Asexual labels explained using cereal
You are in a kitchen, opening a pantry door. It contains every brand of cereal in existence.
Libido- How hungry you are
Sexual Attraction- How appealing each cereal is to you
Sex-Repulsed- The mere act of eating cereal disturbs you. You flee the kitchen to watch Netflix instead.
Sex-Indifferent- Someone brings you a bowl of cereal. Even though you don’t crave cereal, you decide to eat some anyway. Maybe because you want the person to feel happy you’re eating something they provided you. Maybe you’re just that hungry. Regardless, you’re fine with eating it since it’s already there. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t care either.
Sex-favorable- Though you don’t particularly crave cereal, the act of eating cereal is enjoyable. So enjoyable, you go through the trouble of picking a brand to eat.
Asexual with low/no libido- You are rarely hungry, and none of the cereal appeals to you.
Asexual with average/high libido- You are often hungry, but none of the cereal appeals to you.
Aegosexual- Eating cereal sounds fun in theory but not in practice. You certainly have no interest in eating cereal yourself. You’d rather fantasize about other people eating cereal, thankyouverymuch.
Gray Asexual- You only like Lucky Charms and Apple Jacks. And maybe Fruity Pebbles but you’re not quite sure.
Demisexual- You see a box of Trix. You are familiar with the rabbit on the box, due to the commercials you’ve seen. You always sympathized with the rabbit for never getting any Trix. There are things in life you’ve wanted but have never gotten. You feel a bond with the rabbit. Suddenly that box of Trix looks tasty.
Fraysexual- You see a box of Cocoa Puffs. You have never heard of Cocoa Puffs in your life. But something about it is oh-so-appealing. You pour yourself a bowl. As you start to eat, you catch a commercial for Cocoa Puffs on TV. You now know what the mascot on the box is like. You lose interest in Cocoa Puffs for reasons you cannot explain.
Lithosexual- You notice a box of Fruit Loops. You feel an urge to eat it. Toucan Sam comes to life and asks you to eat them. This makes you uncomfortable, so you leave to watch Netflix with the sex-repulsed ace.
Reciprosexual- You have no interest in any of the cereal. Not even that box of Frosted Flakes. But Tony the Tiger shows up wanting you to eat the Frosted Flakes. Now that he wants you to eat Frosted Flakes, you want to eat Frosted Flakes.
Cupiosexual- You want to eat cereal, but none of the cereal looks appealing. Maybe if you grab that box of Corn Flakes, it’ll become appealing to you later? It’s happened to other people. You consider grabbing that box of Corn Flakes, just in case.
Orchidsexual- Some of the cereal looks appealing, but you have no interest in eating cereal.
Aceflux- None of the cereal looks good, so you close the pantry. A few days later, you decide to open the pantry again. Now, some of those brands look appetizing. You check the pantry again the next day. None of the cereal looks good anymore.
Quoisexual- You have no idea if you like a cereal because you want to eat it, or if you just think the box art is pretty. Does liking the box art count as wanting to eat it? Do you just like the mascot? Does liking the mascot count as wanting to eat the cereal? After reading everything I’ve written, you are still confused. You bang your head against the pantry in frustration.
I never expected this post to get so popular, so here’s some other identities I considered adding at the time, but didn’t bother.
Sex-Ambivalent- Sometimes the thought of eating cereal repulses you. Sometimes you don’t care. Sometimes you might even want cereal, even if none of the cereal looks good.
Inactsexual- The thought of eating cereal is upsetting and downright repulsive. But oddly enough, you want to eat cereal. Some of the cereal may even look appealing. And yet, eating cereal is icky. How is that possible? Not even you understand.
Bellussexual- You find the act of eating cereal interesting. You can certainly get behind the aesthetic. However, there are no brands you wish to eat. Come to think of it, you actually don’t even want to eat cereal. What the hell?
Cogitarisexual- When you think about it, Cheerios sound pretty good. You grab the box, take one look at it, and suddenly lose interest.
Iamvanosexual- You don’t want to eat cereal unless someone comes along and offers it to you on a spoon. Not because you are lazy or inconsiderate. You simply have no interest in giving anyone else cereal for unexplainable reasons.
Placiosexual- You don’t want anyone feeding you cereal. However, you can easily get behind feeding someone else cereal. That sounds like a fun time.
Requisexual- You have no interest in eating cereal. You find no cereal appealing. You are emotionally exhausted and out of spoons.
Myrsexual- You relate to a lot of these. You feel like you are aegosexual, and yet demisexual seems to apply too. Maybe you’re even lithosexual on top of that. Who knows. Certainly not you!
