,496

I mean, I could help you out of this apparent jam, but I am already in my pyjamas…

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Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Seven months, two weeks and seven days Of your texts, who's countin' anyway? But I need a bit more time, just wait Not one gap I can see in my schedule, pain Seven months, two weeks and seven days Since you started askin', feels so strange Not one day in the past you've been this way You've let me be and bugged our other mates So this barrage of messages is strange

But sorry, must delay it, delay it, delay it You must believe I've got somethin' on again It's not because I'm lazy, not lazy, not lazy You must believe that help will be on its way

Just not today Help will be on its way, oh-oh-oh Just not today, oh-oh-oh Help will be on its way, oh-oh-oh Just not today

Just not today

You've explained the many reasons why That you would want only my help this time Friends all away, you're kinda pressed for time But the truth is all that I expect is lies

And I refuse to take it, won't take it, won't take it Forced to believe you're havin' me on again The details do sound crazy, real crazy, real crazy Forced to believe it's bollocks, help's on its way

Just not today (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Help will be on its way, oh-oh-oh Just not today (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh), oh-oh-oh Help will be on its way, oh-oh-oh Just not today (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Just not today (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Just not today (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Just not, just not today, oh-oh-oh Help will be on its way (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh), oh-oh-oh Help will be on its way, oh-oh-oh Just not today (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) Ooh-ooh-ooh-whoa, oh-ooh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa

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This is one of those topics where I'm never sure if I've already done it before exactly or from a different angle or not but I'm running with it anyway. Even I have to stop being pedantic sometimes.

[bobpiecheese]

Frankenstein

A parody of "Valentine" as performed by 5 Seconds of Summer

Parody number: 3,495

The argument that never ends…

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Don't dare say this name online, it will soon cause a farce Of course, if that is your aim, you can follow your heart But I'd prefer to just never annoy folks at all Not that nuts Don't want blather 'bout what's accurate or what just feels right Don't want natter that goes on way too long into the night

But I have my doubts, oh, oh That you'll even try, I know Online tools are not scared if the flame war might flare for days They'll poke the bear with a spoon because they must see the rage Frankenstein Frankenstein

No need here to explain why that name will spark up Nerd punch-ups For real, if you are one of today's ten-thousand I don't want To be handin' you the answer 'cause you seem really nice Save your ass from all the battles that seem to never die

I would rather drown, oh, oh Than take either side, hell no So sure that I don't care 'cause my int'rests aren't there, okay? Not much peace 'cause I still do witness the nonsense all day Frankenstein Frankenstein

Folks don't play for pay They just rage for free, it's true Explain? No way Keep you safe, my secret

Want to keep you out, oh, oh Of the brawls you'll find, they blow Those huge nerds over there citin' texts in despair, no way Much prefer my nerds, we groove without the punch-ups most days Frankenstein Frankenstein Frankenstein Frankenstein

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…that I decided not to elucidate because it is THAT well-worn.

[bobpiecheese]

Collar Pull

A parody of "Collar Full" as performed by Panic! at the Disco

Parody number: 3,494

You ever stop to realise why you do the things you do?

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Fear somethin' has gone wrong, cut the wrong wire Been waitin' for the outcome, frayed my nerves Doin' that collar pull you always see in broad comedies But as I still wait to see if I'll still be

I think: why's it done (how come)? How come (how come)? Pullin' on my shirt's built-in ruff (how come) Why is it done (how come)? How come (how come)? Brain's suddenly catchin' up (how come) To the thing I've done, no second guesses, now I wanna know Way before I see the death of me, the reason for the joke

Meant to let the heat out? Well, that would be fine If I was hot right now but that's a lie Stressed out but still quite cool and also I'm sure that applies To all other times I've reached and yanked my tee

It always gets done (gets done), gets done (gets done) Though I've got enough room to gulp (gets done) It still gets done (gets done), gets done (gets done) Yet to have the head light bulb (gets done) Do I have the time for all this guessin'? I don't really know Done my job to cease the death of me, still got active brain lobes

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Don't know why it's done, gets done Just a reflex my index does Yankin' a bunch, whole bunch Like the mood should lighten up I do the tug (dumb tug), the tug (dumb tug) Because that's all that can get done (dumb tug) One stupid tug (dumb tug), dumb tug (dumb tug) Optional noise, know the one (dumb tug) Doin' the tug Pre- "get blown up"

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I'm not sure why I decided to set this during a bomb diffusal but I guess it gave me a bit more meat. Mmm, meat.

[bobpiecheese]

Tinnitus

A parody of "Ignorance" as performed by Paramore

Parody number: 3,493

For reference, I'm going with the TIN-it-us pronunciation, as opposed to tin-NIGHT-us. It's the one apparently used by medical people, so I'mma go with what they say. Anyway, tinnitus, guy has it, he hates it, let's go!

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If you've ever heard it, then you're like me Wish that was meant in a fun way Doesn't hurt much, still don't like it Wish it would leave forevermore Something's damaged, brings fury Because what it sounds like Is a high buzz, I gotta say it bugs me Comes and goes with zero reason, why?

Don't wanna hear it because it makes me feel so insane (oh-ooh-whoa-oh) There's a sound that will not stop but you do not feel the same (no) (ooh-whoa-ooh-oh) Don't hear the same (oh) sound that's in my brain (ooh-whoa-oh) Givin' me an urge to sever my cochlea and such (oh-ooh-whoa-oh) Not a plan that's quite the best but it would feel good (hey) (ooh-whoa-ooh-oh) Real good (hey), so good

'Cause the sound will not die (ho-oh), not one to savour (ho-oh) I cannot recall the first time that it showed (ho-oh) but it just will not give out The pitch is real high (ho-oh), I'd like a raiser (ho-oh) 'Cause a pitch that only works (ho-oh) on dogs? Let's go, bring it up, bring my pain down Tinnitus is never a friend Tinnitus, pain in my rear end

It's not the worst thing that's ever happened But as problems go, the way that I hate it Is not a mere low simmer, my anger Is always boiling, I can't erase it It's pure bullshit how it trolls me Faking that it's over there And I can't drown it with earphones, see 'Cause my boss says that's rude, oh hell

And when all other sounds stop, that's the purest form of pain (oh-ooh-whoa-oh) 'Cause the only sound I've got is the high-pitched drone I hate (blows) (ooh-whoa-ooh-oh) The one I hate (oh), one all like me hate (ooh-whoa-oh) I've tried so many solutions and none of them have stuck (oh-ooh-whoa-oh) Can't remember the specifics, they just weren't good (hey) (ooh-whoa-ooh-oh) Not good (hey), not good

Must it sound almost like (ho-oh) my oven timer (ho-oh)? Can't do other tasks, that hurts, that stupid drone (ho-oh) really makes me feel put out Don't know what it's like (ho-oh)? Say I'm a whiner (ho-oh)? Nice to know that you're a jerk but I won't go (ho-oh) and say that you should find out Tinnitus should be no-one's friend Tinnitus, pain in my rear end Tinnitus, the reason I vent Tinnitus, explains my wall dents

Hate when movies feel like (ho-oh) expressing danger (ho-oh) After a big boom is served best by that drone (ho-oh) that's always in my ears now Get that it's most types (ho-oh) of folks they favour (ho-oh) But I simply won't reserve my anger, no (ho-oh), like the noise, it won't cut out

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Sometimes I write things I don't intend but I love that it happened. Like ending a parody on a line about refusing to cut out. Which I guess the original song did as well, huh. I'm just a barrel of not-paying-attention today!

[bobpiecheese]

Able

A parody of "Angel" as performed by Shaggy ft. Rayvon

Parody number: 3,492

You ever have someone insist you do something that you actually physically can't? They ever been the guy who signs your paycheck?

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Now this one's dedicated to the youths Who all just want to buy nice things doin' work, hahahaha Shooby-dooby-dooby-doo, boy (but their boss is a big jerk) Shooby-doo (understandin' simple words is too much work), wow Keep hearin' "cannot" as "will not", it's a big distinction there to miss A-shooby-doo, dooby-doo, boyoy (ahahaha) Keep your job or call them a big dick (yeah)? Well Ah (ah), ah, wah, wah, wah

Sir, I'm not able, not a crock, not able (uh) I'm sure you can see more tasks for me, maybe (tell them) Boss, I'm just (uh) not able, words aren't false, not able Must be some diff'rent work for me, spare me

Wish I could say "sorry" that I cannot Play my part as I have done through my whole job (yeah) But I have to be petty since you've gone Full "total asshole", sounds redundant, fear not (now) 'Cause I have all the time for dissension Since, if you've not been payin' attention (yeah) My untimely hospitalisation Has changed the situation of my occupation

Sir, I'm not able, words aren't false, not able (uh) Some limbs are still free to work for thee, maybe (tell them) Boss, I'm just not able, not a crock, not able Let's work within my limits, please, help me

I can't reach the high shelves since I'm stuck seated (uh) But that just means that my shift should get some tweakin' (yeah) I still sit at the height that is needed To keep the beepin' at tills repeatin' (ah) Easy out so why oh why must you go on About how I need to still do the whole damn job (yeah)? And the weirdest part about the rants you go on Is how it seems you've not noticed the wheelchair I've got

Sir, I'm not able, not a crock, not able (uh) I can earn my keep still in this seat, trust me (tell them, tell them) Boss, I'm just not able, words aren't false, not able What about this can you not see? Myst'ry (uh, uh)

Way you're actin's simply painful, I should be grateful (cha) That I'm allowed to have a job? A basic-ass grocery vendor, there won't be an ender Of that so I could move on Really confusin' behaviour (it's so confusin'), you're not a saviour Because you pay me, not a lot All this does is make you a tempter for my ass to tender (ah) My resignation from this job

Why are you bein' stubborn 'bout this? So dumb Other people can do tasks I can't get done Seems especially stupid right now 'cause This place is, like, one of the few full-staffed ones (yeah) Goin' mad 'cause you've got poor retention Of the basic-ass facts that I mention (ah) Lucky my leave was too short to mention So why the hell you bitchin' 'bout one tiny limit?

Sir, I'm not able, words aren't false, not able (ah, ah, ah, wah) Gimme a few weeks then I'll be free, trust me (tell them, moron) Boss, I'm just not able, not a crock, not able (ah) Can still do shit you ask of me, easy Sir, I'm not able, words aren't false, not able (ah-wah) Can't do stock, that freaks you out, "Just seems lazy" (tell them) Boss, I'm just (uh) not able, not a crock, not able More you do this, more time waste, see, spare me

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Always fun when a song samples one song then interpolates another. What's not is a lyrics sheet that can't be arsed to actually write out the patois in the opening lines, mumble grumble...

[bobpiecheese]

My Tractor Beam

A parody of "I Have a Dream" as performed by ABBA

Parody number: 3,491

We all have tech breaking down now and then, even those up in the stars…

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My tractor beam, I have this thing But I don't know how not to fling Anyone caught under, a bit of a fail Kinda hard to capture when they're on the gale

Find another human, there's a lot of them, they love to breed Need to catch a human or my boss will soon recycle me Enter the stream, my tractor beam

My tractor beam should work with ease But what is true is that the speed Is stuck on the setting "ten thousand space miles" If the door's not open? Instant pizza style

Yet to stick a human in my small research facility So I can't blame humans for the abject failure that I see Dangerous stream, my tractor beam Enter the stream, my tractor beam

My tractor beam, this stupid thing Of course it broke as my phone rings It's my supervisor asking for updates Nothing has been captured 'cause ev'rything breaks

No abducted humans, not even so-called lesser species Because only humans don't implode when filled with energy Send a tech, please, my tractor beam Is a failed stream, my tractor beam

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E.T. phone home, demand refund.

[bobpiecheese]

Shift Your Butt

A parody of "Lift Me Up" as performed by Rihanna

Parody number: 3,490

Move, Mitch, get out the way Get out the way, Mitch, get out the way

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Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm

Shift your butt Move it down Sure you don't Need room now

There's only so many seats And they're not designed for feet And, hey, speaking of, mine are sore, hurting real hard Need a place to lay down

Shift your butt Move it down 'Cause there's no Room here now

None anywhere else, you see (ooh-ooh) Ev'ry spot is full of cheeks (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh) It's not a request that is hard (ooh-ooh) Simply take your feet down (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)

Shift your butt Move it down You have no Reason now

Open your eyes and you'll see (ooh-ooh) Not a bus or train, we'll be (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh) Flying, mate (ooh-ooh) This is my seat, you putz (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)

Shift your butt (shift your butt and legs now) Move it down (that's my spot, that's my spot, that's my spot) Not a joke (stop, please, stop, please) Cut it out (stop, please, stop, please, stop, please, stop, please) Shift your butt (stop, please, stop, please, stop, please, stop, please) Move it down (stop, please, stop, please) Solid case To say "Bye" mid-flight, bud

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Move, Mitch, get out the way Get out the way, Mitch, get out the way

[bobpiecheese]

Towers

A parody of "Power" as performed by Katy Perry

Parody number: 3,489

Some people pick the pettiest things to get competitive over…

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I was fine before I met you, truth is That I hate to be beside you, think it's Real fair to put all that on you 'Cause you are a knob with the air of a snob (yeah) You're aiming to be taller, try so hard With what you build, refuse to falter and I'd love I'd love to break the cycle But as it goes on, don't think that I'm able

When we're building things, you stare and glower 'Til what I've made can do nought but cower This is a problem and you know it, it's the whole point, love to show it You must have the highest of the towers, towers

Lego to Jenga, you will never give up Even when at the buffet table, you must Pile whatever I've got the biggest Even if you can't eat because of allergies, dope

I like stacking things, it makes you glower Have to find a way to make me cower Making my Minecraft server bloated, ev'ry ban gets dodged, it's bogus You must have the highest of the towers, towers (hey)

To be the master of stacks is honestly dumb (c'mon) It's annoying, still chuckle, bro (bro) Yeah, you built up a stack, goes all the way up Still wish you would stop, said so (said so, said so)

What is it 'bout this that makes you glower? Been a while since I honestly cowered, oh Pain in the ass, I know you know it, compensation, have to grow it (whoa-oh, oh, oh-oh) You must have the highest of the towers, towers

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…what the hell was with the drums on this track? Sounded like 21st Century Schizoid Man or something.

[bobpiecheese]

Be That Shady

A parody of "Be My Baby" as performed by Ariana Grande ft. Cashmere Cat

Parody number: 3,488

There's trying to do something covertly, then there's building three or four layers of spy-thriller nonsense into it.

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Yeah-eah-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, mate Hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh, mate, mmm-mmm

Why are you stayin' undercover? There's no need to be that shady Comin' off as quite the nutter, are you sure that you're not crazy? Be that, be that, be that, be that, be that shady Be that, be that, be that shady, makes one look crazy

Get you wanna be sneaky, can comprehend, trust me "What" ain't what I'm flippin' at, I'm baffled 'cause, see Ain't obvious "why", that's why I'm all confused This clandestine schtick seems a bit much, it's true You're doin' all this, done all this, maximum-ish secrecy It's nonsense, pure nonsense, overdone ev'rything Because what you've got, mate, your super secret thing? It's plain to see it's not worth anything, oy

It's not worth hidin' undercover, there's no need to be that shady Makin' you look quite the nutter and, by proxy, me too, save me Be that, be that, be that, be that, be that shady Be that, be that, be that shady, makes us look cra-

You've got us meetin' at dusk, not dead at night because That's when all the feds are on alert, I'm sure that adds up To the guy who insists we Talk in dense-as-hell spy speak And I would list the worst examples of it for you But you're scared you'll be compromised, sorry, poor you Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, poor you This is anno-o-o-o-o-oying

You've gone full Deep Throat undercover, there's no need to be that shady Not worth actin' like a nutter, that's a lie, you are one, spare me Be that, be that, be that, be that, be that shady Be that, be that (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh), be that shady, you just look crazy (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Hey

Thought that you did this for fun but you're so serious And that takes the piss 'cause of the dirt that you're hidin', bud: Picture of you in a tee That's a size too small, can't be

That's what you've smuggled undercover (not right)? There's no need to be that shady (I might die) You posted that online, nutter (hey), won't ever be gone, you're crazy (crazy, buddy, yeah-eah) Be that, be that, be that, be that, be that shady Be that, be that, be that shady, I know you're crazy (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Hmm, hmm-mmm-mmm Yeah-eah-eah-hoo-ooh-ooh, a-a-a-ayy, hmm

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Kudos if you recognise where I took that particular turn of phrase in the opening comment from.

[bobpiecheese]

Not One Use In

A parody of "Body Movin'" as performed by the Beastie Boys

Parody number: 3,487

There's a limit to how many mechanics you can put in a game before some get left by the wayside…

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Ready? One (ah) You will do this four times with the left (m-m-ma-ma-master that) Four with the right, then eight times with both, then repeat

Not one use in, not one use in Walked all 'round, haven't found one, stupid Not one use in, not one use in Got the pattern down and, boy, don't I feel foolish (now)

Ev'ry game has actions that they're expectin' You to use to clock some bad guys heads in Lock the rhythm in, can't let fingers slip 'Cause then you'll find you've died but don't go flip Tutorial's for tweens, they'll keep it goin' on (now) 'Til the move's completed, is that so wrong? You've been there mockin' handhold nonsense 'Til you're caught in your own fail, lock in 'Cause once it's down, you'll use this action When the game wants you, all been planned in (but) What if y'all a-cannot play ball? Must pass on the whole damn option

Not one use in, not one use in (standard grip) Walked all 'round, you've not found one, stupid (push down) Not one use in, not one use in (swing left stick vigorously) Got the pattern down but I just feel so foolish (same with the right)

Feels wrong to not Try this sweet new move you have got So what happened? Well, there's a lot Plenty options to why you just stopped Got so used to the notion of followin' motions Prompts failed to appear, so back to basics you're goin' The sword that you're usin' has been workin' great So you don't have a reason to hammer away Too many options, they'll get lost in the chaff I'll try it, fine, once I'm able, man This move needs a target real specific Kinda have to find one, seems to be missin'

Not one use in, not one use in Walked all 'round, haven't found one, stupid Not one use in, not one use in Got the pattern down, holy crap, I feel foolish

Copy (whoo!) Left stick, ready, it's One Grasp like this One, one, one (standard grip)

It might seem (huh, hah) like my ass is mad For a move I might not master, sad And if I cannot find a real use, too bad Who gives half a shit? Don't do that, man There are ways that I've been tricked Real achievements tied to it (yeah) Could be the one move to kill bosses real quick Or blitz through the worst dungeon, fast side quest trick If I'm wrong (uh), I've wracked my brain For no reason because I'm kinda strange Prefer that I'd be dumb in that way Than say to just forget it and it turns out that it's great, so

Not one use in, not one use in Walked all 'round, found none, stupid Not one use in, not one use in Got the pattern down and, boy, don't I feel foolish

You will do eight flicks on the left, eight on the right Four left, four right, two left, two right, then one each, left, right, left, right Start and land on the floor of the screen, you know (ooh) Left thumb, ready? It's one, two, three, four, five

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I'm honestly surprised I managed to 100% Silksong while constantly forgetting the tools and the Silk Skills. Though that's also because of my paranoid resource management.

[bobpiecheese]

Planimal

A parody of "Animal" as performed by Troye Sivan

Parody number: 3,486

Plant…animal…planimal! The perfect present!

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I have to tell you straight Somethin' I've never done before But I, I, I went science mad for you It's a milestone birthday Better gifts than the ones before I tried, tried, tried to make one that lives for you

You'll have it all to yourself The failed ones are still on my shelf I made a planimal for you I blended the DNA, facts 'Cause a box of choc'late is just whack I made a planimal for you

I started insertin' buds Into mice, I had a few 'Cause my, my, my other work is legit, it's true They turned out kind of fine But the graft was pretty crude, yeah And I'd like, like, like my gift to turn out smooth

So yours has perfect-ish health Immortality won't end well I made a planimal for you His feed has to be half-and-half Sun and water and kibble plus snacks I made a planimal for you

Perfect pet, super mellow Pick his fruits, won't take revenge, no And he's mad cute, yes, he's mad Said he's mad cute, so cute Favour: don't Instagram-gloat Patent's not in my hand, no Still he's mad cute, yes, he's mad Said he's mad cute, so cute

You're my test run, ain't that swell? Might soon be sold on the shop shelves I made a planimal for you So please tell me if he goes bad Either rot or he flenses your back I made a planimal for you

I made a planimal for you I made a planimal for you

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OMG HE MADE A BULBASAUR

[bobpiecheese]

notifiy

A parody of "ocean eyes" as performed by Billie Eilish

Parody number: 3,485

Stop yelling at me, phone!

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Sick of hearin' bloops from my thigh Phone says that I should be notified If you text me, that would be fine But there's more where I get notified, get notified

Go spare I don't much care when updates go live, I don't need to be notified Don't care If it just found the neighbour's Wi-Fi, I don't wanna be notified, don't notify

Where's the option to kill all those chimes? I won't miss 'em, time to act like mimes Can't just mute, I need them sometimes And the vibrations made are way too slight, cannot notify

Go spare (go spare) The helpful tips are a pain in my ass, don't need to be notified (don't notify) Don't care (don't care) If my dumb post somehow got a like, I don't wanna be notified, don't notify

yfiton t'nod ,deifiton eb annaw t'nod I iF-iW s'ruobhgien eht dnuof tsuj ti fI (da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da) erac t'noD (da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da) deifiton eb ot deen t'nod I ,evil og setadpu nehw erac hcum t'nod I (mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm) eraps oG (mmm-mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm)

Go spare Why do they show up so late at night? Not the time to be notified Don't care If me or my stuff is not on fire, I don't wanna be notified, don't notify

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Kinda kludged the backwards-talk verse, TBH.